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Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: mustachepungoeshere on December 15, 2016, 11:59:21 AM

Title: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on December 15, 2016, 11:59:21 AM
Quote
Like a Keurig coffeemaker, the Pulse (“a whole new way to warm your world”) only takes “Pulse pods,” tiny plastic containers of lube that run $25 for a set of six. Right now, the company is only selling silicone-based lube, a no-no for people who use silicone toys, though water-based lube is in the works for the spring. Each pod contains nine squirts of lube, meaning each squirt costs about 46 cents. Can you put a price on warm, cozy genitals, though? Can you?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/12/14/banish_cold_genitals_with_a_249_lube_warmer_that_only_takes_lube_pods.html
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Renegade23 on December 15, 2016, 12:12:26 PM
Quote
Like a Keurig coffeemaker, the Pulse (“a whole new way to warm your world”) only takes “Pulse pods,” tiny plastic containers of lube that run $25 for a set of six. Right now, the company is only selling silicone-based lube, a no-no for people who use silicone toys, though water-based lube is in the works for the spring. Each pod contains nine squirts of lube, meaning each squirt costs about 46 cents. Can you put a price on warm, cozy genitals, though? Can you?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/12/14/banish_cold_genitals_with_a_249_lube_warmer_that_only_takes_lube_pods.html

"Can you put a price on warm, cozy genitals, though? Can you?"

No one can!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: marty998 on December 15, 2016, 01:56:21 PM
Quote
Like a Keurig coffeemaker, the Pulse (“a whole new way to warm your world”) only takes “Pulse pods,” tiny plastic containers of lube that run $25 for a set of six. Right now, the company is only selling silicone-based lube, a no-no for people who use silicone toys, though water-based lube is in the works for the spring. Each pod contains nine squirts of lube, meaning each squirt costs about 46 cents. Can you put a price on warm, cozy genitals, though? Can you?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/12/14/banish_cold_genitals_with_a_249_lube_warmer_that_only_takes_lube_pods.html

Oh dear, where you find these things so often? Do we need to change your shopping habits? :D :D
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on December 15, 2016, 02:00:11 PM
Oh shoosh you!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 16, 2016, 01:31:31 AM
Quote
Each pod contains nine squirts of lube, meaning each squirt costs about 46 cents.

This may be one of the least sexy sex-related statements I've ever seen.

The critical information that is missing - how long does it take to warm up? Do I leave it on all the time or have to plan in advance? I need answers people.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: NoStacheOhio on December 16, 2016, 07:22:26 AM
Couldn't you just put your regular product of choice in a bowl of hot water to warm it?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 16, 2016, 07:38:24 AM
Couldn't you just put your regular product of choice in a bowl of hot water to warm it?

How am I going to explain a bowl of hot water on my nightstand? This contraption is clearly needed.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: NoStacheOhio on December 16, 2016, 07:45:46 AM
Couldn't you just put your regular product of choice in a bowl of hot water to warm it?

How am I going to explain a bowl of hot water on my nightstand? This contraption is clearly needed.

Are you bringing people to your bedroom who DON'T want warm genitals?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: brute on December 16, 2016, 07:47:50 AM
But what will it do about your partner's cold hands? The temp the lube would need to be to overcome the thermal mass of the hand applying it would probably just scald the skin where it touched without significantly changing the overall temperature of the hand.  This looks like an area where we could disrupt the status quo.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 16, 2016, 07:58:46 AM
Couldn't you just put your regular product of choice in a bowl of hot water to warm it?
How am I going to explain a bowl of hot water on my nightstand? This contraption is clearly needed.
Are you bringing people to your bedroom who DON'T want warm genitals?

Oh, I agree that the need for heated genitals is near-universal. But I don't get it on with everyone I bring into my bedroom.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Just Joe on December 16, 2016, 09:31:02 AM
This discussion is all because of this week's polar vortex and the snow isn't it? Do electric blankets still exist?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: BTDretire on December 16, 2016, 01:31:17 PM
This reminded me of an ebay sale a few years ago for a 50 gallon drum of personal lubricant.
The comments section was hilarious, and went on and on with comments about how to use
it, or why you need 50 gallons, using it on a slip and slide, etc.
 I looked didn't find it, but here is a gallon of elbow grease cream personal lubricant.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Origional-Amazing-Elbow-Grease-Cream-Gallon-Lube-thick-creamy-Personal-Lubricant-/152349988698?hash=item2378c4575a:g:0GwAAOSwLVZV02JI
Quote, "Its viscosity is exquisite"
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 16, 2016, 01:37:38 PM
Similar to this one? (https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/?th=1)
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: BTDretire on December 16, 2016, 02:01:39 PM
Similar to this one? (https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/?th=1)

  That's the one!

" I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years.
When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying."....
  "The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident."

  "As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage."
 
 Looks like they may have changed the format a bit, I don't see as many funny reviews and see only verified purchaser reviews.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 16, 2016, 02:38:57 PM
Looks like they may have changed the format a bit, I don't see as many funny reviews and see only verified purchaser reviews.

Yes I remember it being a lot funnier.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: ShoulderThingThatGoesUp on December 16, 2016, 06:33:41 PM
They make stuff that warms when you put it on...it's not expensive.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 17, 2016, 01:38:52 AM
But what will it do about your partner's cold hands? The temp the lube would need to be to overcome the thermal mass of the hand applying it would probably just scald the skin where it touched without significantly changing the overall temperature of the hand.  This looks like an area where we could disrupt the status quo.

I see, you want the Mk II model. It has a hot air hand warmer and lube dispenser.

Or if you wait for the Mk III you can do without a partner entirely.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Sailor Sam on December 17, 2016, 02:15:30 AM
They make stuff that warms when you put it on...it's not expensive.

Oh hell no! Fire, pure fire. Not good fire. Napalm.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 17, 2016, 02:24:53 AM
They make stuff that warms when you put it on...it's not expensive.

You want me to put unheated lube on my junk and WAIT for it to heat up? I don't have time for that.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: HappierAtHome on December 17, 2016, 02:30:58 AM
Awesome, now I know what to buy for all my friends and family for Christmas!!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 17, 2016, 03:44:39 AM
Couldn't you just put your regular product of choice in a bowl of hot water to warm it?

How am I going to explain a bowl of hot water on my nightstand? This contraption is clearly needed.

Are you bringing people to your bedroom who DON'T want warm genitals?

I'm crying with laughter into my coffee...
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Kriegsspiel on December 17, 2016, 07:28:07 AM
I LOVE COLD GENITALS THE COLDER AND MORE CORPSE-LIKE THE BETTER HOW DARE THEY INSINUATE GENITALS SHOULD BE WARMED THIS DEVICE IS AN ASSAULT ON DIVERSITY PULSE MUST FEEL THE WRATH OF THE SJW

Said someone somewhere probably.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 17, 2016, 12:26:44 PM
I LOVE COLD GENITALS THE COLDER AND MORE CORPSE-LIKE THE BETTER HOW DARE THEY INSINUATE GENITALS SHOULD BE WARMED THIS DEVICE IS AN ASSAULT ON DIVERSITY PULSE MUST FEEL THE WRATH OF THE SJW

Said someone somewhere probably.

Are you reporting this for a 'friend' Kriegsspiel?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 17, 2016, 12:29:06 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 17, 2016, 12:30:15 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...

There is.
You know the yogurt setting is a euphemism, right?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Typhoid Mary on December 17, 2016, 12:41:53 PM
Doesn't KY already make a warming lube that heats on contact with skin, no contraption needed?

Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 17, 2016, 12:45:49 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...

There is.
You know the yogurt setting is a euphemism, right?

:D  ewww....
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: BTDretire on December 17, 2016, 02:48:10 PM
Oh God, now I'm getting Ebay email alerts for personal lubricants:-/
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: marty998 on December 17, 2016, 02:57:48 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...

There is.
You know the yogurt setting is a euphemism, right?

:D  ewww....

At the risk of starting another nuclear pun war, I'd like to think we are a little more high cultured than this :D
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 17, 2016, 03:25:05 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...

There is.
You know the yogurt setting is a euphemism, right?

:D  ewww....

At the risk of starting another nuclear pun war, I'd like to think we are a little more high cultured than this :D
Dairy me, dairy me. What have I done?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: RentSeeking on December 17, 2016, 04:28:59 PM
I'm kinda surprised the Instapot doesn't have a setting for this...

There is.
You know the yogurt setting is a euphemism, right?

:D  ewww....

At the risk of starting another nuclear pun war, I'd like to think we are a little more high cultured than this :D
Dairy me, dairy me. What have I done?

Take it easy. Don't have a cow.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 17, 2016, 06:50:58 PM
Doesn't KY already make a warming lube that heats on contact with skin, no contraption needed?

A true Mustachian scoffs at the idea of paying more for 'warming lube' of any kind, and practices badassity by simply rubbing fresh cut habenero peppers on his or her genitals.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Kriegsspiel on December 17, 2016, 07:46:30 PM
Doesn't KY already make a warming lube that heats on contact with skin, no contraption needed?

A true Mustachian scoffs at the idea of paying more for 'warming lube' of any kind, and practices badassity by simply rubbing fresh cut habenero peppers on his or her genitals.

Netflix and chili?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: frugalecon on December 17, 2016, 07:59:41 PM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: mustachepungoeshere on December 17, 2016, 11:23:30 PM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.

Free and fun!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 18, 2016, 01:02:20 AM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.
Free and fun!

There is nothing free and fun that people can't find a way to get you to pay for it.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: marty998 on December 18, 2016, 02:46:22 AM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.
Free and fun!

There is nothing free and fun that people can't find a way to get you to pay for it.

With a potential market of billions of people... who wouldn't want to push as much product as possible?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on December 18, 2016, 02:52:06 AM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.
Free and fun!

There is nothing free and fun that people can't find a way to get you to pay for it.

With a potential market of billions of people... who wouldn't want to push as much product as possible?

And the more you sell the more your market expands (long lead time).
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 18, 2016, 04:20:21 AM
And here is have always naively thought that sex was an inexpensive form of entertainment.
Free and fun!

There is nothing free and fun that people can't find a way to get you to pay for it.

With a potential market of billions of people... who wouldn't want to push as much product as possible?

And the more you sell the more your market expands (long lead time).

Certainly a good FIRE side-gig; very low cost of product, but with all the free time and huge market there is a large potential for profit.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: BTDretire on December 18, 2016, 08:19:36 AM
Doesn't KY already make a warming lube that heats on contact with skin, no contraption needed?

A true Mustachian scoffs at the idea of paying more for 'warming lube' of any kind, and practices badassity by simply rubbing fresh cut habenero peppers on his or her genitals.
OK, you gave me an opening to slip my story into.
My wife had finished cleaning up our Thai peppers for grinding, just as I came from the shower wiping myself off. She decided to get a little frisky down there, and yes hot peppers
are hot down there. Not something I would recommend though.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 18, 2016, 08:21:22 AM
Doesn't KY already make a warming lube that heats on contact with skin, no contraption needed?

A true Mustachian scoffs at the idea of paying more for 'warming lube' of any kind, and practices badassity by simply rubbing fresh cut habenero peppers on his or her genitals.
OK, you gave me an opening to slip my story into.
My wife had finished cleaning up our Thai peppers for grinding, just as I came from the shower wiping myself off. She decided to get a little frisky down there, and yes hot peppers
are hot down there. Not something I would recommend though.

Anyone who has cut up some habenero's and then gone for a pee knows exactly what you went through.  :P
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: OurTown on December 19, 2016, 09:34:20 AM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 19, 2016, 12:37:55 PM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!

Would that result in your significant other pining away for you?  :P
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on December 19, 2016, 03:40:42 PM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!

Would that result in your significant other pining away for you?  :P

No, it will spruce up their love life.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 19, 2016, 06:06:24 PM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!

Would that result in your significant other pining away for you?  :P

No, it will spruce up their love life.

I'd pre-fir we keep this a pun free zone.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Sailor Sam on December 19, 2016, 06:18:21 PM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!

Would that result in your significant other pining away for you?  :P

No, it will spruce up their love life.

I'd pre-fir we keep this a pun free zone.

I think the rest of us are going to have to conifer before we agree to your stipulation.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Footsore Rambler on December 20, 2016, 10:18:01 PM
What, no seasonal scents?  I want my morning wood to smell like a Christmas tree!

Would that result in your significant other pining away for you?  :P

No, it will spruce up their love life.

I'd pre-fir we keep this a pun free zone.

I think the rest of us are going to have to conifer before we agree to your stipulation.

That's just, like, your o-piñon, man.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 21, 2016, 03:49:38 AM
I think the rest of us are going to have to conifer before we agree to your stipulation.

That's just, like, your o-piñon, man.

I knew someone was going to go on a birch rant about all the puns.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 21, 2016, 05:27:28 AM
I bet you think these puns will make so you poplar with the ladies they'll never leaf you alone.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 21, 2016, 05:39:18 AM
It would be mentally sapping to have to deciduous between all those choices of company.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: marty998 on December 21, 2016, 02:15:40 PM
There are tree good reasons why we should not go down this path again!
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: GuitarStv on December 21, 2016, 02:47:35 PM
Wood you stop it already?
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: Metric Mouse on December 22, 2016, 05:02:39 AM
I was afraid we would splinter away from the topic at hand.
Title: Re: Banish cold genitals with a $249 lube warmer that only takes lube pods
Post by: OurTown on December 22, 2016, 07:59:07 AM
I would like to participate in this holiday pun-fest, but I'm afraid it would just Tannen-bomb.