Author Topic: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan  (Read 13207 times)

StarswirlTheMustached

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Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« on: December 04, 2012, 07:18:06 PM »
Not sure if this is comedic, but I wanted to vent.
My sister-in-law is begging the better half to co-sign a loan for her, to help her get through graduate school. That might be reasonable IF she weren't being paid as a teaching/research assistant about the same I am, in a town with a considerably lower cost of living. Of course, she probably doesn't realize it has a lower cost of living, as she flies back home every weekend to make mom do her laundry.
Yes. That happens. And then because she picks up a shift at the restaurant she used to work at she claims the trips pay for themselves. Arg.
She's a hipster with the two-hundred-dollar skinny jeans, with the broken contract to get the iPhone 5, and all the trappings of that lifestyle. Drives everywhere and never cooks.

And this woman thinks WE should take responsibility for her rising debt load?
Fuck right off. She doesn't need a loan, she needs a slap upside the head with a clue-by-four.

EDIT: I forgot to mention she lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment. (Which she hates because two bedrooms is too small, apparently) For the love of god, you are a student! I have never lived alone in my entire life. I don't even think it's healthy.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2012, 08:32:02 PM by StarswirlTheMustached »

kudy

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2012, 07:21:29 PM »
Wow, I am cringing reading this story... I am very happy that I don't have that kind of awkward scenario in my life. Will you try and enlighten her?

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2012, 08:24:54 PM »
She already hates me, so why not?
Unfortunately I'm still trying to talk the missus out of jeopardizing our financial well being in the name of family harmony. Maybe I need two clue-by-fours.

Ozstache

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2012, 09:28:39 PM »
Fuck right off. She doesn't need a loan, she needs a slap upside the head with a clue-by-four.

There's your answer!

Paul der Krake

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2012, 09:32:49 PM »
Sounds like a case of severe entitletis... can't her family kick some sense into her?

I'm grad school aged and my parents ask me if something is wrong if I call more than once a month. Asking them to accomodate my presence more than a few times each year seems just rude.

So yeah, like you said if you already hates you, politely decline and have her do her soul searching on her own.

Flynlow

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2012, 08:19:09 AM »
She doesn't need a loan, she needs a slap upside the head with a clue-by-four.


Sorry to hear about your situation, but may I just state that "needs a slap upside the head with a clue-by-four" needs to be used in day to day conversation FAR more often :) .

Sounds like you guys will be able to handle it, and your SIL may be better off in the long run by being told no. 

noob515

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2012, 10:13:15 AM »
Wow.  That's funny in a sad "shaking my head" kind of way.  How old is your sister-in-law, by the way?

Apparently no one has explained the concept of "POOR college student" to her. 

Why on earth does she need to do laundry every week?  And FLY home to do it?  My mom stopped doing my laundry when I was 10.  The only times I went home during college was during the breaks where they closed the dorms.  And I had a friend who had a car, and who lived close to my mom's house, so we split the cost of gas/tolls. 

How does she respond when asked "hey, why don't you get a room mate"?  I have never lived on my own, primarily because I couldn't ever afford to.  Especially during college and grad school.  If she had a room mate, the teaching assistant job and the side job would be plenty.  It probably could be plenty NOW, if she wasn't flying home all the time. (i would love to know what restaurant pays enough where 1-2 shifts could pay for an airplane ticket). 

Is this loan she's asking for a student loan?  What is her reasoning?  "I can't afford tuition after I'm done paying for my rent and cell phone"?

DoubleDown

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2012, 10:23:27 AM »
You could always tell her how you'd like to help out, but you'd hate to have money destroy your great relationship...

Or you could use the Homer Simpson approach: "Gee sister-in-law, I'd love to wanna help, but you see, I need to get a loan myself to get the new iPhone 5, and the missus and I will be getting a larger place and doing lots of flying soon..."


tooqk4u22

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2012, 02:59:33 PM »
I would be against it if she had her act together and was frugal/modest so Obviously the answer is no f'in way...you may want to ask your spouse how she would feel if the two of you went out back and strike a match and set $XXX on fire just to watch it burn, because that is the potential. 

A cosigned loan is your loan....even if it is paid back, a couple of late payments will ruin your credit too. 


Charamei

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2012, 03:03:40 AM »
EDIT: I forgot to mention she lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment. (Which she hates because two bedrooms is too small, apparently) For the love of god, you are a student! I have never lived alone in my entire life. I don't even think it's healthy.
I'm sorry this is my first post, but I have to delurk to say wait, what?!

Mustachian issues aside, there is nothing 'unhealthy' about living alone. Introverts exist. People who don't want permanent companionship exist. Personally, if I am forced to be around other people 24/7 I rapidly become extremely stressed. I have good friends who I see almost every day: I'm not stuck for emotional support or socialisation.

Your SIL is clearly being an idiot with her money and has some very unhealthy entitlement issues to boot - but there's nothing unhealthy about her ability to enjoy her own company.

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2012, 07:43:03 AM »
EDIT: I forgot to mention she lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment. (Which she hates because two bedrooms is too small, apparently) For the love of god, you are a student! I have never lived alone in my entire life. I don't even think it's healthy.
I'm sorry this is my first post, but I have to delurk to say wait, what?!

Mustachian issues aside, there is nothing 'unhealthy' about living alone. Introverts exist. People who don't want permanent companionship exist. Personally, if I am forced to be around other people 24/7 I rapidly become extremely stressed. I have good friends who I see almost every day: I'm not stuck for emotional support or socialisation.

Your SIL is clearly being an idiot with her money and has some very unhealthy entitlement issues to boot - but there's nothing unhealthy about her ability to enjoy her own company.

As a certified introvert, I disagree. If I'm by myself I can go months without any meaningful human contact, because I AM happy in my own company. Happier than going out and finding someone else's. It can spiral out of control after a while where you just plumb forget how to deal with people, and get horse trying to talk aloud. If you have good friends you see every day, you're a lot LESS introverted than I am. My Dunbar's number is like... two. But that would be why you're okay living solo, because you don't accidentally starve yourself for human companionship. But, look. We're meant to live in groups. We evolved as social creatures. In spite of my absolute failure as a social animal, I recognize that. Living with family, friends or a life partner forces that on you if you're not getting a good group dynamic outside the home. (Random craigslist stranger roommates is a bridge too far for me, but YMMV. Residence was hell for me, until I manned up and _made_friends_. All of whom I promptly lost contact with when I moved out because, as I said, I fail as a social animal.)

I should point out that one of the reasons she insists on continuously coming home is for the companionship -- to see her old friends and coworkers because this particular female is an extrovert and IMO something of an attention whore ; she doesn't live alone because she likes to be alone. If she could enjoy her own company she'd be a lot better off financially, without the constant going out to bars and the flying and the long drives to see people. She just didn't want a roommate because it didn't fit into her middle-class self-image. 'It's mine and I'm not sharing' ; poor folk do that!

gdborton

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2012, 12:01:35 PM »
Quote
...she flies back home every weekend to make mom do her laundry.

I cannot even comprehend this.  A swift literal punch to the face should fix all of your problems in this area.  She'd either learn that this behavior isn't sustainable or she'll learn that you'd rather punch her in the face than loan her money.

gooki

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2012, 03:04:30 AM »
I'd very much play the "we're not your parents card."

Trebek

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #13 on: December 07, 2012, 05:45:37 AM »
Maybe give her directions to MMM's Pay Pad Loans business? :-P

DocCyane

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2012, 06:48:06 AM »
Just be careful that your significant other doesn't consign a loan without your knowledge. That happened to an acquaintance. The Mom ran off and signed a loan for Daughter that Dad said no to. Talk about bad faith.

James

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2012, 07:51:40 AM »
Thanks for sharing, it is a bit comedic.  :)

Some people just need to find bottom before they stop digging.  Don't be the "bad guy" who lectures or critiques, just gently suggest that you think she could do better with her money, maybe get her The Millionaire Next Door for Christmas, and be ready with advice when she eventually wants it. (if ever)

EngGirl

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2012, 12:52:46 PM »
I feel your pain! My brother is about to marry a girl who graduated from a college photography program over 2 years ago. To date, she has done only one photo shoot. She refuses weddings and family photograpy because she's "in it for the art". She lives with her parents, who house her, feed her, and clean up after her. She is encouraging my brother to continue with university so he can earn a high enough paycheck so that she can be his stay-at-home-slug... I mean wife. This one has princess written all over her. And this woman is about to become family! AHHHH!

Milkman666

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2012, 01:20:15 PM »
People just have to learn to be luckier.

When I told my sister that, other than my mortgage, I'm debt free, she said I was sooooo lucky.

Just plain lucky.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #18 on: December 07, 2012, 02:00:50 PM »
@Milkman666: yeah that's the mindset of a lot of people these days. Blaming one's bad luck, or suing someone else.

The Government
China
Wall Street
Credit card companies
Illegal immigrants
Colleges
Inflation
Advertisements
Football coaches
AT&T

With this many ennemies throwing hurdles at us, the middle class is doomed!

NWstubble

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #19 on: December 07, 2012, 06:08:58 PM »
Fuck right off. She doesn't need a loan, she needs a slap upside the head with a clue-by-four.

+1 for clue-by-four usage!

I like the "we are not your parents" idea as a response. Money and family is a difficult one for me sometimes because while I want to swing freely with the clue-by-four, I also don't want to ruin family relationships. Not saying I fold or to sign the loan, just saying maybe find something softer to hit her with.

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2012, 07:37:30 AM »
In the end, we decided to go with a polite letdown. Her punch in the face will come, in time; just not from me.

Blindsquirrel

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2012, 10:57:02 AM »
   Since she is a student, ask her a simple spelling question.
You. "Who put the letter 'F' in loan?"
Her-" Huh? There is no F In Loan?"
You- Yep. There is no F'in loan, spendthrift!

 LMAO? I will have to use Clue by four!

grantmeaname

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2012, 04:09:34 PM »
Starswirl, your post was so ridiculously funny that I immortalized it in my signature. Well done.

happy

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2012, 11:14:14 PM »
People just have to learn to be luckier.

When I told my sister that, other than my mortgage, I'm debt free, she said I was sooooo lucky.

Just plain lucky.

Haha, this is the forum for lucky people, who teach other people to be lucky. Everyone knows mustaches are good luck. Well at least there's always the optimism gun.

James

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2012, 07:48:37 AM »
In the end, we decided to go with a polite letdown. Her punch in the face will come, in time; just not from me.

Probably a good call, but I'm sure it was hard both to say no and to not say a lot about her lifestyle.  Hopefully she will return for advice at some point when she is ready, and won't have dug too deeply prior to that.

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #25 on: December 18, 2012, 12:17:36 PM »
Good news! Lacking recourse to easy credit, it sounds like she's decided to downsize herself into a house with 5 other students. With the dramatically reduced rent she can now afford the rest of her lifestyle. Not much of a mustache, but baby steps.

gooki

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #26 on: December 18, 2012, 02:11:29 PM »
Good shit.

NWstubble

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #27 on: December 18, 2012, 02:18:43 PM »
Good news! Lacking recourse to easy credit, it sounds like she's decided to downsize herself into a house with 5 other students. With the dramatically reduced rent she can now afford the rest of her lifestyle. Not much of a mustache, but baby steps.

Nice! Hope that snow flake of change turns into one hell of a snowball.
Keep that clue-by around, just in case.

strider3700

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #28 on: December 19, 2012, 01:37:36 AM »
there's nothing like living with 5 strangers to convince you maybe you really should save that money and get the hell out of there.

gdborton

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #29 on: December 19, 2012, 07:30:21 AM »
Just hope that it doesn't turn into an "I deserve to have expensive things" mentality after "suffering" with roommates.  I've seen a quite a few of my old classmates run down that road.

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #30 on: December 19, 2012, 08:19:16 AM »
That could happen, but if it does, it's not my problem!
Besides, she's the crazy outgoing type who would probably enjoy the group dynamic.

TomTX

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2012, 07:08:13 AM »
Good news! Lacking recourse to easy credit, it sounds like she's decided to downsize herself into a house with 5 other students. With the dramatically reduced rent she can now afford the rest of her lifestyle. Not much of a mustache, but baby steps.

Awesome news! Great to hear it!

One tangent from the original topic:

Repeat after me: NEVER COSIGN A LOAN!* You can get totally screwed over by cosigning, and it happens a lot - especially if you cosign for family.

*Unless you get handed the full repayment amount, with interest, in cash, in advance and you actually take care of the payments yourself and the "loan holder" has no actual control over the loan. Maybe they need to 'build credit' and you're acting as a secured credit card.

chatsc

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #32 on: January 30, 2013, 06:46:06 PM »
People just have to learn to be luckier.

When I told my sister that, other than my mortgage, I'm debt free, she said I was sooooo lucky.

Just plain lucky.

I really love when people say that.  because it is true....it is all luck.  no drive, no forethought, no sef-restraint, no sacrifice.  Just luck. 

I wonder if people use that word to describe someone who is in better financial shape because it seems so far away for them.  Like paying off their debt is in the same category as winning the lottery, or finding a toonie under a park bench.

destron

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #33 on: January 30, 2013, 07:56:53 PM »
Or you could use the Homer Simpson approach: "Gee sister-in-law, I'd love to wanna help, but you see, I need to get a loan myself to get the new iPhone 5, and the missus and I will be getting a larger place and doing lots of flying soon..."

Wouldn't work. Someone with those spending habits would think, "But you only have to sign the loan. I'm the one who will pay for it! It won't effect you."

destron

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Re: Consumerist relative wants cosigned loan
« Reply #34 on: January 30, 2013, 07:58:52 PM »
I feel your pain! My brother is about to marry a girl who graduated from a college photography program over 2 years ago. To date, she has done only one photo shoot. She refuses weddings and family photograpy because she's "in it for the art". She lives with her parents, who house her, feed her, and clean up after her. She is encouraging my brother to continue with university so he can earn a high enough paycheck so that she can be his stay-at-home-slug... I mean wife. This one has princess written all over her. And this woman is about to become family! AHHHH!

Once they have a couple kids, they can get a divorce and he can pay alimony and child support too!