Astonishingly Awful Anti-mustachian Adventures

[Cowardly Toaster]

Take his divorce, it went so badly for him that it couldn't be worse if he hired a lawyer for his ex specifically to clean him out.

I mean they had a $5 million home almost paid off, and another $1m+ paid off rental home. She got both. She had also moved out all their cash (over $1m).

She literally got it all. He had to rent. She even got _his_ dog and he had to pay dog-support of $200/month for several years.

She was having an affair with his colleague's husband. He found out when the colleague told him and thanked him for supporting them all (the other man was broke but was able to leave his wife their house & pay her expenses by moving into Herzog's home with Herzog's ex-wife.)

Um. I can all but guarantee you that's not what happened. Giving everything that both parties paid for to one spouse is not how divorce works, legally.

You're hearing only his side of the story, and it may not include the fact that, for example, she inherited the $1M rental from her late grandma, or almost all the money for the down payment and mortgage on their $5M home came from her, or although he paid his share of the mortgage for a couple of years here and there, she paid off hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that he brought to the marriage...

Sometimes it seems that people, especially men, are so "over" a marriage or divorce process that they don't fight back. So perhaps he just gave up?

[MgoSam]

She even got _his_ dog and he had to pay dog-support of $200/month for several years.

Okay.  I want off this planet.

I don't know how typical this story is, but hearing it (and others that are similar) make me extremely wary of the concept of marriage.

To be fair, look at all the other stories surrounding this guy.  Considering that he seems to be his own problem in all the other tales, it makes me think that he is probably the reason that he got what appears to be the short end of the stick.  I'd love to know what the ex-wife's explanation would be of what happened. 

True, that is a fair point.

[bugbaby]

Take his divorce, it went so badly for him that it couldn't be worse if he hired a lawyer for his ex specifically to clean him out.

I mean they had a $5 million home almost paid off, and another $1m+ paid off rental home. She got both. She had also moved out all their cash (over $1m).

She literally got it all. He had to rent. She even got _his_ dog and he had to pay dog-support of $200/month for several years.

She was having an affair with his colleague's husband. He found out when the colleague told him and thanked him for supporting them all (the other man was broke but was able to leave his wife their house & pay her expenses by moving into Herzog's home with Herzog's ex-wife.)

Um. I can all but guarantee you that's not what happened. Giving everything that both parties paid for to one spouse is not how divorce works, legally.

You're hearing only his side of the story, and it may not include the fact that, for example, she inherited the $1M rental from her late grandma, or almost all the money for the down payment and mortgage on their $5M home came from her, or although he paid his share of the mortgage for a couple of years here and there, she paid off hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that he brought to the marriage...

Sometimes it seems that people, especially men, are so "over" a marriage or divorce process that they don't fight back. So perhaps he just gave up?

I think this is what happened, though I bet there's another side to it. He was working 100+ hours to save a drowning business (another wacky story) and I think didn't follow any of his lawyer's advice. He was deemed to be 'in default' and ex got a summary judgment. By this point he just wanted it behind him...

Yes, he has magical thinking; each time he does dumb dumb stuff, but is genuinely shocked at the outcome.

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[AlanStache]

...

Yes, he has magical thinking; each time he does dumb dumb stuff, but is genuinely shocked at the outcome.

So how do we differentiate this from mmm's "The power of positive thinking"?  I dont think your friend planed to fail he may have just had unrealistic ideas of what would happen or how others would act.  During the heat of the moment when everything is all crazy how do we know the difference between "if I try hard and keep at it things will work out" and "if I pray really hard a unicorn will fly down and save Christmas by winning the Kentucky derby".  To some extend we all here on the mmm forum are contrarians and not listening to the standard advice and sound a bit like the unicorn wishers.

[Daleth]

Sometimes it seems that people, especially men, are so "over" a marriage or divorce process that they don't fight back. So perhaps he just gave up?

This guy doesn't sound like the type to give up even on a futile or insane fight, much less a normal one. And every state has rules about how marital property should be divided, and what to do with non-marital property (generally they don't divide that--for instance, if the ex-wife inherited a million bucks and used it to buy the rental property, that may not be marital property; she may walk away with the rental property, and rightly so because it was hers to begin with).

I'm speaking very generally here and there are differences between most states and the few that have community property rules, but the basic gist is, in a divorce the court doesn't just reinvent the wheel and come up with a customized decision every time. The court has to make decisions in conformity with the existing rules about how to divide marital property and what to do with non-marital property, and those rules are never, "Aw, hell, just give it all to one of them."

[TheGrimSqueaker]

...

Yes, he has magical thinking; each time he does dumb dumb stuff, but is genuinely shocked at the outcome.

So how do we differentiate this from mmm's "The power of positive thinking"?  I dont think your friend planed to fail he may have just had unrealistic ideas of what would happen or how others would act.  During the heat of the moment when everything is all crazy how do we know the difference between "if I try hard and keep at it things will work out" and "if I pray really hard a unicorn will fly down and save Christmas by winning the Kentucky derby".  To some extend we all here on the mmm forum are contrarians and not listening to the standard advice and sound a bit like the unicorn wishers.

Trying hard and hoping things work out is great, provided it is accompanied by things like:

* Acquiring competent instruction
* Putting in the necessary time to learn the skills and get the necessary credentials
* Having the fundamental skills and attributes necessary for success
* Being in the sort of place where success occurs
* Starting out at a practical level (minor league first, then major) to gain experience
* Soliciting and taking advice from people who are experts in the field
* Delivering quality product/service for the money
* Making adjustments in approach to correct things that provably are not working
* Taking intelligent risks as opposed to stupid ones

A person who does these things has the ability to identify ways in which they are making incremental progress toward their goal (or not).

The pie-in-the-sky unicorn folks skip most of those steps because they involve hard work and acceptance of the fact that a lot of what we do is *not* perfect just the way it is.

[bugbaby]

...

Yes, he has magical thinking; each time he does dumb dumb stuff, but is genuinely shocked at the outcome.

So how do we differentiate this from mmm's "The power of positive thinking"?  I dont think your friend planed to fail he may have just had unrealistic ideas of what would happen or how others would act.  During the heat of the moment when everything is all crazy how do we know the difference between "if I try hard and keep at it things will work out" and "if I pray really hard a unicorn will fly down and save Christmas by winning the Kentucky derby".  To some extend we all here on the mmm forum are contrarians and not listening to the standard advice and sound a bit like the unicorn wishers.

Trying hard and hoping things work out is great, provided it is accompanied by things like:

* Acquiring competent instruction
* Putting in the necessary time to learn the skills and get the necessary credentials
* Having the fundamental skills and attributes necessary for success
* Being in the sort of place where success occurs
* Starting out at a practical level (minor league first, then major) to gain experience
* Soliciting and taking advice from people who are experts in the field
* Delivering quality product/service for the money
* Making adjustments in approach to correct things that provably are not working
* Taking intelligent risks as opposed to stupid ones

A person who does these things has the ability to identify ways in which they are making incremental progress toward their goal (or not).

The pie-in-the-sky unicorn folks skip most of those steps because they involve hard work and acceptance of the fact that a lot of what we do is *not* perfect just the way it is.

The crazy thing is, this is the hardest working fellow on the planet, who had a successful career for years. Not entitled or lazy, not into 'positive thinking' or such. But there's just a little missing link somewhere in the day to day practical realm.

For instance recently he was at an airport arrivals for work at a small midwest city, lamenting his luggage was missing again, would probably come on the next flight in the morning. He had no toiletries or a shirt and had to work very early. I asked why he didn't keep some essentials in hand luggage.

'but my hand luggage is full!' [no laptop or such, just books and paperwork printed off emails etc] . .. So i wondered about this given he's had luggage problems before, and asked, 'how many times has this happened this past year?'
'Eight times!'

Yet he seems surprised, doesn't think there's anything he could do to ease his travel!?

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[TheGrimSqueaker]

The crazy thing is, this is the hardest working fellow on the planet, who had a successful career for years. Not entitled or lazy, not into 'positive thinking' or such. But there's just a little missing link somewhere in the day to day practical realm.

For instance recently he was at an airport arrivals for work at a small midwest city, lamenting his luggage was missing again, would probably come on the next flight in the morning. He had no toiletries or a shirt and had to work very early. I asked why he didn't keep some essentials in hand luggage.

'but my hand luggage is full!' [no laptop or such, just books and paperwork printed off emails etc] . .. So i wondered about this given he's had luggage problems before, and asked, 'how many times has this happened this past year?'
'Eight times!'

Yet he seems surprised, doesn't think there's anything he could do to ease his travel!?

I would generally describe packing carry-on luggage as being a fundamental essential skill for any person who travels for work more than once or twice a year. There's some contingency planning involved, but the only people who have a reasonable excuse for not knowing to travel prepared for a luggage delay are the people who never fly. This fellow travels by air so often it ought to be routine. Most regular business travelers could pack their overnight kit and carry-on luggage in their sleep, and I'll wager plenty of them do.

Regardless of what other skills this fellow may have (I've met some absentminded research-type scientists who behave similarly), it sounds like lack of attention to basic logistics is eating him alive.

[fredbear]

Even Wozzeck didn't have it this bad.

Wozzeck!  Ms Squeaker, your posts are always thorough, crafted with concinnity, always delivered with a pointed style that I find very engaging, generally offered with wit, and sometimes - mirabile dictu - with acrid wit.  All in all, and taking one thing with another, you're the best commenter on this forum.  But now, in addition, you give evidence of being the most learned commenter here.   Wozzeck! 

[bugbaby]

Even Wozzeck didn't have it this bad.

Wozzeck!  Ms Squeaker, your posts are always thorough, crafted with concinnity, always delivered with a pointed style that I find very engaging, generally offered with wit, and sometimes - mirabile dictu - with acrid wit.  All in all, and taking one thing with another, you're the best commenter on this forum.  But now, in addition, you give evidence of being the most learned commenter here.   Wozzeck!

I had to Wiki Wozzeck after the earlier comment, thanks from us dummies 😊😊😊

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[talltexan]

My dad told me a story about walking into his boss's office last year, and realizing the boss was listening to "Wozzeck". I must come from a family of serious nerds.