Author Topic: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'  (Read 12585 times)

LPeters

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http://totalsororitymove.com/my-parents-pay-for-everything-and-im-not-ashamed-of-it/

Oh dear god. This thing is so tone-deaf. The absolute arrogance is mind-boggling.

Some choice quotes:

My parents are very well off. They both have stable jobs where they are at the top of their respective fields and are working constantly. They own property and multiple cars and when they can get away from work long enough, they go on vacations. My parents are rich, and I donít think thatís something to be ashamed of.


...which is accurate I suppose, aside from the mundane stupidity of selling their labor when they're definitely old enough to be living off of interest, dividends and rents, but they need their cars and vacations, I guess.

Iím proud that my parents pay for everything. Iím proud that when I graduate college I can start the rest of my life with a clean slate, instead of drowning in debt before I even have my first real job.


See, this is where she utterly loses me. She's right when she says she doesn't have to be ashamed of her parents' wealth, but it doesn't immediately follow that she ought to be proud of it. Being born wealthy is one of those privileges you don't get to brag about, the same way no one writes articles about being proud to be white or a man.

Oh, and the comments are a whole other little clown car of horrors if you're in the mood for that sort of thing.

A lot of us are planning to provide for our children's college.  Like most people I want my kids to have it better than I did but I'll cut off a limb before I read an article that they wrote about how proud they are of my money. I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this, but how do we avoid raising children like this author?

MgoSam

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2015, 09:04:11 PM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

lostamonkey

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2015, 12:07:54 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

My parents also paid for my school and all expenses while I was in school but tbf I lived at home during school. Honestly I agree with a lot of her points. She acknowledges that some of her peers had it harder paying their own way, that her success was partially due to her parents, and that she hopes to help her own hypothetical future children out with school. I agree with all these points. I also agree that there was a little shame associated with your parents paying for your school which doesn't make sense. Both my and her parents worked hard to pay for our education which we can be proud of.

Tabaxus

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2015, 07:19:56 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

My parents also paid for my school and all expenses while I was in school but tbf I lived at home during school. Honestly I agree with a lot of her points. She acknowledges that some of her peers had it harder paying their own way, that her success was partially due to her parents, and that she hopes to help her own hypothetical future children out with school. I agree with all these points. I also agree that there was a little shame associated with your parents paying for your school which doesn't make sense. Both my and her parents worked hard to pay for our education which we can be proud of.

You can be "proud" for your parents' accomplishment.  You can't be proud of yourself for taking their money.  I don't know that there should be shame, but certainly not pride.

Merrie

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2015, 08:21:14 AM »
Yeah, I think the word she's looking for is "happy" or "grateful", not "proud".

pachnik

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2015, 08:35:01 AM »
Yeah, I think the word she's looking for is "happy" or "grateful", not "proud".

+1  Yes, I think grateful for herself to receive such a gift.

lostamonkey

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2015, 08:41:49 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

My parents also paid for my school and all expenses while I was in school but tbf I lived at home during school. Honestly I agree with a lot of her points. She acknowledges that some of her peers had it harder paying their own way, that her success was partially due to her parents, and that she hopes to help her own hypothetical future children out with school. I agree with all these points. I also agree that there was a little shame associated with your parents paying for your school which doesn't make sense. Both my and her parents worked hard to pay for our education which we can be proud of.

You can be "proud" for your parents' accomplishment.  You can't be proud of yourself for taking their money.  I don't know that there should be shame, but certainly not pride.

I think she means that she is proud of her parents for being able to provide her with the opportunity to graduate debt-free. She also mentions how she feel "lucky and blessed" to have this opportunity.

trailrated

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2015, 11:14:46 AM »
I wouldn't knock her all the way, I see some logic in this.

Quote
I have a lot of respect for people who do it all on their own, for the people who work two jobs in addition to handling a full class schedule, and for the people who will walk across the stage filled with pride because they achieved something so great without any help from anyone. But when I walk across that stage with them, Iíll be proud, too. I deserve to be proud. Iíll be proud because that diploma Iíll be holding represents not only all of my hard work, but the hard work of my parents who spent years working themselves to the bone, saving money for my college fund, and taught me all of those things and more by leading by example.

Capsu78

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2015, 12:46:35 PM »
This girl got the same deal my wife and myself gave to our 2 daughters- zero debt at graduation and 2 paid off weddings.  We are "grateful" to each other that my wife and I were able to make this work.  What we are "proud" of are the responsible adults they have grown into and the fact that at every turn they were grateful back to us for having done so.
 
I know the vast set of differing circumstances among the many readers of this forum and not everyone had the same happy face picture I just laid out and totally respect (and have an eye for BTW) those who Rocky'ed their way to where they are today.

I agree with the OP she could have used some different words and turned some different phrases but she certainly wasn't writing that piece for my  "old fart" demographic.  If her parents are anything like many of the parents my age are, she can pay them back by producing a couple of grand kids!

Paul der Krake

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2015, 12:53:36 PM »
Are y'all seriously discussing an article from TFM/TSM? They are outlets with their own subcultures where college greeks have pissing contests and sometimes poke fun at themselves.

Nothing to see here.

MrsPete

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2015, 11:00:52 AM »
Yeah, I think the word she's looking for is "happy" or "grateful", not "proud".
Yes, with her stellar vocabulary and writing skills, I think it's pretty clear she's not graduating with an English degree, and I'm not surprised she's using a poorly chosen word so significantly throughout the article.

Is anyone else thinking of that old Cosby Show on which Vanessa whined to her father about people saying we're rich ... and her father explained to her in very clear words, "Your mother and I are rich.  You have nothing." ?

Seriously though, the girl has some things right and some things wrong: 

- She says her parents are rich because they "work constantly", and she doesn't see any problem with that.  She sees that as an appropriate goal for adults. 
- She says that the one thing her parents can't buy is her grades because she herself has to work for them.  Sort-of, kind-of.  Because she isn't working at a job herself, she has loads of time for studying; not a luxury that was available to me in college.  Perhaps she doesn't grasp that free time and no financial worries = more options, both today and tomorrow; a student who's working two jobs while attending college would understand that in a heartbeat. 
- She says she's not belittling people whose only option was to take out loans; but, yes, she definitely sees herself as better than them; she's clearly not strong on compassion.  If she'd "struggled" a bit, she might realize that other options always exist. 
- She's dead right when she says that a college education is a great gift, and she appreciates that her parents have given it to her.  I disagree with her that it's the greatest gift a parent can give a child, but I don't think she's particularly motivated by positive family values, faith, good health and other intangibles. 
- Everything about the article -- especially the picture of her at the end in half a top -- makes me think she's a stereotypical spoiled little sorority girl.
- She emphasizes that she wants to make her parents proud, but check out her other columns for this sorority website.  They must be tickled pink that she writes columns about men's private parts. 






LiveLean

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2015, 12:02:58 PM »
That website is full of quality information. "How To Ensure Guys Always Text You Back After Sex" was especially illuminating.

Is there a bigger waste of time and money than joining a fraternity or sorority? Whenever someone asks me what fraternity I was in, I always respond, "Why would anyone join a fraternity?" I'd be disappointed if either of our sons, now 12 and 10, ever express interest in pledging a fraternity.

Reading crap like this is one reason I say, at least 20 times a day, "Thank God I only have boys."

sstants

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2015, 12:56:45 PM »
That website is full of quality information. "How To Ensure Guys Always Text You Back After Sex" was especially illuminating.

Is there a bigger waste of time and money than joining a fraternity or sorority? Whenever someone asks me what fraternity I was in, I always respond, "Why would anyone join a fraternity?" I'd be disappointed if either of our sons, now 12 and 10, ever express interest in pledging a fraternity.

Reading crap like this is one reason I say, at least 20 times a day, "Thank God I only have boys."

TFM/TSM are websites that started out as boards for kids in Greek life from different schools to share ridiculous/satiric/exaggerated jokes (and sometimes true things) about their communities and experiences.

You definitely can't take these sites seriously!

However, I hope you reconsider your stance on considering Greek life for your kids. One of the most rewarding experiences I had in college was colonizing a chapter of a very prominent sorority on my campus. Plenty of negatives come along with Greek life (as with any organization) but the strength of the community is often unparalleled in college which is a stressful and challenging time for many young kids. As with any choice we make, choosing the right organization is a personal thing and you are inevitably going to get a few absurd bigots, rich brats etc. You are also going to get a hundred wonderful people who are an awesome study group/support system throughout and beyond college. Kids definitely make their own friends in other clubs/from classes, but there's something about the bond of an organization into which you are initiated after learning the history and rituals that makes it special. These organizations are founded with similar values of community service, equal education for women (in the case of many sororities) and high-integrity behavior.

I will be a proud parent if my children choose to join Greek organizations and help guide our sororities and fraternities away from some of the current foolishness that dominates the news nowadays and back to these values.

Also, I'm a young woman. Please be careful of the implications of your statements about the gender of your children due to the satirical opinions of one writer. Anyone can be an asshole regardless of their sex, and to imply otherwise sets us all back.

lifeinhd

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2015, 01:34:13 PM »
That website is full of quality information. "How To Ensure Guys Always Text You Back After Sex" was especially illuminating.

Speaking as a guy, you should want to anyways. This is a fairly common strategy after having a one night stand. You stay in contact for a few days to a week afterwards, preferably getting her to agree that last night was great and you should meet up again, then stop responding. This way if the girl later cries rape, you have evidence to the contrary.

Not saying I've done this, but I've heard it bandied about as a way to prevent false accusations of rape.

Quote
Is there a bigger waste of time and money than joining a fraternity or sorority? Whenever someone asks me what fraternity I was in, I always respond, "Why would anyone join a fraternity?" I'd be disappointed if either of our sons, now 12 and 10, ever express interest in pledging a fraternity.

Reading crap like this is one reason I say, at least 20 times a day, "Thank God I only have boys."

There is such a thing as professional fraternities. I had two roommates who were members of two different ones, and they made friends for life, as well as contacts for job leads, places to crash, a ride now and then, etc.. It's not all like you see on American Pie.

nereo

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2015, 01:51:37 PM »
That website is full of quality information. "How To Ensure Guys Always Text You Back After Sex" was especially illuminating.

Speaking as a guy, you should want to anyways. This is a fairly common strategy after having a one night stand. You stay in contact for a few days to a week afterwards, preferably getting her to agree that last night was great and you should meet up again, then stop responding. This way if the girl later cries rape, you have evidence to the contrary.

Not saying I've done this, but I've heard it bandied about as a way to prevent false accusations of rape.

...and ... you know .... because it's what a decent human being should do.

zephyr911

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2015, 02:00:10 PM »
Best thing that ever happened to me: not getting any help from family after finishing high school.

Hell, I think I was 22 the first time I had to help my mom....

MrsPete

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2015, 09:01:57 AM »
However, I hope you reconsider your stance on considering Greek life for your kids. One of the most rewarding experiences I had in college was colonizing a chapter of a very prominent sorority on my campus. Plenty of negatives come along with Greek life (as with any organization) but the strength of the community is often unparalleled in college which is a stressful and challenging time for many young kids. As with any choice we make, choosing the right organization is a personal thing and you are inevitably going to get a few absurd bigots, rich brats etc. You are also going to get a hundred wonderful people who are an awesome study group/support system throughout and beyond college. Kids definitely make their own friends in other clubs/from classes, but there's something about the bond of an organization into which you are initiated after learning the history and rituals that makes it special. These organizations are founded with similar values of community service, equal education for women (in the case of many sororities) and high-integrity behavior.

I will be a proud parent if my children choose to join Greek organizations and help guide our sororities and fraternities away from some of the current foolishness that dominates the news nowadays and back to these values.
Definitely no.  The behavior of the sorority /fraternity people I knew in college was in line with the website we're discussing -- lots of drinking, sex, an emphasis on physical attractiveness and clothing, and questionable morals.  A couple community service projects over the course of the year don't make up for all that.  Whether I had sons or daughters, these are not the people /groups with which I'd want them to bond. 

Chris22

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #17 on: August 11, 2015, 09:46:28 AM »
However, I hope you reconsider your stance on considering Greek life for your kids. One of the most rewarding experiences I had in college was colonizing a chapter of a very prominent sorority on my campus. Plenty of negatives come along with Greek life (as with any organization) but the strength of the community is often unparalleled in college which is a stressful and challenging time for many young kids. As with any choice we make, choosing the right organization is a personal thing and you are inevitably going to get a few absurd bigots, rich brats etc. You are also going to get a hundred wonderful people who are an awesome study group/support system throughout and beyond college. Kids definitely make their own friends in other clubs/from classes, but there's something about the bond of an organization into which you are initiated after learning the history and rituals that makes it special. These organizations are founded with similar values of community service, equal education for women (in the case of many sororities) and high-integrity behavior.

I will be a proud parent if my children choose to join Greek organizations and help guide our sororities and fraternities away from some of the current foolishness that dominates the news nowadays and back to these values.
Definitely no.  The behavior of the sorority /fraternity people I knew in college was in line with the website we're discussing -- lots of drinking, sex, an emphasis on physical attractiveness and clothing, and questionable morals. A couple community service projects over the course of the year don't make up for all that.  Whether I had sons or daughters, these are not the people /groups with which I'd want them to bond.

So you mean...college kids.  I went to a school that didn't have a huge Greek system, but I had plenty of friends who were involved.  I personally was not, I had other activities that too the place of Greek life, but I would have been happy to be involved given different circumstances.  But there was little difference between Greeks and non-Greeks in many of the aspects in the bolded.

sstants

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2015, 08:10:54 AM »
So you mean...college kids.  I went to a school that didn't have a huge Greek system, but I had plenty of friends who were involved.  I personally was not, I had other activities that too the place of Greek life, but I would have been happy to be involved given different circumstances.  But there was little difference between Greeks and non-Greeks in many of the aspects in the bolded.

Exactly!! None of us are full-grown adults at age 18 (or 19 or 20) and college is for exactly that, growing up and figuring out who you are. I promise there are some self-centered, binge drinking, materialistic kids in French club or on the soccer team too. Judging these groups that happen to be much more high-profile than other organizations in colleges definitely happens a lot. I don't disagree that the hazing and racist incidents you read about in the news are serious problems, but I hate that people think that they reflect all of Greek life!

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2015, 08:15:27 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

This. I make more than any four to eight of all of my friends COMBINED. I pay more in taxes than any of them GROSS in a year. I stood on my own two feet since 18, paid my own way and as a result and fiercly independent and driven.

In contrast, their parents have paid their entire way through life, and they are still even in their mid 30's and late 40's still having their parents pay for their schooling because their first degree didn't seem to help them, etc. I guess when your mom wipes your ass at 35 you are not going to become the CFO of a fortune 500 company....This is the point many of them seem to miss. They can't manage their own basic lives, how on EARTH are they going to succeed in corporate?

Cwadda

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2015, 08:50:19 AM »
Quote
I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this, but how do we avoid raising children like this author?

My parents are well off enough to put me through school entirely. What they did is have me pay half of everything. Car insurance, phone, tuition, books, housing, parking, everything. The second I graduate college I am on my own.

To me this is a happy medium between going to school without worry of debt and having skin in the game. It's really prompted me to get my own jobs, work hard for my degree, and really get after what I want. I give credit to it getting into MMM too.


Chris22

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2015, 08:51:40 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

This. I make more than any four to eight of all of my friends COMBINED. I pay more in taxes than any of them GROSS in a year. I stood on my own two feet since 18, paid my own way and as a result and fiercly independent and driven.

In contrast, their parents have paid their entire way through life, and they are still even in their mid 30's and late 40's still having their parents pay for their schooling because their first degree didn't seem to help them, etc. I guess when your mom wipes your ass at 35 you are not going to become the CFO of a fortune 500 company....This is the point many of them seem to miss. They can't manage their own basic lives, how on EARTH are they going to succeed in corporate?

OTOH, my wife and I both come from varying degrees of wealth in our background (she more than me, but both of us come from the 1%), had pretty much every advantage growing up, all but paid for college degrees (I was on a scholarship and parents covered room and board, she started with a token $10k of loans simply because her parents wanted her to have skin in the game) and we've both received unsolicited 5-figure sums from our families over the last decade or so of marital bliss (and oh by the way, the wedding cost damn near 6-figures, not paid by us, and our marriage is as strong as anyone's, just to put that one to rest). 

All that, and we both work our asses off at corporate jobs, each making 6 figures, highly rated at our respective companies, can point to a long list of achievements and promotions, etc, own two homes (not outright, in fairness) and don't ask anything from anyone. 

Frugal_NYC

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2015, 08:55:57 AM »
I feel like I grew up exactly where I wanted to - lived in nice suburbs, went on vacations, parents paid for private college (I got $100K in scholarship $), etc.  But i never felt rich until now.

I live in NYC with 3 buddies from college who all come from wealthier backgrounds.  One of them still gets mailed $1000 checks every month form his dad for "expenses."  I am a firm believer of if you grow up having everything handed to you, you never learn to live like only you are responsible for yourself

(said roommate is also broke but lives like he's rich)

teadirt

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #23 on: August 12, 2015, 09:00:01 AM »
Sadly, this was me until I graduated from college. Still not nearly as independent or self-driven as many of my peers that had to earn their way through college, and yes while I don't have student debt, I don't have the toughness or drive that many of them have.

This. I make more than any four to eight of all of my friends COMBINED. I pay more in taxes than any of them GROSS in a year. I stood on my own two feet since 18, paid my own way and as a result and fiercly independent and driven.

In contrast, their parents have paid their entire way through life, and they are still even in their mid 30's and late 40's still having their parents pay for their schooling because their first degree didn't seem to help them, etc. I guess when your mom wipes your ass at 35 you are not going to become the CFO of a fortune 500 company....This is the point many of them seem to miss. They can't manage their own basic lives, how on EARTH are they going to succeed in corporate?

OTOH, my wife and I both come from varying degrees of wealth in our background (she more than me, but both of us come from the 1%), had pretty much every advantage growing up, all but paid for college degrees (I was on a scholarship and parents covered room and board, she started with a token $10k of loans simply because her parents wanted her to have skin in the game) and we've both received unsolicited 5-figure sums from our families over the last decade or so of marital bliss (and oh by the way, the wedding cost damn near 6-figures, not paid by us, and our marriage is as strong as anyone's, just to put that one to rest). 

All that, and we both work our asses off at corporate jobs, each making 6 figures, highly rated at our respective companies, can point to a long list of achievements and promotions, etc, own two homes (not outright, in fairness) and don't ask anything from anyone.

Good job. Personally, as a new college grad (age 22), I have poor-background friends who are successful, poor-background friends who are unsuccessful, rich-background friends who are unsuccessful, and rich-background friends who are successful.

Another anecdotal data point... I paid for everything myself (aside from a generous $2,000 HS graduation gift from parents), got a degree in an in-demand field, got a job 6 months out of college, and am doing just fine! I ought to have my loans paid off in 6-7 months.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 09:46:12 AM by teadirt »

zephyr911

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #24 on: August 12, 2015, 10:19:26 AM »
not entirely sure how to phrase this, but how do we avoid raising children like this author?
Keep it simple.
Don't let them take your support for granted. Make it clear that they need to work hard and do well in school, and apply for as much merit-based aid as possible. Limit your support appropriately - the easier it is to get their degree, the less they'll appreciate it. I would suggest tuition only - having to work a little during school to pay bills isn't a bad thing. I had a near-full ride but cleaned toilets and trash chutes to pay incidentals. It helped me begin developing a sense of financial management (not enough, but better than nothing).

This. I make more than any four to eight of all of my friends COMBINED. I pay more in taxes than any of them GROSS in a year. I stood on my own two feet since 18, paid my own way and as a result and fiercly independent and driven.

In contrast, their parents have paid their entire way through life, and they are still even in their mid 30's and late 40's still having their parents pay for their schooling because their first degree didn't seem to help them, etc. I guess when your mom wipes your ass at 35 you are not going to become the CFO of a fortune 500 company....This is the point many of them seem to miss. They can't manage their own basic lives, how on EARTH are they going to succeed in corporate?
OP, please read this ;)
BM, most people find it difficult to have friends whose values are so different from theirs. Do you really enjoy the company of these people? You seem to find it hard to respect them (as would I)>

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #25 on: August 13, 2015, 06:52:53 AM »
not entirely sure how to phrase this, but how do we avoid raising children like this author?
Keep it simple.
Don't let them take your support for granted. Make it clear that they need to work hard and do well in school, and apply for as much merit-based aid as possible. Limit your support appropriately - the easier it is to get their degree, the less they'll appreciate it. I would suggest tuition only - having to work a little during school to pay bills isn't a bad thing. I had a near-full ride but cleaned toilets and trash chutes to pay incidentals. It helped me begin developing a sense of financial management (not enough, but better than nothing).

This. I make more than any four to eight of all of my friends COMBINED. I pay more in taxes than any of them GROSS in a year. I stood on my own two feet since 18, paid my own way and as a result and fiercly independent and driven.

In contrast, their parents have paid their entire way through life, and they are still even in their mid 30's and late 40's still having their parents pay for their schooling because their first degree didn't seem to help them, etc. I guess when your mom wipes your ass at 35 you are not going to become the CFO of a fortune 500 company....This is the point many of them seem to miss. They can't manage their own basic lives, how on EARTH are they going to succeed in corporate?
OP, please read this ;)
BM, most people find it difficult to have friends whose values are so different from theirs. Do you really enjoy the company of these people? You seem to find it hard to respect them (as would I)>

I was grateful and lucky to have been financially supported by my parents through college. I've had jobs since I was 13 (babysitting, retail, summer camps) because I thought the work experience was important. Looking back on this experience, I'm happy I ended up working because it gave me good habits, but I wish my parents had put more responsibility on me. With all these jobs I could have easily bought the car that they instead bought for me the day I got my license. I think there is a happy medium when you have means and you are raising kids. I am incredibly grateful for everything my parents gave me and am obviously hanging out on this message board at age 24 so I'm not a total dope, but things could have gone way worse and I could have ended up way more spoiled and dependent.

In college I was surrounded by other students who came from families of extraordinary means and had no-limits credit cards to swipe all day (imagine sitting down to dinner with a group of people and two of them pull out a black Amex to pay at the end of the meal). I was lucky to have my parents' support but we sat down every few months and constructed a budget. I outlined my expenses and income from my student job and we agreed on what was needed to bridge the gap. I was responsible for budgeting and managing the money on a day to day basis which meant I opened rewards credit cards, deposited monthly into my Roth IRA, paid my utility bills, and bought books and food and coffee and all the other fun things you do as a college kid out of my own accounts. That way when I graduated and got a job all that changed was where the money was coming from and all my good habits were there.

Money is a wonderful thing because it gives you and your family the freedom to pursue other interests, as long as you can avoid getting carried away with it (and I definitely wasn't perfect, I learned many the lesson along the way). It allowed me to take an unpaid internship for 3 months that turned into a paying job and my name on a handful of journal articles before I could legally drink!

Sometimes you don't spoil your kids, their friends do. It's hard for an impressionable kid to not absorb another family's habits and values through their friends.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #26 on: August 13, 2015, 07:03:22 AM »
Hold the phone, what is this girl wearing in her profile pic? B

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #27 on: August 13, 2015, 07:48:37 AM »
not entirely sure how to phrase this, but how do we avoid raising children like this author?
Keep it simple.
Don't let them take your support for granted. Make it clear that they need to work hard and do well in school, and apply for as much merit-based aid as possible. Limit your support appropriately - the easier it is to get their degree, the less they'll appreciate it. I would suggest tuition only - having to work a little during school to pay bills isn't a bad thing. I had a near-full ride but cleaned toilets and trash chutes to pay incidentals. It helped me begin developing a sense of financial management (not enough, but better than nothing).

+1.  I'd add that money skills should start far before your child goes away to college; many people advocate that you can teach your children simple lessons about money as young as age 3.  By the time they are 16 or 17 they should know about the power of compound interest, how much something bought on credit and paid off over a year will actually cost and other similar lessons.

My parents had this arrangement - they paid for my tuition, basic meal plan and required school supplies (books, lab equipment and one computer), while I had to cover my rent, fuel and 'going out' expenses (which totaled ~$5k/year).  I had to maintain a course-load that would have me graduate within 4 years.  During the summer I was able to live at home rent-free if I had a job and was contributing at least 25% of my paycheck to my IRA.  I already understood that, with compounding, fully funding my IRA was the one single thing I could do to comfortably retire before age 60, and the fact that it was 'my money' made me much more motivated to live with roommates, find cheap/free activities and avoid debt traps.
I graduated with no debt and some very healthy attitudes towards money.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2015, 09:09:31 AM »
One thing my parents did that I thought was cool was had my sister and I quit our menial after-school and summer jobs that we had worked in high school a couple years and paid us a little over minimum wage to volunteer/participate with various groups at school.  In order to get into a good college, they usually want to see some extra curriculars, and my parents didn't want us to be handicapped by working menial jobs instead of doing things that would help build our resumes for college and beyond.  I think everyone should have some taste of working while they're in high school, but on the other hand I never want my kid to not do sports or school activities because they're flipping burgers.  Hard work and dedication are important, and you can learn them on the soccer field or band practice room just as well as you can behind the cash register.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2015, 10:12:27 AM »
One thing my parents did that I thought was cool was had my sister and I quit our menial after-school and summer jobs that we had worked in high school a couple years and paid us a little over minimum wage to volunteer/participate with various groups at school.  In order to get into a good college, they usually want to see some extra curriculars, and my parents didn't want us to be handicapped by working menial jobs instead of doing things that would help build our resumes for college and beyond.  I think everyone should have some taste of working while they're in high school, but on the other hand I never want my kid to not do sports or school activities because they're flipping burgers.  Hard work and dedication are important, and you can learn them on the soccer field or band practice room just as well as you can behind the cash register.
That's really a pretty cool move. I think work can be overemphasized - I knew kids who worked nearly full-time, and you can imagine they had shitty academics and no extracurriculars - but I support small-scale involvement for learning technical and life skills. I did have a paper route early on, and after a summer job in landscaping I moonlighted on weekends and the occasional night with that company, but never at the expense of school, sports, or other extracurriculars. End result: tuition and most R/B paid, *and* that skillset got me one of the odd jobs I used to pay incidentals during college.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #30 on: August 13, 2015, 02:52:03 PM »
One thing my parents did that I thought was cool was had my sister and I quit our menial after-school and summer jobs that we had worked in high school a couple years and paid us a little over minimum wage to volunteer/participate with various groups at school.  In order to get into a good college, they usually want to see some extra curriculars, and my parents didn't want us to be handicapped by working menial jobs instead of doing things that would help build our resumes for college and beyond.  I think everyone should have some taste of working while they're in high school, but on the other hand I never want my kid to not do sports or school activities because they're flipping burgers.  Hard work and dedication are important, and you can learn them on the soccer field or band practice room just as well as you can behind the cash register.
That's really a pretty cool move. I think work can be overemphasized - I knew kids who worked nearly full-time, and you can imagine they had shitty academics and no extracurriculars - but I support small-scale involvement for learning technical and life skills. I did have a paper route early on, and after a summer job in landscaping I moonlighted on weekends and the occasional night with that company, but never at the expense of school, sports, or other extracurriculars. End result: tuition and most R/B paid, *and* that skillset got me one of the odd jobs I used to pay incidentals during college.

Similar situation here and will do the same for my children. I had a summer job (lifeguard) that barely interfered with my extracurriculars.  The few times it did interfere with my swimming schedule I would usually be able to make up most of the time on the clock because our boss thought it was good for the pool if the patrons saw our lifeguards swimming several thousand yards at a time.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #31 on: August 13, 2015, 03:01:29 PM »
One thing my parents did that I thought was cool was had my sister and I quit our menial after-school and summer jobs that we had worked in high school a couple years and paid us a little over minimum wage to volunteer/participate with various groups at school.  In order to get into a good college, they usually want to see some extra curriculars, and my parents didn't want us to be handicapped by working menial jobs instead of doing things that would help build our resumes for college and beyond.  I think everyone should have some taste of working while they're in high school, but on the other hand I never want my kid to not do sports or school activities because they're flipping burgers.  Hard work and dedication are important, and you can learn them on the soccer field or band practice room just as well as you can behind the cash register.
That's really a pretty cool move. I think work can be overemphasized - I knew kids who worked nearly full-time, and you can imagine they had shitty academics and no extracurriculars - but I support small-scale involvement for learning technical and life skills. I did have a paper route early on, and after a summer job in landscaping I moonlighted on weekends and the occasional night with that company, but never at the expense of school, sports, or other extracurriculars. End result: tuition and most R/B paid, *and* that skillset got me one of the odd jobs I used to pay incidentals during college.

Yeah, I got a job when I was 14 in the summers working for a family friend's business loading trucks and what not.  I did that every summer (14, 15, 16, 17) and throughout my junior year during the year to pay for gas money, buy a car, etc.  I value having had that experience working a job and cashing a paycheck and such, but the actual skillset of loading a truck (or flipping a burger or busing a table or what have you) isn't that valuable.  It was during my senior year that my parents made me the "volunteer/participate X hours a week and we'll give you $200/mo" or whatever it was. 

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #32 on: August 14, 2015, 07:23:21 AM »
However, I hope you reconsider your stance on considering Greek life for your kids. One of the most rewarding experiences I had in college was colonizing a chapter of a very prominent sorority on my campus. Plenty of negatives come along with Greek life (as with any organization) but the strength of the community is often unparalleled in college which is a stressful and challenging time for many young kids. As with any choice we make, choosing the right organization is a personal thing and you are inevitably going to get a few absurd bigots, rich brats etc. You are also going to get a hundred wonderful people who are an awesome study group/support system throughout and beyond college. Kids definitely make their own friends in other clubs/from classes, but there's something about the bond of an organization into which you are initiated after learning the history and rituals that makes it special. These organizations are founded with similar values of community service, equal education for women (in the case of many sororities) and high-integrity behavior.

I will be a proud parent if my children choose to join Greek organizations and help guide our sororities and fraternities away from some of the current foolishness that dominates the news nowadays and back to these values.
Definitely no.  The behavior of the sorority /fraternity people I knew in college was in line with the website we're discussing -- lots of drinking, sex, an emphasis on physical attractiveness and clothing, and questionable morals.  A couple community service projects over the course of the year don't make up for all that.  Whether I had sons or daughters, these are not the people /groups with which I'd want them to bond.

I'm in a social fraternity and I don't even like frat parties. I don't and will never have a one night stand, and I'm Mustachian, which is far from materialistic.

I ask of you then to not label everyone in Greek organizations like that. It really comes down to the individuals, not just what a few people do. I know people from every Greek organization on campus. I know people that fit the image you're describing exactly, and ones that are just the opposite - no matter which organization they're from.

I urge you not to make firm judgments about Greek individuals, and on a larger scale, not about anyone in general.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #33 on: August 14, 2015, 11:08:43 AM »
I urge you not to make firm judgments about Greek individuals, and on a larger scale, not about anyone in general.
Hear, hear! I used to hang out with an old Greek man named Stavros Koutsoutis (although he went by Steve) and he was Mustachian as fuck! He'd pick up broken furniture and fix it for fun, because why not.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #34 on: August 14, 2015, 04:34:32 PM »
I urge you not to make firm judgments about Greek individuals, and on a larger scale, not about anyone in general.
Hear, hear! I used to hang out with an old Greek man named Stavros Koutsoutis (although he went by Steve) and he was Mustachian as fuck! He'd pick up broken furniture and fix it for fun, because why not.

Haha! Funniest thing I've read all day. :D

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #35 on: August 14, 2015, 05:49:36 PM »
OTOH, my wife and I both come from varying degrees of wealth in our background (she more than me, but both of us come from the 1%), had pretty much every advantage growing up, all but paid for college degrees (I was on a scholarship and parents covered room and board, she started with a token $10k of loans simply because her parents wanted her to have skin in the game) and we've both received unsolicited 5-figure sums from our families over the last decade or so of marital bliss (and oh by the way, the wedding cost damn near 6-figures, not paid by us, and our marriage is as strong as anyone's, just to put that one to rest). 

All that, and we both work our asses off at corporate jobs, each making 6 figures, highly rated at our respective companies, can point to a long list of achievements and promotions, etc, own two homes (not outright, in fairness) and don't ask anything from anyone.

Sorry, this story makes me think of the Barry Switzer line that goes like this: "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple."
I appreciate that you didn't/don't ask anything from anyone, but the truth is that you do not have to. I do not begrudge you anything you have in your life, but I this post comes up a tad short in the humility department, IMHO.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #36 on: August 15, 2015, 06:04:02 AM »
OTOH, my wife and I both come from varying degrees of wealth in our background (she more than me, but both of us come from the 1%), had pretty much every advantage growing up, all but paid for college degrees (I was on a scholarship and parents covered room and board, she started with a token $10k of loans simply because her parents wanted her to have skin in the game) and we've both received unsolicited 5-figure sums from our families over the last decade or so of marital bliss (and oh by the way, the wedding cost damn near 6-figures, not paid by us, and our marriage is as strong as anyone's, just to put that one to rest). 

All that, and we both work our asses off at corporate jobs, each making 6 figures, highly rated at our respective companies, can point to a long list of achievements and promotions, etc, own two homes (not outright, in fairness) and don't ask anything from anyone.

Sorry, this story makes me think of the Barry Switzer line that goes like this: "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple."
I appreciate that you didn't/don't ask anything from anyone, but the truth is that you do not have to. I do not begrudge you anything you have in your life, but I this post comes up a tad short in the humility department, IMHO.

My point was not to say I am better or worse or more successful than anyone else, my point was that even with plenty of advantages one can develop a strong work ethic and drive. There's a tendency to think anyone born into privilege is lazy and skates by, and that's clearly not always the case. My wife and I have been given a lot and that contributes to our having a lot, but we also bust our asses like crazy.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #37 on: August 15, 2015, 07:33:57 AM »
Wow, this thread managed to open up the feelz of our rational Mustachians!  Certainly fascinating! 


I was grateful and lucky to have been financially supported by my parents through college. I've had jobs since I was 13 (babysitting, retail, summer camps) because I thought the work experience was important. Looking back on this experience, I'm happy I ended up working because it gave me good habits, but I wish my parents had put more responsibility on me. With all these jobs I could have easily bought the car that they instead bought for me the day I got my license. I think there is a happy medium when you have means and you are raising kids. I am incredibly grateful for everything my parents gave me and am obviously hanging out on this message board at age 24 so I'm not a total dope, but things could have gone way worse and I could have ended up way more spoiled and dependent.

In college I was surrounded by other students who came from families of extraordinary means and had no-limits credit cards to swipe all day (imagine sitting down to dinner with a group of people and two of them pull out a black Amex to pay at the end of the meal). I was lucky to have my parents' support but we sat down every few months and constructed a budget. I outlined my expenses and income from my student job and we agreed on what was needed to bridge the gap. I was responsible for budgeting and managing the money on a day to day basis which meant I opened rewards credit cards, deposited monthly into my Roth IRA, paid my utility bills, and bought books and food and coffee and all the other fun things you do as a college kid out of my own accounts. That way when I graduated and got a job all that changed was where the money was coming from and all my good habits were there.

I hope I got the quotes right and am not misattributing this one!  Love this! I love that you sat down and made a budget with your parents and that they "bridged the gap".  I love that they walked you through the credit card thing and depositing into your IRA.  That is spot on financial education!!! 


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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #38 on: August 15, 2015, 10:05:09 AM »
Tboth have stable jobs where they are at the top of their respective fields and are working constantly. They own property and multiple cars and when they can get away from work long enough, they go on vacations. My parents are rich, and I donít think thatís something to be ashamed of.

My take is that the author shows a complete lack of empathy for the parents.

Parents are not rich, more like wage slaves for daughter ( or their own desire for a lifestyle)

And yes, people are probably judging you [author] on your choice of suitable profile photo, which makes me wonder about other choices in how you talk and present yourself, but find it easier to lash out at your facile 'pride' in parents choosing to work hard and give a large portion of it to you.

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Re: Article: 'My Parents Pay for Everything and I'm not Ashamed of It'
« Reply #39 on: August 16, 2015, 09:09:45 AM »
So you mean...college kids.  I went to a school that didn't have a huge Greek system, but I had plenty of friends who were involved.  I personally was not, I had other activities that too the place of Greek life, but I would have been happy to be involved given different circumstances.  But there was little difference between Greeks and non-Greeks in many of the aspects in the bolded.
Exactly!! None of us are full-grown adults at age 18 (or 19 or 20) and college is for exactly that, growing up and figuring out who you are. I promise there are some self-centered, binge drinking, materialistic kids in French club or on the soccer team too. Judging these groups that happen to be much more high-profile than other organizations in colleges definitely happens a lot. I don't disagree that the hazing and racist incidents you read about in the news are serious problems, but I hate that people think that they reflect all of Greek life!
Well, it's clear that we didn't attend the same college because the distinction between Greek and non-Greek was strong at my school; and, no, it wasn't about hazing and other extreme incidents.  Rather, my opinions are based upon living in the dorms and sharing classes with a variety of people. 
To me this is a happy medium between going to school without worry of debt and having skin in the game. It's really prompted me to get my own jobs, work hard for my degree, and really get after what I want. I give credit to it getting into MMM too.
I agree that a happy medium is the best option.  I knew people whose parents were providing a "free ride" who were extremely grateful for their parents' sacrifices and efforts, and I knew people in the same financial situation who were drinking away their four years while majoring in Exercise Science.  I knew people who were working every minute and succeeding academically, and I knew people who were working every minute and were unable to focus on their academics because of it.

Now that we've been out of school for years, I see that the people who "had it together" and worked hard in college have found more success in the work world, but I don't see that it's connected to whether their parents paid or not. 
+1.  I'd add that money skills should start far before your child goes away to college; many people advocate that you can teach your children simple lessons about money as young as age 3.  By the time they are 16 or 17 they should know about the power of compound interest, how much something bought on credit and paid off over a year will actually cost and other similar lessons.

My parents had this arrangement - they paid for my tuition, basic meal plan and required school supplies (books, lab equipment and one computer), while I had to cover my rent, fuel and 'going out' expenses (which totaled ~$5k/year).  I had to maintain a course-load that would have me graduate within 4 years.  During the summer I was able to live at home rent-free if I had a job and was contributing at least 25% of my paycheck to my IRA.  I already understood that, with compounding, fully funding my IRA was the one single thing I could do to comfortably retire before age 60, and the fact that it was 'my money' made me much more motivated to live with roommates, find cheap/free activities and avoid debt traps.
I graduated with no debt and some very healthy attitudes towards money.
+1 to the idea of teaching your kids about money from a young age.  I became serious about this about the time my kids started school.  One of their first "lessons" was being given money to buy their own school supplies -- I always gave them enough to buy everything they needed, but not so much that they could afford to buy the puppy dog folder AND the SpongeBob notebook; they learned to choose.  Later on they were responsible for buying their own clothes, even doing my grocery shopping for me (and, wow, can my two ever find bargains at the grocery store).  When they became high school seniors, I helped them open their first checking accounts/debit cards -- and I supervised them as they learned to use them.

Yet I see it constantly:  Kids who are spoiled in high school, don't learn to manage money or time ... go away to college, and they are still spoiled kids who haven't learned to manage money or their own time.  And in spite of the fact that their parents have known them for 18 years, they're surprised!  News flash:  The kid you send away to college is the same kid who's been living in your house for 18 years.  He will not suddenly become responsible simply because he's a high school graduate.
One thing my parents did that I thought was cool was had my sister and I quit our menial after-school and summer jobs that we had worked in high school a couple years and paid us a little over minimum wage to volunteer/participate with various groups at school.  In order to get into a good college, they usually want to see some extra curriculars, and my parents didn't want us to be handicapped by working menial jobs instead of doing things that would help build our resumes for college and beyond.  I think everyone should have some taste of working while they're in high school, but on the other hand I never want my kid to not do sports or school activities because they're flipping burgers.  Hard work and dedication are important, and you can learn them on the soccer field or band practice room just as well as you can behind the cash register.
Yes, my kids both worked -- some -- during high school, but we made it clear that paid work came second to academics and extracurriculars.  After all, high school is the last time in your life you can reasonably expect to be able to make the basketball team and to spend an afternoon every week in video game club.  They were both heavily involved in club and community activities.  We gave our kids the use of an old, beat-up car so that they weren't working for wheels. 

The result:  Both graduated as honors students, both are now in college on full tuition scholarships. 
My point was not to say I am better or worse or more successful than anyone else, my point was that even with plenty of advantages one can develop a strong work ethic and drive. There's a tendency to think anyone born into privilege is lazy and skates by, and that's clearly not always the case. My wife and I have been given a lot and that contributes to our having a lot, but we also bust our asses like crazy.
I agree with that.  I came from a family with too many kids and too few resources, and I had to scrabble for everything I earned, especially early on.  My own kids are "born on third base" types, but they are fully aware that they've been blessed.  They're still in college now, but I genuinely think they'll go farther than my husband and I BECAUSE they have our work ethic AND more support and guidance than we had. 
Tboth have stable jobs where they are at the top of their respective fields and are working constantly. They own property and multiple cars and when they can get away from work long enough, they go on vacations. My parents are rich, and I donít think thatís something to be ashamed of.

My take is that the author shows a complete lack of empathy for the parents.

Parents are not rich, more like wage slaves for daughter ( or their own desire for a lifestyle)

And yes, people are probably judging you [author] on your choice of suitable profile photo, which makes me wonder about other choices in how you talk and present yourself, but find it easier to lash out at your facile 'pride' in parents choosing to work hard and give a large portion of it to you.
I don't know -- while she doesn't show much actual gratitude or understanding of her parents' life-revolves-around-work lifestyle, she SAYS that she expects to work hard and follow in their footsteps after she graduates.  Will she?  You and I will probably never know. 

I think of people like her parents as the "working rich".  It sounds like they're earning a high salary, but since they're still working this hard /this many hours (what'd she say in the comments?  60 or 80 hours per week?), it sounds like they haven't amassed wealth.  I'm thinking they're the work-hard-spend-hard type. 

Her comment about knowing the value of a dollar -- it's a dollar -- shows that she doesn't understand anything except how to spend the dollar.  She doesn't grasp that it can be stretched farther by frugal living, or it can be made into two dollars by investing.