Author Topic: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences  (Read 34678 times)

zephyr911

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #100 on: March 18, 2015, 12:23:28 PM »
Yea, she's retired, but they live near the shore so PA would be a bit of a treck, plus the only place she's ever wanted to live in PA was Bucks county, and that's just as expensive.  I had to ask my husband to cut off a relative a few years ago (1500 a month) that seriously ruined his relationship to said relative so I CANNOT start doing it with my mother.  She's just gotten so damn stubborn and angry the past few years that I don't see any hope for her actually doing something that is in her financial best interest.
I'm assuming based on the quoted conversation that she'd also have excuses why she can't rent part of the 2500sf house out to help pay the mortgage.

MishMash

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #101 on: March 18, 2015, 12:26:47 PM »
Yea, she's retired, but they live near the shore so PA would be a bit of a treck, plus the only place she's ever wanted to live in PA was Bucks county, and that's just as expensive.  I had to ask my husband to cut off a relative a few years ago (1500 a month) that seriously ruined his relationship to said relative so I CANNOT start doing it with my mother.  She's just gotten so damn stubborn and angry the past few years that I don't see any hope for her actually doing something that is in her financial best interest.
I'm assuming based on the quoted conversation that she'd also have excuses why she can't rent part of the 2500sf house out to help pay the mortgage.

She already does...to my my 44 year old unemployed brother and (on weekends) his girlfriend and her 3 kids (not his) for a grand total of 300 bucks a month, which now that he's recently unemployed again, I assume he's no longer paying.

AlanStache

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #102 on: March 18, 2015, 12:27:12 PM »
My father is probably going to pass fairly soon, this has my mother in a panic about finances since the pension gets reduced and they lose half the SS. 

Convo I just had with her

Mom, why don't you get the house on the market now for the summer season and buy something smaller (they live in a 2500 sq ft house in NJ)
Mom:  I just can't believe the prices of houses, I simply can't find anything that I want to buy, and the taxes are like 12-16k a year on the ones I would live in
Me:  Mom, why don't you look at townhomes
Mom:  I will NEVER live in a  townhouse!
Me:  Well, you can't afford to live in that house after dad passes, have you thought about moving out of state?
Mom:  I'm not moving out of state, my friends are here (and I kinda get that)
Me:  Why don't you rent something, it will probably be cheaper
Mom:  NEVER, I'm not paying anyone rent, I want my own thing
Me:  So what you are saying is that you don't want to move
Mom:  No, no, I have to move, the mortgage is too much on the house, but I may need some help (from me) to float it after your dad passes until I can sell it, I'll pay you back when it sells.
Me: Mom, that's not a good idea, I don't have that much in cash laying around
Mom:  Oh that's a lie, I KNOW you have money. (I made the mistake two years ago to tell her what our NW was, she was always fairly frugal growing up, figured she would be proud, instead I've turned into the meal ticket, loan your brother money for his bankruptcy lawyer, pay for our wedding anniversary party, oh we're going out to dinner, how about I don't even OFFER to pay)
Me:  Mom, that's locked up in investments
Mom:  Well you have some time to unlock it
Me: Mom I'm not going to pay your mortgage
Mom:  well you can't let me go homeless

I have a feeling my mother is going to hate me very soon


Is there a trusted third party that could help explain the situation to her?

zephyr911

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #103 on: March 18, 2015, 12:32:27 PM »
She already does...to my my 44 year old unemployed brother and (on weekends) his girlfriend and her 3 kids (not his) for a grand total of 300 bucks a month, which now that he's recently unemployed again, I assume he's no longer paying.
Oh wow. Just wow.

MishMash

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #104 on: March 18, 2015, 12:45:19 PM »
She already does...to my my 44 year old unemployed brother and (on weekends) his girlfriend and her 3 kids (not his) for a grand total of 300 bucks a month, which now that he's recently unemployed again, I assume he's no longer paying.
Oh wow. Just wow.

Yea..it gets better, he got fired.....wait for it....from Chucky Cheese

Rollin

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #105 on: March 18, 2015, 02:18:58 PM »
Mom and dad have over $1,000,000 cash.  No other investments, just in a savings account.  They won't listen to me about putting at least some of that in something much better, but still safe.

AlanStache

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #106 on: March 18, 2015, 02:26:32 PM »
Mom and dad have over $1,000,000 cash.  No other investments, just in a savings account.  They won't listen to me about putting at least some of that in something much better, but still safe.

I hope it is at least in a few different accounts to get it all covered with FDIC?  Else talk about the illusion of security vs actually having it!

Scandium

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #107 on: March 19, 2015, 08:26:36 AM »
A few years back, my dad told me I should marry a wealthy man who can support him in his old age.

To be fair that is very mustachian of your father. Or at least a way to lower his income requirements.

zephyr911

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #108 on: March 19, 2015, 09:18:21 AM »
Yea..it gets better, he got fired.....wait for it....from Chucky Cheese
!@#$%^&*(
How the @!#$%^&*$%^&
...do you get fired from Chuck E. Cheese? Touching the customers? :P

MishMash

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #109 on: March 19, 2015, 09:51:50 AM »
Yea..it gets better, he got fired.....wait for it....from Chucky Cheese
!@#$%^&*(
How the @!#$%^&*$%^&
...do you get fired from Chuck E. Cheese? Touching the customers? :P

Turned in the main manager who had been there for years for stealing (he was selling supplies out the back door essentially and writing them off as spoiled and pocketing the cash), then getting into a massive fist fight with said manager in the back office when the guy found out he was getting fired.  Brother has some SERIOUS anger management problems, it's been the root cause of him getting fired from every job he's ever had (frankly I think he's got a TBI from getting thrown off a car that was doing 60 years ago, he had massive head trauma, was in a coma for a while but he refuses to go to a doctors now).  He's also one of those guys that works out 6 hours a day, so he broke a couple of the guys ribs and his nose with fair ease. Cops ruled it self defense but corporate didn't want to deal with the liability and fired them both...that's the story we got from him, I don't know how true it actually is since he can also be a chronic liar.

Rollin

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #110 on: March 19, 2015, 11:36:48 AM »
Mom and dad have over $1,000,000 cash.  No other investments, just in a savings account.  They won't listen to me about putting at least some of that in something much better, but still safe.

I hope it is at least in a few different accounts to get it all covered with FDIC?  Else talk about the illusion of security vs actually having it!

They do get that (multiple funds).  I probably need to add that they are VERY mustachian, and probably living on less in one year than I spend in one month.  That is frustrating in and of itself though, that they seem to suffer for example by not purchasing the foods they like (asparagus?), but I need to remember that they are who they are and come from a different time.  Dad used to make $50/week to support a family of 6.

The other odd thing is that although I spend quite a bit, I was debt free from 2001 until I recently bought my home, and will be retiring at about 54 (next year).  I see my friends that have no kids, spend as much or more than me, can't seem to get out of debt (some even considering bankruptcy), and state that they'll never be able to retire.

Guses

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #111 on: March 19, 2015, 01:36:55 PM »
I thought it was funny that nobody picked up on the fact that the OP's mom lives in 300 SQFT and yet employs two maids year round.

That is pretty darn ridiculous right there. If she moves in a bigger house, presumably whe will need more?

tofuchampion

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #112 on: March 19, 2015, 01:40:38 PM »
I thought it was funny that nobody picked up on the fact that the OP's mom lives in 300 SQFT and yet employs two maids year round.

That is pretty darn ridiculous right there. If she moves in a bigger house, presumably whe will need more?

I assumed it was a typo and meant to be 3000sqft.

jeromedawg

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #113 on: March 19, 2015, 03:43:18 PM »
It's weird... my mom is super frugal and my dad is relatively cheap himself but they'll definitely spend on stuff and also tend to hoard. It's stuck in my mom's mind, especially, to score the cheapest/lowest price on whatever she can and by whatever means possible (coupons, bargaining, additional discounts, stacking, etc). I think this is where I get my frugality from. However, especially now that the both of them are retired, they tend to go overboard on stuff. Even before that though my mom would constantly buy knick-knacks and random stuff from travels and just in general... things that we would end up throwing away. And she still does even to this day - my wife often laments how they could have just given us the money they used to buy the junk and we'd be much happier off. It's true. Whenever we visit them she often has baskets full of knick-knacks in my room and my brothers' rooms. If you look in the hall closet, there are boxes of travel size toothpastes, toothbrushes, razors, soap etc that she either got for free or "cheap" but still got tons of. So while her deal-hunting might be "Mustachian" I certainly call into question the quantity of what she's gotten and also the hoarding mentality.

With my dad, it's very different. He's selectively spendy - so he'll go and spend retail price on something he thinks is a great item but it ends up being cheap, crappy, and or useless (anything in the technology or gadget category). He buys *countless* gadgets and toys. One of my brother's old rooms is full of his crap. He has like several TVs, laptops, and computers. I really don't know why anyone would need that much stuff as I'm sure he barely uses 99.9% of any of it. When it comes to toys for himself, he'll go buck-wild on anything he thinks he "needs" and will almost always go and get the very thing my brothers and I advise against him buying.

To them, all this money is funny-money anyway. He was sharing with us recently and gave us a small peek into their finances and they are basically living off a six-figure income while retired due to their pensions and investments. And on top of that, there are supposedly going to be inheritances left behind for us too. So I guess they have no real reason to be "Mustachian" even though my mom might argue that she lives that lifestyle... I would say, perhaps in the earlier years, they were a lot more Mustachian (especially my mom) but over the years I think their desire for "stuff" has just skyrocketed. They have been traveling more too though, which is good, and I'd rather have them do that then keep buying crap they don't need.

Unfortunately, I picked up some of these unhealthy buying/spending/hoarding habits but more in favor of my mom. Slowly, my wife has been helping me to quit buying crap even if it's cheap and even if it's good quality and if I think I'll need it. I was kinda crazy before getting married though.

I think my brothers picked up similar mentalities too - my second oldest more in the direction of my dad except he buys the *best* stuff and hoards it. My oldest brother is relatively cheap too like my mom and wins a lot of stuff via contests. He'll actually spend on what he deems is worth spending on and will not overextend himself. So he is probably the most sensible out of all of us in terms of spending, but I think hoarding is still somewhat of a problem.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2015, 03:48:58 PM by jplee3 »

SnpKraklePhyz

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #114 on: March 19, 2015, 06:28:03 PM »
About MishMash's mom:  She is about to lose her husband.  Some of her stubbornness in not wanting to find a financial solution could be more about sadness/anger/frustration at losing her husband.  I read once that a widow should not make any financial decisions in the first year after her husband's death because the emotions are just too raw to make good decision.  Now that might not be possible in this situation but sadness could be a contributing factor in not wanting to leave the home she has been sharing with him for however many years.

MishMash

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Re: Anti-Mustachian Family Experiences
« Reply #115 on: March 20, 2015, 06:51:35 AM »
About MishMash's mom:  She is about to lose her husband.  Some of her stubbornness in not wanting to find a financial solution could be more about sadness/anger/frustration at losing her husband.  I read once that a widow should not make any financial decisions in the first year after her husband's death because the emotions are just too raw to make good decision.  Now that might not be possible in this situation but sadness could be a contributing factor in not wanting to leave the home she has been sharing with him for however many years.

I don't disagree, however, they have talked about moving for years, literally like 5 or 10, and never have.  They have chronic failure to ever pull the trigger syndrome and this is a conversation (minus my father being ill part) that we've had numerous times over the years.  My mother is a chronic complainer that "none of her dreams came true" yet she has essentially never done anything to MAKE them come true (she also routinely tells us that none of ours will come true and we need to face reality that we won't retire early, won't live our dreams etc) so I know if we do this after the fact she's going to be even MORE stubborn about not wanting to leave because that will be the final straw of her "dreams not coming true".  If my dad passes she automatically will not be able to pay the mortgage as my father has no life insurance, nor does she since they couldn't afford the premiums.