Author Topic: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?  (Read 27116 times)

ringbearer

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Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« on: April 05, 2016, 04:12:16 PM »
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715

This article just made me a bit angry. The idea that the significance and sanctity of your wedding is based on cost is terrible!

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2016, 04:20:55 PM »
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.

dandypandys

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2016, 04:26:32 PM »
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM

forummm

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2016, 04:26:41 PM »
Stupid author. Affordable wedding dresses don't cheapen marriages. They cheapen weddings.

forummm

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2016, 04:28:14 PM »
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.


Sucks that your grandparents were stuck for 58 years in a sanctityless marriage.

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2016, 04:39:44 PM »
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.


Sucks that your grandparents were stuck for 58 years in a sanctityless marriage.
If there's any solace in their passing after 8+ decades, it's that they never had to find out how cheap their own marriage was because of their fashion choices when they were in their 20s and poor.

ShortInSeattle

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2016, 05:28:45 PM »
Mine cost $72.

Bummer. I guess I'm low on sactimoniousness sanctity.

Kitsune

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2016, 07:55:10 PM »
Silly me, here I thought that the symbol of my love and commitment to my husband was made clear by our relationship. Our conversations. Parenting our kid together. Living out our commitments to each other. Yknow, the things that matter and don't cost money, but that make your life measurably more awesome.

And for the record: my wedding dress is hanging in the back of my closet. It is a symbol of, at most, my inability to cut it off at the knee and dye it to have a cute eyelet lace cotton sundress. It is NOT a symbol of my relationship, wtf.

Travis

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2016, 08:44:57 PM »
Silly me, here I thought that the symbol of my love and commitment to my husband was made clear by our relationship. Our conversations. Parenting our kid together. Living out our commitments to each other.

Don't forget the shiny rocks he's supposed to buy you at specific intervals in direct relation to his financial status.

RosieTR

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2016, 10:42:00 PM »
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

Wow I have a hard time believing any women go with all that bullshit still. If you're going to spend a decent amount of money on nice clothing, just get some classic, professional clothes and a single dress you can go to various weddings in, and a suit for him. Still probably won't hit $5K but you'll both be set up for interviews, work days AND weddings. Irritating that men can just get one suit for pretty much all this (or maybe some combo of sport coat and khakis for more casual/hotter climate situations) while it's pretty tough to get a single outfit that would work for both a wedding and a job interview for a woman. Stupid pink tax.

meg_shannon

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2016, 11:11:45 PM »
Here's to hoping it's bad satire.

I wore a red dress I already owned, and have worn again several times - including to other people's weddings! Based on an estimated cost per wear, my wedding dress cost about 6$.

gooki

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2016, 04:39:33 AM »
So happy to see the NZ public ridicule the article in the comments section.

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2016, 05:49:14 AM »
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

You're my kind of person Rosie!

ahoy

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2016, 05:55:33 AM »
Unbelievable.  I just can't fathom spending that kind of money on a dress for one day.  crazy...

Ceridwen

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2016, 06:22:53 AM »
Wow, that was ridiculous.

I bought my dress here for $350: http://thebridesproject.com/

Affordable dress, recycling and helping a charity? Win!

Kitsune

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2016, 06:27:03 AM »
Unbelievable.  I just can't fathom spending that kind of money on a dress for one day.  crazy...

Me neither.

And to be clear: I have, in my closet, boots that cost over 300$, my purse cost 180$, my favorite lipstick cost upwards of 30$... I GET caring about and spending on clothes, ok? But dude, 5K on a dress?? And not even one that you can re-wear??!

Justifications: those boots are heeled, black, knee-high, custom-made due to thick calves that won't fit regular high boots (and thus $$$) and I've worn them at least twice a week in winter/fall/spring for 6 years so far - a bit of cobbler-care and they look new, and they're well-made enough that I can stand in 3-inch heels for 10 hours and my feet don't hurt. Lack of pain = worth $. That purse is the only purse I own, it is high-quality leather, and looks good enough that people ask where I bought it... after using it every single day for 8 years. I own two lipsticks, total, and they're Bobbi Brown, which is the only brand that doesn't make my lips crack, peel, and bleed, and therefore I'm willing to pay more for fewer lipsticks. I UNDERSTAND paying for quality, and I'm not criticizing. But quality = things that last, that are solid, that will be gorgeous and functional and comfortable year after year and that, in the end, will cost less and give you more joy than the alternative 'cheaper in the short term' expense.

And to be clear: most high-end wedding dresses are $$$ because the silk is $$$, tailoring is not cheap, custom tailoring on every aspect of a dress = $$$$$$$, etc. We're talking applying Victorian ideals of tailoring to modern clothing items... while keeping in mind that Victorian ladies (unless we're talking the uber-rich) wouldn't own more than 3-4 dresses at a time, and that's if they were well-off. Clothing was EXPENSIVE, but it was made to last, perfectly tailored, and worth the $ because it lasted. Spending that on a dress you mean to wear one time is... not quite the intent of that level of tailoring, for the most part.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #16 on: April 06, 2016, 06:50:02 AM »
My dress was actually expensive because my parents insisted on me getting me "dream dress" rather than the "this one is pretty good too" (it cost 15% the price of the other one).  If I had paid for my wedding "this one is pretty good too" would have been good enough!  The real rip off was the veils, of which my Mom didn't even let me look at the price tag. Since I can sew, I really wish I had been able to see that because OMG rip off.

My dress was donated after my wedding. My Mom's friend was part of the distribution, and she met the woman who got it. She was only 5' tall and assumed she'd have to use an old prom dress, as she wouldn't even be able to afford to alter a free wedding gown. I'm so happy she was able to find mine (as anyone taller wouldn't have done well in it either...) I always wonder if she kept it or passed it on.   I do sometimes wish I kept it so I could have made a burial gown out of the train for my son. (Or happier- a baptismal gown...)

Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."


asiljoy

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2016, 06:55:52 AM »
Not to mention research shows the more you spend on your wedding, the shorter your marriage is likely to be.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/spending-less-wedding-save-marriage/

TravelJunkyQC

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2016, 10:01:27 AM »
My mother wore a random sundress, and my father a grey suit. They got married in a field behind the geology building on the Stanford campus, with one witness and one official. They've been married 36 years. My mom still has the sundress.

Seriously, what is wrong with people who write this shit?

mm1970

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2016, 10:09:50 AM »
The comments are fantastic!!!

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #20 on: April 06, 2016, 10:17:26 AM »
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #21 on: April 06, 2016, 10:31:59 AM »
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.
Have you ever felt that way and run to your closet to dig out your wife's wedding dress?
Yeah... i didn't think so. 
My spouse is proof enough of our marriage and love.

Evgenia

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #22 on: April 06, 2016, 10:41:25 AM »
Well heck, looks like we'll be filing for divorce any day now, seeing as how we both... wore clothing we already owned! The only thing my husband bought was a $30 tie to match the color of my existing-and-already-been-worn-to-a-dozen-fancy-events silk gown.

Even worse, the gown was sewn in 2004 by a friend eons ago as barter, in exchange for my doing the business plan for her boutique that is still open today. What a terrible series of decisions we've made!

ABC123

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #23 on: April 06, 2016, 10:54:05 AM »
Well, it's a good thing I'm not as cheap as most of you posting in this thread.  My marriage is apparently MUCH more sanctified, because my dress was $200.  I even bought it at a real bridal shop!  Granted it had been the sample dress that everyone tried on, so I guess it could be considered used.  And after the wedding I took it to a resale shop, but the shop burned down so I never got anything for it.  But yeah, it's all about the sanctity.

MgoSam

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #24 on: April 06, 2016, 11:34:30 AM »
I don't know if anyone here has used Rent the Runway, but for someone that wants a very beautiful and expensive dress, this might be a better option. Nearly everyone I know doesn't use their wedding dress after their wedding, so why not just rent it?

elaine amj

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #25 on: April 06, 2016, 11:52:29 AM »
Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

LOVE this!

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2016, 12:11:40 PM »
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.
Have you ever felt that way and run to your closet to dig out your wife's wedding dress?
Yeah... i didn't think so. 
My spouse is proof enough of our marriage and love.

Exactly.

Travis

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #27 on: April 06, 2016, 12:55:57 PM »
I don't know if anyone here has used Rent the Runway, but for someone that wants a very beautiful and expensive dress, this might be a better option. Nearly everyone I know doesn't use their wedding dress after their wedding, so why not just rent it?

Shortly after I came into the Army, my commander's wife got a lot of the wives and girlfriends together and had a dress exchange before our annual ball.  She kept a closet full of various styles and sizes for this occasion and it worked out pretty well. 

My sister went to an outlet mall just outside of our hometown where they sold oddball sizes and clothes that didn't quite meet quality control.  I can't remember what she paid for her dress, but it was a fraction of what it was supposed to retail for and it only required a few alterations to fit right. My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #28 on: April 06, 2016, 01:03:14 PM »
My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.

As long as you aren't paying for a storage unit to house it, keeping it doesn't really harm.

One of the things that helped me decide to donate my dress. I asked my Mom what she did with hers "we paid to have it preserved, and it is in a box in the attic"  I asked her if she'd ever looked at it "No, you can't open it or it has to be preserved again."  So what's the plan "I figured you girls would look at it after I died, and that would be a nice moment and then you can get rid of it."  That seemed silly, so I got rid of mine.

partgypsy

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #29 on: April 06, 2016, 01:09:25 PM »
I ended up spending more than I wanted. I was shopping in Feb, where they didn't have much in white or off-white at that time. I bought a white sundress for $60-70 (more than I wanted). But it was sheer enough I then had to buy a flesh colored leotard to wear underneath it! $30! And then since I didn't have any white shoes, a pair of very pretty white leather Mary Janes ($35-40). If I got married during a warmer season I would have had a bigger selection of white sundresses to choose from and I'm sure would have gotten something less expensive. Call me traditional but I did want to wear white/off-white when I got married.


Aminul

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #30 on: April 06, 2016, 01:10:21 PM »
I'm fairly certain this piece was written as advertising for H&M.  We all get to gasp at how awful expensive wedding dresses are and how terrible the author is for believing otherwise.  We also get exposed to the styles and costs of alternatives we are more likely to align with. 

Travis

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #31 on: April 06, 2016, 01:11:48 PM »
My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.

As long as you aren't paying for a storage unit to house it, keeping it doesn't really harm.

One of the things that helped me decide to donate my dress. I asked my Mom what she did with hers "we paid to have it preserved, and it is in a box in the attic"  I asked her if she'd ever looked at it "No, you can't open it or it has to be preserved again."  So what's the plan "I figured you girls would look at it after I died, and that would be a nice moment and then you can get rid of it."  That seemed silly, so I got rid of mine.

We move every 2-4 years and the amount of storage space we end up with changes. I think she had hers "preserved" too.

Nederstash

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #32 on: April 06, 2016, 01:15:27 PM »
The Dutch store Zeeman (comparable to Target or Walmart) had a 29,99 euro wedding dress. It was sold out in a jiff and people were raving about it. Ah, the penny pinching Dutch!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3q0YscPT0Q

Squirrel away

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #33 on: April 07, 2016, 04:57:03 AM »
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM

Yay.

I bought mine on ebay and resold it on ebay for less, damn. I missed an opportunity there.:D

lizzzi

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #34 on: April 07, 2016, 06:14:04 AM »
Astonishing article. What a moron. My wedding dress cost $150 in a bridal shop, and looked nice. That was long before MMM, but even then I thought I was buying a very spendy dress.

starbuck

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #35 on: April 07, 2016, 07:36:57 AM »
Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

I wore a green dress, my favorite color, to my wedding. My mother, a progressive 2nd wave feminist, was really really upset by it. She told me that no one would know who was getting married if I wasn't wearing white. That's right - no one would recognize me as a bride at my own wedding, which was in my own backyard, in front of my closest family and friends. It's been several years and she still drops passive aggressive remarks about it.

And practically speaking, I look TERRIBLE in white. I look fabulous in green.

fattest_foot

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #36 on: April 07, 2016, 09:22:29 AM »
Damn, wish I'd have known.

My wife bought hers for $20 at, I believe, Old Navy. I wore stuff I already owned. Our cake came from Wal-Mart of all places. All in all, we spent just under $500 for the entire thing (official was a family friend, and the reception was at a nice local restaurant which we paid the bill for). It helps that we only had about a dozen guests. I thought our wedding was amazing and I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.

Sibley

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #37 on: April 07, 2016, 10:41:41 AM »
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

You're my kind of person Rosie!

Seconded. Blue is my favorite color, and I like velvet too :)

MgoSam

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #38 on: April 07, 2016, 10:47:00 AM »
Damn, wish I'd have known.

My wife bought hers for $20 at, I believe, Old Navy. I wore stuff I already owned. Our cake came from Wal-Mart of all places. All in all, we spent just under $500 for the entire thing (official was a family friend, and the reception was at a nice local restaurant which we paid the bill for). It helps that we only had about a dozen guests. I thought our wedding was amazing and I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.

I love hearing about your wedding, that seems more like what I would like to do.

My family has very elaborate weddings that cost a bundle. I know that my sister's wedding had 400 people at the reception cause I had to bloody make the placecards for each person.

Obvi this will depend on my fiance's desires, but I would either like to have a wedding like yours, or elope to a cool destination. Maybe we'll have a reception back here, maybe not. I know that my parents will likely insist on throwing one so that they can invite all their friends.

RocketSurgeon

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #39 on: April 07, 2016, 10:48:38 AM »
Whenever I read an article like this, I have to stop and remind myself that this person's job is not to inform or educate, but to generate clicks. It makes a lot more sense that way.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #40 on: April 07, 2016, 11:20:19 AM »
I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.

Your wedding sounds great.

But just because a wedding costs tens of thousands of dollars doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.  My wedding was freaking awesome, and all I really had to do was show up, my Mom planned the whole freaking thing the way she wanted it. (Once I realized how little my opinion mattered I just stopped giving it.)  The ceremony was exactly as I wanted, and I have to admit my Mom throws one heck of a party.

Syonyk

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #41 on: April 07, 2016, 03:12:36 PM »
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...

MrsPete

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #42 on: April 07, 2016, 07:36:29 PM »
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715

This article just made me a bit angry. The idea that the significance and sanctity of your wedding is based on cost is terrible!
The real irony:  The dresses in those pictures are UGLY.  Are those white-on-white horizontal stripes?  Who ever -- in the history of ever -- looked good in horizontal stripes? 

I had the most incredible wedding dress ever.  I bought it off the rack for $99. 

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 

- One girl is wearing an older sister's dress.  Another ordered from a $200 place in China and is happy with it.  The only one who really told me about the purchasing process told me she found her dress in one shopping trip and about one hour.  My own daughter is very small, and the dresses she's tried on seem to be "too much" for her -- we're going out this weekend to try for a white bridesmaid's dress or a white prom dress.  Only one girl I know personally is seems to think an expensive dress is acceptable.
- Decorations, etc. all seem to be modest.  I see my daughter and her friends comparison shopping and buying discount items /used items from the internet.  My own daughter happened upon a large part of  her decorations at Aldi's this week -- she's spending about $100 for all the reception decorations except flowers. 
- A couple girls I know are making their own bouquets.  One is carrying a small Bible that her mother and grandmother carried in their weddings; she'll have something similar to a coursage tied onto the Bible.
- Their wedding registeries seem reasonable.  Most aren't opting for fine china; rather, they're asking for items like cake pans, KitchenAid mixers, and FiestaWare dishes. 
- I haven't seen a BrideZilla yet.
- If I had to put a number to the weddings I'm seeing these days, I'd guess about 10K total.  I personally think that's an acceptable meeting place between "it's only one day" and "this is one of the biggest events in your life and deserves celebration". 

Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200. 


cavewoman

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #43 on: April 07, 2016, 08:45:59 PM »
We just got married on April fools! (For fools in love we are)

I got an off white spring dress for 30 bucks. Super comfy. Husband (yeah, still novel to write that) got a whole new outfit cuz hes a welder and had no clothes without holes, we both got new shoes, but all of this will be worn again! I did splurge on suspenders for him, because i just had this vision, and my he was dashing. Probably 250 all told, and we don't buy new clothes often.
79 at the clerks office for our secret elopement, and we'll get to wear the whole shebang again in june when we fake a ceremony in the national park (at the spot we first met) for our families, then dinner at a restaurant.
Unbeknownst to me, my dad deposited 1000 into my account for the wedding, so most of the food and drink will be covered by that!

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #44 on: April 08, 2016, 06:02:54 AM »

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
[snip]
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

Quote
Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200.
Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #45 on: April 08, 2016, 08:06:09 AM »
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

What the actual fuck? I'm not questioning your honesty or your reporting, nereo... I'm questioning the sanity of the people ordering these things.

Does anybody realize that nobody, and I mean nobody, so much as glances at wedding videos? Or that the encoding formats are going to change again in ten years to the point where the originals won't be viewable? Or that photobooth pictures that aren't in lieu of an actual wedding photographer get thrown away or tossed in the bottom of a junk drawer?

I can make an argument for at least a few wedding photos, and for saving them in more than one format, because they really do provide nice family continuity for the kids and grandkids. Years down the line, people look back at photographs that can be conclusively dated with people who can be conclusively identified, and some of them even become historical documents especially if someone in the family accomplishes something noteworthy. But who in the world wants a drone at their wedding?!

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #46 on: April 08, 2016, 08:12:30 AM »
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

What the actual fuck? I'm not questioning your honesty or your reporting, nereo... I'm questioning the sanity of the people ordering these things.

Does anybody realize that nobody, and I mean nobody, so much as glances at wedding videos? Or that the encoding formats are going to change again in ten years to the point where the originals won't be viewable? Or that photobooth pictures that aren't in lieu of an actual wedding photographer get thrown away or tossed in the bottom of a junk drawer?

I can make an argument for at least a few wedding photos, and for saving them in more than one format, because they really do provide nice family continuity for the kids and grandkids. Years down the line, people look back at photographs that can be conclusively dated with people who can be conclusively identified, and some of them even become historical documents especially if someone in the family accomplishes something noteworthy. But who in the world wants a drone at their wedding?!

To be honest, I found it really, really annoying.  Those things sound like angry giant insects, and distracting and it caused the guests to instinctively 'duck' whenever it whizzed by, even though I'm sure the drone operator knew what he was doing.  I've now been to two such weddings.

I will say that in at least one case the married couple got a few 'unique' shots - one with them coming down a chair lift at a ski resort and the entire wedding party is visible below. So - it's neat, but... i agree with you: WTF?!

i'm honestly not sure what the future holds. Our generation dwells on youtube, twitter and snapchat.  Maybe videos today will seem like our grandparents rigidly posed photographs on 70mm film.  ::shrug:: 
All I know is I've been to several weddings where the cost just for 'digitally recording' the even exceeded our entire wedding budget.

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #47 on: April 08, 2016, 11:46:44 AM »
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 


I don't mean just my own girls.  I mean all their high school friends and college friends too.  I'm simply not seeing these big-deal bashes that you're describing.  Perhaps it's a geographical thing.

I also doubt the validity of the 32K wedding figure.  Consider the source:  The Knot exists to promote the wedding industry.  Wouldn't it suit their purposes to survey a selected group of people?  Perhaps brides who are still in the "just dreamin' phase" of wedding planning, or perhaps brides at an expensive bridal shop?  Even with the problems inherent to averaging, I can't see this figure being realistic.



Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.




I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 

One other thing:  A definite trend here is no coats for the guys -- or just the groom in a coat and the guys in matching shirts (and no guy's going to mind buying a plain white or plain blue shirt, which he can wear again and again).  Most bridesmaids' dresses look like nice stuff from Pennys or Belks -- dresses that could definitely be worn again to a nice event. 

« Last Edit: April 08, 2016, 11:55:03 AM by MrsPete »

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #48 on: April 08, 2016, 12:11:02 PM »

I don't mean just my own girls.  I mean all their high school friends and college friends too.  I'm simply not seeing these big-deal bashes that you're describing.  Perhaps it's a geographical thing.

I also doubt the validity of the 32K wedding figure.  Consider the source:  The Knot exists to promote the wedding industry.  Wouldn't it suit their purposes to survey a selected group of people?  Perhaps brides who are still in the "just dreamin' phase" of wedding planning, or perhaps brides at an expensive bridal shop?  Even with the problems inherent to averaging, I can't see this figure being realistic.

It could be the geographic region, or their circle of friends.  I honestly have no idea.  All I can say is that most of my friends seemed completely uninterested in a fancy wedding during college, and then they got to their mid 20s, had good-paying jobs and suddenly friend after friend starts shelling out tens-of-thousands$ for their bash.

Regarding the $32k figure - i doubt it's validity too.  In fact, if you read into it you'll find that it's based on a survey of theknot.com registred members, who are the very sorts of people most likely to get sucked into the whole large wedding scheme.  That's why I said the stats were "highly biased"... it also completely ignores all the people that just do a civil ceremony and pay the county clerk a small fee. However, my point is that, while this figure is undoubtedly extreme, there are enough weddings around this cost that suddenly this can seem normal.  It similar to how people suddenly see a $32k financed car as being "normal".  If you can afford it and really want it, great, if not... wtf?

Quote

I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 

One other thing:  A definite trend here is no coats for the guys -- or just the groom in a coat and the guys in matching shirts (and no guy's going to mind buying a plain white or plain blue shirt, which he can wear again and again).  Most bridesmaids' dresses look like nice stuff from Pennys or Belks -- dresses that could definitely be worn again to a nice event.

The buffet part was ok.  It was the fact that we got party-sized take-out that was ruffled a few feathers.  I'm a bit surprised you have never seen a sit-down meal with waiters at a wedding - that's been >50% of the ones I've been to.  Again - maybe just different geographics (though I'm including Quebec, New England and California all together here), or maybe just kind of people (a good portion of my friends from college are all working professionals now). Of the other buffet styles, they all had hired caterers.

My wife would have loved to have been able to pick out her own dresses - she was a bridsemaid 3x the year before we got married. Only once was she able to re-wear the dress - the other two times it was completely unflattering on her (a problem I guess when you have multiple bridesmaids who all have different body types.  Someone is going to look bad in the chosen dress).

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #49 on: April 08, 2016, 12:17:40 PM »

I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 


I'd say the weddings I've attended are about 40% buffet and 60% sit down served banquet meal (the kind where you indicate chicken/beef/veg before hand and then are all given the same salad.  Some buffets are more expensive than served meals, others are cold cuts set out by relatives.

I had one friend who had punch and sheet cake at the church for all guests and then a "secret reception" that about 1/4 of the guests were invited to.  I found that tacky. If you're throwing a "secret" anything; just throw a separate party on another day otherwise, invite fewer people.

I've been told that in Texas cake and punch used to be common, but I never saw it in the 20 years I lived there and the many many weddings I went to there. (My wedding experience is with Texas, NJ, Ohio, and Iowa.)

I thankfully have never seen a drone video at a wedding, but as much as my wedding did cost, that is one thing I didn't have. The idea of a wedding video just baffles me. Why would you need that?