The Money Mustache Community

Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: ringbearer on April 05, 2016, 04:12:16 PM

Title: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ringbearer on April 05, 2016, 04:12:16 PM
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715 (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715)

This article just made me a bit angry. The idea that the significance and sanctity of your wedding is based on cost is terrible!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 05, 2016, 04:20:55 PM
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: dandypandys on April 05, 2016, 04:26:32 PM
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: forummm on April 05, 2016, 04:26:41 PM
Stupid author. Affordable wedding dresses don't cheapen marriages. They cheapen weddings.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: forummm on April 05, 2016, 04:28:14 PM
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.


Sucks that your grandparents were stuck for 58 years in a sanctityless marriage.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 05, 2016, 04:39:44 PM
Holy cow this article is consumerist crap.

I almost choked when I read this...
Quote
I am well aware that not every bride can afford to, or would even want to, spend thousands of dollars ..., but I can't help but feeling that wedding dresses that cost less than your weekly grocery bill and are manufactured in a conveyor-belt fashion in a faraway factory for even less, somewhat trivialises the significance and sanctity of a wedding.

The author links the sanctity of marriage to how much you pay for a wedding dress?  how shallow can you get?
My grandmother, rest her soul, got married in dress they bought in a second-hand store and wasn't even made to be a wedding dress. She stayed married to my Grandfather until he passed after 58 years.


Sucks that your grandparents were stuck for 58 years in a sanctityless marriage.
If there's any solace in their passing after 8+ decades, it's that they never had to find out how cheap their own marriage was because of their fashion choices when they were in their 20s and poor.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ShortInSeattle on April 05, 2016, 05:28:45 PM
Mine cost $72.

Bummer. I guess I'm low on sactimoniousness sanctity.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Kitsune on April 05, 2016, 07:55:10 PM
Silly me, here I thought that the symbol of my love and commitment to my husband was made clear by our relationship. Our conversations. Parenting our kid together. Living out our commitments to each other. Yknow, the things that matter and don't cost money, but that make your life measurably more awesome.

And for the record: my wedding dress is hanging in the back of my closet. It is a symbol of, at most, my inability to cut it off at the knee and dye it to have a cute eyelet lace cotton sundress. It is NOT a symbol of my relationship, wtf.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Travis on April 05, 2016, 08:44:57 PM
Silly me, here I thought that the symbol of my love and commitment to my husband was made clear by our relationship. Our conversations. Parenting our kid together. Living out our commitments to each other.

Don't forget the shiny rocks he's supposed to buy you at specific intervals in direct relation to his financial status.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: RosieTR on April 05, 2016, 10:42:00 PM
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

Wow I have a hard time believing any women go with all that bullshit still. If you're going to spend a decent amount of money on nice clothing, just get some classic, professional clothes and a single dress you can go to various weddings in, and a suit for him. Still probably won't hit $5K but you'll both be set up for interviews, work days AND weddings. Irritating that men can just get one suit for pretty much all this (or maybe some combo of sport coat and khakis for more casual/hotter climate situations) while it's pretty tough to get a single outfit that would work for both a wedding and a job interview for a woman. Stupid pink tax.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: meg_shannon on April 05, 2016, 11:11:45 PM
Here's to hoping it's bad satire.

I wore a red dress I already owned, and have worn again several times - including to other people's weddings! Based on an estimated cost per wear, my wedding dress cost about 6$.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: gooki on April 06, 2016, 04:39:33 AM
So happy to see the NZ public ridicule the article in the comments section.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 06, 2016, 05:49:14 AM
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

You're my kind of person Rosie!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ahoy on April 06, 2016, 05:55:33 AM
Unbelievable.  I just can't fathom spending that kind of money on a dress for one day.  crazy...
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Ceridwen on April 06, 2016, 06:22:53 AM
Wow, that was ridiculous.

I bought my dress here for $350: http://thebridesproject.com/

Affordable dress, recycling and helping a charity? Win!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Kitsune on April 06, 2016, 06:27:03 AM
Unbelievable.  I just can't fathom spending that kind of money on a dress for one day.  crazy...

Me neither.

And to be clear: I have, in my closet, boots that cost over 300$, my purse cost 180$, my favorite lipstick cost upwards of 30$... I GET caring about and spending on clothes, ok? But dude, 5K on a dress?? And not even one that you can re-wear??!

Justifications: those boots are heeled, black, knee-high, custom-made due to thick calves that won't fit regular high boots (and thus $$$) and I've worn them at least twice a week in winter/fall/spring for 6 years so far - a bit of cobbler-care and they look new, and they're well-made enough that I can stand in 3-inch heels for 10 hours and my feet don't hurt. Lack of pain = worth $. That purse is the only purse I own, it is high-quality leather, and looks good enough that people ask where I bought it... after using it every single day for 8 years. I own two lipsticks, total, and they're Bobbi Brown, which is the only brand that doesn't make my lips crack, peel, and bleed, and therefore I'm willing to pay more for fewer lipsticks. I UNDERSTAND paying for quality, and I'm not criticizing. But quality = things that last, that are solid, that will be gorgeous and functional and comfortable year after year and that, in the end, will cost less and give you more joy than the alternative 'cheaper in the short term' expense.

And to be clear: most high-end wedding dresses are $$$ because the silk is $$$, tailoring is not cheap, custom tailoring on every aspect of a dress = $$$$$$$, etc. We're talking applying Victorian ideals of tailoring to modern clothing items... while keeping in mind that Victorian ladies (unless we're talking the uber-rich) wouldn't own more than 3-4 dresses at a time, and that's if they were well-off. Clothing was EXPENSIVE, but it was made to last, perfectly tailored, and worth the $ because it lasted. Spending that on a dress you mean to wear one time is... not quite the intent of that level of tailoring, for the most part.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: I'm a red panda on April 06, 2016, 06:50:02 AM
My dress was actually expensive because my parents insisted on me getting me "dream dress" rather than the "this one is pretty good too" (it cost 15% the price of the other one).  If I had paid for my wedding "this one is pretty good too" would have been good enough!  The real rip off was the veils, of which my Mom didn't even let me look at the price tag. Since I can sew, I really wish I had been able to see that because OMG rip off.

My dress was donated after my wedding. My Mom's friend was part of the distribution, and she met the woman who got it. She was only 5' tall and assumed she'd have to use an old prom dress, as she wouldn't even be able to afford to alter a free wedding gown. I'm so happy she was able to find mine (as anyone taller wouldn't have done well in it either...) I always wonder if she kept it or passed it on.   I do sometimes wish I kept it so I could have made a burial gown out of the train for my son. (Or happier- a baptismal gown...)

Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: asiljoy on April 06, 2016, 06:55:52 AM
Not to mention research shows the more you spend on your wedding, the shorter your marriage is likely to be.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/spending-less-wedding-save-marriage/
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TravelJunkyQC on April 06, 2016, 10:01:27 AM
My mother wore a random sundress, and my father a grey suit. They got married in a field behind the geology building on the Stanford campus, with one witness and one official. They've been married 36 years. My mom still has the sundress.

Seriously, what is wrong with people who write this shit?
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: mm1970 on April 06, 2016, 10:09:50 AM
The comments are fantastic!!!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ShoulderThingThatGoesUp on April 06, 2016, 10:17:26 AM
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 06, 2016, 10:31:59 AM
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.
Have you ever felt that way and run to your closet to dig out your wife's wedding dress?
Yeah... i didn't think so. 
My spouse is proof enough of our marriage and love.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Evgenia on April 06, 2016, 10:41:25 AM
Well heck, looks like we'll be filing for divorce any day now, seeing as how we both... wore clothing we already owned! The only thing my husband bought was a $30 tie to match the color of my existing-and-already-been-worn-to-a-dozen-fancy-events silk gown.

Even worse, the gown was sewn in 2004 by a friend eons ago as barter, in exchange for my doing the business plan for her boutique that is still open today. What a terrible series of decisions we've made!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ABC123 on April 06, 2016, 10:54:05 AM
Well, it's a good thing I'm not as cheap as most of you posting in this thread.  My marriage is apparently MUCH more sanctified, because my dress was $200.  I even bought it at a real bridal shop!  Granted it had been the sample dress that everyone tried on, so I guess it could be considered used.  And after the wedding I took it to a resale shop, but the shop burned down so I never got anything for it.  But yeah, it's all about the sanctity.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MgoSam on April 06, 2016, 11:34:30 AM
I don't know if anyone here has used Rent the Runway, but for someone that wants a very beautiful and expensive dress, this might be a better option. Nearly everyone I know doesn't use their wedding dress after their wedding, so why not just rent it?
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: elaine amj on April 06, 2016, 11:52:29 AM
Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

LOVE this!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: ShoulderThingThatGoesUp on April 06, 2016, 12:11:40 PM
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

Occasionally I have dreams in which for whatever reason I'm not married anymore or things are all fucked up, and then I wake up next to my wife and realize everything is great. Huge relief.
Have you ever felt that way and run to your closet to dig out your wife's wedding dress?
Yeah... i didn't think so. 
My spouse is proof enough of our marriage and love.

Exactly.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Travis on April 06, 2016, 12:55:57 PM
I don't know if anyone here has used Rent the Runway, but for someone that wants a very beautiful and expensive dress, this might be a better option. Nearly everyone I know doesn't use their wedding dress after their wedding, so why not just rent it?

Shortly after I came into the Army, my commander's wife got a lot of the wives and girlfriends together and had a dress exchange before our annual ball.  She kept a closet full of various styles and sizes for this occasion and it worked out pretty well. 

My sister went to an outlet mall just outside of our hometown where they sold oddball sizes and clothes that didn't quite meet quality control.  I can't remember what she paid for her dress, but it was a fraction of what it was supposed to retail for and it only required a few alterations to fit right. My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: I'm a red panda on April 06, 2016, 01:03:14 PM
My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.

As long as you aren't paying for a storage unit to house it, keeping it doesn't really harm.

One of the things that helped me decide to donate my dress. I asked my Mom what she did with hers "we paid to have it preserved, and it is in a box in the attic"  I asked her if she'd ever looked at it "No, you can't open it or it has to be preserved again."  So what's the plan "I figured you girls would look at it after I died, and that would be a nice moment and then you can get rid of it."  That seemed silly, so I got rid of mine.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on April 06, 2016, 01:09:25 PM
I ended up spending more than I wanted. I was shopping in Feb, where they didn't have much in white or off-white at that time. I bought a white sundress for $60-70 (more than I wanted). But it was sheer enough I then had to buy a flesh colored leotard to wear underneath it! $30! And then since I didn't have any white shoes, a pair of very pretty white leather Mary Janes ($35-40). If I got married during a warmer season I would have had a bigger selection of white sundresses to choose from and I'm sure would have gotten something less expensive. Call me traditional but I did want to wear white/off-white when I got married.

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Aminul on April 06, 2016, 01:10:21 PM
I'm fairly certain this piece was written as advertising for H&M.  We all get to gasp at how awful expensive wedding dresses are and how terrible the author is for believing otherwise.  We also get exposed to the styles and costs of alternatives we are more likely to align with. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Travis on April 06, 2016, 01:11:48 PM
My wife still has hers in a giant box that always sits in the corner of the garage.  I'm trying to get her to give it away, but it's tough to break her of her nostalgic tendencies.

As long as you aren't paying for a storage unit to house it, keeping it doesn't really harm.

One of the things that helped me decide to donate my dress. I asked my Mom what she did with hers "we paid to have it preserved, and it is in a box in the attic"  I asked her if she'd ever looked at it "No, you can't open it or it has to be preserved again."  So what's the plan "I figured you girls would look at it after I died, and that would be a nice moment and then you can get rid of it."  That seemed silly, so I got rid of mine.

We move every 2-4 years and the amount of storage space we end up with changes. I think she had hers "preserved" too.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Nederstash on April 06, 2016, 01:15:27 PM
The Dutch store Zeeman (comparable to Target or Walmart) had a 29,99 euro wedding dress. It was sold out in a jiff and people were raving about it. Ah, the penny pinching Dutch!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3q0YscPT0Q
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Squirrel away on April 07, 2016, 04:57:03 AM
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM

Yay.

I bought mine on ebay and resold it on ebay for less, damn. I missed an opportunity there.:D
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: lizzzi on April 07, 2016, 06:14:04 AM
Astonishing article. What a moron. My wedding dress cost $150 in a bridal shop, and looked nice. That was long before MMM, but even then I thought I was buying a very spendy dress.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: starbuck on April 07, 2016, 07:36:57 AM
Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

I wore a green dress, my favorite color, to my wedding. My mother, a progressive 2nd wave feminist, was really really upset by it. She told me that no one would know who was getting married if I wasn't wearing white. That's right - no one would recognize me as a bride at my own wedding, which was in my own backyard, in front of my closest family and friends. It's been several years and she still drops passive aggressive remarks about it.

And practically speaking, I look TERRIBLE in white. I look fabulous in green.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: fattest_foot on April 07, 2016, 09:22:29 AM
Damn, wish I'd have known.

My wife bought hers for $20 at, I believe, Old Navy. I wore stuff I already owned. Our cake came from Wal-Mart of all places. All in all, we spent just under $500 for the entire thing (official was a family friend, and the reception was at a nice local restaurant which we paid the bill for). It helps that we only had about a dozen guests. I thought our wedding was amazing and I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Sibley on April 07, 2016, 10:41:41 AM
I couldn't quite figure out if this was iffy satire or serious.

Anyway, I hate white so fuck wedding dresses. Mine was blue velvet because that was my favorite color and fabric, and it was February. I don't remember how much it cost, but less than $200, which means less than the food or alcohol. You know, the important things!

You're my kind of person Rosie!

Seconded. Blue is my favorite color, and I like velvet too :)
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MgoSam on April 07, 2016, 10:47:00 AM
Damn, wish I'd have known.

My wife bought hers for $20 at, I believe, Old Navy. I wore stuff I already owned. Our cake came from Wal-Mart of all places. All in all, we spent just under $500 for the entire thing (official was a family friend, and the reception was at a nice local restaurant which we paid the bill for). It helps that we only had about a dozen guests. I thought our wedding was amazing and I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.

I love hearing about your wedding, that seems more like what I would like to do.

My family has very elaborate weddings that cost a bundle. I know that my sister's wedding had 400 people at the reception cause I had to bloody make the placecards for each person.

Obvi this will depend on my fiance's desires, but I would either like to have a wedding like yours, or elope to a cool destination. Maybe we'll have a reception back here, maybe not. I know that my parents will likely insist on throwing one so that they can invite all their friends.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: RocketSurgeon on April 07, 2016, 10:48:38 AM
Whenever I read an article like this, I have to stop and remind myself that this person's job is not to inform or educate, but to generate clicks. It makes a lot more sense that way.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: I'm a red panda on April 07, 2016, 11:20:19 AM
I have no idea how people can be happy with the whole production where you can't enjoy anything and they spent thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars.

Your wedding sounds great.

But just because a wedding costs tens of thousands of dollars doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.  My wedding was freaking awesome, and all I really had to do was show up, my Mom planned the whole freaking thing the way she wanted it. (Once I realized how little my opinion mattered I just stopped giving it.)  The ceremony was exactly as I wanted, and I have to admit my Mom throws one heck of a party.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Syonyk on April 07, 2016, 03:12:36 PM
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsPete on April 07, 2016, 07:36:29 PM
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715 (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715)

This article just made me a bit angry. The idea that the significance and sanctity of your wedding is based on cost is terrible!
The real irony:  The dresses in those pictures are UGLY.  Are those white-on-white horizontal stripes?  Who ever -- in the history of ever -- looked good in horizontal stripes? 

I had the most incredible wedding dress ever.  I bought it off the rack for $99. 

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 

- One girl is wearing an older sister's dress.  Another ordered from a $200 place in China and is happy with it.  The only one who really told me about the purchasing process told me she found her dress in one shopping trip and about one hour.  My own daughter is very small, and the dresses she's tried on seem to be "too much" for her -- we're going out this weekend to try for a white bridesmaid's dress or a white prom dress.  Only one girl I know personally is seems to think an expensive dress is acceptable.
- Decorations, etc. all seem to be modest.  I see my daughter and her friends comparison shopping and buying discount items /used items from the internet.  My own daughter happened upon a large part of  her decorations at Aldi's this week -- she's spending about $100 for all the reception decorations except flowers. 
- A couple girls I know are making their own bouquets.  One is carrying a small Bible that her mother and grandmother carried in their weddings; she'll have something similar to a coursage tied onto the Bible.
- Their wedding registeries seem reasonable.  Most aren't opting for fine china; rather, they're asking for items like cake pans, KitchenAid mixers, and FiestaWare dishes. 
- I haven't seen a BrideZilla yet.
- If I had to put a number to the weddings I'm seeing these days, I'd guess about 10K total.  I personally think that's an acceptable meeting place between "it's only one day" and "this is one of the biggest events in your life and deserves celebration". 

Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200. 

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: cavewoman on April 07, 2016, 08:45:59 PM
We just got married on April fools! (For fools in love we are)

I got an off white spring dress for 30 bucks. Super comfy. Husband (yeah, still novel to write that) got a whole new outfit cuz hes a welder and had no clothes without holes, we both got new shoes, but all of this will be worn again! I did splurge on suspenders for him, because i just had this vision, and my he was dashing. Probably 250 all told, and we don't buy new clothes often.
79 at the clerks office for our secret elopement, and we'll get to wear the whole shebang again in june when we fake a ceremony in the national park (at the spot we first met) for our families, then dinner at a restaurant.
Unbeknownst to me, my dad deposited 1000 into my account for the wedding, so most of the food and drink will be covered by that!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 08, 2016, 06:02:54 AM

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
[snip]
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

Quote
Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200.
Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on April 08, 2016, 08:06:09 AM
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

What the actual fuck? I'm not questioning your honesty or your reporting, nereo... I'm questioning the sanity of the people ordering these things.

Does anybody realize that nobody, and I mean nobody, so much as glances at wedding videos? Or that the encoding formats are going to change again in ten years to the point where the originals won't be viewable? Or that photobooth pictures that aren't in lieu of an actual wedding photographer get thrown away or tossed in the bottom of a junk drawer?

I can make an argument for at least a few wedding photos, and for saving them in more than one format, because they really do provide nice family continuity for the kids and grandkids. Years down the line, people look back at photographs that can be conclusively dated with people who can be conclusively identified, and some of them even become historical documents especially if someone in the family accomplishes something noteworthy. But who in the world wants a drone at their wedding?!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 08, 2016, 08:12:30 AM
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

What the actual fuck? I'm not questioning your honesty or your reporting, nereo... I'm questioning the sanity of the people ordering these things.

Does anybody realize that nobody, and I mean nobody, so much as glances at wedding videos? Or that the encoding formats are going to change again in ten years to the point where the originals won't be viewable? Or that photobooth pictures that aren't in lieu of an actual wedding photographer get thrown away or tossed in the bottom of a junk drawer?

I can make an argument for at least a few wedding photos, and for saving them in more than one format, because they really do provide nice family continuity for the kids and grandkids. Years down the line, people look back at photographs that can be conclusively dated with people who can be conclusively identified, and some of them even become historical documents especially if someone in the family accomplishes something noteworthy. But who in the world wants a drone at their wedding?!

To be honest, I found it really, really annoying.  Those things sound like angry giant insects, and distracting and it caused the guests to instinctively 'duck' whenever it whizzed by, even though I'm sure the drone operator knew what he was doing.  I've now been to two such weddings.

I will say that in at least one case the married couple got a few 'unique' shots - one with them coming down a chair lift at a ski resort and the entire wedding party is visible below. So - it's neat, but... i agree with you: WTF?!

i'm honestly not sure what the future holds. Our generation dwells on youtube, twitter and snapchat.  Maybe videos today will seem like our grandparents rigidly posed photographs on 70mm film.  ::shrug:: 
All I know is I've been to several weddings where the cost just for 'digitally recording' the even exceeded our entire wedding budget.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsPete on April 08, 2016, 11:46:44 AM
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 


I don't mean just my own girls.  I mean all their high school friends and college friends too.  I'm simply not seeing these big-deal bashes that you're describing.  Perhaps it's a geographical thing.

I also doubt the validity of the 32K wedding figure.  Consider the source:  The Knot exists to promote the wedding industry.  Wouldn't it suit their purposes to survey a selected group of people?  Perhaps brides who are still in the "just dreamin' phase" of wedding planning, or perhaps brides at an expensive bridal shop?  Even with the problems inherent to averaging, I can't see this figure being realistic.



Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.




I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 

One other thing:  A definite trend here is no coats for the guys -- or just the groom in a coat and the guys in matching shirts (and no guy's going to mind buying a plain white or plain blue shirt, which he can wear again and again).  Most bridesmaids' dresses look like nice stuff from Pennys or Belks -- dresses that could definitely be worn again to a nice event. 

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 08, 2016, 12:11:02 PM

I don't mean just my own girls.  I mean all their high school friends and college friends too.  I'm simply not seeing these big-deal bashes that you're describing.  Perhaps it's a geographical thing.

I also doubt the validity of the 32K wedding figure.  Consider the source:  The Knot exists to promote the wedding industry.  Wouldn't it suit their purposes to survey a selected group of people?  Perhaps brides who are still in the "just dreamin' phase" of wedding planning, or perhaps brides at an expensive bridal shop?  Even with the problems inherent to averaging, I can't see this figure being realistic.

It could be the geographic region, or their circle of friends.  I honestly have no idea.  All I can say is that most of my friends seemed completely uninterested in a fancy wedding during college, and then they got to their mid 20s, had good-paying jobs and suddenly friend after friend starts shelling out tens-of-thousands$ for their bash.

Regarding the $32k figure - i doubt it's validity too.  In fact, if you read into it you'll find that it's based on a survey of theknot.com registred members, who are the very sorts of people most likely to get sucked into the whole large wedding scheme.  That's why I said the stats were "highly biased"... it also completely ignores all the people that just do a civil ceremony and pay the county clerk a small fee. However, my point is that, while this figure is undoubtedly extreme, there are enough weddings around this cost that suddenly this can seem normal.  It similar to how people suddenly see a $32k financed car as being "normal".  If you can afford it and really want it, great, if not... wtf?

Quote

I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 

One other thing:  A definite trend here is no coats for the guys -- or just the groom in a coat and the guys in matching shirts (and no guy's going to mind buying a plain white or plain blue shirt, which he can wear again and again).  Most bridesmaids' dresses look like nice stuff from Pennys or Belks -- dresses that could definitely be worn again to a nice event.

The buffet part was ok.  It was the fact that we got party-sized take-out that was ruffled a few feathers.  I'm a bit surprised you have never seen a sit-down meal with waiters at a wedding - that's been >50% of the ones I've been to.  Again - maybe just different geographics (though I'm including Quebec, New England and California all together here), or maybe just kind of people (a good portion of my friends from college are all working professionals now). Of the other buffet styles, they all had hired caterers.

My wife would have loved to have been able to pick out her own dresses - she was a bridsemaid 3x the year before we got married. Only once was she able to re-wear the dress - the other two times it was completely unflattering on her (a problem I guess when you have multiple bridesmaids who all have different body types.  Someone is going to look bad in the chosen dress).
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: I'm a red panda on April 08, 2016, 12:17:40 PM

I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 


I'd say the weddings I've attended are about 40% buffet and 60% sit down served banquet meal (the kind where you indicate chicken/beef/veg before hand and then are all given the same salad.  Some buffets are more expensive than served meals, others are cold cuts set out by relatives.

I had one friend who had punch and sheet cake at the church for all guests and then a "secret reception" that about 1/4 of the guests were invited to.  I found that tacky. If you're throwing a "secret" anything; just throw a separate party on another day otherwise, invite fewer people.

I've been told that in Texas cake and punch used to be common, but I never saw it in the 20 years I lived there and the many many weddings I went to there. (My wedding experience is with Texas, NJ, Ohio, and Iowa.)

I thankfully have never seen a drone video at a wedding, but as much as my wedding did cost, that is one thing I didn't have. The idea of a wedding video just baffles me. Why would you need that?
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: dogboyslim on April 08, 2016, 02:53:14 PM
Our wedding in the 90s was about $5k for about 100 guests.  That included, in order of expense: Reception hall (including food/open bar & suite for the night.), Rehearsal Dinner, Flowers/Dress (I can't remember what was more but they were close), DJ, Cake, Invitations.

If I remember right, her dress plus accouterments was about $300, and the alterations were about $200.  I'm not sure if that was cheap enough to cheapen our marriage, but we're still going after 3 kids and 18 years.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: SewingmyStache on April 08, 2016, 04:54:36 PM
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear.  It makes much more sense to spend more money on clothing that will be worn again and again.  I wore a dress that I had worn to several parties for my wedding. 

I've always lived in Texas and all weddings I went to were just punch and cake until the mid-80s.  I was a married adult before I knew that meals were served at weddings.  I just had punch and cake, but my sister who married 12 years later had two receptions - the first at the church with punch and cake and a second one later at a hotel with a buffet.  The older, Baptist, non-drinking relatives were only invited to the first.  They wouldn't have gone to the second because there was liquor (beer and wine).
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Lanthiriel on April 08, 2016, 05:09:22 PM
I just had a coworker today tell me he spent more than $100,000 on his daughter's special day. I sort of just stared at him shell-shocked. I think he wanted to be congratulated.

I had an Asian themed wedding for no other reason than when we were checking out a venue, we found an old Japanese-style train station in the middle of a Japanese garden and thought it was gorgeous. I wore a cheongsam-style dress that I bought in China Town in New York for $18. We saved A TON of money by having red, gold, and black as our wedding colors. I think the total for our wedding was about $4500, which was split evenly among my parents (venue and food), my MIL (photographer), and us (everything else). My sister outdid me, though, and had my mom get ordained online and had a quickie wedding in a park. So far both marriages are going strong :)
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsPete on April 08, 2016, 06:32:58 PM
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsPete on April 08, 2016, 06:37:14 PM
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 

We went out this afternoon and had some moderate luck:  Several nice dresses in the $250 range, but none were "the one".  I really liked a $129 dress on the clearance rack, but it was the last one and too small. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Ralph2 on April 08, 2016, 08:09:06 PM
My wedding was in the local rotunda, reception at wife's parents house. Not a lot of cost involved at all.

however there are a large number of venues in the valley region that include wedding venues that are also motels/resorts where the wedding includes paid accommodation for all guests who wish to stay overnight.
Not uncommon for the all up price to go over $50k.

Not to mention chartered flights and resort weddings in Fiji etc. Would hate see the all up cost when it includes 3 - 4 nights accommodation for all.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: hernandz on April 09, 2016, 01:34:47 PM
Someday I will have ask my mom if she remembers what her wedding dress cost.  It was bought in 1959 for her wedding, then lent to my godmother for her wedding in 1960, and then in 1989, I ruthlessly had it remodeled for my wedding.  Knowing the relative poverty of my parents and grandparents, I have no trouble believing that my grandmother traded some labor or schmoozed in order to get a discount on the dress. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsPete on April 09, 2016, 02:48:57 PM
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 

We went out this afternoon and had some moderate luck:  Several nice dresses in the $250 range, but none were "the one".  I really liked a $129 dress on the clearance rack, but it was the last one and too small.
Update:  My daughter came home and kept talking about one of the more expensive dresses she tried on.  We went online to check it out -- yep, someone's selling one on ebay, her size, unaltered $57 ... INCLUDING a slip and a veil.  Wish me luck; it'll be a few days 'til we know whether we win it and just how much it'll end up costing.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: brycedoula on April 09, 2016, 07:24:05 PM
Yikes! My marriage is definitely "cheapened", then.

I bought my dress @ David's Bridal (how common!) & sold it the next year for about 50% of the price I paid. My reasons for selling were twofold: A) sell before it goes out of style; B) it's only taking up space in a small house.

And I truly wanted to buy my wedding dress used, but was unable to find the style I wanted (tea length) in the right size (shipping/duty from USA to Canada often negates the "good deals" available online).
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MrsTuxedocat on April 09, 2016, 11:10:03 PM
Ugh, I'd like to say that I am surprised by this article but it seems to be common today. Along the same vein as I need a large diamond ring to signify my fiancé love. Total crap!

My wedding dress was just under $300. It was a custom made mermaid style dress shipped directly from the factory in China.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Penny Lane on April 10, 2016, 09:32:59 AM
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

My wedding dress was under $200 at Laura Ashley, the reception was catered by a friend at our 18th century farmhouse after the ceremony at our uni chapel.  Our 30th is next month.  We have been FI for a long time.  I cannot imagine having debt related to a wedding going into a marriage.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: pbkmaine on April 10, 2016, 09:36:27 AM
https://www.theknot.com/content/this-bride-crocheted-her-wedding-dress-on-the-bus-to-work

My favorite wedding dress story ever.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Penny Lane on April 10, 2016, 09:44:10 AM
PBK, that was truly awesome!  The crochet world beyond doilies!!  I knew a very clever beautiful young women years ago who used her grandmother's lovely old linen napkins to piece together a stunning gown.  Be a bit chilly to wear up hear in ME though.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Meowmalade on April 10, 2016, 10:01:39 AM
https://www.theknot.com/content/this-bride-crocheted-her-wedding-dress-on-the-bus-to-work

My favorite wedding dress story ever.

Oh, I love this!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Seppia on April 10, 2016, 10:07:58 AM
I just learned that at least in the United States it is common practice to get into debt to purchase an engagement ring, so nothing here surprises me.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 10, 2016, 10:48:20 AM
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: KodeBlue on April 10, 2016, 11:32:10 AM
I've always lived in Texas and all weddings I went to were just punch and cake until the mid-80s.  I was a married adult before I knew that meals were served at weddings.
I grew up in TX (Brownsville-So.Padre Island area) and same here.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: pbkmaine on April 10, 2016, 12:42:52 PM
PBK, that was truly awesome!  The crochet world beyond doilies!!  I knew a very clever beautiful young women years ago who used her grandmother's lovely old linen napkins to piece together a stunning gown.  Be a bit chilly to wear up hear in ME though.

In Maine you'd want white velvet and snowshoes .
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: bobechs on April 10, 2016, 12:51:00 PM
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

I think what that means is buy land and people; then you can have a real fairy-tale Old South plantation-style wedding.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: KodeBlue on April 10, 2016, 01:01:46 PM
Wait...it's affordable wedding dresses that cheapen marriage? I thought it was same-sex marriage...
Title: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Seppia on April 10, 2016, 02:48:23 PM
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

What's the problem with farmland?
It's not my cup of tea but you can live off of it nicely if you put in the work.

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.

Something like this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyface_Farm
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: mountains_o_mustaches on April 10, 2016, 05:32:21 PM
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
 now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.

Even if it's not alive in well in the folks you know it's DEFINITELY alive and well at the vendors for basically ANYTHING wedding related.  Wedding planning was a nightmare for me for this reason because 1) I was iffy about wanting a wedding in the first place 2) have been a tomboy most of my life 3) definitely did not want a princess-type wedding and 4) was sure as hell not spending an obscene amount of money on this thing.  Literally every vendor (save our awesome jeweler who didn't give us side eye when we talked about budget and wanting something simple and inexpensive for our wedding bands) started with the typical WIC hype and then when I'd talk about what I wanted (e.g., blue wedding dress, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, etc.) they would either try to convince me that I was making the worst decision of my life and/or treat me like I had the plague...
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Seppia on April 11, 2016, 12:08:41 AM
A strategy that worked for us was NOT to say it was a wedding.
It seems like caterers, florists and all merchants add an extra markup when it's a wedding.
We still spent an obscene amount of money (about $9000 all included), but the amount was significantly less than average.
We are Italians, so the wedding party is an important social event.
We would have been ok with zero party or "beers at a bar", but we did not want to humiliate our families, so we opted for a compromise.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: I'm a red panda on April 11, 2016, 08:24:16 AM

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.


Instead of buying an expensive wedding dress?  Even if I take the entire cost of my spendy-pants wedding , I don't think I can buy much land. No one sells farm land by the quarter-acre... and a quarter-acre in my neighborhood costs almost 4 times my wedding.

And farming is effing hard work. And a small farm is very feast/famine.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: nereo on April 11, 2016, 08:35:15 AM
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

What's the problem with farmland?
It's not my cup of tea but you can live off of it nicely if you put in the work.

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.

Something like this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyface_Farm

I don't have a problem with farmland, and I dream of (returning) to an existence where I'm able to provide >50% of my food.
I just didn't follow the poster's jump. 
It's as if someone asked the question "is spending a huge amount on a fancy renovation idiotic?" and the response was: "you should make your own pizza sauce!" To me it's complete non-sequitous.

If the point was that instead of spending money on a dress you should invest it by owning real-estate... i kinda (sorta) get where that was coming from.  Otherwise... I'm just baffled how owning land came out of discussion about the cost of a wedding dress.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Seppia on April 11, 2016, 08:42:37 AM
Oh ok got it
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Hunny156 on April 11, 2016, 01:37:08 PM
Ugh, I wish I was more mustachian and more willing to stand up to my parents when we got married.  If I was getting married now, things would have been different!

I did buy the book Bridal Bargains, and I saved a lot on the crap that was "required".  I got a lot of side eye for that book.

I had a destination wedding (Vegas), for maybe 30 people, b/c we lived in NY and there was no way I was spending $50K - $100K on a party filled with people I did not know or care about.  Most family members refused to attend, and one said that only "damaged goods get married in Vegas".

While most of my friends spent $3K - $10K on their gowns, I went "cheap" at $650.  It was a gorgeous dress, but I am one of those people who does not look great in white.  I found a cream colored two piece silk number I absolutely adored (and I could re-use after!), but my Mom was paying for the dress so she could control what I wore, and there was no way cream was going to fly.  My dress had silver embroidery on it, and even that was tough for her to swallow.

After the wedding, I had the dress laundered and preserved, wasting another $200 on that process.  Years later, I sold the dress on Ebay and got $40 for it.  Sucks that the auction didn't go higher, but I did learn why they don't want you breaking the seal on that preservation bull.  My dress had a white satin strip around the base of the dress, and the train had gotten dirty just by walking over the carpeting in the casino - I never wore the dress outside.  It didn't look like there was any effort made to clean that part of the dress!

Many lessons learned, and none of them contributed to the success of our marriage, 5 months away from the big 15 year anniversary!!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: RetiredAt63 on April 19, 2016, 10:36:57 AM
The crocheter and the dress are on Ravelry.  Great story, gorgeous dress.  Size 30 crochet thread is killer.

https://www.theknot.com/content/this-bride-crocheted-her-wedding-dress-on-the-bus-to-work

My favorite wedding dress story ever.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Sugaree on September 12, 2019, 05:44:25 AM

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
[snip]
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

Quote
Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200.
Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.



You've just described my Brother-in-law and sister-in-law's wedding.  I would be shocked if that wedding ended up costing less than $100k by the time it was all said and done.  The number that my MIL mentioned for their part was $40k.  Rehearsal dinner for everyone in the wedding plus bride and groom's family (bride has 9 or 10 aunts and uncles).  Cocktail hour(s) during the Catholic gap then a plated meal with full bar.  The next morning there was a farewell breakfast (read: lots of hangover friendly food).  The bride's dress was $5k, although she says she got it at a trunk sale for closer to $1800.  I'm not sure I'm buying it because that was a brand new design that season(I was planning my own wedding then and loved that dress, but wasn't about to pay that). 


My own wedding early the next year was a bit different.  I would have been cool with eloping to Key West, but my husband wanted a wedding.  I did pay more than I should have for my dress.  Actually my MIL bought it.  It was $600.  It was red and beautiful.  And I got pregnant three weeks after buying it and had to have it severely altered to fit.  Oops.  It's still in my closet.  Every year I say I'm going to turn the skirt into a Christmas tree skirt, but I never get around to it.  I made my veil for under $10.  All a veil consists of is a haircomb and some fabric.  I bought silver tulle and added a edging of red beads to match my dress.  We rented a little lodge by a creek for the weekend.  It was outdoors in January and the lodge had these two huge outdoor fireplaces.  My husband spent months collecting, cutting, and splitting firewood.  The day of the wedding rolled around and it was 75 degrees.  We had one fireplace going because our non-cake dessert option was a smores bar and we needed coals.  Unfortunately, it meant that the poor officiant nearly passed out from standing in front of it.  After it was over, we sold the firewood and made enough money to pay for the lodge rental.  Some of the alcohol was the duty-free stuff my parents (and their friends who don't drink) brought back from a cruise.  The meal came from the caterer that I used to work for, so we got a good price on it.  We had food stations with little plates.  I also low-balled the number of people who were actually going to be there when I gave him my headcount.  We still ended up with WAY too much food.  I ordered my flowers wholesale and had them shipped to the house the day before the wedding (that was a little nervewracking because they ended up being delayed by my local FedEx).  I kept it simple with calla lilies and roses.  If I had it to do over again, I would have bought the stem stripper for the roses, but we got it done.  We ordered the cake from a well-known baker, but my husband and brother-in-law picked it up and I set it up rather than having it delivered.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Sugaree on September 12, 2019, 05:49:12 AM
A strategy that worked for us was NOT to say it was a wedding.
It seems like caterers, florists and all merchants add an extra markup when it's a wedding.
We still spent an obscene amount of money (about $9000 all included), but the amount was significantly less than average.
We are Italians, so the wedding party is an important social event.
We would have been ok with zero party or "beers at a bar", but we did not want to humiliate our families, so we opted for a compromise.

A friend of mine found that out when she talked to a grocery store about cupcakes.  They figured out that she wanted "wedding cupcakes" and suddenly the price went up like $1 each. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Malkynn on September 12, 2019, 07:08:22 AM
LOL!

That article is ridiculous, and I say this as someone who spent a lot of money on wedding clothes because I can be a vain fashion slut. How vanity relates to the sanctity of marriage??? I have no clue.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: FindingFI on September 12, 2019, 07:31:41 AM
It's still in my closet.  Every year I say I'm going to turn the skirt into a Christmas tree skirt, but I never get around to it.

What a great idea!

I got mine for $100.  I had spent months looking a bridesmaid dresses that could be ordered in white because the idea of dropping $1,000+ on a on-time dress seemed insane.  Then I heard about a few bridal shops have Black Friday sales the weekend after Thanksgiving, and thought "What the hell. Might as well give it a try!"  Went to a couple appointments, but still hadn't found the right one at a price I felt was reasonable.  Then at the last shop, I discovered the sample wall!  After a style gets discontinued, the bridal shop puts the sample dresses on the back wall at huge discounts because they are essentially useless to the store at that point.  And the perfect dress was hanging there! It was exactly what I had been looking for, in my size, and at a steal of a price. 

A year after the wedding it's still hanging on the back of a closet door and I haven't been able to decide what to do with it.  The bottom is covered in dirt and would cost more than I paid for the dress to maybe get most of it out at a cleaner. We had an outdoor ceremony and reception and it rained, so it's really kinda gross.  There is one perfect paw print from our dog walking across the dress during the ceremony that I have though about cutting out and framing with a copy of our vows, and then maybe hemming it to knee length and dyeing it into a cocktail dress. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: minerstache on September 12, 2019, 08:01:30 AM
For my own wedding, I was excited to find the dress that I wore for 60% off. I told my brother who commented I shouldn't be telling people I was wearing a discount/sale wedding dress. WTF? who cares. I didn't ask any further about his comment but I still remember it and it was just weird.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Just Joe on September 12, 2019, 08:34:56 AM

The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
[snip]
you're very lucky. From the perspective of two people who have just recently gone through the 'wedding years' (including our own) I've been routinely appalled by what many considered 'acceptable'. Multi-day destination affairs (engagement party, wedding shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties... all of which can be pretty elaborate in their own right), choreographed entrance dances, costume changes (i.e. different clothes for the ceremony and later to dance in), 'send-off' brunch, rehearsal dinner (for far more people than are in the actual wedding, with open bar and music), unique party favors, photographer + videographer +drone operator + photobooth (literally - i've been to THREE weddings that had all of these in the last year). A wedding cake + groom cake.... holy crap that's a lot of stuff.

Very glad your girls haven't fallen into that trap. While stats like "the average wedding now costs $32k" (theknot.com) are highly biased, there are lots of weddings that really do cost at least this much. 

Quote
Where I do see them spending:
- Full meals seem to be "required" now.  When I was married, a punch-and-cake reception was considered average.
- Alcohol seems to be "required" now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.
- Photographers are outrageous these days; they seem to start at $1200.
Yeah - we were heavily pushed into having a full meal but held the line at making it buffet-style with party-sized takeout from a local bbq/smoke joint. We also ditched the champagne (shock! horror!) in lieu of beer/wine - people could toast with whatever they wanted to drink. Finding an outdoor venue that allowed us to provide our own alcohol was one of the biggest money savers of all (we just paid a $25 alcohol party permit, then homemade beer (donated as a wedding gift) and a two cases of wine we bought ourselves).

By our standards it was the most lavish party we've ever thrown, but the reception for part came in at under $1,000 (56 people) with dinner, booze, music and some hired college kids who did all the cleanup. Everyone seemed to love it, even our more traditional family members who were freaking out beforehand that it wouldn't be a 'special' occasion and were worried we were being 'too-cheap'.

$32K would make a nice dent in most folks' student loans or a nice down payment on a person's first house (around here) or condo.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Just Joe on September 12, 2019, 08:44:45 AM
Wait...it's affordable wedding dresses that cheapen marriage? I thought it was same-sex marriage...

Just imagine affordable dresses at a same-sex marriage. Might lead to the destruction of the nation...

DW found a dress for $250 or so as I recall. Still has it.

I rented my tux.

We had alot of wedding expectations from our elders. We wanted cheap and outside under the trees. Elders wanted a nice reception and a nice church. We mostly let the elders plan it in the end.

The next time DW and I marry, we're taking a stand! ;)
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on September 12, 2019, 08:58:38 AM
If I ever had to get married, I'd insist on a Star Trek themed Betazoid wedding. That should cut down on both the garment expenses and the head count, although I suppose I'd have to slipcover the chairs at the reception.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 12, 2019, 10:36:20 AM
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...

Exactly. Many stores such as David's Bridal would go out of business if there wasn't the status quo that a) you spend a lot of money on a bridal dress and b) you need to have a wedding with maid of honor various attendants, etc.

People still do want the beautiful wedding dress, but there are so many ways to get there. My sil found an antique wedding dress at a thrift store, I think it was 40, 50 dollars. She had to spend about 75 on alterations but it was absolutely stunning. I still remember when I was visiting Boston 20? years ago, someone said to visit Filenes Basement. It happened to be when they were having some kind of wedding dress sale.  Each time they brought out a new rack of dress, the crowd attacked it with a total frenzy, people grabbing multiple sizes, trying on dresses everywhere. I found the whole thing really funny given that brides are supposed to be reserved and demure but the spectacle alone was worth the price of admission.
And now we have Ollie's
https://www.pennlive.com/life/2019/02/ollies-bargain-outlets-wedding-gowns-sale-continue-to-draw-crowds-hundreds-and-hundreds-of-dresses-sold.html

 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: UnleashHell on September 12, 2019, 10:45:29 AM
If I ever had to get married, I'd insist on a Star Trek themed Betazoid wedding. That should cut down on both the garment expenses and the head count, although I suppose I'd have to slipcover the chairs at the reception.

and a healthy tip for the cleaners afterwards.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Tuskalusa on September 12, 2019, 11:00:20 AM
My wedding dress was the fanciest dress I’ve ever owned. I loved it. It was about $600. Between that and my heirloom wedding ring, we saved a bundle. We’ve been married for 21 years. Not bad, given the horrible mistake we made be spending so little...  ;-)
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Kitsune on September 12, 2019, 11:25:40 AM
If I ever had to get married, I'd insist on a Star Trek themed Betazoid wedding. That should cut down on both the garment expenses and the head count, although I suppose I'd have to slipcover the chairs at the reception.

Were I not already married, I would propose JUST FOR THAT. #inappropriate
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Malkynn on September 12, 2019, 11:42:16 AM
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...

Exactly. Many stores such as David's Bridal would go out of business if there wasn't the status quo that a) you spend a lot of money on a bridal dress and b) you need to have a wedding with maid of honor various attendants, etc.

People still do want the beautiful wedding dress, but there are so many ways to get there. My sil found an antique wedding dress at a thrift store, I think it was 40, 50 dollars. She had to spend about 75 on alterations but it was absolutely stunning. I still remember when I was visiting Boston 20? years ago, someone said to visit Filenes Basement. It happened to be when they were having some kind of wedding dress sale.  Each time they brought out a new rack of dress, the crowd attacked it with a total frenzy, people grabbing multiple sizes, trying on dresses everywhere. I found the whole thing really funny given that brides are supposed to be reserved and demure but the spectacle alone was worth the price of admission.
And now we have Ollie's
https://www.pennlive.com/life/2019/02/ollies-bargain-outlets-wedding-gowns-sale-continue-to-draw-crowds-hundreds-and-hundreds-of-dresses-sold.html

 

I do believe the trend is changing though, which might explain why David's Bridal declared bankruptcy.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 12, 2019, 12:50:55 PM
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...

Exactly. Many stores such as David's Bridal would go out of business if there wasn't the status quo that a) you spend a lot of money on a bridal dress and b) you need to have a wedding with maid of honor various attendants, etc.

People still do want the beautiful wedding dress, but there are so many ways to get there. My sil found an antique wedding dress at a thrift store, I think it was 40, 50 dollars. She had to spend about 75 on alterations but it was absolutely stunning. I still remember when I was visiting Boston 20? years ago, someone said to visit Filenes Basement. It happened to be when they were having some kind of wedding dress sale.  Each time they brought out a new rack of dress, the crowd attacked it with a total frenzy, people grabbing multiple sizes, trying on dresses everywhere. I found the whole thing really funny given that brides are supposed to be reserved and demure but the spectacle alone was worth the price of admission.
And now we have Ollie's
https://www.pennlive.com/life/2019/02/ollies-bargain-outlets-wedding-gowns-sale-continue-to-draw-crowds-hundreds-and-hundreds-of-dresses-sold.html

 

I do believe the trend is changing though, which might explain why David's Bridal declared bankruptcy.
Is that where Ollie's is getting their dresses?

ps if I ever got married again, we have a dress for success sales, where people donate very nice outfits. There was this gorgeous off white lace dress that fit both me and my older daughter for cheep! but I didn't want people think I was going crazy buying a wedding dress. In retrospect I kind of wish I snatched it. Could have been at least a good Halloween outfit!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Malkynn on September 12, 2019, 01:00:40 PM
^ No idea what Ollie's is, but David's didn't close down, they just restructured in their bankruptcy
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 12, 2019, 01:02:18 PM
^ No idea what Ollie's is, but David's didn't close down, they just restructured in their bankruptcy

Ollies is a bargain bin discount as seen on tv store, cheaper than Walmart. That's why the wedding dress sale is funny.

Here is a question; is it mustachian or nonmustachian to buy a wedding dress (way) ahead of time? because it costs say 50 or less and looks great on you? It also fit my 16 year old daughter, but would have needed to be taken in at the waist a bit. 

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: LiveLean on September 13, 2019, 12:23:49 PM

I've posted this before on similar threads...DW and I have attended two nudist weddings at a beautiful lakeside nudist resort near Orlando. Granted, second wedding for both couples, who all were between 35-50 -- and I should add all fitness-oriented, looked great.

Brides looked awesome with just accessories -- veils, garters, heels. Couples went with sheet cakes from Costco. Poolside deejay. Guests did not have to go nude -- it was clothing-optional - but the venue helped keep[ the guest list numbers down. There were wedding photographers but a specific designated lakeside area for photos. Most of us stayed at the resort's garden hotel rooms and brought our own booze.

I can't imagine the wedding cost either couple more than $1,000 and it was awesome. To hell with the wedding industry.

Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 13, 2019, 12:54:11 PM

I've posted this before on similar threads...DW and I have attended two nudist weddings at a beautiful lakeside nudist resort near Orlando. Granted, second wedding for both couples, who all were between 35-50 -- and I should add all fitness-oriented, looked great.

Brides looked awesome with just accessories -- veils, garters, heels. Couples went with sheet cakes from Costco. Poolside deejay. Guests did not have to go nude -- it was clothing-optional - but the venue helped keep[ the guest list numbers down. There were wedding photographers but a specific designated lakeside area for photos. Most of us stayed at the resort's garden hotel rooms and brought our own booze.

I can't imagine the wedding cost either couple more than $1,000 and it was awesome. To hell with the wedding industry.

I don't think nudist resorts are necessarily cheap, but I think the venue would keep the guest list down with appropriate cost savings! Myself not my thing. I'f I ever got married again want to have it at a place old people, young kids and people in between feel comfortable and welcome.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: gatortator on September 13, 2019, 03:26:16 PM
mine was a silver silk dress : $49 on ebay, $56 with shipping.  no veil,  $20 sandals from Target.  Spouse's suit cost more than my entire outfit.  donated the dress to a prom charity afterwards.  no regrets.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Imma on September 13, 2019, 04:19:48 PM
You know what the worst part about expensive wedding dresses is? Many of them are actually terrible quality.

As a seamstress I can appreciate good tailoring and proper quality (although it feels like a bit of a waste to put in all that effort into a dress that's worn once) but I worked in a dry cleaner's as a teen and many really expensive dresses contained synthethic fabrics, had seams that suddenly broke, weren't colourfast etc. You're still wearing something mass produced made in China, except more expensive.

If you really want a heirloom dress, I'd suggest sewing your own. Also much more mustachian. A friend of mine had a dress sewn by a tailor and I was really surprised that her big white, custom wedding dress only cost about €800.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Bloop Bloop on September 13, 2019, 05:49:48 PM
Surely it's time for some inverse snobbery, e.g., "We are comfortable financially and we also believe a marriage is about love so we don't see the need to be gauche for our wedding?" I'm surprised there is STILL this trend towards expensive weddings! Surely people were taught as children that showing off is vulgar?!?
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TomTX on September 14, 2019, 04:52:30 PM
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715 (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11617715)

This article just made me a bit angry. The idea that the significance and sanctity of your wedding is based on cost is terrible!

Well, actually it is.

As noted earlier, the author just got it backward: The more you blow on the wedding, the more likely you are headed for a failed marriage/divorce.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: shelivesthedream on September 15, 2019, 10:28:06 AM
Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

HAH! Love this.

There is a direct correlation in my extended family between cheapness of wedding (per head - not necessarily number of guests invited) and length/successfulness of marriage. I noted this when we got married and my parents spent maybe £200-£300 on my dress (mother insisted I have a new one, so I got a sensible navy knee-length one), prepared food and booze for 15 people.  We're not big party/centre-of-attention people anyway, and the available data just confirmed me in that choice.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: hops on September 16, 2019, 07:34:55 AM
Wait...it's affordable wedding dresses that cheapen marriage? I thought it was same-sex marriage...

Just imagine affordable dresses at a same-sex marriage. Might lead to the destruction of the nation...

My wife wore a $30 dress (purchased on half-off day at the thrift store) to our same-sex wedding. A retired seamstress neighbor charged only $10 for alterations. We were relieved, post-reception, to find the world still standing. Pat Robertson had really overestimated our powers.

In all seriousness, her dress choice scandalized some of her spendier colleagues. A few of them spent more on dresses than we would spend on a car.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 16, 2019, 08:17:22 AM
Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

HAH! Love this.

There is a direct correlation in my extended family between cheapness of wedding (per head - not necessarily number of guests invited) and length/successfulness of marriage. I noted this when we got married and my parents spent maybe £200-£300 on my dress (mother insisted I have a new one, so I got a sensible navy knee-length one), prepared food and booze for 15 people.  We're not big party/centre-of-attention people anyway, and the available data just confirmed me in that choice.

Not true in my family. On the Greek side (and even my non-Greek grandparents) many many of them had big weddings some of them quite expensive, and all still married, some 50 + years later or widowed. otoh my cousin secretly got married, and they broke up. Same thing in my case I eloped, got divorced 20 years later. Lil brother just got married at courthouse, divorced 2 years later.  I think in my case one thing I learned is while I'm not planning on getting married, but if I did I would make it more official. I would inform my parents ahead of time, talk with them and get their blessings. I would have my friends and family there. That is important to me.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: shelivesthedream on September 16, 2019, 09:45:02 AM
That's sort of a different category in my mind. I'm thinking disco and buffet in the church hall vs marquee and five courses at a stately home. Not sneaking away so your per guest cost is £0 because you don't have any!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Imma on September 16, 2019, 09:47:04 AM
Quote
Why? Because it is one of the few tangible reminders (besides our wedding photos that are sitting idly on my husband's MAC somewhere) that I have of a day that was 10 years in the making and meant more to me than any other that came before it.
My husband is pretty good tangible reminder of my wedding day. When I find myself forgetting about that day- I poke him in the face, and I think "oh right, he's real, we got married. Good party."

HAH! Love this.

There is a direct correlation in my extended family between cheapness of wedding (per head - not necessarily number of guests invited) and length/successfulness of marriage. I noted this when we got married and my parents spent maybe £200-£300 on my dress (mother insisted I have a new one, so I got a sensible navy knee-length one), prepared food and booze for 15 people.  We're not big party/centre-of-attention people anyway, and the available data just confirmed me in that choice.

Not true in my family. On the Greek side (and even my non-Greek grandparents) many many of them had big weddings some of them quite expensive, and all still married, some 50 + years later or widowed. otoh my cousin secretly got married, and they broke up. Same thing in my case I eloped, got divorced 20 years later. Lil brother just got married at courthouse, divorced 2 years later.  I think in my case one thing I learned is while I'm not planning on getting married, but if I did I would make it more official. I would inform my parents ahead of time, talk with them and get their blessings. I would have my friends and family there. That is important to me.

So in your family, it sounds like the ones who married in a non-traditional way were the ones who maybe chose partners that were somehow not suitable for them and avoided the traditional wedding because not everyone in the family approved of the choice of partner? (Maybe I'm assuming to much). I can imagine that in a situation of normal family dynamics, having several people disapprove of your partner is a big red flag. People who choose a more traditional life are probably also less likely to get divorced even if they have a difficult marriage.

We are planning to elope because we come from families with unhealthy dynamics and don't want them to ruin our wedding. We don't care too much about many things but I'm also a little bit afraid I'd regret a too informal wedding ceremony. It's still a really big thing.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 16, 2019, 12:51:04 PM
That's the thing about eloping. You are doing it to avoid family, but the flip side you are avoiding/not including family. In my case I was accepted by my ex's parents and family in general and ended up doing many holidays, vacations with them. My family not that they didn't necessarily accept him, they were too involved in other non-fun crap (divorce, my older brother, financial stress) to both do stuff or to be there for me starting sometime around college. I started dating him and we moved together to another state. Ended up getting eloped. I don't know if it made a difference but Dad was hurt especially us doing things non-traditionally, that for example my ex never talked to him about him of his intentions of marrying me to get his blessing.  (Actually don't think Dad and ex ever sat down and talked, even though we were together 5,6 years before getting married). In the same way he was never explicitly included in say family occasions on my side because my family was a bit of a mess and didn't plan things, he would have been completely welcome if he came with me when I came to visit, and course he was invited to official things like weddings, funerals (the vast majority he chose not to attend). At some point when we were breaking up he said that he never felt accepted by my family. At the same time, he didn't really try either. I would like to say two people make their own world and life together, but family is a big part of people's lives and it is really hard to ignore even if you don't live nearby. And the fact that I attended many family events solo, probably solidified people's impressions that we were having marital problems even though I didn't think we were, to the extent my aunt advised me when I visited solo with my less than 1 year old child (funeral) that I shouldn't have a 2nd child. I was really offended at the time though possibly a bit prescient in retrospect.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Imma on September 16, 2019, 02:24:53 PM
That actually sounds painfully familiar even though we are not even married yet :(

We live away from both our families. Both sets of parents went through a nasty divorce. We are not in touch with two parents: one parent's choice (they demanded kid pick their side in the divorce) one child's choice (domestic violence). A third parent is now anti-marriage and we do believe it would be too painful to only have one parent there, which is why we want to elope.

In our case my family has never been around much for me because they were busy with their own lives. There are no big problems but we aren't super close because we're all so busy living our own lives in our own cities. We try to meet up every now and then but my s/o is rarely there - he wouldn't be unwelcome but he's never specifically invited either and most of these gatherings are planned when he is at work. There are never any family occasions from his side so meeting up with family isn't something he's used to or cares much for, although he turns up when I specifically ask him. They are not particularly interested in him either, my family doesn't show when invited to his birthday or special occasions. Because I'm usually alone at these occasions I've noticed people don't even ask about him anymore, they figure we must have issues.

My family know where to find my s/o when they have tech issues though. They don't seem to dislike him.

I always used to dream of a big closeknit family as a kid but I guess that's never going to happen.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 16, 2019, 03:11:50 PM
That actually sounds painfully familiar even though we are not even married yet :(

We live away from both our families. Both sets of parents went through a nasty divorce. We are not in touch with two parents: one parent's choice (they demanded kid pick their side in the divorce) one child's choice (domestic violence). A third parent is now anti-marriage and we do believe it would be too painful to only have one parent there, which is why we want to elope.

In our case my family has never been around much for me because they were busy with their own lives. There are no big problems but we aren't super close because we're all so busy living our own lives in our own cities. We try to meet up every now and then but my s/o is rarely there - he wouldn't be unwelcome but he's never specifically invited either and most of these gatherings are planned when he is at work. There are never any family occasions from his side so meeting up with family isn't something he's used to or cares much for, although he turns up when I specifically ask him. They are not particularly interested in him either, my family doesn't show when invited to his birthday or special occasions. Because I'm usually alone at these occasions I've noticed people don't even ask about him anymore, they figure we must have issues.

My family know where to find my s/o when they have tech issues though. They don't seem to dislike him.

I always used to dream of a big closeknit family as a kid but I guess that's never going to happen.

I'm sorry. I am lucky that even though my parents divorced, neither got remarried we all get together amicably for holidays and get togethers. While I don't think couples have to do everything 100%, I think it is an important thing for a) include your family in your life and b) have your spouse be there for you as your partner when visiting family, and vice versa. Ditto for things that are important to you, whether they are funerals, reunions etc. My ex always made it seem like he was doing me a favor to not visit when I went up to see my family, like go ahead enjoy your family time without me. But it became ingrained. Even when I WANTED him to be there, for him to develop a relationship with my family, and also simply to have his support at various events including my high school reunion, he opted out.
So I regret in some ways how I handled it. I thought I was being an independent woman, but really was getting an absentee husband. I don't know the answer but I do wish I spoke up more in situations that mattered to me. 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on September 16, 2019, 04:57:49 PM
I hate it when people do their absolute best to avoid contact with one's extended family or social network and then bitch about "not being included". To me, not wanting to interact with a partner's family is a gigantic red flag. Sometimes it means that there's a lot of family dysfunction, but if there are more than about a dozen people you can generally find one or two that click well enough to justify at least a social media friendship. When a partner, or prospective partner, fails to create a relationship with even one member of one's family or extended network, that's an indicator that they do not wish to interact. It's reasonable to do that, if a group of people is toxic enough, but the person declining to form a relationship should at least own their decision to maintain the distance.

My response to complaints like these (when I hear them from my daughter) is usually: "You did your absolute best to make sure you didn't participate and build a relationship. These other people have made good faith efforts to make friends with you. You're the one who chose to turn down invitations, cancel at the last minute, not show up, not return texts or phone calls, not respond to letters and E-mail, and not issue any invitations of your own. Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining: you're not the victim here. After years of snubbing these people and treating them like something you'd scrape off the bottom of your shoes, they've gotten the message that you don't like them or value them. By now the feeling is probably mutual, and if they do have negative feelings toward you based on how you've treated them, you've earned that. You have exactly the relationship with them that you wanted, so it's a little bit late to complain now, and don't you dare blame them for responding to your very clear message that you went to such great lengths to deliver."

One thing healthy couples do is spend time with each other's families and social networks, especially after they get engaged or married. These might be bio-families or families of choice, but the important thing is that both halves of the couple are integrated and nobody feels like a third wheel. Without a shared community of some kind, there isn't a lot of support for the marriage. The best way to form a social relationship in a shared community is to be in the same place at the same time. This happens when people accept invitiations and issue at least a few of their own. Failing that, there's always correspondence, telephone, and social media. There will always be some people you click with better than others but to have a relationship with none of a partner's friends, co-workers, family, or other associates-- or for them to not one with yours-- is a very bad sign. It's evidence that the person resisting integration into a (basically healthy and positive) community simply doesn't have a long-term investment in the community member they're trying to date or marry.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Imma on September 17, 2019, 02:38:00 AM
In our case it's luckily not that black and white - my s/o is close to my friends and he does join me for Christmas when he can (he works in hospitality so it's not always possible, but I know he always tries) we haven't had a family funeral for 15 years or a family wedding in my lifetime but I'm sure he'd come along. He likes visiting my grandma, goes to her birthday every year and took time off work to help her out. He's no bad guy. But the word community is something that struck me - that's what's missing. We are just a couple in a house together and we have lots of friends but we aren't part of something bigger and certainly not of something called a family.

Outside of Christmas the only real tradition my family has is mother's day lunch but partners aren't invited to that one. Sometimes my mum invites me for dinner on a short notice but that's always when he's working so he doesn't get the chance to join. In his family we only occasionally meet up with some relatives one on one, they don't have real family occasions ever. I have tried to invite family over and start new traditions but it seems no one is really interested in that. I feel like I'm trying really hard but there's just a mutual disinterest at this point that seems impossible to get over.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on September 17, 2019, 08:01:25 AM
In our case it's luckily not that black and white - my s/o is close to my friends and he does join me for Christmas when he can (he works in hospitality so it's not always possible, but I know he always tries) we haven't had a family funeral for 15 years or a family wedding in my lifetime but I'm sure he'd come along. He likes visiting my grandma, goes to her birthday every year and took time off work to help her out. He's no bad guy. But the word community is something that struck me - that's what's missing. We are just a couple in a house together and we have lots of friends but we aren't part of something bigger and certainly not of something called a family.

Outside of Christmas the only real tradition my family has is mother's day lunch but partners aren't invited to that one. Sometimes my mum invites me for dinner on a short notice but that's always when he's working so he doesn't get the chance to join. In his family we only occasionally meet up with some relatives one on one, they don't have real family occasions ever. I have tried to invite family over and start new traditions but it seems no one is really interested in that. I feel like I'm trying really hard but there's just a mutual disinterest at this point that seems impossible to get over.

What you have is a group of friends. I call that "family of choice". You'll do fine. There's no law that says you "must" have large group activities, but everyone needs a network of other people with whom they feel comfortable.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: MarciaB on September 17, 2019, 12:17:02 PM
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM

You win the prize! Fabulous story.

And I simply can't get enough of these wedding train wreck stories. They're the gift that keeps on giving (to this forum and my twisted sense of humor).
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: saguaro on September 18, 2019, 10:39:48 AM
Outside of Christmas the only real tradition my family has is mother's day lunch but partners aren't invited to that one. Sometimes my mum invites me for dinner on a short notice but that's always when he's working so he doesn't get the chance to join. In his family we only occasionally meet up with some relatives one on one, they don't have real family occasions ever. I have tried to invite family over and start new traditions but it seems no one is really interested in that. I feel like I'm trying really hard but there's just a mutual disinterest at this point that seems impossible to get over.

I hear you on this.  Family traditions can vary widely.    In my family, we celebrate just about everything but DH's family just doesn't have real family occasions now.   Back when we were first married, they did the typical holidays of Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving but things like birthdays, graduations, etc. was done more one on one.  Birthday and graduation parties were just Mom, Dad, one set of grandparents, DH and his sister, DH never had the bigger family celebrations that I had.  This continued into the next generation with niece and nephew as well, they never had big birthday or graduation parties, in fact they were treated like they were non-events, really.  Even DH and I, who were their only aunt and uncle, did not attend a graduation party until the nephew graduated college and that was only because of his sister.   Niece tried to change things after she had her own kids with some new traditions in the family but quit after a few years.   Earlier in our marriage, I offered to host the holidays, but no one wanted that, there were all sorts of reasons why we couldn't do that.   After a couple of tries, DH told me to not offer again, it was obvious they were not interested in doing anything different.

I hate it when people do their absolute best to avoid contact with one's extended family or social network and then bitch about "not being included". To me, not wanting to interact with a partner's family is a gigantic red flag. Sometimes it means that there's a lot of family dysfunction, but if there are more than about a dozen people you can generally find one or two that click well enough to justify at least a social media friendship. When a partner, or prospective partner, fails to create a relationship with even one member of one's family or extended network, that's an indicator that they do not wish to interact. It's reasonable to do that, if a group of people is toxic enough, but the person declining to form a relationship should at least own their decision to maintain the distance.

And IME it's not just about partners but also partner's family.  DH is considered a part of our family, he has made the effort to get to know them and gets on pretty well.   But his family is a whole different story, namely MIL and FIL complain that they "don't know our family" and "they are not included".  This is not because of a lack of effort on my family's end.

In our family, there generally is an effort to get to know a partner's family.   Usually a partner's parents are invited to major events like weddings.  We try to get together one on one.  We would attend their funerals.   Partner's family occasionally were at holidays depending on what was happening that day with the other side of that person's family.  As a result we got to know the other, aka in-law, side of a family member outside of mutual family events like a kid's birthday or graduation.  MIL and FIL were not treated differently, the difference was that they rarely attended, and had a tendency to back out after accepting an invitation.  My folks invited MIL and FIL to my sisters' weddings, they turned it down.   My folks made an effort to meet with them either at a restaurant or host them at their home.  It happened a couple of times but eventually it stopped because MIL would accept then back out at the last minute. The last time my folks invited them over to their house, MIL had one of her panics over "the weather" and backed a couple of hours before they were supposed to arrive.  Highly annoyed after cooking all day, Mom threw in the towel, I remember getting the phone call that day.  My parents attended funerals in DH's family, but MIL / FIL mustered only one attendance in 35 years, that to my grandmother's funeral 14 years ago.  They backed out last minute on coming to my Mom's memorial service which infuriated DH but I was not surprised.  They didn't even bother with my Dad's. 

So yes, they don't know my family and it's all on them.  But of course they don't own that, it's all excuses like "we see our family more than them" and we are playing "favorites" or some other reason that is always someone else's fault but it's never theirs.   For DH and me, we know they are not just interested, they did not want to put in the effort and believe me, my folks tried to to make things as effortless as possible in order to get to know them and include them in things.  They just didn't want to bother so this is the end result.
 
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Just Joe on September 18, 2019, 11:08:16 AM
I bought my wedding dress on etsy for 38$ and sold it back to ebay afterwards for a profit haHAH! Plus this was before i knew about MMM

You win the prize! Fabulous story.

And I simply can't get enough of these wedding train wreck stories. They're the gift that keeps on giving (to this forum and my twisted sense of humor).

The peek into everyone's family is interesting too. Seems like many folks have families with rough edges.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: elliha on September 18, 2019, 12:34:56 PM
Our whole wedding was about 200 dollars but we only had three guests and cooked our own food. I still smile from ear to ear when I look at pictures of us at that wedding. It has been 7 years and 10 years as a couple now. No one in my family ever had a very fancy wedding but most were not as extremely frugal as we were. Divorces are rare and many people have had 30-50+ year marriages. My sister for example is still married to her husband and they met at 15 and 17 and married when they were in their early twenties and are now in their late fifties.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: shelivesthedream on September 18, 2019, 01:08:10 PM
Our whole wedding was about 200 dollars but we only had three guests and cooked our own food. I still smile from ear to ear when I look at pictures of us at that wedding. It has been 7 years and 10 years as a couple now. No one in my family ever had a very fancy wedding but most were not as extremely frugal as we were. Divorces are rare and many people have had 30-50+ year marriages. My sister for example is still married to her husband and they met at 15 and 17 and married when they were in their early twenties and are now in their late fifties.

One of my favourite things about our wedding are the totally crap photos. My grandmother took them with her new-ish digital camera. The classic one is the one of us cutting the cake where the top two-thirds of Mr SLTD's head is missing (I'm short, he's tall, I guess she focused on the one she thought was important!). Various other "surprise!" snaps of people with their mouths open, etc. They really make me smile!
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: AMandM on September 18, 2019, 04:41:17 PM
One of my favourite things about our wedding are the totally crap photos.

Our photographer was a friend who volunteered his services as a gift. Little did I know he was a wildlife photographer and didn't know thing one about event photography. Then on the day of he forgot some crucial piece of equipment, so we had very few pictures anyway except for some snapshots sent to us afterwards by guests (this was long before digital cameras). My favourite is one of my father carrying in the cake, taken by someone who must have leaned over at an angle to get the shot; it looks like the cake is about to tip over and knock my father on his bum.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Dicey on September 30, 2019, 09:19:56 AM
^ No idea what Ollie's is, but David's didn't close down, they just restructured in their bankruptcy
Here is a question; is it mustachian or nonmustachian to buy a wedding dress (way) ahead of time? because it costs say 50 or less and looks great on you? It also fit my 16 year old daughter, but would have needed to be taken in at the waist a bit.
A friend of mine did it. She wasn't dating anyone, but found a dress she loved and bought it. She eventually met a guy, got married in the dress and they're still going strong nearly forty years later.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: partgypsy on September 30, 2019, 03:22:18 PM
Pics from my wedding are not the best, because they were from a disposable camera with some defect so that stretched out the top part of the photos so we have slight coneheads. Not sure if we even kept them. There were a couple photos taken on the beach that aren't too bad bc our heads aren't on the top of the pic. It would have been nice to have a tradiional portrait but oh well.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Sugaree on October 02, 2019, 09:38:25 AM
We hired a husband-and-wife team who were just starting out to do our wedding.  My spreadsheet tells me that they charged $950 for everything except prints, which they gave us the release to print our own.  They did a fantastic job.  We didn't have a whole lot of traditional portraits done, but a lot of photojournalistic style action shots.  I was extremely pleased with how it turned out.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: Chris Pascale on October 02, 2019, 11:48:41 AM
The main thing is that the dress can't cost less than the cake, so maybe if we're on a budget, that would mean starting at $5,000. Also, if you're on the East Coast, it should be (1) engagement party at mom's beach house, (2) bachelor/ette parties that require a flight, and (3) rehearsal dinner in the South Hampton.

I speak from experience. My wife and I didn't do any of those things. Our actual marriage was decided a day in advance, and then at a courthouse on a Friday the 13th. She wore a red fiesta dress and my parents brought me a suit from NY to TX that didn't quite fit like it had the year before. 5 months later we had the originally planned party in New York, and when I spent the night before that wedding playing Risk with my cousins, it was just like oh no, this will never work. Where are the cop-hookers and cocaine? And then we had a ceremony and party on the first Sunday afternoon in January because it was such a great deal, not some significant date to us that, in all actuality, meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.

15 years later, all I have are regrets and you guys.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: HMman on October 03, 2019, 07:39:53 AM
The main thing is that the dress can't cost less than the cake, so maybe if we're on a budget, that would mean starting at $5,000. Also, if you're on the East Coast, it should be (1) engagement party at mom's beach house, (2) bachelor/ette parties that require a flight, and (3) rehearsal dinner in the South Hampton.

I speak from experience. My wife and I didn't do any of those things. Our actual marriage was decided a day in advance, and then at a courthouse on a Friday the 13th. She wore a red fiesta dress and my parents brought me a suit from NY to TX that didn't quite fit like it had the year before. 5 months later we had the originally planned party in New York, and when I spent the night before that wedding playing Risk with my cousins, it was just like oh no, this will never work. Where are the cop-hookers and cocaine? And then we had a ceremony and party on the first Sunday afternoon in January because it was such a great deal, not some significant date to us that, in all actuality, meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.

15 years later, all I have are regrets and you guys.

You didn't have hookers and cocaine with your game of Risk? No wonder you have regrets.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: mm1970 on October 03, 2019, 01:49:20 PM
One of my favourite things about our wedding are the totally crap photos.

Our photographer was a friend who volunteered his services as a gift. Little did I know he was a wildlife photographer and didn't know thing one about event photography. Then on the day of he forgot some crucial piece of equipment, so we had very few pictures anyway except for some snapshots sent to us afterwards by guests (this was long before digital cameras). My favourite is one of my father carrying in the cake, taken by someone who must have leaned over at an angle to get the shot; it looks like the cake is about to tip over and knock my father on his bum.
Apparently a hs classmate of mine is a photographer now.  She recently posted photos of a wedding she did - one of the photos was the "unplugged" wedding sign, requesting guests put away their cameras and phones and enjoy the ceremony.  Not a bad idea except...the photos are all sort of ...fuzzy.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: TheGrimSqueaker on October 03, 2019, 02:08:16 PM
One of my favourite things about our wedding are the totally crap photos.

Our photographer was a friend who volunteered his services as a gift. Little did I know he was a wildlife photographer and didn't know thing one about event photography. Then on the day of he forgot some crucial piece of equipment, so we had very few pictures anyway except for some snapshots sent to us afterwards by guests (this was long before digital cameras). My favourite is one of my father carrying in the cake, taken by someone who must have leaned over at an angle to get the shot; it looks like the cake is about to tip over and knock my father on his bum.
Apparently a hs classmate of mine is a photographer now.  She recently posted photos of a wedding she did - one of the photos was the "unplugged" wedding sign, requesting guests put away their cameras and phones and enjoy the ceremony.  Not a bad idea except...the photos are all sort of ...fuzzy.

A good photographer or videographer can definitely make the process look easy, but there's a lot of craft to it. Hopefully the fuzzy pictures your friend posted were deliberately fuzzed or blurred to deter people from stealing the product by downloading it for free on social media. Many photographers have to put a watermark on their photos when posting them online or when sending the customer their sample prints.
Title: Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
Post by: mm1970 on October 04, 2019, 11:07:35 AM
One of my favourite things about our wedding are the totally crap photos.

Our photographer was a friend who volunteered his services as a gift. Little did I know he was a wildlife photographer and didn't know thing one about event photography. Then on the day of he forgot some crucial piece of equipment, so we had very few pictures anyway except for some snapshots sent to us afterwards by guests (this was long before digital cameras). My favourite is one of my father carrying in the cake, taken by someone who must have leaned over at an angle to get the shot; it looks like the cake is about to tip over and knock my father on his bum.
Apparently a hs classmate of mine is a photographer now.  She recently posted photos of a wedding she did - one of the photos was the "unplugged" wedding sign, requesting guests put away their cameras and phones and enjoy the ceremony.  Not a bad idea except...the photos are all sort of ...fuzzy.

A good photographer or videographer can definitely make the process look easy, but there's a lot of craft to it. Hopefully the fuzzy pictures your friend posted were deliberately fuzzed or blurred to deter people from stealing the product by downloading it for free on social media. Many photographers have to put a watermark on their photos when posting them online or when sending the customer their sample prints.
No watermark.  I have a few local friends who have gotten into photography and started their businesses.  They use the watermark.