Author Topic: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?  (Read 21186 times)

I'm a red panda

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #50 on: April 08, 2016, 12:17:40 PM »

I'd say a buffet IS a full meal.  I have not seen a sit-down meal served by waiters at a wedding. 


I'd say the weddings I've attended are about 40% buffet and 60% sit down served banquet meal (the kind where you indicate chicken/beef/veg before hand and then are all given the same salad.  Some buffets are more expensive than served meals, others are cold cuts set out by relatives.

I had one friend who had punch and sheet cake at the church for all guests and then a "secret reception" that about 1/4 of the guests were invited to.  I found that tacky. If you're throwing a "secret" anything; just throw a separate party on another day otherwise, invite fewer people.

I've been told that in Texas cake and punch used to be common, but I never saw it in the 20 years I lived there and the many many weddings I went to there. (My wedding experience is with Texas, NJ, Ohio, and Iowa.)

I thankfully have never seen a drone video at a wedding, but as much as my wedding did cost, that is one thing I didn't have. The idea of a wedding video just baffles me. Why would you need that?

dogboyslim

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #51 on: April 08, 2016, 02:53:14 PM »
Our wedding in the 90s was about $5k for about 100 guests.  That included, in order of expense: Reception hall (including food/open bar & suite for the night.), Rehearsal Dinner, Flowers/Dress (I can't remember what was more but they were close), DJ, Cake, Invitations.

If I remember right, her dress plus accouterments was about $300, and the alterations were about $200.  I'm not sure if that was cheap enough to cheapen our marriage, but we're still going after 3 kids and 18 years.

SewingmyStache

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #52 on: April 08, 2016, 04:54:36 PM »
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear.  It makes much more sense to spend more money on clothing that will be worn again and again.  I wore a dress that I had worn to several parties for my wedding. 

I've always lived in Texas and all weddings I went to were just punch and cake until the mid-80s.  I was a married adult before I knew that meals were served at weddings.  I just had punch and cake, but my sister who married 12 years later had two receptions - the first at the church with punch and cake and a second one later at a hotel with a buffet.  The older, Baptist, non-drinking relatives were only invited to the first.  They wouldn't have gone to the second because there was liquor (beer and wine).

Lanthiriel

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #53 on: April 08, 2016, 05:09:22 PM »
I just had a coworker today tell me he spent more than $100,000 on his daughter's special day. I sort of just stared at him shell-shocked. I think he wanted to be congratulated.

I had an Asian themed wedding for no other reason than when we were checking out a venue, we found an old Japanese-style train station in the middle of a Japanese garden and thought it was gorgeous. I wore a cheongsam-style dress that I bought in China Town in New York for $18. We saved A TON of money by having red, gold, and black as our wedding colors. I think the total for our wedding was about $4500, which was split evenly among my parents (venue and food), my MIL (photographer), and us (everything else). My sister outdid me, though, and had my mom get ordained online and had a quickie wedding in a park. So far both marriages are going strong :)

MrsPete

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #54 on: April 08, 2016, 06:32:58 PM »
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 

MrsPete

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #55 on: April 08, 2016, 06:37:14 PM »
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 

We went out this afternoon and had some moderate luck:  Several nice dresses in the $250 range, but none were "the one".  I really liked a $129 dress on the clearance rack, but it was the last one and too small. 
« Last Edit: April 09, 2016, 02:45:47 PM by MrsPete »

Ralph2

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #56 on: April 08, 2016, 08:09:06 PM »
My wedding was in the local rotunda, reception at wife's parents house. Not a lot of cost involved at all.

however there are a large number of venues in the valley region that include wedding venues that are also motels/resorts where the wedding includes paid accommodation for all guests who wish to stay overnight.
Not uncommon for the all up price to go over $50k.

Not to mention chartered flights and resort weddings in Fiji etc. Would hate see the all up cost when it includes 3 - 4 nights accommodation for all.

hernandz

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #57 on: April 09, 2016, 01:34:47 PM »
Someday I will have ask my mom if she remembers what her wedding dress cost.  It was bought in 1959 for her wedding, then lent to my godmother for her wedding in 1960, and then in 1989, I ruthlessly had it remodeled for my wedding.  Knowing the relative poverty of my parents and grandparents, I have no trouble believing that my grandmother traded some labor or schmoozed in order to get a discount on the dress. 

MrsPete

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #58 on: April 09, 2016, 02:48:57 PM »
I think the article has it backwards.  Fast fashion is perfect for wedding dresses that will only be worn once.  There's no need for durable fabrics or stitching that will hold up for long term wear. 
I've always thought the same thing!  Why does quality matter in a one-time use dress? 

We went out this afternoon and had some moderate luck:  Several nice dresses in the $250 range, but none were "the one".  I really liked a $129 dress on the clearance rack, but it was the last one and too small.
Update:  My daughter came home and kept talking about one of the more expensive dresses she tried on.  We went online to check it out -- yep, someone's selling one on ebay, her size, unaltered $57 ... INCLUDING a slip and a veil.  Wish me luck; it'll be a few days 'til we know whether we win it and just how much it'll end up costing.

brycedoula

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #59 on: April 09, 2016, 07:24:05 PM »
Yikes! My marriage is definitely "cheapened", then.

I bought my dress @ David's Bridal (how common!) & sold it the next year for about 50% of the price I paid. My reasons for selling were twofold: A) sell before it goes out of style; B) it's only taking up space in a small house.

And I truly wanted to buy my wedding dress used, but was unable to find the style I wanted (tea length) in the right size (shipping/duty from USA to Canada often negates the "good deals" available online).

MrsTuxedocat

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #60 on: April 09, 2016, 11:10:03 PM »
Ugh, I'd like to say that I am surprised by this article but it seems to be common today. Along the same vein as I need a large diamond ring to signify my fiancÚ love. Total crap!

My wedding dress was just under $300. It was a custom made mermaid style dress shipped directly from the factory in China.

Penny Lane

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #61 on: April 10, 2016, 09:32:59 AM »
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

My wedding dress was under $200 at Laura Ashley, the reception was catered by a friend at our 18th century farmhouse after the ceremony at our uni chapel.  Our 30th is next month.  We have been FI for a long time.  I cannot imagine having debt related to a wedding going into a marriage.

pbkmaine

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Penny Lane

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #63 on: April 10, 2016, 09:44:10 AM »
PBK, that was truly awesome!  The crochet world beyond doilies!!  I knew a very clever beautiful young women years ago who used her grandmother's lovely old linen napkins to piece together a stunning gown.  Be a bit chilly to wear up hear in ME though.

Meowmalade

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Seppia

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #65 on: April 10, 2016, 10:07:58 AM »
I just learned that at least in the United States it is common practice to get into debt to purchase an engagement ring, so nothing here surprises me.

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #66 on: April 10, 2016, 10:48:20 AM »
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

KodeBlue

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #67 on: April 10, 2016, 11:32:10 AM »
I've always lived in Texas and all weddings I went to were just punch and cake until the mid-80s.  I was a married adult before I knew that meals were served at weddings.
I grew up in TX (Brownsville-So.Padre Island area) and same here.

pbkmaine

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #68 on: April 10, 2016, 12:42:52 PM »
PBK, that was truly awesome!  The crochet world beyond doilies!!  I knew a very clever beautiful young women years ago who used her grandmother's lovely old linen napkins to piece together a stunning gown.  Be a bit chilly to wear up hear in ME though.

In Maine you'd want white velvet and snowshoes .

bobechs

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #69 on: April 10, 2016, 12:51:00 PM »
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

I think what that means is buy land and people; then you can have a real fairy-tale Old South plantation-style wedding.

KodeBlue

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #70 on: April 10, 2016, 01:01:46 PM »
Wait...it's affordable wedding dresses that cheapen marriage? I thought it was same-sex marriage...

Seppia

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Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #71 on: April 10, 2016, 02:48:23 PM »
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

What's the problem with farmland?
It's not my cup of tea but you can live off of it nicely if you put in the work.

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.

Something like this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyface_Farm
« Last Edit: April 10, 2016, 02:50:24 PM by Seppia »

mountains_o_mustaches

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #72 on: April 10, 2016, 05:32:21 PM »
The wedding industrial complex is terrifying...
You know, I thought that ... but now my daughter and her friends are finishing college and entering "the wedding years" ... and I'm not seeing it in real life.  Oh, it's alive and well on the internet, but the girls I know personally -- and some of them are from wealthy families -- are making sensible, moderate plans for their big days: 
 now.  Again, when I was married, I'd only ever seen -- at most -- a single champagne toast, and that was rare.

Even if it's not alive in well in the folks you know it's DEFINITELY alive and well at the vendors for basically ANYTHING wedding related.  Wedding planning was a nightmare for me for this reason because 1) I was iffy about wanting a wedding in the first place 2) have been a tomboy most of my life 3) definitely did not want a princess-type wedding and 4) was sure as hell not spending an obscene amount of money on this thing.  Literally every vendor (save our awesome jeweler who didn't give us side eye when we talked about budget and wanting something simple and inexpensive for our wedding bands) started with the typical WIC hype and then when I'd talk about what I wanted (e.g., blue wedding dress, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, etc.) they would either try to convince me that I was making the worst decision of my life and/or treat me like I had the plague...

Seppia

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #73 on: April 11, 2016, 12:08:41 AM »
A strategy that worked for us was NOT to say it was a wedding.
It seems like caterers, florists and all merchants add an extra markup when it's a wedding.
We still spent an obscene amount of money (about $9000 all included), but the amount was significantly less than average.
We are Italians, so the wedding party is an important social event.
We would have been ok with zero party or "beers at a bar", but we did not want to humiliate our families, so we opted for a compromise.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #74 on: April 11, 2016, 08:24:16 AM »

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.


Instead of buying an expensive wedding dress?  Even if I take the entire cost of my spendy-pants wedding , I don't think I can buy much land. No one sells farm land by the quarter-acre... and a quarter-acre in my neighborhood costs almost 4 times my wedding.

And farming is effing hard work. And a small farm is very feast/famine.

nereo

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #75 on: April 11, 2016, 08:35:15 AM »
I cannot understand all this overspending/overplanning on weddings.  Buy land, people, if you have extra $$$.

Land... as in for a farm?  Or as an investment? Why not an REIT?  I'm confused...

What's the problem with farmland?
It's not my cup of tea but you can live off of it nicely if you put in the work.

Edit: I mean by producing your own food and selling the surplus to fund everyday expenses.
Could be a nice way to live fired life.

Something like this
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyface_Farm

I don't have a problem with farmland, and I dream of (returning) to an existence where I'm able to provide >50% of my food.
I just didn't follow the poster's jump. 
It's as if someone asked the question "is spending a huge amount on a fancy renovation idiotic?" and the response was: "you should make your own pizza sauce!" To me it's complete non-sequitous.

If the point was that instead of spending money on a dress you should invest it by owning real-estate... i kinda (sorta) get where that was coming from.  Otherwise... I'm just baffled how owning land came out of discussion about the cost of a wedding dress.

Seppia

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #76 on: April 11, 2016, 08:42:37 AM »
Oh ok got it

Hunny156

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #77 on: April 11, 2016, 01:37:08 PM »
Ugh, I wish I was more mustachian and more willing to stand up to my parents when we got married.  If I was getting married now, things would have been different!

I did buy the book Bridal Bargains, and I saved a lot on the crap that was "required".  I got a lot of side eye for that book.

I had a destination wedding (Vegas), for maybe 30 people, b/c we lived in NY and there was no way I was spending $50K - $100K on a party filled with people I did not know or care about.  Most family members refused to attend, and one said that only "damaged goods get married in Vegas".

While most of my friends spent $3K - $10K on their gowns, I went "cheap" at $650.  It was a gorgeous dress, but I am one of those people who does not look great in white.  I found a cream colored two piece silk number I absolutely adored (and I could re-use after!), but my Mom was paying for the dress so she could control what I wore, and there was no way cream was going to fly.  My dress had silver embroidery on it, and even that was tough for her to swallow.

After the wedding, I had the dress laundered and preserved, wasting another $200 on that process.  Years later, I sold the dress on Ebay and got $40 for it.  Sucks that the auction didn't go higher, but I did learn why they don't want you breaking the seal on that preservation bull.  My dress had a white satin strip around the base of the dress, and the train had gotten dirty just by walking over the carpeting in the casino - I never wore the dress outside.  It didn't look like there was any effort made to clean that part of the dress!

Many lessons learned, and none of them contributed to the success of our marriage, 5 months away from the big 15 year anniversary!!

RetiredAt63

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Re: Affordable Wedding Dresses Cheapen Marriage?
« Reply #78 on: April 19, 2016, 10:36:57 AM »
The crocheter and the dress are on Ravelry.  Great story, gorgeous dress.  Size 30 crochet thread is killer.

https://www.theknot.com/content/this-bride-crocheted-her-wedding-dress-on-the-bus-to-work

My favorite wedding dress story ever.