A Sad Conversation With My Sister

[wing117]

I was very sad by the conversation with my sister last night. She has never made much money (15-25K/yr) as she's always gone into things such as Massage Therapist or Beading/Crafts. Her choice, though.

Her and her SO are looking to buy a home. Her SO makes 150+.

ME: "Awesome! I'm really glad you guys are doing that. Are you looking at buying outright or doing 20% down?"

Sister: "Oh, we're working on saving up for a down payment. We have 1,000 right now and hope to have 4,000 by THE END OF THE YEAR"

I'm going to stop there for a second and let that sink in....  Angry yet? Awesome. Lets continue.

Me: "What the [inappropriate words], [Sister]?? You guys make great money. You'll need to save for a year and a half just to get 3% down for a FHA loan, then have to worry about PMI. If you can just save 10% of your incomes, you'll be able to do your 3% down before December (and I go on to recommend not doing only 3% down, and keeping the home cost low, etc...)"

Sister: "Yeah, rent is 1700/mo, and you know, he's really into Kickstarter and spends upwards to $500 on a single Kickstarter these days, and there isn't much money left over each month after food and bills, so we're saving slowly."

It was a lengthy conversation to say the least with me becoming more and more flabbergasted.  I want to help her, but it's definitely a realization she needs to accept on her (and his) own without me being pushy. It's just... rough to watch happen.

[SnackDog]

Maybe you could lend them the downpayment money...  That's what my mother just did for my spendthrift sister and her husband.

[tomsang]

Maybe you could lend them the downpayment money...  That's what my mother just did for my spendthrift sister and her husband.

No

[MissStache]

Maybe you could lend them the downpayment money...  That's what my mother just did for my spendthrift sister and her husband.

HAHAHAHA!  Good one!  Thanks for the morning guffaw!

[Rebecca Stapler]

Wait, what?! He spends $500/month on Kickstarter?! I am seriously scratching my head here. But maybe I'm missing something, because I only learned about this site yesterday.

[Spork]

Maybe you could lend them the downpayment money...  That's what my mother just did for my spendthrift sister and her husband.

guessing this was meant to be funny....   but ... I'm pretty sure in most states it's illegal to borrow money for a down payment.  You can gift it.  But usually borrowing it is frowned upon.  The whole point of the down payment (for the lender) is to see you have enough risk in the game to avoid walking away.

[lisahi]

Wait, what?! He spends $500/month on Kickstarter?! I am seriously scratching my head here. But maybe I'm missing something, because I only learned about this site yesterday.

My guess is that he's spending $500 on various Kickstarter projects in order to get the "rewards" that come with being a supporter (for an album project, you might get a free download; you may get t-shirts; the opportunity to be an extra in a movie if you spend A LOT; etc.) So, in other words, he's not getting his $500 worth. He's spending $500, feeling good about supporting the independent arts (although it's not charity), and collecting a bunch of trinkets and albums worth, maybe $12 a pop.

[totoro]

I posted a similar issue: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/when-someone-you-love-is-terrible-with-money/msg87355/#msg87355

I have a sister that is terrible with money.  In the end, I have just come to accept it.  I can love her where she is at.  It was a process to get to this stage.  I was able to just feel happy for her happiness when she told me they had booked their tickets to Europe.

[wing117]

Yeah, definitely not giving them a dime. The man makes almost 2x my salary. She has plenty of money as well and I'm a tough love advocate when it comes to money and learning from those mistakes. I'll point you towards the door, but you have to open it and walk through.

And let me be clear on Kickstarter. It's not that he's spending $500/mo. He's spending up to 500 on an individual kickstarter project. I did not get a clear number on his monthly expenditure on that.

I understand the instant feel-good feeling from donating to kickstarter. I have partook in 5 kickstarters myself over the years for things I felt very very strongly about. But I was very caution before handing my money over and have even withdrew my money from a couple before the project end.

[Spork]

Maybe sister needs to start a kickstarter project for "House downpayment".

[AlmostIndependent]

Maybe you could lend them the downpayment money...  That's what my mother just did for my spendthrift sister and her husband.

+1

[mobilisinmobili]

Maybe sister needs to start a kickstarter project for "House downpayment".

Hahahaha. Problem solved.

[MandyM]

I feel your pain. This is basically my whole family. I have a cousin that got married a few years ago. Her parents have some money and told her they would either gift her a large wad of cash for a house downpayment or they would pay for a large lavish wedding. They spent a rumored $80-90K (yes, thousand. Really.) on the wedding and she spent the next 2 years living in the in-laws basement with her new hubby. I experience physical pain every time I think about this.

[Hugh H]

I feel your pain. This is basically my whole family. I have a cousin that got married a few years ago. Her parents have some money and told her they would either gift her a large wad of cash for a house downpayment or they would pay for a large lavish wedding. They spent a rumored $80-90K (yes, thousand. Really.) on the wedding and she spent the next 2 years living in the in-laws basement with her new hubby. I experience physical pain every time I think about this.

Absolutely dumb. I can't believe it.