Author Topic: A rant about messy relatives  (Read 8600 times)

xclonexclonex

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A rant about messy relatives
« on: July 04, 2016, 11:14:25 AM »
I have to rant about family here for a bit. I hate feeling like this, but I canít help it.

We had relatives come over from overseas for a couple of weeks. 

From what I can gather, my relatives are fairly wealthy, and have considerably more disposable income than I do, and they are not afraid to spend it. They are very lavish and generous in spending. They would buy all the groceries, and pick up the check whenever we go out to eat, because the exchange rate is kind of in their favor, and things in the Midwest are cheap anyway. So shopping trips, and eating out at fancy restaurants (at least I consider them fancy) was a daily routine.

They were also extremely kind and understanding when it comes to buying groceries. They would buy their own groceries (more on this later), and did not allow us to pay for anything.

All this is well and good. The problem is, they are EXTREMELY messy people.

I am a firm believer in ďA place for everything and everything in its placeĒ, philosophy. I like to keep things clean and tidy. I donít believe in accumulating stuff, and before I buy things, I like to think of a place for them. I might come across as a little OCD, and while that may be true to some extent, I like to keep things simple. With a system like mine, my life is simple, so I donít spend a lot of time tidying around the house, because everything has a place.

The concept of putting things back in place does not exist in their mind. They use something, and then just leave it on the counter. This includes plates, beer bottles, electronics, you name it. Everything is everywhere. It drove me nuts. I went through 2 weeks of pain because nothing is where it should be, and when I wanted to find something, I would start with the kitchen counter, because more than likely, it would be left there after it was used.

For two evenings, I cleaned up after them, and they were sipping beer at the kitchen counter, while I was cleaning up their mess, and yet it did not occur to them to not make a mess. The idea that some people like to keep their house clean did not cross their mind at all.

We gave up our own bedroom (the master), and we slept in the office on a futon. We put on clean sheets, vacuumed the carpet, and made sure the room smelled nice. I was horrified when I walked into my room the day after they arrived.

http://imgur.com/a/bn9r3

That was the state of our house while they were here. It was like this for two weeks.

The fridge was stuffed with food and considering they ate out every evening, the food that they purchased was wasted. I ended up throwing away a lot of it including a cooked steak that was left in the fridge (not the freezer) for about a week. It started growing mold...it was awful.

In addition to this, they soak in the sun all day sipping orange juice...nothing wrong with it, but they donít take care to ensure that as they are going in and out of the house, flies donít enter inside.

Again, not a big deal by itself, but when you consider the fact that they literally leave trash on the kitchen counter, and by the bed...you now have a bunch of flies hovering around...it was disgusting.

I did not look forward to coming home because of all the things I had to witness. I felt like my space was invaded.

I was in a position to say anything because this would upset the wife. With them being here, she also took some time off from work, and she too started getting careless and added to this mess in more ways than one. She is not the tidiest person herself, but when we are by ourselves, I make sure that she cleans up after herself by reminding her - very nicely of course, but with relatives at our place, I am outnumbered and outspoken.
It took me about 6 hours to get everything cleaned (not just tidy).

http://imgur.com/a/HlBpd

I now look forward to enjoying what is left of 4th of July in my clean home, and I will get to sleep in my own bed after 2 long weeks. Freedom!

Thanks for reading this. I needed to vent.

ejh

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2016, 01:01:35 PM »
Wow sounds like a tough 2 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I would stay up cleaning that mess every night. I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing how it looked.

My wife is also pretty extreme in cleaning - she washes the floor almost every day.
But tidiness and order aren't her strongest areas. She'll leave stuff all over the kitchen counter when making some food or stuff things back in the closet without giving a thought. Granted, she does deal with 2 young babies all day and that's more than a handful - but I feel it's more of her nature or mindset.

I was wondering, how do you manage to remind your wife to clean up without causing a strain? When I mention anything, how she takes it really depends on her mood. Most times I just ignore and tidy up myself, but then my annoyance gets stored inside and will come out at a later time. Every few months I find myself completely reorganizing cabinets which is something I hate doing because I know it won't last long. How do you get your wife to follow suit?

LadyMuMu

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2016, 01:38:51 PM »
Quote
I did not look forward to coming home because of all the things I had to witness. I felt like my space was invaded.

With all due respect, if this is your attitude, you should not host houseguests. Yes, they were messy but not destructive. The way they keep their personal area while staying there is their own business. Also, why did you give them the master bedroom?!? But once you did, it was their space for the duration of their visit. I can't believe you photographed it and posted it online. For some folks, hospitality just isn't their thing--perhaps that is you. Next time, suggest that they stay in a hotel.

Cpa Cat

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2016, 02:15:05 PM »
I eventually learned to stop inviting people to stay in my home. I even got rid of our spare bed and re-purposed the guest room so that I'd have an excuse to tell people they'd need to get a hotel. Sometimes my husband has his friends over, and they leave food trash in the basement. Every time, we have to collect stuff for the garbage. I don't understand it - I'm sure these people have garbage bins in their own homes - it can't be a foreign concept. We've even asked them to pick up their trash! But the worst - oh my god - one of them left chicken bones from KFC and put it under his chair where it was easily missed (by humans). I only discovered it because later that night one of our cats was running around the house with a chicken bone in her mouth - and by that time, she had already torn up and spread around the KFC trash. I think I screamed, "WHAT THE ACTUAL F---! WE'RE VEGETARIANS! WHO DOES THIS IN OUR HOME?!"

It sounds (and looks) like they treated your home like a vacation rental. I wouldn't want to come home to that mess, either. There are many annoying things in those pictures - like why would someone cook eggs and then leave the eggs on the counter instead of putting them back in the fridge? And why is that bag of chips open to get stale?

But, I also have other questions...

Why do those people love orange juice so much? 

Why do you keep vinegar in your fridge?

Why is there no furniture or wall decorations in your house?

SilveradoBojangles

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2016, 02:30:11 PM »
Given that your house looks pretty spartan, I'm guessing that you have more hang ups than most people do about things being left out in the open. Without a doubt a good house guests would have picked up on this (possibly from the audible teeth grinding on your part?) and done a better job of leaving things as they found it, but it's not like they damaged anything or really trashed the place irreversibly. They just left stuff out on the counters. Which is annoying, but easily remedied. I was expecting the worst from those photos, but I was like, eh, 30 minutes of tidying should sort it.   

I think the real issue is that 2 weeks is a long time to have other people in your space, and it sounds like this visit caused you great psychological pain, so perhaps next time suggest a hotel?

gooki

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2016, 04:55:14 PM »
Do they have a live in maid where they're from?

human

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2016, 08:03:53 PM »
They obviously knew this would drive you nuts. They are probably at home now having a good laugh about it, and telling the story to anyone who will listen. Hey you know cousin xclone? That anal guy who thinks he's better than everyone? Yeah we fucked up his place good! Even the wife got in on it!

The Money Monk

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2016, 01:37:03 AM »
For some reason the picture isn't loading for me, so I can only guess what it looks like.

My philosophy is that until you have actually said something, you can't really complain. If you are just silently seething the whole time about something that they certainly weren't even thinking about,  then it's just your problem. Regardless of what is making you upset, If it's not a big enough deal for you to even talk to them about it, then you are just being petulant.

Stuff that seems completely obvious to you is not necessarily that way to somebody else. Simply setting something on the counter after you use it (while admittedly lazy) is not something that is bothersome to everyone or always considered rude or boorish.

It obviously bothers you, and that's not "wrong", but if you haven't even politely mentioned it to them you don't really have grounds to be mad at them.

MayDay

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2016, 07:43:27 AM »
I'm fairly tidy, although not freakishly so.  Having house guests makes me a bit batty, but all our family lives far away, so what are you gonna do?

I remember as a kid, my whole family took a 10 day trip to Europe to visit my aunt and uncle who were living abroad.  There were 8 of us coming.  My aunt was a tidy housekeeper, and mess drove her batty.  My mom had a firm talk with all of us kids that every single item we brought with us was to be kept IN OUR SUITCASE at all times, with the suitcase closed.  Nothing tossed about the house, or left out to work on later.  Put it all away, at all times.  That is a valuable lesson on being a houseguest that sticks with me today.  I think perhaps 1% of houseguests have learned this lesson.

To me the kitchen mess is definitely annoying, but the piles of shoes/bags/random items of clothing/books, etc scattered about are crazy-making.  But having seen these people's houses, I know that is how they live at home, so they aren't being especially rude.  And in the case of the worst offender, she does in fact live in a developing country and has a maid to pick up after her at home. 

So vent away!  But then move on and don't let it bother you long term.  Family can make you crazy but that is life.

golden1

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2016, 08:54:33 AM »
Quote
I eventually learned to stop inviting people to stay in my home.

This.  I do have one small spare bed, but my house is not house guest friendly and that is the way I prefer it honestly.  I am a pretty extreme introvert and I have a hard enough time sharing my house with my immediate family let alone other people.

When I was 30 weeks pregnant with my first child, my mother and stepfather had a minor emergency of their own doing, and they called and asked it they could stay in our home.  I knew that if I got them in the house it would take months or possibly longer to get them out but it was still so hard to say no to family.  My husband stepped up and talked to them for me and I am forever grateful for that.  We decided to pay for two weeks in the local homestead suites and then let them figure out the rest, which they did.  I think having that hotel bill over their heads spurred them to get jobs and get their act together. 

gggggg

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2016, 07:08:50 PM »
I've gotten rid of all the furniture in my spare bedroom to discourage folks from staying over. I may get a futon for emergencies, but just an inexpensive, not so comfy one, so folks don't get too settled. I will host someone in a true emergency of course; but just so someone can crash for the heck of it? No.

Making Cookies

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2016, 08:22:18 AM »
Just live a few hundred miles from all the relatives with messy lives. ;)

I don't want to long term host the friend or relative that stumbles through life seemingly on instinct alone.

MgoSam

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2016, 01:59:33 PM »
I haven't had anyone stay over at my house since I bought it, but I just can't imagine putting up with someone's shit.

My sister is very strict about shoes and cleanliness in her house, which I totally understand and respect. What I do want to ask her is, "WTF do you and your husband treat my parent's house like a hotel?" They have 3 little kids, I understand that their kids will make some messes, but there is no reason for either of you to be walking around the house with shoes on (unless you just came in from outside and are doing something urgent), nor to leave things on for someone else to pick up, nor do you get to walk away from spills that you made. Of course, not my house so not my problem.

BlueHouse

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2016, 02:41:21 PM »
I still cannot see the images, despite trying on multiple devices.  Why can't you just upload them? 


lizzzi

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2016, 04:14:35 PM »
I can't see the images either, but I do think that anybody who stays at another person's house should treat it with respect. I could not imagine staying over at someone's place, or being a house guest for days or weeks, and not being careful to keep my space clean and neat, and not messing up the shared spaces. It's just basic good manners. I used to like overnight guests or longer-term houseguests, but I don't anymore. My home has become a haven, and while I would never turn someone away who needed a place to stay (briefly), I don't encourage it anymore, either...for most of the same reasons others have posted.

Cassie

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2016, 05:33:09 PM »
I can't see them either but I have never had guests come and make a mess and we host people frequently. I invited my closest friends from HS to stay a week with us and I had not seen them in 10 years-we are in our 60's. Everyone helped with dishes, etc and no one made a mess.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #16 on: July 29, 2016, 03:07:11 AM »
I'm unfortunately hosting some of my daughter's extended family for a few weeks. They're basically pigs.

MrsDinero

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #17 on: July 29, 2016, 05:18:31 AM »
We are currently hosting friends of my husband and while they are not pigs (and pitch in with dishes), having an additional 3 people in the house (2 adults, 1 teenager) certainly makes for a messier house.  We have designated a spot for all their luggage and belongings, so it is somewhat contained. 

What gets me is all the plastic bottles!  They stopped by the store to get some food they like and came back with a huge pack of bottled water.  I am constantly finding 1/4-1/2 full bottles everywhere!  On the bookshelf, end tables, window sill, etc.  No one can remember which ones are theirs so they end up getting dumped and the plastic tossed in the recycling bin.

My poor husband even though these are his friends and they are very nice people, he is an introvert and I can tell that he is starting to get stressed out.

sis

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #18 on: July 29, 2016, 05:33:57 AM »
We are currently hosting friends of my husband and while they are not pigs (and pitch in with dishes), having an additional 3 people in the house (2 adults, 1 teenager) certainly makes for a messier house.  We have designated a spot for all their luggage and belongings, so it is somewhat contained. 

What gets me is all the plastic bottles!  They stopped by the store to get some food they like and came back with a huge pack of bottled water.  I am constantly finding 1/4-1/2 full bottles everywhere!  On the bookshelf, end tables, window sill, etc.  No one can remember which ones are theirs so they end up getting dumped and the plastic tossed in the recycling bin.

My poor husband even though these are his friends and they are very nice people, he is an introvert and I can tell that he is starting to get stressed out.

Do you have plants to water?  That's a good way to get rid of partially filled bottles of water.

Living in a tiny apartment, we don't often have guests.  When we do, we live in a big city, so people will mostly be out for the day and then I'll try to sneak in a tiny bit of cleaning.

Rollin

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #19 on: July 29, 2016, 05:42:48 AM »
Life is way too short to worry about this stuff. Enjoy the company instead. Really get inside the things that you admire about them. If you don't have anything to admire, find something.

MrsDinero

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2016, 06:18:26 AM »


Do you have plants to water?  That's a good way to get rid of partially filled bottles of water.


We actually don't!  I gave up trying to have houseplants years ago. I have a tendency to kill any houseplant, even cacti and succulents.

iris lily

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #21 on: July 29, 2016, 06:45:12 AM »
We need to have houseguests at a minimm of once a year because it forces us to clean house thoroughly. So, I appreciate them for that reason.

Making Cookies

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #22 on: July 29, 2016, 07:07:33 AM »
What gets me is all the plastic bottles!

The plastic waste! Buy a gallon jug of water, a pack of red cups and a marker. Put everyone's name on their cup. Reuse, reuse, reuse.

That's how we get through whole family vacations.

MgoSam

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Re: A rant about messy relatives
« Reply #23 on: July 29, 2016, 10:01:01 AM »
We need to have houseguests at a minimm of once a year because it forces us to clean house thoroughly. So, I appreciate them for that reason.

Before I had a tenant I found it somewhat difficult to get the motivation to clean. My kitchen and other rooms weren't a pigsty, but they weren't neat either. I tried to host a dinner party at least once a month to force me to clean everything.