Author Topic: 31 year old man-child lives with mommy and daddy and thinks he's awesome-sauce  (Read 26892 times)

TravelJunkyQC

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onlykelsey

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What a jerk. 

thd7t

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Well, that was unbearable. I couldn't read past the first couple of paragraphs. He says he's not lazy, but that doesn't mean that he isn't a leech.

aasdfadsf

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The Toronto real estate market is a suckers game, but buying $130 per shot scotch is a good value? Okaaaaay....

bacchi

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I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs either. It didn't ring true, for one thing. Typical setup -- brag and then self-deprecate. "We blew $600 on alcohol...but we couldn't get laid." Blah blah blah.



jinga nation

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It was all me... me... me. Meh! I read the whole thing. Not surprised one bit since I know people in their late-20s to early-30s doing the same thing in Florida. Educated working professionals.
He didn't see the wisdom in his parents saving for hard times when the father was out of work.
Short term gains for long term pain.

Slee_stack

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I glazed over after a bit too.

I don't have a problem with the 'experience new things' mentality, but he's way too narrow minded.  The stories 'sound' fun, but that's also the problem...they sound like 'stories'.

So jetsetting was a blast for a few weeks.  How much more fun could he have had if he spent the same amount of money over a few months on simpler pursuits?  A few years?  His presumption would be that he would have missed out on the 'crazay adventures'.  MMm k.  Live for today.  Worry about tomorrow when it comes.


At least he can regale his colleagues about his bro-ventures when he's 70.

Why are the only two choices waste a ton of money OR buy a house in Toronto anyway?

Maybe he will die early.  umm...congrats?


Cannot Wait!

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Well, at least he's consciously making the decision to blow money - instead of mindlessly blowing money?

One day he will grow up.

Although it is their own fault for enabling both sons, I still feel bad for the poor parents who probably have big hearts.

Digital Dogma

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Quote
You could argue that I’m a much more responsible contributor to the economy by being such a conspicuous consumer.

I'd argue hes a conspicuous sucka who can't control his impulses.

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I’ve had girls over, but they rarely stay the night.

I'm surprised hes not paying excessively for this too. And I'm not talking about a hotel room.

onlykelsey

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Why are the only two choices waste a ton of money OR buy a house in Toronto anyway?


This was confusing to me, too.  It sounds to me like Toronto real estate is overvalued, that's true.  But I don't follow from "real estate is overvalued" to 200 DOLLAR SHOTS OF WHISKY WOOHOO!

nereo

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This is an absolute train wreck. 
A few of passages that I found particularly interesting from the article:
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Gradually, I became desensitized, except for the split second when the bill would arrive—that momentary twinge of guilt doesn’t ever totally go away. But the Core Four and I (the schoolteacher’s hand-wringing notwithstanding) don’t judge or guilt-trip each other; we just do it.
He's become desensitized to shelling out ever increasing amounts of money.  Previously he balked at a $150 meal, and now he has only a passing twinge of guilt when it tops $1500. Parallels can be made to drug use...

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Would I be better off chained to a mortgage? Who am I hurting by living this way? I’m not contributing to this country’s out-of-control household debt levels or helping heat up an already too-hot real estate market. You could argue that I’m a much more responsible contributor to the economy by being such a conspicuous consumer.
The author presents a false dichotomy; that the choice is either to own a house in suburbia or live as they do.  He even spends and entire paragraph suggesting that owning something in the city is simply not possible despite a $130k salary. As if there is no other place one can live but in the most expensive parts of one of the most expensive cities in North America.
Then his argument is that he's a better member of society because he's such a conspicuous consumer - ha!

Quote
My parents raised us to understand that money was something to be guarded. They’d do funny little things like unscrew the light bulb in the microwave to save on the hydro bill. They were always preparing for the worst-case scenario—layoffs, catastrophic injury, storm of the century—and it was a good thing they did. There were times when my dad was out of work, but my parents had money saved. A few months later, he’d get another job, and my brother and I were none the wiser.
Facinating; the author doesn't make the connection between his parents financial decisions and the fact that as children they didn't even notice when their father was laid off - yet he openly mocks them for doing things like unscrewing the lightbulb in the microwave.


Quote
My parents are often disappointed in my choices, but they’re from another era. Yes, there are drawbacks to living at home. My folks are devout Christians, and they don’t condone sex before marriage. I’ve had girls over, but they rarely stay the night. If they do, my mom makes them sleep in the basement, and she keeps one eye open all night. Do they love when I come home at four in the morning? No. But they get over it.
WOW. Just... wow!

Quote
I don’t want to be living paycheque to paycheque when I’m 40.
He is single, makes $130k/year and pays nothing in rent. He could be a millionaire by 40 while still leading a ridiculous lifestyle.... but of course I'm preaching to the choir here.
« Last Edit: June 29, 2016, 02:09:25 PM by nereo »

RocketSurgeon

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When people say that experience > things, it's kind of implied that 'experiences' include more than just getting blackout drunk, I think.

StockBeard

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I don't understand all the hate. The guy chooses to pay for experiences/happiness rather than an over-valued things (house) that don't bring happiness. Isn't that what some of this site is about?
Sure, he's spending a lot of money on it, but I didn't read anything in here that made me want to call him a "jerk" or a "sucka".

Not everyone's mad for the frugal life, and as far as non frugal people go, at least I think he understands and explains clearly his own priorities, and spending his money in ways that maximize his enjoyment. Not frugal, but partly on line with principles on this site.

Digital Dogma

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Sure, he's spending a lot of money on it, but I didn't read anything in here that made me want to call him a "jerk" or a "sucka".

Did you spot the part about him and his brother taking advantage of their parents for the past decade+ in order to consume more luxuries?

nereo

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Not everyone's mad for the frugal life, and as far as non frugal people go, at least I think he understands and explains clearly his own priorities, and spending his money in ways that maximize his enjoyment. Not frugal, but partly on line with principles on this site.
His lifestyle is neither frugal nor in line with principles on this site.  He openly admits that his parents are helping finance his lifestyle despite earning $130k/year. He's not financially independent and isn't making any effort to become so, despite having no dependents and an income which puts him in the top 3% of Canadians.
Also, his spending isn't about maximizing his enjoyment of life, though he tries to argue that's what he's doing. Instead of focusing on what things add value to his life he and his 'core-fore' just tossing money around in ever-escalating ways. Take the example of the wine - he brags about how he goes for $200 bottles and whines about how 'experience' has ruined cheaper wines. Yet most decent wine afficianados will tell you there's a lot of quality stuff at much lower pricepoints, and the really expensive bottles are there because rich patrons (called "whales" in the industry) will order them regardless. He's not making international travel a priority; instead he's booking things last minute, seemingly going just for the hell of it instead of because it's someplace he's really wanted to visit. If he really was interested in international travel he could do a hell of a lot more with a hell of a lot less and it would still be considered luxurious by any measure.

MarciaB

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I thought it was very interesting about the mother doing the laundry and making meals, but the parents not accepting money for expenses from the sons. Because if he did indeed pay rent/board (which would be fair of course) it would be a nice second income for his parents, and a fair exchange for him (and so mustachian to keep living expenses moderate). But it sounds like whatever culture they're from is one where adult children do not pay to live at home.

Imagine the FI potential of low/no living expenses combined with mindful spending (not the stupid shit he does) on that income. Wow...

DagobertDuck

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His money, his decisions, not my problem. :-)

At least his choises are radical and he's a total jerk about it. I like that.

Slee_stack

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I don't understand all the hate. The guy chooses to pay for experiences/happiness rather than an over-valued things (house) that don't bring happiness. Isn't that what some of this site is about?
Sure, he's spending a lot of money on it, but I didn't read anything in here that made me want to call him a "jerk" or a "sucka".

Not everyone's mad for the frugal life, and as far as non frugal people go, at least I think he understands and explains clearly his own priorities, and spending his money in ways that maximize his enjoyment. Not frugal, but partly on line with principles on this site.
I don't mind him using his money on anything he wants and working forever (if hes allowed to), but I do believe in 'Take care of yourself first'  (ie don't become a burden to society)

His live for today (and today only) mindset is a common road to public assistance.  At the moment, his parents are enabling this attitude.  Chances are they won't live forever.  Will there be any money left over to keep supporting him when they pass?  Or will responsible Canadian taxpayers have to step in?

There are plenty worse leeches on society than he, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't own up to to a little more fiscal responsibility. 

StockBeard

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He does mention he has (at least) $50'000 in savings, which puts him way ahead of the pack in terms of "not blowing money away", I don't think such people become a drag on society.
He's also implying that he wouldn't go into debt to fund his lifestyle, explicitly mentioning he would cut back on expenses if his parents weren't paying for his rent.

So I'm not seeing anything about that guy not being able to be financially independent, or leading to public assistance need.

Cannot Wait!

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And his parents will probably leave him the house...

notactiveanymore

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I really just feel sorry for the guy. Which is funny because I'm sure he feels sorry for those of us who are grinding it out and saving money and delaying some gratification now to save for the future. But I think it's pretty sad when people think you can't be happy if you're not throwing all your money at more food than you can even eat, more booze than you'll remember drinking, and last minute trips to just go do the same exact thing in a different city.

But yeah, it's definitely the all or nothing attitude these kind of people have that is most jarring. Especially for someone who makes such good money with so few expenses, his justifications are just so hollow. As if because he can't afford to buy the multi-million dollar home in downtown Toronto he should instead spend $7k a month on food and drink.

It's an attitude that makes a lot more sense to me if you are poor, feel like you can never get ahead, and expect that your life could never improve.

The other thought I had while reading this is that I'd love to see how much this guy weighs/how bad his health is. I don't think you can work as much as he claims and eat and drink as much as he claims AND have enough time to burn of all those wine calories.

TheGrimSqueaker

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He says he doesn't want to be living paycheque to paycheque when he's 40, and yet he's doing everything possible to make sure that's what happens to him.

syednaeemul

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If only there was a "Where Are They Now" series 10 years into the future, where we find the AntiMustachian case studies

Josiecat

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This dude only makes $130K?  He is acting like he makes $500K.  Bet he is spending more than he is bring in.

LeRainDrop

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I really just feel sorry for the guy. Which is funny because I'm sure he feels sorry for those of us who are grinding it out and saving money and delaying some gratification now to save for the future. But I think it's pretty sad when people think you can't be happy if you're not throwing all your money at more food than you can even eat, more booze than you'll remember drinking, and last minute trips to just go do the same exact thing in a different city.

But yeah, it's definitely the all or nothing attitude these kind of people have that is most jarring. Especially for someone who makes such good money with so few expenses, his justifications are just so hollow. As if because he can't afford to buy the multi-million dollar home in downtown Toronto he should instead spend $7k a month on food and drink.

I completely agree with you.  As I read the article, I just thought how monotonous and depressing that lifestyle sounded.  Different strokes for different folks, but I personally interpret that as using extreme excess to cover a lot of sadness and loneliness.

MoneyCat

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When Gen Xers say they hate Millennials, it's really just because of guys like the one of that article. What a big baby. He reminds me of the guy from Grandma's Boy who was wearing a onesie and sleeping in a car bed when he was like 35: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZCWDAcWov4

Tjat

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I don't hate this guy. If he makes enough money to have a super-extravagant lifestyle and his parents are fine with he and his brother living at home, this doesn't affect me in the slightest. Now if he loses his job, racks up a ton of debt living like a playboy, and then comes asking for handouts...then I'll hate him.

GuitarStv

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I don't really get the appeal of living the way that he does.  That said, I'm happy that the detached house we bought five years ago in Toronto is going to be paid off in a couple months.  :P

RocketSurgeon

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When Gen Xers say they hate Millennials, it's really just because of guys like the one of that article. What a big baby. He reminds me of the guy from Grandma's Boy who was wearing a onesie and sleeping in a car bed when he was like 35: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZCWDAcWov4

Metric Mouse

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so... 31, single, living at home with his parents and his older brother... but, you know, he went 220km/hr in a rented race car. So he's got that going for him.

Dezrah

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(I wasn't able to read the full article but I get the gist from what the posters have stated.)

If everything goes perfectly smoothly in his life, then yes, there was no harm to himself or others in the way he's living his life.  The problem though is living so extravagantly makes him so much more vulnerable to all these curveballs life throws at people.  He could lose his job, get in a serious accident, have a cancer scare, fall victim to a crime, injure a pedestrian, lose all his worldly goods in a fire, etc.  Will all those happen to him?  No.  Will something happen to him in the course of his life?  There's a pretty good chance it will.  Without a buffer in lifestyle, adequate protection, nest eggs, etc. he's so much more at risk that a single event will just obliterate him. 

I've seen these statistics claiming major sources of debt for most people come less from conspicuous consumption and more from traumatic events that have inherently large bills (medical debt) or require debt to survive (buying food after a job loss).  But all these studies fail to acknowledge that the "reasonable" lifestyle before hand is what lead to these people not have a cushion in the first place.  The pros on this forum could have any of these bad things happen to them too, but their reserves and resourcefulness would allow them to take it in stride and bounce back unscathed.

There are so many people who legitimately cannot prepare and protect themselves adequately.  These people have no choice but to hope their luck holds out long enough for them to get a leg up and I'm glad there are public assistance methods to help them when the shit hits the fan. 

The author is truly failing to recognize what amazing privilege and opportunity he has right now to help his future self get through a hard time.  He instead chooses to squander it and that is very sad.

nereo

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so... 31, single, living at home with his parents and his older brother... but, you know, he went 220km/hr in a rented race car. So he's got that going for him.
Yeah... for the record 220km/hr = 136mph.  Forgive me but that doesn't exactly impress me, especially since it's a Lamborghini.  A slightly younger, stupider me would occasionally push my VW past 120mph on the long, lonely stretches between Nevada, Utah and Wyoming.  Get it up past 180mph and I might be impressed... but those rental tracks will never let you do it.

Metric Mouse

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so... 31, single, living at home with his parents and his older brother... but, you know, he went 220km/hr in a rented race car. So he's got that going for him.
Yeah... for the record 220km/hr = 136mph.  Forgive me but that doesn't exactly impress me, especially since it's a Lamborghini.  A slightly younger, stupider me would occasionally push my VW past 120mph on the long, lonely stretches between Nevada, Utah and Wyoming.  Get it up past 180mph and I might be impressed... but those rental tracks will never let you do it.

Hell, my $8,000 Japanese motorcycle will do a buck-twenty down the open back roads. If he was a real baller, he'd buy his own. But, ya know, mom's Subaru is in the garage, and who wants a car payment?

RFAAOATB

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All of this will be forgiven if he cuts his friends from two of his extravagant vacations per year and brings his parents along for Mother's Day and Father's Day.  They had the misfortune of being young poor immigrant parents back in the day and definitely should have a taste of the luxurious lifestyle once in a while to see how their hard work paid off.

MgoSam

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All of this will be forgiven if he cuts his friends from two of his extravagant vacations per year and brings his parents along for Mother's Day and Father's Day.  They had the misfortune of being young poor immigrant parents back in the day and definitely should have a taste of the luxurious lifestyle once in a while to see how their hard work paid off.

Yeah I wonder what it must feel like for his parents and for other parents like them that came to the US and worked their butts off in order to give their kids opportunity, only to see them blowing money on partying while the parents are in many ways still supporting them.

nereo

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All of this will be forgiven if he cuts his friends from two of his extravagant vacations per year and brings his parents along for Mother's Day and Father's Day.  They had the misfortune of being young poor immigrant parents back in the day and definitely should have a taste of the luxurious lifestyle once in a while to see how their hard work paid off.

Yeah I wonder what it must feel like for his parents and for other parents like them that came to the US and worked their butts off in order to give their kids opportunity, only to see them blowing money on partying while the parents are in many ways still supporting them.

Well, he's pretty clear that his parents aren't big fans of his lifestyle:
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My parents are often disappointed in my choices, but they’re from another era. ... Do they love when I come home at four in the morning? No. But they get over it.
To me that shows a huge amount of disrespect.

Gondolin

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Nereo - great analysis of the false dichotomy +100 to everything you said.

For those who didn't finish the article - near the end the author goes into some very revealing details about how he got hooked on the club scene and the emotional validation of "being seen" at fancy places. Just goes to show that if you're told that eating and drinking constitute "rare and wild experiences" and that hedonistic excess is the "good life" enough times, you may come to believe it.

The only redeeming feature of the article was the shout out to the vivino wine app. Vivino is a great app since it lets you compare local prices right in the store!

Zamboni

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Meh, I would just kick him out if he was my kid . . . although I can't imagine my children getting sucked into this mind-blowing level of dudebro idiocy.

shelivesthedream

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The upsetting/infuriating bit for me is the following two comparisons that he sets up:

1. My parents the poor immigrants who worked hard and made sacrifices and did well VS. I blow all this money irresponsibly and ungratefully just because I can and have no plan for if anything goes wrong (he is already on what should be the backup backup plan of moving in with his parents)
2. Buying a large overpriced house in Toroto is stupid VS. the only other option is living with my parents.

He admits that his parents aren't happy with some of his choices and do all his laundry, and he thinks it's still OK to treat their house like a hotel. He admits that he could live *almost* as amazing a life if he paid $1500/month in rent. So for me it is inexcusable that he still lives at home. With people like this I always think, "But don't you WANT your independence? Don't you WANT the fun bits of Bing an adult and living on your own?" He could get a flat with his brother and have wild parties together. They could hire a cleaner and get a takeaway every night. It would not have to be so hard to stop being such a colossal asshole to his parents.

LiveLean

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The guy has traveled the world but spent it mostly in clubs.

I guess if that's 75 percent of your bucket list, mission accomplished.

Vanguards and Lentils

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I don't ever want to define myself by how many expensive foods I've been served, how many countries I've vacationed in, or how many "experiences" I paid for. The author is not becoming a more interesting, skilled, or creative person (even though he probably thinks he has developed a refined palate for food and drink - SUCH a desirable "talent").

Solution: a nice long visit to Walden Pond.

nereo

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He admits that his parents aren't happy with some of his choices and do all his laundry, and he thinks it's still OK to treat their house like a hotel. He admits that he could live *almost* as amazing a life if he paid $1500/month in rent. So for me it is inexcusable that he still lives at home. With people like this I always think, "But don't you WANT your independence? Don't you WANT the fun bits of Bing an adult and living on your own?" He could get a flat with his brother and have wild parties together. They could hire a cleaner and get a takeaway every night. It would not have to be so hard to stop being such a colossal asshole to his parents.

Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?


MgoSam

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He admits that his parents aren't happy with some of his choices and do all his laundry, and he thinks it's still OK to treat their house like a hotel. He admits that he could live *almost* as amazing a life if he paid $1500/month in rent. So for me it is inexcusable that he still lives at home. With people like this I always think, "But don't you WANT your independence? Don't you WANT the fun bits of Bing an adult and living on your own?" He could get a flat with his brother and have wild parties together. They could hire a cleaner and get a takeaway every night. It would not have to be so hard to stop being such a colossal asshole to his parents.

Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?

I'm guessing it means take-out.

RocketSurgeon

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The guy has traveled the world but spent it mostly in clubs.

I guess if that's 75 percent of your bucket list, mission accomplished.

Traveled the world? Has he been to any places that don't have a major airport close by?
There's traveling, and then there's traveling.

Something else this reminds of: I know a lot of people that love reposting jokes/memes about vegans/vapers(vapists?) that won't shut up about it, but then go on and on about how much they drink. (in their 30s!)

shelivesthedream

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He admits that his parents aren't happy with some of his choices and do all his laundry, and he thinks it's still OK to treat their house like a hotel. He admits that he could live *almost* as amazing a life if he paid $1500/month in rent. So for me it is inexcusable that he still lives at home. With people like this I always think, "But don't you WANT your independence? Don't you WANT the fun bits of Bing an adult and living on your own?" He could get a flat with his brother and have wild parties together. They could hire a cleaner and get a takeaway every night. It would not have to be so hard to stop being such a colossal asshole to his parents.

Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?

I'm guessing it means take-out.

Yep! And it is a takeaway, with the article, as opposed to takeout which I believe comes without the article.

Metric Mouse

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Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?

I'm guessing it means take-out.

Yep! And it is a takeaway, with the article, as opposed to takeout which I believe comes without the article.

Nice. Which one comes with the duck sauce?

shelivesthedream

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Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?

I'm guessing it means take-out.

Yep! And it is a takeaway, with the article, as opposed to takeout which I believe comes without the article.

Nice. Which one comes with the duck sauce?

"A Chinese". You can also get "an Indian". I think those are the only two that don't also need the word "takeaway" - as in "a Mexican takeaway".

v8rx7guy

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so... 31, single, living at home with his parents and his older brother... but, you know, he went 220km/hr in a rented race car. So he's got that going for him.
Yeah... for the record 220km/hr = 136mph.  Forgive me but that doesn't exactly impress me, especially since it's a Lamborghini.  A slightly younger, stupider me would occasionally push my VW past 120mph on the long, lonely stretches between Nevada, Utah and Wyoming.  Get it up past 180mph and I might be impressed... but those rental tracks will never let you do it.

Some of us own cars that can do just about that in a quarter mile in less than 11 seconds

nereo

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Forgive my lack of understanding of British English, but what is a "takeaway"?

I'm guessing it means take-out.

Yep! And it is a takeaway, with the article, as opposed to takeout which I believe comes without the article.

Nice. Which one comes with the duck sauce?

"A Chinese". You can also get "an Indian". I think those are the only two that don't also need the word "takeaway" - as in "a Mexican takeaway".

Facinating!  I'll have to add that to my list of word differences, along with things like "lift, flat, boot, rubbish, loyry, hire, bobby" and that truly odd way you say and spell the 13th element.

madgeylou

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it's not that this guy is spending on experiences instead of things -- it's that he's using *other people's things.*