This is the world we live in...

[fpjeepy]

What's wrong with a sharpened stick?

[GuitarStv]

I don't know if I'd enjoy a campfire marshmallow that I didn't need to pick bits of branch out of.  It's part of the experience.  That and having some marshmallowl ava burn the crap out of your tongue.

[LD_TAndK]

Bonfires at a family member's vacation house involve sitting around a manufactured "fire pit" on a manicured lawn, burning bundles of plastic wrapped wood ($7 a bundle), and using these extendable marshmallow roasting sticks.

[Sanitary Stache]

We got these as a house warming present and thought the same thing. Except now we use them at least once a month. I certainly appreciate the kids roasting a marshmallow with me searching the goat run for an appropriate stick.

I wouldn’t shake a stick at it.

[ixtap]

Hobo pies, though, totally worth the <$20 they are charging for that. So many hobo pies eaten as a child. We even did pizza ones once at girl scouts.

But then, my parents also have nice long marshmallow sticks these days.

[fpjeepy]

Bonfires at a family member's vacation house involve sitting around a manufactured "fire pit" on a manicured lawn, burning bundles of plastic wrapped wood ($7 a bundle), and using these extendable marshmallow roasting sticks.

Does their neighborhood look like this?

[valsecito]

Bonfires at a family member's vacation house involve sitting around a manufactured "fire pit" on a manicured lawn, burning bundles of plastic wrapped wood ($7 a bundle), and using these extendable marshmallow roasting sticks.

This kindles memories of us visiting my wife's native country in the Baltics. The local sawmill owner touching the side of his head while saying "They're crazy, these Americans. They buy prechopped firewood in plastic bags. For some reason it's cheaper for them to ship it in from across the ocean than to harvest and cut it locally." The man made a small fortune out of it, a big one even by local standards, but it didn't sit well with him he was shipping precious local wood across the ocean.

[Alternatepriorities]

I don't know if I'd enjoy a campfire marshmallow that I didn't need to pick bits of branch out of. It's part of the experience.

I'm with you on this... It's just not the same if I don't scrounge up my own roasting stick. Although I think with marshmallows part of the issue with metal sticks is the metal gets hot first allowing the marshmallow to rotate on the stick and preventing golden brown marshmallow perfection! I don't mind a metal roaster as much cooking a hotdog.

I'd like to contribute this find last month for the absurdity... $15 for three small birch sticks and some twine. This was in a store surrounded by birch trees for miles in every direction.

[314159]

I grew up using those extendable sticks, and I admit I like them. They are completely unnecessary, and I'm not sure I would ever spend my own money on them, but I will use them! Admittedly this was always with backyard firepits; I would not take them camping.

They definitely make it easier to roast the perfect marshmallow, which is a source of friendly competition in my family. The prongs hold the marshmallow in position even when the middle begins to get soft. The stick is perfectly straight, so you can rotate the marshmallow in the exact pocket you found between the burned logs, for even heating. Constant, slow rotation is the key. If your stick is a bit curved then you can easy ram your marshmallow into the ash when turning it.

Not to say an unevenly cooked marshmallow can't be delicious too!

[GuitarStv]

I grew up using those extendable sticks, and I admit I like them. They are completely unnecessary, and I'm not sure I would ever spend my own money on them, but I will use them! Admittedly this was always with backyard firepits; I would not take them camping.

They definitely make it easier to roast the perfect marshmallow, which is a source of friendly competition in my family. The prongs hold the marshmallow in position even when the middle begins to get soft. The stick is perfectly straight, so you can rotate the marshmallow in the exact pocket you found between the burned logs, for even heating. Constant, slow rotation is the key. If your stick is a bit curved then you can easy ram your marshmallow into the ash when turning it.

Not to say an unevenly cooked marshmallow can't be delicious too!

What you're describing above is like replacing a human with a real doll and extolling the virtues of the perfect skin and easy going personality of the facimilie.

A perfect marshmallow comes out of the bag identical and soulless . . . and leaves the fire a unique work of art, with battle scars and stories to tell, at least several blackened charred bits from it's fiery brush with death, and bits of bark/wood inside.

[314159]

I grew up using those extendable sticks, and I admit I like them. They are completely unnecessary, and I'm not sure I would ever spend my own money on them, but I will use them! Admittedly this was always with backyard firepits; I would not take them camping.

They definitely make it easier to roast the perfect marshmallow, which is a source of friendly competition in my family. The prongs hold the marshmallow in position even when the middle begins to get soft. The stick is perfectly straight, so you can rotate the marshmallow in the exact pocket you found between the burned logs, for even heating. Constant, slow rotation is the key. If your stick is a bit curved then you can easy ram your marshmallow into the ash when turning it.

Not to say an unevenly cooked marshmallow can't be delicious too!

What you're describing above is like replacing a human with a real doll and extolling the virtues of the perfect skin and easy going personality of the facimilie.

A perfect marshmallow comes out of the bag identical and soulless . . . and leaves the fire a unique work of art, with battle scars and stories to tell, at least several blackened charred bits from it's fiery brush with death, and bits of bark/wood inside.

:D a striking simile! And a poetic description. Yet the challenge of bringing forth from the unordered fire something which is unnaturally smooth, round, symmetric, even, uniform: I must admit it tempts me.

[314159]

On the subject of the extendable roasting forks: regular old sticks do demand more skill, so they increase the challenge, which can also be welcome.

[dang1]

gathering firewood prohibited

[Dave1442397]

gathering firewood prohibited

So if you can collect > $500 worth, you come out ahead!

[By the River]

gathering firewood prohibited

So if you can collect > $500 worth, you come out ahead!

If it's small birch sticks like above, you break even after only 100 pieces.  What a deal!

[314159]

gathering firewood prohibited

So if you can collect > $500 worth, you come out ahead!

If it's small birch sticks like above, you break even after only 100 pieces.  What a deal!

"No, Mr. Ranger, there's been a big misunderstanding. This isn't firewood, it's decorative wood—it'll never be burned! So there's no need to impose that fine at all. Man, how about that weather?"

[snic]

I grew up using those extendable sticks, and I admit I like them. They are completely unnecessary, and I'm not sure I would ever spend my own money on them, but I will use them! Admittedly this was always with backyard firepits; I would not take them camping.

They definitely make it easier to roast the perfect marshmallow, which is a source of friendly competition in my family. The prongs hold the marshmallow in position even when the middle begins to get soft. The stick is perfectly straight, so you can rotate the marshmallow in the exact pocket you found between the burned logs, for even heating. Constant, slow rotation is the key. If your stick is a bit curved then you can easy ram your marshmallow into the ash when turning it.

Not to say an unevenly cooked marshmallow can't be delicious too!

What you're describing above is like replacing a human with a real doll and extolling the virtues of the perfect skin and easy going personality of the facimilie.

A perfect marshmallow comes out of the bag identical and soulless . . . and leaves the fire a unique work of art, with battle scars and stories to tell, at least several blackened charred bits from it's fiery brush with death, and bits of bark/wood inside.

...and still tastes absolutely disgusting. Am I the only one who finds marshmallows in all their forms, from soulless raw material to the artisanally charred, to be inedible?

[eyesonthehorizon]

...
A perfect marshmallow comes out of the bag identical and soulless . . . and leaves the fire a unique work of art, with battle scars and stories to tell, at least several blackened charred bits from it's fiery brush with death, and bits of bark/wood inside.

...and still tastes absolutely disgusting. Am I the only one who finds marshmallows in all their forms, from soulless raw material to the artisanally charred, to be inedible?

I think it's the combination of vanilla & charred sugar. It works well in liquor, too.

[chemistk]

We have a set of fixed length metal skewers, I think they were $4 at our local Ace Hardware. Two reasons - hot dogs (can cook 3 or 4 on one), and our kids are completely disallowed from using sharpened sticks around the fire. They end up turning them into 'torches' and with their 'torches', they've rendered two camp chairs, two jackets, and a pair of pants useless. My wife and I have too many burns from their 'torches'. So, we use the metal ones, burn the food residue off, and shove them into the dirt or some sand to cool.

I'm hoping that by the time they break, the 'no torches' rule will finally have sunk into their heads. Technically, given the ruined things above, the metal skewers have actually saved us money.

[fpjeepy]

We have a set of fixed length metal skewers, I think they were $4 at our local Ace Hardware. Two reasons - hot dogs (can cook 3 or 4 on one), and our kids are completely disallowed from using sharpened sticks around the fire. They end up turning them into 'torches' and with their 'torches', they've rendered two camp chairs, two jackets, and a pair of pants useless. My wife and I have too many burns from their 'torches'. So, we use the metal ones, burn the food residue off, and shove them into the dirt or some sand to cool.

I'm hoping that by the time they break, the 'no torches' rule will finally have sunk into their heads. Technically, given the ruined things above, the metal skewers have actually saved us money.

Why do the wood ones make better torches than the metal ones? Seems like the flaming mallow is the problem not the stick.

[JAYSLOL]

This all made me remember this hilarious satire on “artisanal” firewood by Canadian Comedy show This Is That

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBb9O-aW4zI

[Alternatepriorities]

This all made me remember this hilarious satire on “artisanal” firewood by Canadian Comedy show This Is That

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBb9O-aW4zI

That was amazing...

At that price, I burn around a million a year! Feeling pretty flush right now sitting by my FIRE!

[fpjeepy]

This all made me remember this hilarious satire on “artisanal” firewood by Canadian Comedy show This Is That

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBb9O-aW4zI

Lol

That's how I see some millennial business ideas...

[OttawaNeal]

This all made me remember this hilarious satire on “artisanal” firewood by Canadian Comedy show This Is That

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBb9O-aW4zI

It was such a great comedy show - the satire would fool so many people. 😂

I had a coworker tell me one day something to the effect that some beer company had effectively bought the rights to the term "Northern Lights," and it was no longer going to be okay to refer to the aurora borealis as the Northern Lights without paying a royalty fee (in regular day to day speech). He was adamant it was true because he'd heard it on CBC radio. Of course it was "This is That!" 😂 I can't seem to find it again unfortunately.

[GuitarStv]

This all made me remember this hilarious satire on “artisanal” firewood by Canadian Comedy show This Is That

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBb9O-aW4zI

It was such a great comedy show - the satire would fool so many people. 😂

I had a coworker tell me one day something to the effect that some beer company had effectively bought the rights to the term "Northern Lights," and it was no longer going to be okay to refer to the aurora borealis as the Northern Lights without paying a royalty fee (in regular day to day speech). He was adamant it was true because he'd heard it on CBC radio. Of course it was "This is That!" 😂 I can't seem to find it again unfortunately.

I showed that video to my wife with a straight face . . . right up until the price tag she was buying it as real.  "Oh, artisanal firewood is a thing now?" was a real comment.  I blame all the damned bearded hipsters.

[Alternatepriorities]

I showed that video to my wife with a straight face . . . right up until the price tag she was buying it as real.  "Oh, artisanal firewood is a thing now?" was a real comment.  I blame all the damned bearded hipsters.

My wife was buying it until the pulled out the tweezers.

[JAYSLOL]

If I hadn’t already been familiar with This Is That, which was basically the CBC Radio’s equivalent of The Onion, I would have bought it until the price tag too.  They did another one with the same actor which was a story about his life commuting from Calgary to Vancouver for work daily… a 1900km journey round trip lol, it was hilarious.  I miss that show on the radio so much

[Dicey]

...and still tastes absolutely disgusting. Am I the only one who finds marshmallows in all their forms, from soulless raw material to the artisanally charred, to be inedible?

Hahaha, I'll take this on. I was a Girl Scout all the way through high school. My Senior Troop was a respected Outdoor Adventure group. For wilderness backpacking trips, we never had S'mores, because we didn't want the weight. S'mores were on the menu only at base camps, competitions, and more casual outdoor gatherings. 

Absent campfire camaraderie, marshmallows have virtually zero appeal. But there's something about being in the right setting that makes them part of the fun.

I have about a dozen fixed metal skewers, all secondhand. No way would I buy more. But wait! Last year, I did buy some extra long bamboo sticks for the Moab Meetup. They were 75% off at Grocery Outtlet. Best of all, I was hanging out with a couple of forum friends when I discovered them.

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

[Alternatepriorities]

That is a fair point about the possibility of poisonous sticks... It's probably best to only use things that you know are save and preferably also grow like weeds...

If you're ever looking for a stick in Alaska:

Birch is sturdy and doesn't have much flavor
Aspen is a little less sturdy but plentiful in many parts of the state where birch isn't
Willow is a bit floppy but works well enough
High bush cranberry is similar smells nice, but is rarely big enough
Alder is okay, but I at least and mildly allergic to it's pollen
A spruce branch will work in a pinch, but it will get pitch on the food and or hands

I find that hunting for good sticks while collecting them in a way that is more helpful pruning instead of just cutting whatever is close adds nicely to the fire experience. Also I realize writing this that I've probably spent an above average amount of time cooking over open fires..

[snic]

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

Man. As if whatever plastic crap is in marshmallows, plus the ash from being charred, weren't toxic enough on their own.

[Dicey]

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

Man. As if whatever plastic crap is in marshmallows, plus the ash from being charred, weren't toxic enough on their own.

Marshmallows are mostly sugar, corn syrup, gelatin and maybe some vanilla. Not exactly good for you, but not plastic. Yes, they do make vegan marshmallows. I usually grab a bag at Whole Foods when provisioning for Moab.

[GuitarStv]

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

Man. As if whatever plastic crap is in marshmallows, plus the ash from being charred, weren't toxic enough on their own.

Marshmallows are mostly sugar, corn syrup, gelatin and maybe some vanilla. Not exactly good for you, but not plastic. Yes, they do make vegan marshmallows. I usually grab a bag at Whole Foods when provisioning for Moab.

We actually make our own marshmallows these days.  :P

https://www.theflavorbender.com/how-to-make-marshmallows-tips-and-tricks-for-homemade-marshmallows/

[eyesonthehorizon]

We actually make our own marshmallows these days.  :P

https://www.theflavorbender.com/how-to-make-marshmallows-tips-and-tricks-for-homemade-marshmallows/

breathlessly: ... rosewater marshmallows ... !!!!

[LaineyAZ]

Marshmallows are food of the gods for toddlers.  I've known several little ones who were successfully potty-trained using only marshmallows as their reward.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

Man. As if whatever plastic crap is in marshmallows, plus the ash from being charred, weren't toxic enough on their own.

Marshmallows are mostly sugar, corn syrup, gelatin and maybe some vanilla. Not exactly good for you, but not plastic. Yes, they do make vegan marshmallows. I usually grab a bag at Whole Foods when provisioning for Moab.

The Moab meetup this year was a marshmallow-tastic extravaganza. I very seldom buy marshmallows but those-- prepared on a toasting fork-- were spectacular.

[Dicey]

OTOH, I grew up where Oleanders grew like weeds. Apparently, one day a couple of kids cut and trimmed sticks to roast weenies on at their backyard campfire, not knowing they are poisonous. All of us kids knew never to use a sharpened stick.

Man. As if whatever plastic crap is in marshmallows, plus the ash from being charred, weren't toxic enough on their own.

Marshmallows are mostly sugar, corn syrup, gelatin and maybe some vanilla. Not exactly good for you, but not plastic. Yes, they do make vegan marshmallows. I usually grab a bag at Whole Foods when provisioning for Moab.

The Moab meetup this year was a marshmallow-tastic extravaganza. I very seldom buy marshmallows but those-- prepared on a toasting fork-- were spectacular.

The marshmallows are pale in comparison to the company and the scenery. Start planning your trip now!

[valsecito]

Totally off topic: in my native region, we mostly have a half pink/half white version that rarely gets roasted. In my mother's native dialect, they're called "nunnebillen" or nun's thighs. In my father's native dialect, they call them "aameikesvlies" or old ladies' meat. We loved them as kids, but we don't

We also have plenty of other candy with interesting names. One of them my grandmother - a devout catholic- used to call "nunnescheten" or nun's farts. Also, my wife not being a native, her stare was rather angry when I asked her to pass me the "muizestrontjes" or mouse droppings. That's how everyone calls a popular chocolate flake sandwich filling over here...