The bottom line is some people benefit from a "smart" phone - which is really a portable computer that makes calls.
If you don't need a portable computer, then get a cheap phone. Nokia is by far the best cheap phone but hard to buy in the USA. Even the speaker phone on the $20 model works well.
Batteries don't last long on smart phones as they are computers, not phones.
Android
Lots of variety. Unfortunately, 99% of all Android models are junk. I worked in the industry at a large, famous Korean phone manufacturer when I lived in Korea. We referred to these as "drawer" phones as that is where they quickly end up (and we sell another).
Statistics show that most Android handsets don't last very long. Many just die due to low quality. Many are retired early because the OS can't be upgraded.
The very informed choose the 1% of Android models that are built well. Most people are not well informed.
iPhone
Most people don't know the real benefits of the iPhone / iPad. Also, Apple's handsets are of very, very good functional design and quality. I still have my original iPhone and it still works. It is a music player / toy for kids in car / back up travel phone.
To me the best value are used iPhones. For $200 you can get an iPhone 5 or 5S. Still a great phone and better than 99.9% of models on the market. Or $120 for a 4S (will be EOL soon though).
Which phone for me? My mom? My kids? Techies?
Techies
Techies can make anything work so they use either. Android is a virtual copy of iOS and very solid but not as user friendly as iOS. Many of my techie friends have the latest Samsung handsets and spend a considerable amount of time on them. If I wanted last year's Samsung model I could buy one from them as they all have one or two in a drawer somewhere.
I am an extreme techie but use iPhones as 1) I am lazy. 2) I keep my devices a long time and Apple products end up costing less in this case. 3) I don't care about extreme customization. 4) Security is important / essential.
I have a used iPhone 4S. I use it a lot for business - it is essential for me to make money. I don't do Facebook or any of that social crap. It has saved me hundreds of dollars in gas alone. Best investment return ever.
This is my third iPhone. I have the original that I paid $399 for new. I was in the industry and had to have one. I then got the iPhone 3G (free from relative upgrading). I still have it and it works well.
My Mom
We moved her from a cheap phone to a new iPhone 4S ($100 new last year from one of my clients. Carrier kept giving them handsets free that they didn't need). I was tired of her cheap phones breaking or getting lost (found two in the sofa when she moved). I had to deal with getting a new one and porting the number over (Verizon, no SIM). With the iPhone I can easily track it. "Mom, it is in your car." She barely uses its features. But this is the first time her photos are backed up and not lost. And she actually checks her email occasionally.
No way in hell I would put her in an Android as I am the one who has to support it.
My Kids
No phones but we have iPads. They are great. Worth their weight in gold. My friend bought some cheap Android tablets for his kids last Christmas. They are in a drawer somewhere.
My Dad
No way to move to a smart phone. He once asked me to get him a fax machine so he could use the Internet. Someone bought him a new and expensive Samsung tablet. It is in the drawer. He and his wife could never get it to do email or make video calls - the two things they wanted it for. $400 in the toilet.
Sister 1.
She has iPhones and worked in the industry. Now on budget prepaid with iPhone.
Sister 2.
Has had 2 Android phones / 2 Windows phones / 3 phone numbers in the last 2 years. She is the type that goes into the mobile store and gets whatever the salesperson sells her (aka very uniformed). She has spent much more on her "budget" smart phones than anyone else in the family with iPhones. She can't check email. No photos get backed up.
Low Tech Friend
He was on an older iPhone. It worked. Calls were clear. He is a non-tech guy - couldn't even send a text message. One day he bought a new cheap Android phone. When he called me I knew right away as I couldn't hear him well. He returned it and ended up with a Nokia Windows phone. Good quality handset but crappy OS. He still just uses it as a phone.
You
If you don't need a portable computer then don't get one. The old Nokia stick phones are the best - drop proof, sweat proof, clear call quality, great battery life, light, easy to use. Great speaker phone to boot. Lasts forever.
If you really need a good portable computer then do NOT buy a cheap Android. Get an iPhone or one of the 1% of good quality Android models. Used is best. Just like cars, last year's model is half price.
If you want a portable computer that won't last long, doesn't function well, isn't supported well and has poor call clarity then get a cheap Android / Windows phone.
Are smart phones very Mustachian?
It depends. For me, yes. 1) It saves me a ton of money on gas. I easily find the best route. Messaging saves me from missed meetings or just skipping meetings altogether. 2) At stores I can easily compare prices. 3) I take a lot of photos of stuff - price tags in stores, etc. A way for me to remember stuff. 4) It is the best point and shoot camera. I have young kids and take millions of photos and videos. They are backed up seamlessly. I have very photo I have ever taken on an iPhone since 2007.