I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, and I worked in a gift shop during high school and college, so I can attest that for the majority of people in that area, a wedding will cost close to six figures, if not more by now.
We got married nearly 13 years ago, and I tried really hard to find a reasonable venue. The cheapest place we could find, which I actually hated anyway, would have cost roughly $40K. There's a certain air of what is considered "acceptable" in that area, even though they are all cookie cutter weddings. The venue/dinner runs $150-$200/head, a band is at least $5K, Flowers are another $5K, Limos are about $4K, cake is $1K & up, you never take the cake the venue includes. Photography & video can run $10K, dress is at least $3K, and on and on it goes.
Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off. I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work! (That marriage lasted 8 months.)
Weddings are ideally held on Saturday nights, it's well known that a Friday night wedding is cheaper, and don't even think about a brunch or Sunday night wedding! A DJ is considered cheap, as is getting your flowers from the supermarket instead of the florist. If you attempt to do wine & beer only or god forbid, a cash bar, you will be severely penalized come gift time. Registries are for the engagement party & the bridal shower, the wedding is strictly cash. The invited females, especially the older ones, would all stuff cash in their bras, and there would be a mad dash to the restrooms before the cake was cut, so they could put the appropriate amount of cash into the envelope, depending on how nice the wedding was. Back then, $500/couple was considered a marginal gift, since you were basically paying for yourself, plus a measly $100 or so as the actual "gift".
It had changed by the time I got married, but a lot of couples would literally disappear for about an hour after the envelopes were collected, so they could go in a private room and open the envelopes, in order to pay the venue before they could leave in the limo! I can't imagine how stressful that must have been...
We actually knew of a great restaurant w/really good food, which was willing to shut down for an afternoon wedding, for $30/plate. But it was a small venue, and we could have 90 people tight. Both parents insisted on inviting a bunch of people we didn't know, and refused to whittle down the list. My parents kicked in a fair amount of cash and gifts like furniture, his parents could barely offer us any cash. We refused to go into debt for a five hour affair, so we had a very small wedding in Vegas, which still cost about $15K. Makes me sick to even think of that now, but it is what it is. My parents supported our decision, his parents suggested we delay the wedding until we could afford to pay for a proper party. I suggested they kick in some cash to cover their invitees, and that shut them up. (SOO glad I didn't listen to their suggestion, as my Dad was diagnosed w/cancer exactly 1 month after the wedding, and was gone 6 weeks after that.)
The commentary after making our decision was classic. One aunt informed me that "Damaged goods girls get married in Vegas." Other friends made such heartfelt suggestions like "well you could do something at the Knights of Columbus!" I kept my composure through it all, and told people that a wedding lasts one day, but owning our own place to live, that lasts a lot longer! And that's what we did, we took the proceeds from the wedding and our savings, and we bought a co-op instead. Which then soared in value and allowed us to flip it into a brand new townhouse less than 2 years later when hubby's job relocated us. I have friends who celebrated their 10 year anniversaries by making the final payment on the wedding loan. No thank you!!