Author Topic: $90k Wedding Fallout  (Read 37686 times)

quilter

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #50 on: May 23, 2014, 12:49:16 PM »
This train wreck did not happen suddenly. Long years of being bailed out by the parents, ridiculous expectations and downright rudeness to both sets of parents have been tolerated.

You know it is a lot easier if all along you tell your kids things like "you can use my car under x circumstances, if you want a car I will contribute x and you can contribute x, I will contribute x towards college or a wedding."  A clear message can be sent all along so these ridiculous predicaments don't come up.

I think I would go to the wedding if I liked the people, but give the same gift I would if it were held in a backyard. It is a gift after all and if they are going to give you a hard time I would think they would be the laughingstock of the office.   If I decline a wedding invitation I decide whether or not to send a gift. I have had some pretty ridiculous invitations through the years and have no problem turning them down and not sending a gift. I got one once that was in another country about a month before the wedding,  from a person I had not talked to or seen for over two years for her daughter I had never met. Obviously a ploy to get gifts.

DeepEllumStache

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #51 on: May 23, 2014, 01:12:33 PM »
When I lived in the Northeast, people told me they always gave cash at a wedding equal to what they thought their "cost" was.  So the fancier the wedding, the better the gift.  Personally that always seemed a little odd since it doesn't consider your relationship to the couple, but to each their own.

brewer12345

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #52 on: May 23, 2014, 03:07:24 PM »
When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:

- do you have syphilis?

- Are you currently intoxicated?

- Are you more closely related than third cousins?

Rural

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #53 on: May 23, 2014, 05:22:11 PM »
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html

If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??


I wonder if these averages are right, though. How would they get their data? The only way I can imagine they get data is by surveying people in the "wedding" industry. Those of us who didn't work with anybody in that industry would not be reflected, and I would imagine that those are the cheaper weddings. I know my mine was. I think I cost  $1000, but I'm not sure of that. May have been less. A couple dozen weddings like mine would definitely drop the average, but I would think that weddings like mine for completely under the radar.

Zamboni

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #54 on: May 24, 2014, 05:18:59 AM »
When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:

- do you have syphilis?

- Are you currently intoxicated?

- Are you more closely related than third cousins?

Perfect!  That's the way to do it.

Daleth

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #55 on: May 24, 2014, 02:52:00 PM »
$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!

It looks like a great target for a mugger. Which you wear on full public display daily for the rest of your life. Good move? Maybe if you have bodyguards or live in a gated community from which you never venture on foot, but...

dragoncar

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #56 on: May 26, 2014, 01:21:55 PM »
When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:

- do you have syphilis?

- Are you currently intoxicated?

- Are you more closely related than third cousins?

Perfect!  That's the way to do it.

I should remember this, having recently gotten my license, but I'm pretty sure it didn't have any such invasive questions.  Basically core info such as name, address, DOB, etc.  What you want your new name to be.  Maybe the biggest stretch was parents names which could be awkward if you don't know who your parents are.

agent_clone

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #57 on: May 26, 2014, 03:23:42 PM »
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html

If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??

I would say keep in mind that those are averages not medians.  So it may be adjusted up for those rich people with their 500k or 1mil weddings.

dragoncar

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #58 on: May 26, 2014, 03:42:35 PM »
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html

If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??

I would say keep in mind that those are averages not medians.  So it may be adjusted up for those rich people with their 500k or 1mil weddings.

It's just a survey of a particular website, which likely has a certain underlying user demographic.

Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #59 on: May 26, 2014, 05:58:58 PM »
I'm curious about their expectation that they will recoup $15000 in wedding gift money.  Maybe it's a regional thing or the age/income of the guests, but we had a 300 person guest list, and definitely did not receive more than maybe $1000 in cash or gift cards (nor was I expecting to receive much). I was excited people came and had a good time, that's the point of the party, in fact people still comment on what a good time they had at our reception (and we spent ~$12000 FWIW).

Wildflame

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #60 on: May 27, 2014, 08:37:36 AM »
So, a $15k wedding ring...

Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...

And can be used...

To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]

Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?

Anatidae V

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #61 on: May 27, 2014, 08:51:04 AM »
So, a $15k wedding ring...

Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...

And can be used...

To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]

Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
It hurts more when you face punch someone! Or backhand them.
You pay insurance and maintenance (cleaning etc). Rego and fuel you get away without paying.

warfreak2

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #62 on: May 27, 2014, 08:52:43 AM »
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Maybe you can use it to collect ~$5k or so at a pawn shop.

DeepEllumStache

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #63 on: May 27, 2014, 09:01:02 AM »
I had a colleague in NJ who mentioned that he and his wife had a fancy affair with 300+ people.  He never mentioned how much the wedding cost but did say that the cash gifts paid for the entire thing.

I also had friends who saw nothing out of the ordinary with giving an envelope with up to $200 cash in and adjusting the amount based on how fancy the wedding seemed.

BigHammah

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #64 on: May 27, 2014, 09:19:24 AM »
I can attest to the relative ease of throwing an inexpensive wedding in the Northeast.

Ours cost us -$2700. That's 'negative" 2700. When we tallied up what we spent and what we got for gifts (invites, which were hand-written by us, specifically stated no material gifts). This also includes the cost of the engagement ring & wedding bands and outfit for the bride. We budgeted $3,000 up front for the wedding with no expectation of covering that cost (we went under on that too).

We would have netted even more had the mother-in-law not insisted on hosting a reception. Tried talking the wife into convincing her mother to put any money she'd spend on an event into a cash-gift, but wasn't going to happen. Every family probably has one compulsive consumerist amongst them, say no more...
« Last Edit: May 27, 2014, 09:21:33 AM by BigHammah »

AH013

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #65 on: May 27, 2014, 09:21:17 AM »
So, a $15k wedding ring...

Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...

And can be used...

To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]

Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?

You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"

.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.

But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...

CommonCents

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #66 on: May 27, 2014, 10:34:37 AM »
Everyone is slamming the ring, but let me say - at least it's there at the end of the day, unlike the flowers or other perishable things.  Unlike a car, it won't eventually break down, and could be passed down to grandkids.  It can be sold (although likely for a lesser sum).

Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #67 on: May 27, 2014, 10:36:04 AM »
So, a $15k wedding ring...

Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...

And can be used...

To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]

Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?

You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"

.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.

But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...
I understand that it's common practice for some women to remove these rings for things like bathing/washing dishes (as attested to by the variety of sink-side ring holders I have seen sold).  If you're scared to get the thing soapy, I doubt it would even cross your mind to attempt to use it to break a window. 

CommonCents

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #68 on: May 27, 2014, 10:48:53 AM »
So, a $15k wedding ring...

Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...

And can be used...

To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]

Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?

You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"

.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.

But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...
I understand that it's common practice for some women to remove these rings for things like bathing/washing dishes (as attested to by the variety of sink-side ring holders I have seen sold).  If you're scared to get the thing soapy, I doubt it would even cross your mind to attempt to use it to break a window.

I remove my ring so I don't accidentally damage a dish.  Not for fear of hurting the ring.

Jack

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #69 on: May 27, 2014, 11:43:21 AM »
The problems with using a diamond ring to escape from a sinking car are twofold:
  • The pointy part of the diamond is pointing the wrong way.
  • The diamond is strong, but the setting might not be. Whacking something with the ring sounds like a good way to separate the two.

andrew

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #70 on: May 27, 2014, 12:42:35 PM »
I would skip attending the wedding or giving any kind of gift. Any involvement on your part would imply approval of such idiotic behavior. And if the odds are that the marriage won't last you'd be wrong to support it to begin with.


Luck better Skill

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #71 on: July 02, 2014, 01:45:01 PM »
  Be sure to tell us what a $90K buys.  Considering the low cost of living in my city I'm either too frugal or cheap to figure out how to spend that much for a one day party.

lifejoy

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #72 on: July 02, 2014, 02:20:09 PM »
Yikes. My friend's bf's brother did this. They threw a $60k wedding and were going to claim bankruptcy (they were already in debt before the wedding), DESPITE a $10k gift from the brother! Oh, but they didn't have to claim bankruptcy... The parents bailed them out. #enabling

My wedding is in two months and should cost less than $5k for the party. I'm lying awake at night worrying about the cost... Haha thanks for this thread! Might be evil, but it makes me feel better :D


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Worsted Skeins

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #73 on: July 02, 2014, 02:24:29 PM »
If the wedding is in Maine, does this mean that the couple reside in Maine or have they planned a destination wedding?  It is not enough to expect a nice gift.  Guests should also spring for airfares and several nights at hotels, right?

lizzzi

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #74 on: July 02, 2014, 02:58:25 PM »
My first wedding was $500. My second wedding was the cost of the marriage license and then dinner at Red Lobster. Both were/are 20 year marriages, although I have to say I like the second marriage better than the first. In 2006 when hubs and I offered to pay for a wedding for our daughter, she refused graciously, but asked if perhaps we could pay for the renovation of her kitchen instead. We thought that was sensible, so did it. I would have loved to have seen her in a wedding dress, but she wore a nice white suit to the judge's chambers, and hey--popped out three grandchildren in 39 months, so I didn't have to raise poodles after all. I guess I'm trying to say that married happiness and joy is not predicated on how big the wedding is.

One more quick story: I had a CW who was living with her boyfriend, because they "really don't have the money for a wedding yet." Obviously another one who hadn't figured out you can just go down to city hall, and that you don't have to have some big obligatory wedding to get married. So dumb.

galliver

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #75 on: July 02, 2014, 04:13:18 PM »
I totally shared the story from the OP of this thread this weekend and my friends and bf and I marveled at the entitled ridiculousness of it. I hang out with the right people. :)

One more quick story: I had a CW who was living with her boyfriend, because they "really don't have the money for a wedding yet." Obviously another one who hadn't figured out you can just go down to city hall, and that you don't have to have some big obligatory wedding to get married. So dumb.

What's wrong with living with one's boyfriend and saving so you can celebrate your union with your loved ones?  (Note: the latest research says living with a bf/gf or fiance(e) with the intent to get married doesn't have negative influence on marriage outcomes. :) )

lizzzi

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #76 on: July 02, 2014, 07:41:02 PM »
Oh, good heavens, I hope it didn't sound like I was judging her for living with her boyfriend. That's not what I meant. Maybe you had to be there, but she truly did not seem to realize that she didn't have to spend a lot of money to get married. Sometimes I think people get brainwashed by the advertising of the wedding industry or just by peer pressure or family pressure. And I love weddings, btw--just feel as most of the MMMs seem to, that we don't have to break the bank to have a wonderful, memorable occasion.   

dude

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #77 on: July 03, 2014, 07:19:54 AM »
$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!


Wedding ring or engagement ring?  A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous.  A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .

yes, it just hurt to type that.

lifejoy

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #78 on: July 03, 2014, 08:30:24 AM »
$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!


Wedding ring or engagement ring?  A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous.  A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .

yes, it just hurt to type that.

2 carat? If you're shopping at the stores work at, more like 1 carat. 10k for a nice 1 carat, 3k for a nice setting, plus tax. Boom. 15k.

(Yikes)

galliver

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #79 on: July 03, 2014, 09:30:22 AM »
Oh, good heavens, I hope it didn't sound like I was judging her for living with her boyfriend. That's not what I meant. Maybe you had to be there, but she truly did not seem to realize that she didn't have to spend a lot of money to get married. Sometimes I think people get brainwashed by the advertising of the wedding industry or just by peer pressure or family pressure. And I love weddings, btw--just feel as most of the MMMs seem to, that we don't have to break the bank to have a wonderful, memorable occasion.

Haha, ok, good. :) on the same page.

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CommonCents

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #80 on: July 03, 2014, 09:46:50 AM »
$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!


Wedding ring or engagement ring?  A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous.  A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .

yes, it just hurt to type that.

2 carat? If you're shopping at the stores work at, more like 1 carat. 10k for a nice 1 carat, 3k for a nice setting, plus tax. Boom. 15k.

(Yikes)

Yeah.  There's an exponential curve to price of stones as you get "nicer" in terms of cut, clarity, carat.

And I had a coworker with a very nice 3 carat stone...  Going to a wedding next Sat where the ring is a 2 or 3 carat ruby too.

TreeTired

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #81 on: July 03, 2014, 09:47:42 AM »
Some people live in a very different world... a different universe... from the one I inhabit.    I attended a friend's daughter's wedding that probably cost a lot more than $90k...  I can't really estimate because it was big and I know these things are expensive.  But they could afford it. 

Hunny156

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #82 on: July 03, 2014, 12:13:31 PM »
I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, and I worked in a gift shop during high school and college, so I can attest that for the majority of people in that area, a wedding will cost close to six figures, if not more by now.

We got married nearly 13 years ago, and I tried really hard to find a reasonable venue.  The cheapest place we could find, which I actually hated anyway, would have cost roughly $40K.  There's a certain air of what is considered "acceptable" in that area, even though they are all cookie cutter weddings.  The venue/dinner runs $150-$200/head, a band is at least $5K, Flowers are another $5K, Limos are about $4K, cake is $1K & up, you never take the cake the venue includes.  Photography & video can run $10K, dress is at least $3K, and on and on it goes.

Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off.  I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work!  (That marriage lasted 8 months.) 

Weddings are ideally held on Saturday nights, it's well known that a Friday night wedding is cheaper, and don't even think about a brunch or Sunday night wedding!  A DJ is considered cheap, as is getting your flowers from the supermarket instead of the florist.  If you attempt to do wine & beer only or god forbid, a cash bar, you will be severely penalized come gift time.  Registries are for the engagement party & the bridal shower, the wedding is strictly cash.  The invited females, especially the older ones, would all stuff cash in their bras, and there would be a mad dash to the restrooms before the cake was cut, so they could put the appropriate amount of cash into the envelope, depending on how nice the wedding was.  Back then, $500/couple was considered a marginal gift, since you were basically paying for yourself, plus a measly $100 or so as the actual "gift".

It had changed by the time I got married, but a lot of couples would literally disappear for about an hour after the envelopes were collected, so they could go in a private room and open the envelopes, in order to pay the venue before they could leave in the limo!  I can't imagine how stressful that must have been...

We actually knew of a great restaurant w/really good food, which was willing to shut down for an afternoon wedding, for $30/plate.  But it was a small venue, and we could have 90 people tight.  Both parents insisted on inviting a bunch of people we didn't know, and refused to whittle down the list.  My parents kicked in a fair amount of cash and gifts like furniture, his parents could barely offer us any cash.  We refused to go into debt for a five hour affair, so we had a very small wedding in Vegas, which still cost about $15K.  Makes me sick to even think of that now, but it is what it is.  My parents supported our decision, his parents suggested we delay the wedding until we could afford to pay for a proper party.  I suggested they kick in some cash to cover their invitees, and that shut them up.  (SOO glad I didn't listen to their suggestion, as my Dad was diagnosed w/cancer exactly 1 month after the wedding, and was gone 6 weeks after that.)

The commentary after making our decision was classic.  One aunt informed me that "Damaged goods girls get married in Vegas."  Other friends made such heartfelt suggestions like "well you could do something at the Knights of Columbus!"  I kept my composure through it all, and told people that a wedding lasts one day, but owning our own place to live, that lasts a lot longer!  And that's what we did, we took the proceeds from the wedding and our savings, and we bought a co-op instead.  Which then soared in value and allowed us to flip it into a brand new townhouse less than 2 years later when hubby's job relocated us.  I have friends who celebrated their 10 year anniversaries by making the final payment on the wedding loan.  No thank you!!

Hunny156

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #83 on: July 03, 2014, 12:20:00 PM »
Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people.  Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!

gimp

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #84 on: July 03, 2014, 01:26:46 PM »
Christ.

kyanamerinas

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #85 on: July 03, 2014, 01:52:16 PM »

Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off.  I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work!  (That marriage lasted 8 months.) 

Weddings are ideally held on Saturday nights, it's well known that a Friday night wedding is cheaper, and don't even think about a brunch or Sunday night wedding!  A DJ is considered cheap, as is getting your flowers from the supermarket instead of the florist.  If you attempt to do wine & beer only or god forbid, a cash bar, you will be severely penalized come gift time.  Registries are for the engagement party & the bridal shower, the wedding is strictly cash.  The invited females, especially the older ones, would all stuff cash in their bras, and there would be a mad dash to the restrooms before the cake was cut, so they could put the appropriate amount of cash into the envelope, depending on how nice the wedding was.  Back then, $500/couple was considered a marginal gift, since you were basically paying for yourself, plus a measly $100 or so as the actual "gift".

:O

!!!

Ashyukun

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #86 on: July 03, 2014, 01:54:38 PM »
Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people.  Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!
Sheesh. I just don't get the point of inviting that many people. We had like 60 people at our reception (got married at the courthouse) about a month ago and with just THAT small number of people we were still having a hard time keeping up with trying to stop and talk a little bit with everyone and actually ENJOY their being there. Was worse for my wife whose friends are much more talkative than mine- she didn't get to eat any of the cake until we got home that night! I can only imagine how ragged we'd have been trying to deal with 300 people.

lifejoy

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #87 on: July 03, 2014, 02:57:26 PM »

Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people.  Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!
Sheesh. I just don't get the point of inviting that many people. We had like 60 people at our reception (got married at the courthouse) about a month ago and with just THAT small number of people we were still having a hard time keeping up with trying to stop and talk a little bit with everyone and actually ENJOY their being there. Was worse for my wife whose friends are much more talkative than mine- she didn't get to eat any of the cake until we got home that night! I can only imagine how ragged we'd have been trying to deal with 300 people.

Eeps.

My fiancÚ and I are invited to a wedding that will have 400 guests. I have never met the bride or groom... O.o

(My fiancÚ works with the bride.)


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Worsted Skeins

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #88 on: July 03, 2014, 04:37:41 PM »

My fiancÚ and I are invited to a wedding that will have 400 guests. I have never met the bride or groom... O.o

(My fiancÚ works with the bride.)


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This actually brings up another issue regarding wedding etiquette. A professional acquaintance of mine is getting married next year.  She runs ideas past me because of my Mustachian nature.  One of her conundrums concerns work colleagues.  She is good friends with two or three of them; by this I mean that she sees these folks outside of work on a social level.  But she feels that if she invites two or three, she must invite everyone in the department (14 or so which means 28 when you include their guests). 

What say the Mustachians?

I told her that I think she should only invite her friends.  If she feels guilty, she can explain that the venue or her budget restricts the list. 

Cassie

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #89 on: July 03, 2014, 05:19:53 PM »
I agree-only her friends. When I was faced with a similar situation I solved it by just inviting my tiny department but not all the other people I worked with on a daily basis.

Noodle

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #90 on: July 04, 2014, 09:54:30 AM »
I think the "kindergarten birthday" rule can work. My niece's elementary school has the rule that you either have to invite no more than 3-4 people from your class to your birthday, or you have to invite everyone (all girls or all boys is acceptable too). You could tweak it, but I would go with either "no more than a quarter" or everyone.


farmstache

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #91 on: July 04, 2014, 01:34:08 PM »
I should remember this, having recently gotten my license, but I'm pretty sure it didn't have any such invasive questions.  Basically core info such as name, address, DOB, etc.  What you want your new name to be.  Maybe the biggest stretch was parents names which could be awkward if you don't know who your parents are.

Yeah, I don't know why ask about syphilis. I mean, people with syphilis can't marry?

As for being intoxicated, here at least it's a legal rule (you can't sign contracts while under the influence, and that's why you have to have witnesses sign with you).

As for being closer than third cousins, not sure what the govt has to do with that (I mean, it's your own risk to take when you breed, no?), but there are places where cousins can't marry, so it's an obligation to ask.

frugalecon

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #92 on: July 04, 2014, 01:47:28 PM »
I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, and I worked in a gift shop during high school and college, so I can attest that for the majority of people in that area, a wedding will cost close to six figures, if not more by now.

We got married nearly 13 years ago, and I tried really hard to find a reasonable venue.  The cheapest place we could find, which I actually hated anyway, would have cost roughly $40K.  There's a certain air of what is considered "acceptable" in that area, even though they are all cookie cutter weddings.  The venue/dinner runs $150-$200/head, a band is at least $5K, Flowers are another $5K, Limos are about $4K, cake is $1K & up, you never take the cake the venue includes.  Photography & video can run $10K, dress is at least $3K, and on and on it goes.

Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off.  I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work!  (That marriage lasted 8 months.) 



I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.

Worsted Skeins

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #93 on: July 04, 2014, 02:00:28 PM »
I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.

Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew.  Does that work for you?

frugalecon

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #94 on: July 04, 2014, 02:30:39 PM »
I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.

Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew.  Does that work for you?

Any time...

Hunny156

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #95 on: July 08, 2014, 11:46:10 AM »
I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.

Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew.  Does that work for you?

Any time...

Ha Ha, more of an Italian thing, I think?  Doesn't matter, by the time you get to the Venetian table, no one wants to eat the cake, much less a table full of sweets!  Some families implored people to take stuff home w/them, and over time, the bakery boxes were available, so you could bring home a box of pastries for later.  Hubby worked for one of these catering halls, and he said that if something like a cake or a pie didn't get touched, then they would bring it out to the next party.  Some people who knew about this would go so far as to ask for a piece of everything, ensuring that none of the food went to the next party.  I'm sure the venue got creative and just placed a medley of slices on a tray for the next Venetian table.  ;)

Zamboni

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #96 on: July 08, 2014, 08:28:25 PM »
^Ha, hilarious!  I shall hereafter be suspicious of any pre-sliced piece of pie or cake on a plate on a dessert table. 

Caterers are also infamous for charging for every bottle they open, even if they open 12 bottles of the same thing and then only pour one glass worth from each.  So, my fantastic wedding friends made sure that every bottle of wine or champagne that got opened was also toted out by guests for their continued enjoyment. 

This thread is making me quite happy to have been married in the South where big receptions are completely optional.  Cake and punch, anyone?  In fact, nearly every wedding professional would begin by asking "Are you having a Northern wedding or a Southern wedding?"  We got married mid-morning and then had a brunch, which I thought was uber-fancy and some sort of compromise between N and S, and all of our friends seemed perfectly happy with it.  One family member was not completely thrilled, but she is from NY, so this is all starting to make sense to me now.

We can all agree that the entire wedding industry has gotten completely out of control.

Quote
One aunt informed me that "Damaged goods girls get married in Vegas."

Oh dear . . .

sobezen

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #97 on: July 08, 2014, 11:12:01 PM »
A $90,000 wedding?  Awesome!  I'd like to open wagers how long this lucky couple will remain together.  In my opinion if you even decide to have a wedding, make sure you both can afford it.  I think there are many wedding and engagement expectations that are utterly asinine.  The most common expectations include: engagement rings, wedding rings, wedding, and who is expected to pay for everything.  To me the lucky couple described in the original post deserve each other.  Their parents are reaping what they've sowed and for better or worse, I doubt the children's parents have the courage to do the right thing.  Regardless of how the children developed or if societial expectations are unrealistic, or even if the wedding industry is corrupt, at the end of the day, the couple decides how they want to start their life together.  The fact these children feel so entitled makes me smile because I know I do not want anything to do with all of these craziness.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2014, 04:06:47 PM by sobezen »

Middlesbrough

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #98 on: July 09, 2014, 09:19:06 AM »
300 people for a wedding isn't crazy. Heck, my allotment of 150 people would probably be used up by my family alone, just first cousins, aunts & uncles, no friends at all. I think my sister had around 500 and my brother-in-law's family is pretty small.

eyePod

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Re: $90k Wedding Fallout
« Reply #99 on: July 09, 2014, 09:43:52 AM »
A $90k wedding for only 150 people?  Man, I wish I was invited.  That must be some kind of party!  I have no idea what you would have at a wedding that would cost that much.  I could see if you were some Hollywood superstar having a reception for 4,000 people or something.  But sheesh.  That's plain old crazy.

Probably lots of weird food that I wouldn't enjoy. Give me cocktail weiners and some beer and I'm like a pig in sh!t.