The Money Mustache Community
Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: Malloy on June 18, 2018, 12:40:46 PM
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I debated where to post this. It's a mixed bag.
https://www.thecut.com/2018/06/my-parents-give-me-a-usd20-000-clothing-allowance.html
I know it's hard to believe, but this woman with a $20,000 clothing allowance seems like one of us. She's so frugal that her mother worries that she is depriving herself and foists the money on her. So, I guess the mom should be on the Wall of Shame, but the daughter might be secretly posting here complaining about her.
My mom knew that if she gave me a check, I would dutifully invest it in some ETF and not touch it. But by doing this arrangement via credit card, she’s ensuring that the money will only be spent to treat myself. I do most of my shopping online, and sometimes I’ll put in her email for the receipt so that she knows what I’m getting. She also has her credit-card information on file at certain department stores, so I can buy things that way too. I once did that at Saks, and I was mortified to bring it up with the sales guy, but he was totally unfazed. I was like, “I’m so embarrassed, but …” and he was like, “Oh, people do this all the time,” which made me feel better. But it did make me feel very childlike: “My mommy said I could buy this.”
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Oof. Sooooo much guilt-tripping and controlling with money. But I also understand the daughter's POV that sometimes it's easier to just accept the money and not have to fight all the time.
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Oof. Sooooo much guilt-tripping and controlling with money. But I also understand the daughter's POV that sometimes it's easier to just accept the money and not have to fight all the time.
The daughter has the option of not spending the money AND not spending time with someone that wants to argue all the time. It doesn't actually seem like she is too torn up about this based on her choice to still buy stuff.
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She does have the option of respectfully declining it. It appears to me this sort of gift has strings attached.
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My impression is that the parents, specifically the mother, is so intensely focused on appearance and status that they are unable to accept that the daughter may have different values. The daughter has given up in trying to get respect and acknowledgement of her as an independent adult and just accepts the money and now rationalizes it as a way to feel better. Honestly, it smacks of an unhealthy relationship dynamic all around.
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20 grand is a reasonable lifetime clothing allowance.
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Definitely an unhealthy dynamic, but I can understand the daughter's POV. In my life, I get lots of ... junk from family members that I really just don't want. After respectfully requesting "no gifts" or attempting to decline, which is NEVER heeded, I have resigned myself to accepting the gift and then disposing of it (donating or throwing away) later. It's easier than constantly trying to set a boundary that no one follows anyway. At least the daughter in this article can pick the things she might conceivably want and use!
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20 grand is a reasonable lifetime clothing allowance.
If only you were right! :) This is an annual allowance.
(But it's somewhat misleading, as it seems like the $20K can be for anything that the daughter wants, not just clothes.)
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If someone were giving me a $20,000 annual allowance I would just quit my job. Jesus.
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This may make more emotional sense than an inheritance, as the mother can see and know of the results instead of being a corpse before the money is spent or more likely added to an index fund an forgotten about.
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My mom is similar but doesn't have a $20k limit. She constantly pushes me to get higher priced stuff because she wants to see me enjoy them and not just save it all. So I get the mother's sentiment but I think mom-daughter duo should have a heart to heart to get to the core of the issue.
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Is that per month?