Money aside, it sounds like a deeper problem in the marriage is on decision making.
IMO, it sounds like the WIFE is the one with "controlling ass" problems.
"He said the money really belongs to our family, not just to me, and we should make a decision about how to spend it as a unit."
"My (29F) hubby (34M) is dictating how I spend myinheritance" (thread title)
The wife got a huge inheritance. Now she wants to bail out and live the Mustachian lifestyle, leaving the husband to continue to work (it seems the wife wants the husband to keep working while she gets all the time with the kids, because her time with the kids is more important than his time with the kids) Basically, her responsibility of bringing $$ into the household has been fulfilled by getting an inheritance, while the husband has to keep working and she gets to grow closer to the children. And she's already made all these decisions without really asking the husband how he feels. Didn't offer the husband to quit his job together with her, or for her to keep working while he "retires", we don't know details so we can't really say
What if the husband felt the math worked and decided to retire too? Would the wife take kindly to that? Idk, maybe, maybe not. Maybe husband would be glad that wife can stay home to take care of kids instead of working while he continues to work and agrees w/her reasoning and values, but judging by the reaction, not so much. If he doesn't think the math works for "them" than maybe it doesn't and maybe should go to part-time or per diem. If he divorced, he'd get half that inheritance no? Maybe husband can't imagine retiring on 1 million or is paranoid and thinks it's too little. I'd say then it's more ignorance or unaware than "controlling". If you show him the math, maybe he'd get it.
You also have to remember, the wife is angry, she's looking for sympathy and agreement on her side on the internet, so she'll mention parts of the story to support her end. We will never get a full picture on everything. We're missing a lot of info on the relationship dynamics, spending, budget, incomes, COL, goals & expectations...
The question on whether an inheritance only belongs to one parent (for their personal use) or whole family has many different answers that should've been discussed before declaring "This is my money, not yours, you keep working, I'm gonna spend more time w/kids," etc...You could say inheritance belongs to one and not the other to avoid gold-diggers or have prenups instead. We can't really conclude, since we're not given the whole story but I can also understand both sides.