Is my wife crazy to consider taking a vacation with an infant? Am I crazy thinking it doesn't sound like a vacation at all and is going to just be a big stressful waste of time and money?
Your wife is not crazy, but she is wrong. New babies are really hard, and they are even harder when you're out of your comfort zone (that is, where you don't have a crib and all your own stuff).
I think what she needs is a rest from all the work of caring for a newborn. Remember that her body is all out of whack. She's learning new skills, and she's always "on". Encourage her to go out to dinner with girlfriends for a few hours, encourage her to go walk around at the mall a few hours, encourage her to get out of the house without the baby. I remember that I LOVED going to the grocery store. I LOVED when my husband brought home a bucket of KFC, excusing me from cooking. Look for a way to give her breaks; it will make a world of difference.
Here's a comparison: Imagine you've just run a marathon; it was a really tough thing for you, and your body's not back up to speed ... and the very next day you begin swim lessons (you've never swum before) ... you are taking 10 lessons per day /some of them at night. This is what your wife's going through right now.
15 feedings a day sounds pretty rough. I can't think of much after breathing or blinking that I'd like to endure 15 times a day, and those things aren't physically painful. It's not the time to convince her to think things through carefully. Buying her a day off is a way better idea.
15 feedings a day seems like too much. By two months old, the baby should be catching onto the idea of eat-til-you-are-full ... if he's eating 15 times a day, I suspect he's eating just a bit, then falling asleep but staying "latched on" for comfort. Your wife cannot allow the baby to use her as a pacifier. He needs to learn to eat a full meal. It sounds awful, but if he falls asleep when she knows he has only had a little bit of milk, she should put a cold washcloth on his little feet; it'll wake him, and he'll keep eating. It shouldn't be long 'til he catches onto the idea that filling his stomach feels good.
Does she have a breastfeeding pillow? I didn't have one with my oldest child, and it made a world of difference with the second. The consignment stores are full of them.
Does she have a baby swing? My oldest LOVED hers and would sit in it nicely while I prepared dinner ... my youngest HATED to be contained in any way and wouldn't stay in it five minutes.
Has she talked to the doctor about how feeding is going? The doctor should be your first touch-point on whether everything's good with the baby -- all of us can talk about our experiences, but you really should get the baby checked out.
At four months, when you can start solids, you'll see a big difference. At six months, things will become much easier.
When she's taking care of him by herself she can't even get enough time to get a shower in.
I remember this, but she's going to have to accept /learn to do things while taking care of the baby. I know what she's thinking: She's ALWAYS supposed to be watching the baby, and good moms put the baby first. WRONG. Good moms take care of themselves too. She needs to put the baby safely in the crib, see that he's fine, then go straight to the shower -- or whatever she needs to do -- and trust that he's okay.
Sounds easy, but -- trust me -- it won't be easy for her.
The benedryl thing...I asked my OB if it was a bad idea and she shrugged. A ton of my girlfriends all do the same thing. Doesn't seem to have been habit forming. Maybe just a placebo. Anyway, it was a life saver for #2 and I wish I had known about it for #1.
Do not drug your baby.
OH! Another thing I wished I'd known: breastfeeding isn't everything it's cracked up to be. There's a ton of pressure on moms to do it, but once the reality of the night feeding and working/pumping hit me, formula became my best friend.
Disagree. Breastfeeding was worth it for the convenience, worth it for the health benefits, worth it for the savings ... but it is NOT automatic; it takes real effort to learn to do it. And it's NOT easy to quantify; that is, unlike bottle feeders, you can't say, "My baby ate 4 ounces at 7:00 and another 4 ounces at noon", which can be tough if you're unsure about whether the baby's getting enough. And it's tough that you can't pass the baby off to someone else for a feeding.
But if you can "get it right", it is so much easier than formula -- nothing to buy, nothing to sterilize or mix, nothing to warm up or transport, nothing to wash. You can even breastfeed in your sleep; did it lots of times.
Babies poop a lot. People talk about babies pooping and fussing a lot. The fussing is definitely on the higher end of the spectrum, but the poop is to be expected.
Yeah, if you're using disposable diapers, they should be easy.
Fussing babies, that's a problem.
This is excellent advice for new parents. Spouse and I had the mistaken idea that we'd both be up with the baby, in the spirit of egalitarianism. I wouldn't do that again. Divide & conquer would be our motto now.
Yeah, that's the kind of thing that sounds like great advice -- before the baby arrives. Taking turns is the way to go; take care of each other and know that this newborn period won't last forever.