Author Topic: Wife wants to vacation with new baby  (Read 10277 times)

Rosy

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #50 on: December 31, 2017, 12:28:14 PM »
when my kid was 4 months old we hopped in the car and drove around the US for 5 weeks visiting national parks. 

It was amazing.

[/quote


When our son was nine months old, we drove from Washington State to New Jersey - 6 week trip in an Army pup tent - visiting national parks across the US.
 We were en route to be stationed overseas - then they held us up for another three weeks because they lost the paperwork.

Let me tell ya, it is not fun to overstay your welcome at a friends house waiting for orders to arrive with barely enough money to buy baby food, because - of course - it took them three months to straighten out his pay. Oh, joy:)

Oh yeah - the baby - loved the lakes and the ocean and meeting new people. I think he did better than we did:)

Seriously OP - your situation is different. Not all babies are the same - we lucked out, but your poor tyke is still having baby issues that need to be sorted out first before you can even think about going anywhere. It may take another month or two for him to settle in a better sleeping pattern. Hopefully, he is not having colic problems.
I think you nailed it on the head, she is sleep deprived and exhausted and just wants a break from the baby. Find a way for her to have one day free a week and do as much as you can to help alleviate the new baby stress.

You'll figure it out - ETBen made some excellent points and it is true, we want a break from the baby, but then again we are not happy about leaving the baby in someone else's care. Wishing you luck. I knew someone whose every baby had issues for their entire first year and then pouf - all good.
Do the best you can - use common sense and most of all be there to support her.

teen persuasion

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #51 on: December 31, 2017, 12:28:37 PM »
OP, have you talked to your pediatrician about how baby is doing?  Screaming bloody murder doesn't sound like run of the mill newborn fussing to me (mom of 5).  It sounds like our experience with DS2, who had colic.  The term now might be GERD, but whatever you call it, its not fun for baby or parents.

Baby is screaming because he's uncomfortable, and likely nursing looking for comfort, but that leads to a vicious cycle of more discomfort from an overfull tummy (or if something in the breastmilk is causing his distress), or from excess air in his tummy from the screaming.

DS2's colic issues were worst starting about age 6 weeks.  Things eventually got better, but I'm having trouble remembering when, now (he's 24).  We tried everything we could think of / heard about to help him feel better, but it was mostly waiting for him to outgrow it.  I believe there may be more options now for treating GERD in infants, or better recognition of triggers, etc.  Your doctor may have better ideas about foods for mom to avoid, or trying formula if baby has a sensitivity.

Regarding poop - breastfed babies have very loose stool compared to formula fed babies, but again digestive issues in baby might be exacerbating things.  Another thing to discuss with your pediatrician.

An alternative reason for baby's excessive crying and frequent nursing could be if he is not getting enough nutrition from exclusive breastfeeding.  Your pediatrician can tell, based on weight gain and wet diapers (not dehydrated).  Is mom eating and drinking enough?  I learned to always have a drink at hand when i sat down to nurse one of the babies, since I wouldn't be getting up anytime soon.  She needs plenty of high quality extra calories while feeding herself and a rapidly growing child.  Yes, I do remember nursing every few hours in the early days, but there should be at least some multi hour breaks where baby and mom get some sleep. 

ysette9

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Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #52 on: December 31, 2017, 12:32:43 PM »
A relatively easy thing to try is eliminating dairy from her diet. It takes awareness because almost all processed food has dairy, but the proteins in cow’s milk are the most frequent culprit of allergies in young breastfed babies. Eliminating it from my diet brought a fairly dramatic change in my baby in about 24 hours. It completely sucks to miss out on all of those tasty foods, but it is well worth the baby not screaming at her feedings

mrsnamemustache

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #53 on: December 31, 2017, 12:37:32 PM »
@ysette9, my take is that there is a lot of non-evidence based advice on topic of sleep training; nothing I read about doing it at 2 months concerned me. Anecdotally, my first is now 2 and is smart and we'll-adjusted (for a two year old) :).

ysette9

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #54 on: December 31, 2017, 12:51:15 PM »
There is a ton of stuff out there on sleep training and certainly most of it doesn’t work for us. I am paying this sleep coach though so I am going to follow her advice on this one. :) I did CIO with my oldest and it was an abject failure, unlike everything I had read from parents of “normal” babies. I am glad it worked for you. I really wish it could have worked for us.

golden1

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #55 on: December 31, 2017, 01:27:06 PM »
1) Get the kid checked out by your pediatrician if you havenít already.  12-15 feedings a day is a bit much unless your kid is going through a growth spurt.  My breastfed kids would do that occasionally for a few days at a time, but them the feedings would stretch out and it would be about 8-10 times.   

2) I had a difficult baby and an easy going one.  There was no way my difficult one would have been ready at 4 months, but my easy one, no problem.  Like others have said, a cruise is not a great choice.  Perhaps suggest something in the middle, like a long weekend at a beach somewhere, just to try it out, but not a huge expenditure?

3) Some kids that are difficult at home seem to calm down a bit with the stimulation of travel, sort of how like babies can fall asleep in a crowded room or while driving?   

4) This is a really hard and stressful time in a marriage for both of you.  The demands of a difficult baby are relentless.  Make sure that you get some breaks, and make sure that you tell her you understand how she needs a break. 

Teachstache

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #56 on: December 31, 2017, 01:48:05 PM »
For those exclaiming, "Travelling with babies is easy!" or "I did it and it was no biggee!", good for you!  OP, not everyone has this experience so you have to go with your gut, knowing your kid and yourselves.  Our first (of 3) kids was very high needs.  Our first year sounded similar to your experience.  We didn't vacation until she was 14 months old, and that was even stressful.  Every baby is different and every set of parents is different.  One thing we've found over the years, and especially having multiple kids, is inviting a set of grandparents along.  They get their own room, but are there enough to give us a break so we can chill here and there, too. It does get easier as they get older.

Our almost 3 year old son is still high needs. Sometimes, I'd be wary of vacationing with aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents. They can become judgy about parenting/how you handle your kid, if they see you struggling. Our experience, while well intentioned, has turned into that, where nobody seems to really enjoy being around our kid at the end of the week, because of his high needs. I'm not blaming them at all. It's just stressful as a parent to have other family members watching you struggle, all while supposedly having fun on vacation.

Baboo

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #57 on: December 31, 2017, 02:33:00 PM »
For those exclaiming, "Travelling with babies is easy!" or "I did it and it was no biggee!", good for you!  OP, not everyone has this experience so you have to go with your gut, knowing your kid and yourselves.  Our first (of 3) kids was very high needs.  Our first year sounded similar to your experience.  We didn't vacation until she was 14 months old, and that was even stressful.  Every baby is different and every set of parents is different.  One thing we've found over the years, and especially having multiple kids, is inviting a set of grandparents along.  They get their own room, but are there enough to give us a break so we can chill here and there, too. It does get easier as they get older.

Our almost 3 year old son is still high needs. Sometimes, I'd be wary of vacationing with aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents. They can become judgy about parenting/how you handle your kid, if they see you struggling. Our experience, while well intentioned, has turned into that, where nobody seems to really enjoy being around our kid at the end of the week, because of his high needs. I'm not blaming them at all. It's just stressful as a parent to have other family members watching you struggle, all while supposedly having fun on vacation.

Good point.  Initially, when the kids were young, both sets of grandparents accompanied us.  DH's parents become frazzled and stressed and, after a few years, declined coming along.  This worked better for all involved because they obviously weren't enjoying themselves and it stressed us out worrying about it.  But, my parents have no problem looking beyond the bickering, tantrums and complaints in exchange for the good times on vacation.  I don't worry about them washing their hands of us because I know they wouldn't miss it for the world.  Just depends on each circumstance.  I don't begrudge the in-laws for not being able to tolerate the chaos.  I may not, either, when I become a grandparent.

partgypsy

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #58 on: December 31, 2017, 02:42:21 PM »
Everyone's experiences are going to be different. My oldest slept during the day, awake up at night, was also breastfed, so by the end of 4 months I was a walking zombie. The second was bad but not as bad because she slept at night. Also I caved and started supplementing with formula, which helped immensely (before, if baby woke up to feed it was me waking up, as the pumped milk was saved for during the day when I was at work). It sounds like she needs a break. If you could wait even until 6, 7, 8 months the baby should be on a more regular sleep schedule and it will feel more like a vacation. Honestly she will just be getting away from being in the house and maybe catching up with sleep, so I would choose something cheap and fun (hotel in FLA versus cruise). The plus side of baby vacations, you can strap them to you and they do sleep quite a bit. A 2, 3 year old toddler is more of a pain when traveling. 

frugalnacho

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #59 on: December 31, 2017, 04:10:21 PM »
She started out pumping, but her supply has not kept up with his demand.  We have been supplementing about one 4 ounce bottle of formula each day during his cluster feeding.

I don't know if he is high needs, I think it's just how babies are.  He doesn't feed every hour of every day, and we are starting to get 2-3 nights a week where he will sleep for a 5-6 hour chunk.  It's completely unpredictable though, so I don't know if we are getting a good nights sleep, or if he wants to wait up shreaking every hour.

Milizard

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #60 on: December 31, 2017, 05:28:57 PM »
We did a few weekend road trips when our first was an infant. He slept well in the car. We had to bring a ton of shit along,  unpacking it, repacking it, unpacking at home.  It was nice to change scenery, but still a ton of work. Did not feel like a vacation at all.  I think a plane would be double the stress.  Just a couple things: at 2 months, I think you're at the worst point. And breastfeeding is over-rated.

Zette

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #61 on: December 31, 2017, 06:54:28 PM »
My brother and SIL took their 2 month old to the CA mountains and Yosemite in August.  I couldn't have done it with my first, but it worked out ok for them (although they did have to head home a day earlier than planned when everyone came down with a bad cold).  The key was having a very helpful grandmother along who slept on the pull-out couch of the condo and was willing to pitch in all the time with diapers, cooking, etc., and watch the baby for a couple of hours while they went out to eat.  I'd suggest driving somewhere for a 4 day weekend, and bring a grandma along.

The first 12-15 weeks are the hardest.  Here are a few tips I gave my brother before my niece was born that I think are applicable for you when you go back to work:

1.  You should make it a rule that you must make sure you wife has breakfast and a shower before you leave for work in the morning.  Get up early, make food for her, hold the baby while she showers, whatever it takes.  She's taking care of the baby, you need to take care of her.  Otherwise she may find it gets to be 2pm and she's neither eaten nor showered (speaking from experience here).

2.  My husband was on baby duty from 8-12pm each night.  I breastfed the baby, then went to sleep for a glorious 4 hours.  He gave the baby a bottle of formula when he cried around 9 or 10 (pumped milk would be an alternative), then woke me up when the baby wanted to feed again about midnight.  This made a huge difference in our ability to cope, and for him getting to bed by midnight ensured he had a reasonable night's sleep.



Dr. Pepper

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #62 on: December 31, 2017, 06:55:12 PM »
We vacationed with a small baby, 6 months, and flew internationally, and took a cruise. It was ok, but we brought another adult along to help. If it was just me and the wife no way.

Suze456

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #63 on: December 31, 2017, 07:39:04 PM »
There is a big difference between a 2 month old and 4 month old ime. There is a growth spurt at 6-8 weeks...no fun! We vacationed with a 4 month old and it was fine...albeit at a much slower pace than prekids. And I still wouldn't do a cruise/ hotel room - get a 1 bed apartment at a minimum so if baby is awake, one person can still sleep.

Teachstache

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #64 on: December 31, 2017, 07:46:20 PM »
My brother and SIL took their 2 month old to the CA mountains and Yosemite in August.  I couldn't have done it with my first, but it worked out ok for them (although they did have to head home a day earlier than planned when everyone came down with a bad cold).  The key was having a very helpful grandmother along who slept on the pull-out couch of the condo and was willing to pitch in all the time with diapers, cooking, etc., and watch the baby for a couple of hours while they went out to eat.  I'd suggest driving somewhere for a 4 day weekend, and bring a grandma along.

The first 12-15 weeks are the hardest.  Here are a few tips I gave my brother before my niece was born that I think are applicable for you when you go back to work:

1.  You should make it a rule that you must make sure you wife has breakfast and a shower before you leave for work in the morning.  Get up early, make food for her, hold the baby while she showers, whatever it takes.  She's taking care of the baby, you need to take care of her.  Otherwise she may find it gets to be 2pm and she's neither eaten nor showered (speaking from experience here).

2.  My husband was on baby duty from 8-12pm each night.  I breastfed the baby, then went to sleep for a glorious 4 hours.  He gave the baby a bottle of formula when he cried around 9 or 10 (pumped milk would be an alternative), then woke me up when the baby wanted to feed again about midnight.  This made a huge difference in our ability to cope, and for him getting to bed by midnight ensured he had a reasonable night's sleep.

This is excellent advice for new parents. Spouse and I had the mistaken idea that we'd both be up with the baby, in the spirit of egalitarianism. I wouldn't do that again. Divide & conquer would be our motto now.

MrsPete

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #65 on: December 31, 2017, 07:56:14 PM »
Is my wife crazy to consider taking a vacation with an infant? Am I crazy thinking it doesn't sound like a vacation at all and is going to just be a big stressful waste of time and money?
Your wife is not crazy, but she is wrong.  New babies are really hard, and they are even harder when you're out of your comfort zone (that is, where you don't have a crib and all your own stuff). 

I think what she needs is a rest from all the work of caring for a newborn.  Remember that her body is all out of whack.  She's learning new skills, and she's always "on".  Encourage her to go out to dinner with girlfriends for a few hours, encourage her to go walk around at the mall a few hours, encourage her to get out of the house without the baby.  I remember that I LOVED going to the grocery store.  I LOVED when my husband brought home a bucket of KFC, excusing me from cooking.  Look for a way to give her breaks; it will make a world of difference.

Here's a comparison:  Imagine you've just run a marathon; it was a really tough thing for you, and your body's not back up to speed ... and the very next day you begin swim lessons (you've never swum before) ... you are taking 10 lessons per day /some of them at night.  This is what your wife's going through right now.
15 feedings a day sounds pretty rough. I can't think of much after breathing or blinking that I'd like to endure 15 times a day, and those things aren't physically painful. It's not the time to convince her to think things through carefully. Buying her a day off is a way better idea.
15 feedings a day seems like too much.  By two months old, the baby should be catching onto the idea of eat-til-you-are-full ... if he's eating 15 times a day, I suspect he's eating just a bit, then falling asleep but staying "latched on" for comfort.  Your wife cannot allow the baby to use her as a pacifier.  He needs to learn to eat a full meal.  It sounds awful, but if he falls asleep when she knows he has only had a little bit of milk, she should put a cold washcloth on his little feet; it'll wake him, and he'll keep eating.  It shouldn't be long 'til he catches onto the idea that filling his stomach feels good. 

Does she have a breastfeeding pillow?  I didn't have one with my oldest child, and it made a world of difference with the second.  The consignment stores are full of them. 

Does she have a baby swing?  My oldest LOVED hers and would sit in it nicely while I prepared dinner ... my youngest HATED to be contained in any way and wouldn't stay in it five minutes. 

Has she talked to the doctor about how feeding is going?  The doctor should be your first touch-point on whether everything's good with the baby -- all of us can talk about our experiences, but you really should get the baby checked out. 

At four months, when you can start solids, you'll see a big difference.  At six months, things will become much easier.

When she's taking care of him by herself she can't even get enough time to get a shower in.
I remember this, but she's going to have to accept /learn to do things while taking care of the baby.  I know what she's thinking:  She's ALWAYS supposed to be watching the baby, and good moms put the baby first.  WRONG.  Good moms take care of themselves too.  She needs to put the baby safely in the crib, see that he's fine, then go straight to the shower -- or whatever she needs to do -- and trust that he's okay.  Sounds easy, but -- trust me -- it won't be easy for her.

The benedryl thing...I asked my OB if it was a bad idea and she shrugged. A ton of my girlfriends all do the same thing. Doesn't seem to have been habit forming. Maybe just a placebo. Anyway, it was a life saver for #2 and I wish I had known about it for #1.
Do not drug your baby. 

OH! Another thing I wished I'd known: breastfeeding isn't everything it's cracked up to be. There's a ton of pressure on moms to do it, but once the reality of the night feeding and working/pumping hit me, formula became my best friend.
Disagree.  Breastfeeding was worth it for the convenience, worth it for the health benefits, worth it for the savings ... but it is NOT automatic; it takes real effort to learn to do it.  And it's NOT easy to quantify; that is, unlike bottle feeders, you can't say, "My baby ate 4 ounces at 7:00 and another 4 ounces at noon", which can be tough if you're unsure about whether the baby's getting enough.  And it's tough that you can't pass the baby off to someone else for a feeding. 

But if you can "get it right", it is so much easier than formula -- nothing to buy, nothing to sterilize or mix, nothing to warm up or transport, nothing to wash.  You can even breastfeed in your sleep; did it lots of times.

Babies poop a lot. People talk about babies pooping and fussing a lot. The fussing is definitely on the higher end of the spectrum, but the poop is to be expected.
Yeah, if you're using disposable diapers, they should be easy.

Fussing babies, that's a problem.
This is excellent advice for new parents. Spouse and I had the mistaken idea that we'd both be up with the baby, in the spirit of egalitarianism. I wouldn't do that again. Divide & conquer would be our motto now.
Yeah, that's the kind of thing that sounds like great advice -- before the baby arrives.  Taking turns is the way to go; take care of each other and know that this newborn period won't last forever.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 07:58:02 PM by MrsPete »

ToTheMoon

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #66 on: December 31, 2017, 09:09:06 PM »
 
Is my wife crazy to consider taking a vacation with an infant? Am I crazy thinking it doesn't sound like a vacation at all and is going to just be a big stressful waste of time and money?

Your wife is not crazy at all to be considering taking a vacation with baby.  Sometimes the best part of a vacation is the planning stage.  You guys are up to your ears in sleep deprivation, poop, and new baby chaos - perhaps planning a trip somewhere would allow you both to focus on something else for a few minutes a day?  Planning it does not mean that you have to book it tomorrow.  You are still allowed to dream, and when you all settle into a more manageable routine you can decide whether or not to hit "GO" on your booking.

It definitely can be done, but how enjoyable it will be depends on knowing yourselves (and as much as you can about the needs of your infant) and having realistic expectations.

When our first was 10 weeks old (I just checked my email for confirmation of the dates) we booked a 3 week backpacking trip to Ecuador leaving just before our DS turned 5 months.  Things that worked in our favour: he was exclusively breastfed at the time, so food was not an issue.  (We had also been to South America before, and knew that Huggies diapers are everywhere and if absolutely needed, formula & jars of baby food were available in the grocery stores.)  It also worked out that our son was happiest and slept well when being carried around, so us walking/exploring for 3 weeks with him strapped to one of us was almost ideal! 

I carried DS on my front in an Ergobaby carrier with the backpack attachment, with a 50L backpack on my back.  DH carried the 65L pack with his stuff and the full size travel crib in it (6lb Phil & Teds Traveller - which was awesome BTW!)  Moving around was easy business.  The part we didn't consider was that we would be in our room by 6-7pm most nights to put baby down to bed.  That was different - but we read lots of books and tried to learn Spanish by watching tv shows together.  We were new parents and didn't know what we were doing - that wasn't going to change based on location!

We went backpacking again when he was 12 months, and spent 2 weeks in Panama.  Another awesome time.  Then, we had child #2.  We knew right away that he was happiest at home, with a routine - and we haven't backpacked since. (He is now almost 6 and we are planning to take them both somewhere in the next year or two.)  Know yourselves, make your best guess as to what the two of you and your child can handle, and start dreaming together.  You can always pull the trigger later on, and end up somewhere you never would have imagined! . . .or stay home, but at least you gave it valid consideration :D

englishteacheralex

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #67 on: January 01, 2018, 01:21:01 AM »

The benedryl thing...I asked my OB if it was a bad idea and she shrugged. A ton of my girlfriends all do the same thing. Doesn't seem to have been habit forming. Maybe just a placebo. Anyway, it was a life saver for #2 and I wish I had known about it for #1.
Do not drug your baby.

 

OH! Another thing I wished I'd known: breastfeeding isn't everything it's cracked up to be. There's a ton of pressure on moms to do it, but once the reality of the night feeding and working/pumping hit me, formula became my best friend.
Disagree.  Breastfeeding was worth it for the convenience, worth it for the health benefits, worth it for the savings ... but it is NOT automatic; it takes real effort to learn to do it.  And it's NOT easy to quantify; that is, unlike bottle feeders, you can't say, "My baby ate 4 ounces at 7:00 and another 4 ounces at noon", which can be tough if you're unsure about whether the baby's getting enough.  And it's tough that you can't pass the baby off to someone else for a feeding. 

But if you can "get it right", it is so much easier than formula -- nothing to buy, nothing to sterilize or mix, nothing to warm up or transport, nothing to wash.  You can even breastfeed in your sleep; did it lots of times.

Of course I wouldn't give benedryl to the baby! It was for me! One thing most of my mom friends commiserate about is how hard it is to get back to sleep after the night wakings, even if the baby goes right back down. We all resorted to taking benedryl so that it was easier for us to get back to sleep.

As for breastfeeding, if I hadn't had to go back to work, I'd probably have kept doing exclusive breast feeding. But after a while it really gets old even when you're SAHM-ing it. I got two free breast pumps--one for each pregnancy, but I hated pumping.

The OP's wife is a SAHM, so breastfeeding is a totally different thing in that case. I just got to a point where I realized that I could work full time, or I could breast feed, but trying to do both was too much. And when I stopped feeling an obsession with the baby never having formula, life got a lot easier for everyone.

Like a lot of people, I don't make that much milk--pumping didn't really solve much for me. Formula did.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #68 on: January 01, 2018, 02:24:53 AM »
I can really relate to your wife.  With both my kids, I was ready to pull my hair out from lack of sleep when they were 2 months old.  Second one had colic and reflux and was just a mess.  You can tell her that things generally get easier from around the 12 week mark.  I remember reading that in one of my baby books and it made it easier psychologically to know that there were better (sleep) times ahead).  Unfortunately, my second kid remained a terrible sleeper until around 2 years but the first one definitely improved at around 12 weeks.

As far as vacations, unfortunately, once we become parents, vacations are no longer really vacations the way they were pre-kids.  The only set up I can think of that would actually be a vacation would be an all inclusive resort with a kids' camp but we have never done that as we mostly use vacation to visit family and friends. 

As someone commented above, a vacation with a 4 month old actually sounds more relaxing in many ways that with a toddler.  At least at 4 months the kid won't be mobile and into everything.

frugledoc

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #69 on: January 01, 2018, 03:25:47 AM »
Can definitely relate as we have a 5 month old (and a 3.5 year old).

My wife feels very trapped at the moment.    I would say she would be very envious of your wife having her mum help 1 day a week and a friend helping 1 day a week,  that is an awesome thing to have. Unfortunately, we have nobody helping which creates an almost unbearable pressure for my wife.

My concern would be that if you go on holiday, your wife will actually find it worse as she is losing those two days of help.

If you do go away, I wold airbnb a flat or a lodge somewhere within 2 - 3 hours driving distance.

People who are relaxed and laid back about travelling with kids often seem to have a lot of support in their home life, so are less stressed and better slept as a baseline.

Last Night

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #70 on: January 01, 2018, 01:00:25 PM »
Travelling with an infant is doable, personally I don't think it's worth it.

We traveled with our 7 month old (5 hour flight each way) thankfully the plane provided us a built in bassinet, that helped, but then it's all the little shit that simply takes the "fun" out of traveling.  Had to carry bottle sterilizer equipment, portable play pen, a ton of junk.  When wife and I used to travel it was just carry ons for anything up to a week...forget that now.

OP your situation sounds pretty rough, I think travelling at this point or in a couple of months is only going to make a bad situation worse.  Also the kid shouldn't be crying all day long, i will second what people said here and focus on resolving whatever issue your kid currently has and focus on giving your wife time away from baby.  People coming over to help is nice, but the mother bears so much of the work of raising a child that being there and supporting them is nice, but in the grand scheme of things it's a drop in the bucket.  She needs time to herself to get the chance to get herself together. It's a thankless job, especially in the beginning for first time mothers.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2018, 01:02:20 PM by Last Night »

me1

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #71 on: January 01, 2018, 02:01:53 PM »
Don't mind all these people who never had babies that screamed for no reason, were fed, were warm, were clean, and yet still not happy. People think that their experience is the only possible experience and that what worked for their baby will work for any other baby. This is simply not true. There was a lot of crying for no apparent reason when my son was a baby.  Actually that was most of the crying.  He is a very happy school aged kid right now! So it all turned out ok. But it was rough! Hang in there.

kimmarg

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #72 on: January 01, 2018, 06:15:18 PM »
 Get your wife (and you!) evaluated for post partum depression/anxiety. I know you think it's just the lack of sleep, you think it's just the stage. Yes, the kid will get better BUT YOU CAN TOO.  I also could barely function without help. I stupidly refused meds and help for 4 months. Only thing I regret as a parent. Having a baby is hard. It does not have to be THIS hard.  Please, please, please talk to your doc/obgyn/whomever and find out of counseling or anti depressants is a good choice for you. I've been there, I would have loved a vacation but yea the stress and screaming and diapers wont go away in the tropics. THe diapers and screaming may not go away, but the stress can.

Acorns

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #73 on: January 01, 2018, 09:33:34 PM »
A mom on vacation is just a mom doing her job someplace other than home. I agree with all the other posters that now is not the time for a vacation, at least not the tropical cruise type vacation. I am just (barely) further along than the newborn stage with my youngest, and we have not done much traveling with him at all. A couple car trips to see family, no flights. With my older children we did some flights to see family when they were babies and it went fine, but a "vacation" it was not.

This is your first child, right? Becoming a mom is really really REALLY hard! Physically, emotionally, etc. And though it gets easier in some ways when the kid starts sleeping better, no stage of parenting is "easy," or so I've heard, my oldest is only 6, so maybe things get way easier at 7 and I can kick back on the couch with some vino and bonbons. It sounds to me like your wife needs to find her support structure, some other mom friends with kids in the same age range as yours, who can commiserate and support her in her day to day life. It's awesome that she has her mom and a friend helping out (that's way more than I've ever had), but she needs to find her "tribe". My church sponsors a MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) group which is open for the community (you don't have to be religious or a church member) and is AWESOME! They bring in various parenting/child development/health speakers, it has childcare and also food. Its like parenting education and friendship together.

As others have said, your wife should make an appointment with her OBGYN or midwife or other provider to be evaluated for PPD. Speaking from experience, it's way better to get help than wallow in uncontrollable emotions. Getting your baby checked out for reflux might also be a good idea, but some babies are just more high needs than others. You are at the peak time for colic, if that is what's going on. Also, check out Wonder Weeks (an app, also a book, lots of info online). I found that my babies' fussy times often coincided with a wonder week, and it's kind of helpful to know, hey, my baby is not intentionally screaming to drive me crazy, they are going through this developmental leap and they can't help it!
« Last Edit: January 01, 2018, 10:09:15 PM by Acorns »

bogart

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Re: Wife wants to vacation with new baby
« Reply #74 on: January 01, 2018, 10:03:38 PM »
I'm sorry (but not surprised) that the early months of parenting are proving so challenging -- they are, indeed, hard (or at least, can be in a way that is well within the "oh that's just how things are" frame, the folks who report that their babies started regularly sleeping through the night at 2 weeks notwithstanding...).

That said, though I haven't read all the other replies (but I did read your replies in this thread) I concur with others who've suggested that touching base with a medical professional re: baby and mom (and your) well-being and whether there are factors that merit attention (could be GERD, could be food allergies, could be PPD) is worth doing.

I also agree that formula and out-of-your-home daycare might be good options.  On the first -- I was another mom who struggled with supply (and used a lot more formula than your wife is needing to supplement, if memory serves), and who was nursing and pumping and supplementing and OMG it was exhausting.  In retrospect, I wish I'd been a bit more accepting of how little milk my body produced (had kept nursing, but not done so much pumping trying to up supply); the work I put into that didn't really accomplish much.  But I did go back to work (initially p/t) at 2 months and that was by far the best decision I ever made.  Being out of the home, and having baby in a good daycare, was a total sanity-saver for me.  Is this an option for/of interest to your wife?  Of course it may not be -- but if it is, well worth exploring/supporting.

As for a vacation with a baby ... a few years back, there was a (funny) post that went around about whether something was a trip or a vacation, and basically, if you're the parent and the group travelling includes one of your kids, it's a trip, not a vacation.  And really, IMO, this is true, though now that my son is in his second decade, that is starting ... starting ... to change.  But no matter where you are, you are always the mom or dad, and the kid is always a kid, and there's just no way around it.  And yes, they do have special equipment needs (as compared to adults), and diets (ditto), and safety concerns, etc. 

(All that said, we did, and do, travel with ours -- we went to visit grandparents about a 10- and 5-hour drive away (different trips, opposite directions) when ours was about the age of yours, and it was fine.  We didn't fly until he was maybe 9 months old, though, but have done so repeatedly since.  There is actually a lot to be said for enjoying traveling before they are self-propelled, because that introduces a whole bunch of other complications into matters.  But travelling won't improve sleep schedules, or eating patterns, or anything much, really -- rather, the reverse in my experience)

So ... long story short, no, I probably wouldn't choose to travel, at least not in the way you describe (aiming for a vacation), at that age.  But I would see if there's a way your wife (and you, if possible) can get a break (even a night or weekend away from the house, without baby, if that isn't a horrifying thing to contemplate, though I totally understand it could be and that's OK too).

And it really does get better.  I loved the Happiest Baby on the Block book not so much for the advice it offered as for the point it made about how human babies really are born at an absurdly early developmental stage, and would do much better if they could gestate for an entire year (except of course that given our head size, that wouldn't work), and figuring that that first 3 months on the outside was really just something for both of us to get through did help me, even if it wasn't the most romantic/glossy understanding of new parenthood.  Hang in there, and good luck.