Why is it rude to talk about money?

[Half-Borg]

Don't be hating.  Just teach everyone how to use foxfire (I had an actual request where someone thought it was foxfire and wanted to learn something about it).

Might be worth sending around:
How to become the local computer expert:
http://xkcd.com/627/

[HappierAtHome]

Back on topic: I try to talk about money (in a positive, supportive way) on a regular basis because I think if people discussed the reality of their financial situations openly, there would be less "keeping up with the joneses" etc. Or maybe it would turn into a positive competition - you put how much into your index fund this month? I'd better increase my transfers! etc. Much like this forum.

But recently I was reminded of why it's such a bad idea.
Friend: how much do you save from your pay every fortnight?
Me: $2000
Friend: that's more than my pay every fortnight...

Someone always gets hurt :-(

[Adventine]

But recently I was reminded of why it's such a bad idea.
Friend: how much do you save from your pay every fortnight?
Me: $2000
Friend: that's more than my pay every fortnight...

Someone always gets hurt :-(

Exactly! As much as I'd like to talk about money with my best and oldest friends (we've known each other for more than 10 years now) I know I'm just going to make them feel bad because I earn so much more. I value the friendships more than the pleasure of talking about personal finance.

[HappierAtHome]

I value the friendships more than the pleasure of talking about personal finance.

Me too. What I really struggle with is that because I love my friends, I want them to have financial security too. It's hard to accept that they're not ready to hear it. Or that they'll think I'm bragging.

Plus I just love talking about money :-P but now I'm on the forum to get my fix of that! Problem solved.

[Adventine]

I value the friendships more than the pleasure of talking about personal finance.

Me too. What I really struggle with is that because I love my friends, I want them to have financial security too. It's hard to accept that they're not ready to hear it. Or that they'll think I'm bragging.

Plus I just love talking about money :-P but now I'm on the forum to get my fix of that! Problem solved.

This, like, +1000.

[Luck better Skill]

  If we cannot learn to discuss money without hurt feeling then our children will have to learn all the mistakes we made by repeating them.  This is bad.  We must stop letting our emotions or feeling get hurt cause someone makes more then us. That is part of the consumerism that more money is better.
  Sharing financial wisdom is just as import as other wisdom.  Just an area our society must grow in.

[Silvie]

I agree with Luck better Skill. My parents are FI and they've always discussed money with me and my sister. As a result, we are both very much aware how fortunate we were in our youth (my parents made it very clear that not everyone is in the same financial position) and we both know how to handle money wisely, i.e. no big spenders. We were shown that FI is not an unreachable dream or goal, but something very feasible.

[Adventine]

There's a difference between a parent/child taking about personal finance and peers talking about personal finance. I've tried to introduce the topic at appropriate times when talking to friends, but the usual response I get is "But you earn so much more money, of course you can afford to save so much more!"

Good for you if your friends are receptive to topics like extreme saving and achieving FI. But not everyone is ready to have that conversation.

[Luck better Skill]

  We will talk about purchases we made, or great deals, offers, coupons but not about making money.  Everyone spends money even if we are not wise about it.  With close friends we'll discuss everything.  Sex was once a topic no one discussed.  We must show society that it is OK to have money discussions too.

[2527]

This is an interesting topic.  I have some powerful knowledge about food and nutrition.  I think it is very important but I have learned most people don't want to hear it.  So I go on my website for nutrition and talk to other people who are interested in it, just like I talk about money hear.  Sometimes I wonder what other people know really well that they aren't telling me or I'm not listening to when they do tell me. 

[avonlea]

This is an interesting topic.  I have some powerful knowledge about food and nutrition.  I think it is very important but I have learned most people don't want to hear it.  So I go on my website for nutrition and talk to other people who are interested in it, just like I talk about money hear.  Sometimes I wonder what other people know really well that they aren't telling me or I'm not listening to when they do tell me.

Great thought!  I'll try to keep that in mind when I find myself starting to tune others out.

[Insanity]

There's a difference between a parent/child taking about personal finance and peers talking about personal finance. I've tried to introduce the topic at appropriate times when talking to friends, but the usual response I get is "But you earn so much more money, of course you can afford to save so much more!"

Good for you if your friends are receptive to topics like extreme saving and achieving FI. But not everyone is ready to have that conversation.

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

[Adventine]

There's a difference between a parent/child taking about personal finance and peers talking about personal finance. I've tried to introduce the topic at appropriate times when talking to friends, but the usual response I get is "But you earn so much more money, of course you can afford to save so much more!"

Good for you if your friends are receptive to topics like extreme saving and achieving FI. But not everyone is ready to have that conversation.

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

My parents used to tell me that all the time, too. Except it wasn't a random poor country, it was our own. Maybe the relative lack of prosperity where I live can explain my local friends' hesitation to talk about money.

[Insanity]

There's a difference between a parent/child taking about personal finance and peers talking about personal finance. I've tried to introduce the topic at appropriate times when talking to friends, but the usual response I get is "But you earn so much more money, of course you can afford to save so much more!"

Good for you if your friends are receptive to topics like extreme saving and achieving FI. But not everyone is ready to have that conversation.

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

My parents used to tell me that all the time, too. Except it wasn't a random poor country, it was our own. Maybe the relative lack of prosperity where I live can explain my local friends' hesitation to talk about money.

I apologize for the very poorly written text above.  Working till 12:45, 1:00, and 1:30 am respectively over the last three days is killing my thought process.  And that's being a contractor.  Why I am giving them free money when I can't bill OT is beyond me.  It's their fault the way they want me to do this massive amount of testing is on a box that is not sufficiently enough to do it.

Anyway, my parents (read mother) never used the same country twice in a row and sometimes she'd throw in a town near by.  I am really not sure why they did it.  My response was usually something along the lines of: "It would spoil by then."  Yes, I didn't understand refrigeration and freezing cargo at that age ;)

[avonlea]

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

A little off-topic...

My parents never talked about money either.  Has anyone ever made a poll on this forum asking people how much financial education they received before adulthood?  I would be very interested in seeing the responses.

[galliver]

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

A little off-topic...

My parents never talked about money either.  Has anyone ever made a poll on this forum asking people how much financial education they received before adulthood?  I would be very interested in seeing the responses.

Just a note that "financial education" doesn't necessarily come from parents. My lessons in frugality, certainly. But I learned about the power of compound interest in math classes over the years, and then had an awesome consumer economics teacher who covered budgeting, credit, the stock market, insurance, etc. in a fantastic and interactive way. We even played a "game of life" for a week or two using our chosen college majors/career fields (since we were seniors and knew what we were trying to do with our lives by then). There were emergencies and stuff that happened by luck of the draw...it was well done. The rest I picked up from TV/books/internet once my interest was piqued (not that I'm an expert by any means...yet!)

[Adventine]

There's a difference between a parent/child taking about personal finance and peers talking about personal finance. I've tried to introduce the topic at appropriate times when talking to friends, but the usual response I get is "But you earn so much more money, of course you can afford to save so much more!"

Good for you if your friends are receptive to topics like extreme saving and achieving FI. But not everyone is ready to have that conversation.

I learned we were better off by hearing the phrase: "There are children in <insert random poor country> that would enjoy the leftovers." :-/

My parents never talked about money.  I had learned by watching, and sort of unfortunately, as I got older my family got much better off to due to being very smart at the beginning.  I didn't understand that completely.  But I did ask a questions and for understanding as I started out on my own.   I really do wish, however, my father had tried to talk me out of my first new car purchase back in 1998.  I didn't need the super charger, the cost of premium gas, the increased car insurance for the county that I lived in, and the headaches the quality of the car caused.

My parents used to tell me that all the time, too. Except it wasn't a random poor country, it was our own. Maybe the relative lack of prosperity where I live can explain my local friends' hesitation to talk about money.

I apologize for the very poorly written text above.  Working till 12:45, 1:00, and 1:30 am respectively over the last three days is killing my thought process.  And that's being a contractor.  Why I am giving them free money when I can't bill OT is beyond me.  It's their fault the way they want me to do this massive amount of testing is on a box that is not sufficiently enough to do it.

Anyway, my parents (read mother) never used the same country twice in a row and sometimes she'd throw in a town near by.  I am really not sure why they did it.  My response was usually something along the lines of: "It would spoil by then."  Yes, I didn't understand refrigeration and freezing cargo at that age ;)

Hey, Insanity, hope things have gotten better at work :)

There are so many negative and positive emotions that are associated with money. That's what makes talking about money so hard.

[avonlea]

Just a note that "financial education" doesn't necessarily come from parents. My lessons in frugality, certainly. But I learned about the power of compound interest in math classes over the years, and then had an awesome consumer economics teacher who covered budgeting, credit, the stock market, insurance, etc. in a fantastic and interactive way. We even played a "game of life" for a week or two using our chosen college majors/career fields (since we were seniors and knew what we were trying to do with our lives by then). There were emergencies and stuff that happened by luck of the draw...it was well done. The rest I picked up from TV/books/internet once my interest was piqued (not that I'm an expert by any means...yet!)

Oh, yeah. I completely agree with you.  That's why I listed "financial education" and not "Did your parents talk about money?".  My parents were also fairly frugal, and I'm very grateful to have had that training.  They didn't own a single credit card, so I had no association with the plastic demon.  Talking about money matters was really kind of forbidden, though, if you know what I mean (not that they invented that--they were taught the same by their parents).  I think it's great that you were exposed to financial education in school.  I wasn't and I don't think I'm a rare case.  Anyway, I was just wondering if a lot of people who are frugal in their 20s and 30s were kind of directed in that path during their most influential years.  That's all.

ETA: How ageist of me.  Sorry!  This would be interesting to know for all who are frugal, no just those in their 20s and 30s.

[galliver]

Maybe the relative lack of prosperity where I live can explain my local friends' hesitation to talk about money.

I think this is a really interesting point. Are poorer people less likely/inclined to talk about money? Possibly because they have fewer choices about what to do with it or how to live, and it is associated with more negative emotions (because it's always lacking) than positive ones?

[Deimyts]

Anyway, I was just wondering if a lot of people who are frugal in their 20s and 30s were kind of directed in that path during their most influential years.  That's all.

My parents instilled some pretty frugal habits in me, but they didn't teach me anything about money.
The turning point for me was absolutely going to college, and paying for it with student loans because I didn't know any better. My parents had credit card debt for most of my childhood (they still do, but have stopped using the cards and are almost done paying it off), and a huge mortgage. When it was time for me to go to school, I didn't really understand what I was getting into, what my job prospects were, how much it costs to live, or anything that would give me the information I needed to make a smart decision. I didn't even know what my parents made until earlier this year. So I took out a ridiculous amount of loans for a low-paying degree, and when I graduated I had to learn to deal with it pretty fast.

[Half-Borg]

My parents are very open about their finances, since I started asking about stuff. I still don't know the numbers, but that's because they don't.

I kind of embraced the frugal lifestyle. My parents spend their money on things I don't care about like horses (5 of them, who needs 5 horses?), but are frugal on everything else.
They also wasted a lot of money on capital life insurance (don't know if that's a thing in America) and alike. So all my investment knowledge comes from reading.