Author Topic: Why does not speding money make things awkward?  (Read 8476 times)

Slowtraveler

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #50 on: June 05, 2018, 06:41:45 PM »
I thought these types of personal attacks were grounds for banning in the agreement?

If VoteCthulu has a desire to save money, I assumed he was welcome.

I've seen people at McDs many times not spend money, shave in the bathroom, etc. It is the business's choice to allow or disallow this. This wouldn't occur at a high end restaurant due to their process for allowing people in. They would likely ask you to leave.

I'd feel more comfortable playing cards in somebody's basement, a park, or a mall but that doesn't mean I need to gang in on attacking someone for being different.

He's not doing it in front of a fire station where it would actually be a danger.

alleykat

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #51 on: June 05, 2018, 06:50:46 PM »
I am not a big contributor here but I am really surprised at the responses on this thread. If the table was full and others were ordering the restaurant would be just fine.  It would be a diff story if everyone just ordered soup and took up the table for hours.

However, it is a big awkward in a group to just sit there with a glass of water. I agree with some others, just order an appetizer or a small salad.  The few bucks spent is worth the time with friends.

I am not mustachian as some on these boards.  I am trying to be smarter with my spending but there is a balance.

patchyfacialhair

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #52 on: June 05, 2018, 06:58:34 PM »
See post 11. Thatís the one that weíre all harping on. In a big group, if heís the only one not ordering, itís not necessarily ideal socially (at least order a garden salad), but itís not the worst thing ever. Him saying that heís staying 4-5 hours and not ordering anything? Thatís whatís wrong. The thread has been derailed since then.

asauer

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #53 on: June 06, 2018, 04:58:28 AM »
I'm in this situation quite a bit with friends.  I want to see them but think it's not acceptable to hang out at a restaurant w/o ordering.  So, I just do a 15-20 min stop-by.  I hangout and say hi then I leave.  Still get to see my friends but I don't take up space that could be for a paying customer.

terran

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #54 on: June 06, 2018, 06:08:13 AM »
Well that kind of went off the rails. Just to be clear, since my post kind of set this whole thing in motion, my intention was never to start a debate about whether not ordering anything harms the restaurant. My point was that the people who do order something have paid the common socially accepted "price of admission" for being in a restaurant, so I think it's reasonable for them to feel a little "put out" if someone in the group decides not to pay their admission, but rather expects to "slip in" with other paying customers.

goatmom

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #55 on: June 06, 2018, 08:36:12 AM »
I worked as a waitress in high school/college.  I can't imagine someone coming in and playing cards and not ordering.  Restaurants are not public places.   As a waitress I would have felt very uncomfortable if someone did this.  I would have felt compelled to keep asking them if I could get them something.  I dont think any of the waitstaff really cares if one person in a large party does not order.  That happens enough and as long as the other people order and tip.  If the restaurant was completely empty - we often used that time to do stuff ourselves like sit and fold napkins or polish silver.  Or even just goof around on a really slow night.  Certainly wouldn't want people sitting there for hours playing cards.  I am pretty sure we would have asked them very politely to leave if we figured out they had no intention of ordering anything.  I think sitting at a fast food restaurant or the food court at the mall is a bit different . 

TartanTallulah

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #56 on: June 06, 2018, 09:08:56 AM »
Dining in the company of someone who is conspicuously choosing not to dine IS socially awkward, in the manner of being in a meeting in which one person displays markedly different body language from everyone else but, if asked, insist that everything is just fine, and in a social situation like that of the original post I'd order something small to eat to avoid drawing unwanted attention to myself.

I made a conscious decision to deal with the fact that I find it uncomfortable to eat a meal in the company of someone who is choosing not to eat anything at all, for it's a common situation among the people I work with - some of my colleagues are serial dieters and will come on nights out but not eat because they're being rigid about controlling their food intake. Some people also get very anxious about eating in public. Whether someone who's not me or one of my children else eats or not is none of my business and it's unhelpful for me to have an emotional response to it.

martyconlonontherun

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #57 on: June 06, 2018, 11:01:34 AM »
There's no fee for anyone to hang out in a Walmart parking lot. Try meeting with someone at a table in a restaurant and not ordering anything and see how long they let you stay. I wasn't saying you're mooching off the restaurant (although if you take free water then there is some small cost), I was saying you're mooching off your "dining" companions who are paying to have the right to be in the restaurant, and therefore also covering you.
I have done this many times when a restaurant isn't busy, I meet with a friend and we chat for an hour and leave. Never had any issue. The server comes over, asks if we want anything, and we politely decline.

The longest was probably 4 or 5 hours as a friend and I played cards until the restaurant closed, but they never gave us a hard time. Of course if they ever did ask us to leave we would immediately, but that's never happened to me yet.

I'm stunned!  I can't imagine any restaurant letting this happen (except Starbucks).  Are you in the US?  Maybe its different in other countries.

Yeah, I'm a bit surprised someone would do this. Are you in the U.S. or a different country? In the U.S., the servers make their tip money (which is most of their pay) by serving people who are sitting at their assigned tables for the day. You are taking up a table that is a source of their income, so I hope you at least leave $10 for taking up the space.

There's a difference between letting you do it and being happy with it. The restaurant definitely discourages it but at an individual waittress or waiter has too much to risk by asking you to leave, especially if there is any hint of perceived stereotyping. They will be annoyed by having to still cover the area and ask if you need anything every hour and it fills a spot in their area so other waiter/waittresses get more customers.

But what are they supposed to do? Take the risk of asking you to leave and them causing a scene, even lying to your manager that you they were planning on ordering something but waiting on other people, etc.

Honestly, the only acceptable place for this would be a common space food court.

Slee_stack

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #58 on: June 07, 2018, 12:10:53 PM »
re the derailment....


Do people need all restaurants to put up signs that say 'Tables are for paying customers only'?

I mean is that necessary?  Do we need to be told that?  Is this not common sense?


Just because someone CAN do something doesn't mean they SHOULD do something.

If one's argument is 'someone didn't confront me about it', you just might have an entitlement and/or respect problem to work on.


Oh I'm sorry...I didn't know I shouldn't pick my nose and wipe it on the window....No one said anything to me about it.  I mean why can't I do that?  The rain will wash it off... Its not costing anybody anything...



OurTown

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #59 on: June 07, 2018, 01:49:29 PM »
Taking up a table costs the owners money.  We did this in college in the late 80s to protest Cracker Barrel's anti-gay hiring practices.  We had a coffee drink-in where we took up several tables and ordered coffee.  (We took good care of the waiters though).  So, no, I don't agree with sitting at a table playing cards.

Not ordering as part of a group is a different matter.  I've been in that situation a few times where either there were no low-carb choices or I was on a fast so I just had an iced tea and socialized.  Similarly, I don't drink alcohol anymore but it doesn't bother me to be around other people drinking, so it was a similar vibe to going out with people on a "happy hour" and having a club soda.

arebelspy

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #60 on: June 08, 2018, 11:58:34 AM »
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anonymouscow

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #61 on: June 08, 2018, 06:32:33 PM »
Not the exact situation, I get in trouble with the SO because I don't want to go out to eat with her and her kids (both over 18 if that makes a difference). The kids always want to go to Applebee's, Buca di Beppo, Chinese buffet, Olive Garden, etc. It's always over a hundred dollars for 4 people. I am not a food snob by any means, but I do not like the food at these places. She says it's about spending time together, well, when we don't go out to eat we eat just about every dinner together. If I do go, and end up paying, I think to myself, this costs more than I make in a day, I really would have liked to not work a day instead.

The other day we met up with some friends for food, I don't know why you have to meet friends at a restaurant. They were saying they owe vet bills on credit cards with 29% interest rates. I'm sure at 20 dollars a person we could have just cooked food for half as much and ended up with twice the food.

I don't get that much more out of a 20 dollar meal than I do a 10 dollar meal. I do the groupon thing so I can try to make her happy by eating out, but of course then it becomes a, well you have a groupon, that means we can order appetizers etc.

I guess I'm just a cheap person in general, going out to eat seems like one of the bigger useless expenses to me.

Cranky

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #62 on: June 09, 2018, 02:11:40 PM »
Why donít you offer to cook for people? Iím not super fond of eating out, and the alternative is that I toss some chicken and rice into the crockpot.

Mezzie

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #63 on: June 10, 2018, 09:18:06 AM »
When I was paying my way through college, I frequently went out with friends and only ordered a side salad or hot tea. People didn't seem to notice. Years later, though, a friend who had racked up considerable credit card debt because of those meals said she'd wished she had followed my example, so I guess I wasn't as subtle as I thought.

Hargrove

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #64 on: June 10, 2018, 10:27:04 AM »
I've seen people at McDs many times not spend money, shave in the bathroom, etc. It is the business's choice to allow or disallow this. This wouldn't occur at a high end restaurant due to their process for allowing people in. They would likely ask you to leave.

I'd feel more comfortable playing cards in somebody's basement, a park, or a mall but that doesn't mean I need to gang in on attacking someone for being different.

He's not doing it in front of a fire station where it would actually be a danger.

The business' choice? No. There is no "The Business Officer" available at all hours of the day with nothing better to do than tell people not to shave in the bathroom. If there is any social compact in play, it's that you're daring a cashier or waitstaff to brave an encounter over behavior you shouldn't be engaged in. The public is not entitled to the use of business property "until and unless chased away." Places from small restaurants to libraries have to deal with this routinely now - ask how comfortable and appropriate it is for the employees who have to deal with it.

It's great and all that VoteCthulu was willing to give up the table, but without telepathy, the waitstaff won't know what sort of response they'll get until they take the dare and risk a confrontation (even without a purchase, the loitering party can punish with a negative review, and the staff know this).

OP: The burger for 7.95 and a water isn't a big deal at a table of 10 ordering entrees. It may also do wonders if you want to host your own events and suggest a potluck or something. Is it possible to let people know you're focused on saving money, so you can't do every dinner, but you don't want to skip out on company with them? I find that people are usually pretty understanding when you explain how their company is valued if you have to occasionally decline.

martyconlonontherun

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #65 on: June 12, 2018, 03:39:56 PM »
Yeah, I try to proactively schedule dinners at my place. Ironically, it probably costs me more but I'm ok with it. Rather pay $100 worth of good food for a dozen people than have to pay $60 bucks for just me and my wife drinking crappy food. Figure I make it up in social capital and getting invited to future boat rides or spare tickets to an event.

patchyfacialhair

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #66 on: June 12, 2018, 04:06:27 PM »
Yeah, I try to proactively schedule dinners at my place. Ironically, it probably costs me more but I'm ok with it. Rather pay $100 worth of good food for a dozen people than have to pay $60 bucks for just me and my wife drinking crappy food. Figure I make it up in social capital and getting invited to future boat rides or spare tickets to an event.

What works for us is that we commit to making the meat, and ask folks to bring sides/drinks/desserts.  A value pack of chicken plus sauce/seasoning ingredients is like $10, so not bad for a small dinner party if we're hosting.

talltexan

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #67 on: June 13, 2018, 08:19:38 AM »
There's no fee for anyone to hang out in a Walmart parking lot. Try meeting with someone at a table in a restaurant and not ordering anything and see how long they let you stay. I wasn't saying you're mooching off the restaurant (although if you take free water then there is some small cost), I was saying you're mooching off your "dining" companions who are paying to have the right to be in the restaurant, and therefore also covering you.
I have done this many times when a restaurant isn't busy, I meet with a friend and we chat for an hour and leave. Never had any issue. The server comes over, asks if we want anything, and we politely decline.

The longest was probably 4 or 5 hours as a friend and I played cards until the restaurant closed, but they never gave us a hard time. Of course if they ever did ask us to leave we would immediately, but that's never happened to me yet.

You really ought to tip if you do this.

Dabnasty

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #68 on: June 13, 2018, 08:32:32 AM »
There's no fee for anyone to hang out in a Walmart parking lot. Try meeting with someone at a table in a restaurant and not ordering anything and see how long they let you stay. I wasn't saying you're mooching off the restaurant (although if you take free water then there is some small cost), I was saying you're mooching off your "dining" companions who are paying to have the right to be in the restaurant, and therefore also covering you.
I have done this many times when a restaurant isn't busy, I meet with a friend and we chat for an hour and leave. Never had any issue. The server comes over, asks if we want anything, and we politely decline.

The longest was probably 4 or 5 hours as a friend and I played cards until the restaurant closed, but they never gave us a hard time. Of course if they ever did ask us to leave we would immediately, but that's never happened to me yet.

You really ought to tip if you do this.

Lol, late to the party but frankly this is all that really needed to be said. Also, maybe buy a drink and ask an employee if it's ok. Could still be a little awkward.

AliInKY

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #69 on: June 21, 2018, 10:26:20 AM »
Back to the original post...  I'm stumped as to why the 'poster' would consider this an awkward situation.  If you are comfortable with your decision and the rationale behind it, so be it.  You aren't hurting anyone.  A comment by Nicholas struck a chord with me though, in that others may think you're financially unable to purchase a meal and might feel pressured to provide for you.  I could see where this MIGHT happen, but my guess is they know that he's just a frugal guy.  Nothing wrong with that. 

Re: playing cards for hours in a restaurant...  I wouldn't do it.  This guy does.  So be it.  Many people in this thread sound bullyish and holier-than-thou (and it's becoming more common on the forum, unfortunately), so can you just drop it?  Seriously, reset your brain and remember you have bigger things in the world and your lives to focus on than a stranger behind a keyboard who likes to play cards in unexpected places?  Holy sh*t, people. 

Eric

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Re: Why does not speding money make things awkward?
« Reply #70 on: June 21, 2018, 01:47:03 PM »
Re: playing cards for hours in a restaurant...  I wouldn't do it.  This guy does.  So be it.  Many people in this thread sound bullyish and holier-than-thou (and it's becoming more common on the forum, unfortunately), so can you just drop it?  Seriously, reset your brain and remember you have bigger things in the world and your lives to focus on than a stranger behind a keyboard who likes to play cards in unexpected places?  Holy sh*t, people.

Oh the irony on bumping a thread with no posts in 8 days telling people to drop it...

Self-absorbed behavior should be called out.  That's not "holier-than-thou".  No one has a right to act like an entitled jerk.  That's simply common courtesy.