Why Do You Guys Decide To Reach FIRE So Early?

[caracarn]

I also am very surprised that this thread has gone on this long, as it does seem as if Singuy is struggling with various things but not really ready/wanting to RE.  The couple I can comment on.

I am a first generation American with my parents coming from the Communist Bloc when they were in high school, so I get the "expectations" that can come from another culture.  To me this is the core of the decision Singuy needs to make.  Others have mentioned living their pwn life etc. and this is what I see and what I needed to determine for myself as well.  I am not FI and have gotten to this philosophy late in my life (only in the last year or so) and wish I has the option earlier, but now am not sure that it is in the cards for me.  We are blessed that I have a high paying job and it affords my wife to be in a career she loves (teaching) but to have less money worries than two lower earning people, but I have/am losing time with my children.  I have spoken with my parents about this new view on "enough" and they sound very similar to Singuy's parents in they just do not "get it".  I have decided that they do not need to.  I am not living in the Communist Bloc, I live in 21st century America.  Similarly, Singuy does not live in Asia (I do not think), he is in the US culture.  The difference may be that I identify myself as American first, and other things after that, but perhaps Singuy is Asian first and then American?  I pray that I can get to the point to cut a few years off my working years, but we have recently (in the last month) come up with a new focus to help more with our children's college funding than my wife and I thought possible given out situation.  The reason we can do this is in large part through the help of this community and learning to adapt our expectations.  This is at the core of the mental battle Singuy is doing with himself and sharing on this forum.  IF you feel like it is a wasted good opportunity to FIRE and leave money on the table, then I'd agree, you are just causing yourself pointless mental anguish to wrestle with this concept.  However, the fact that you are here wrestling seems to indicate that you and your wife would like to do it, but you want us to help eliminate the guilt you will feel with your parents disappointment.  Only you can get to that point.  We can give ideas, and try to help you understand, but until you are comfortable and can express your reasons and not care about how your parents feel, you will be trapped in living your life according to their expectations, which can make anyone miserable. 

The other point is with regards to making is easy for your kids not to work.  I am totally in the camp of several others here where I feel that is the worst thing you can do to help your kids.  Certainly some will overcome the lure of laziness that this usually brings.  Not having the fire in your gut to make it on your own has a cost, and it is usually not a good one.  Celebrity children are perfect examples.  Look at how many of them are addicted to something that is ruining their lives.  Was having easy access to money and no need to make more the sole cause?  Probably not, but I am pretty certain it was a cause.  I struggle with this every day.  As I said we do well (not as well as Singuy, but still quite well by societal standards), and both our exes and my children's friends give our kids the idea that we should be giving them more than we are, not expecting them to work through college for example, or pay for their car insurance as soon as they get a license or a myriad of other things we do.  Our kids know we will provide their needs, but that wants are not expected to be covered by mom and dad once they are of working age.  So we'll get them enough clothes to have a basic wardrobe, but if one of them becomes a clothes horse, they know that the extra outfits will be funded by them.  We may offer to purchase a few extra things here and there, but it is up to us and not driven by societal guilt.  There is pressure to conform to consumer oriented culture here and people do not always understand our choices, but we are comfortable with them and I strongly feel that our kids will be adults who contribute much more to society than those with a silver spoon in their mouths.  Knowing how much time you needed to trade for something makes it a lot more likely you will not waste money on stupid things than if your parents left you a legacy that you can just withdraw from.  The comments from other posters about having no idea what the future will be or what your kids will truly think of your sacrifices for their legacy is spot on.  You feel they will continue to value the Asian views and respect you for your sacrifice, but they may simply take the money, squander away their lives and treat you like dirt as they become spoiled brats.  Just as you are struggling to conform to your parents expectations they will struggle to conform to yours.  I would think about some of these things as you determine if you want to work more to build the legacy or instead RE to help them in other ways.

[Glenstache]

Also you guys have to understand that my wife and I did NOT come from a middle class family. My childhood consist of dumpster dived furniture and living with roaches. My wife's dad was thrown onto the streets at 8yo to make money..while his sister was sold as a maid in China. Both side of the family worked 30-40+ years making slightly above min wage...but just worked multiple jobs to provide us with that middle class life in our teens. I can already see all of their heads explode if we FIRE this early. There's not a thing in the world that can make them understand why we would throw away such good opportunities.

Whoa. Congrats on your success, and respect for the hard work and discipline of your family. The story of your respective parents is pretty compelling, even at the broadest strokes of detail.

It may be useful to mentally separate the FI and the RE. It sounds like you are technically FI right now. You may want additional buffer, but you have achieved a point at which, if you wanted, you could be financially solvent for the rest of your life if you were suddenly unable to work. That deserves recognition.

The RE, really just means that people are exercising that option. Most people don't stop being active though. Many use that time to volunteer, or pursue lifelong dreams, or other career paths. (One person I know is now effectively running a ranch after a long career as a regionally highly-respected professional; they are certainly not sitting on their bum).  That was also a transition as it started with long weekends, then a few weeks a year, and then nearly full time.

[azure975]

Also you guys have to understand that my wife and I did NOT come from a middle class family. My childhood consist of dumpster dived furniture and living with roaches. My wife's dad was thrown onto the streets at 8yo to make money..while his sister was sold as a maid in China. Both side of the family worked 30-40+ years making slightly above min wage...but just worked multiple jobs to provide us with that middle class life in our teens. I can already see all of their heads explode if we FIRE this early. There's not a thing in the world that can make them understand why we would throw away such good opportunities.

I'm Asian but had a different experience--my parents and the parents of my friends came over to the US as scientists or engineers, made decent but not exceptionally high salaries, lived extremely frugally, and invested in their children's futures and educations. For those who say giving children money/help spoils them, that has not been the case for most of my friends. Most were sent to private colleges fully paid for by their parents, were helped with their first down payment and possibly grad school. None of them became like Paris Hilton. Most now have good careers as doctors or other professionals but aren't saddled with debt. Some were able to pursue lower paying careers that they loved because they had family help. Others were able to marry and start a family in medical school because of family help rather than having to put it off until they were 35. Having that money really gave them a leg up in life, and they did not become profligates because of it.
Of course, if you just give your kids a huge amount of money and give them no restrictions or guidance, I can see how they might go down a bad path. But saying that money corrupts kids as a blanket statement is ridiculous.

[MasterStache]

I didn't take the time to read every response but I'll give you my top 3 reason for wanting to retire early.

1. I despise my corporate desk job. (money doesn't make it better.)
2. What I do love basically pays little to nothing.
3. Already had the fancy car, fancy house, in-ground pool, lavish vacations etc. It never made me happy and in fact diminished my happiness.

[FINate]

Of course, if you just give your kids a huge amount of money and give them no restrictions or guidance, I can see how they might go down a bad path. But saying that money corrupts kids as a blanket statement is ridiculous.

Most blanket statements are ridiculous because the truth is usually more nuanced, so there's probably truth to both sides of the argument. I'm white and don't claim to know much about Asian culture, but from what I've observed via friends and colleagues there are stark cultural differences between the social norms for most Asian families, especially 1st and 2nd generation, as compared to the typical American mindset. The American mindset generally emphasises - reinforced via prevailing culture and mass media - self-esteem and feeling good about one's self, built on a foundation of consumption. Giving lots of money to kids in this context is most certainly a corrupting influence, like throwing gasoline on a fire. I live in an affluent area and I'm seen this played out so many times, kids pissing away their inheritance on trinkets, drugs, partying, etc. Also many cases of adult children (and they really are children) waiting around for their parents to pass so they can get their inheritance, because they never bothered to save or plan because getting an inheritance was their retirement plan.

My kids are a bit too young to understand this yet, but we plan on being clear with them that they should not plan on an inheritance. My wife and I have decided the best gift we can give is a loving home where they are loved unconditionally, which cannot be earned or lost, even though there are consequences (good or bad) for their decisions. And teach them discipline, self control, and deferred gratification, and pay for a good education through at least undergrad. After that they're on their own. I guess each family needs to decide what's right for them, which seems like something OP is presently working through.

[avrex]

Why Do You Guys Decide To Reach FIRE So Early?

Answer: It's all about personal freedom and the the value of my time.
Besides, if I became a spendypants, I would end up like this guy. ;)