When to start counseling?

[jps]

Hey all,

I don't know if this is the right place for a post like this or not. I generally trust folks here and know that we have more in common than any other random place on the internet, so I'll give it a shot.

I think that I have been having a relatively rough time in the past couple months. I say relatively, because I only know toughness in terms of my experience - I am sure that my problems are very small in comparison to many others. I would have considered myself to be a pretty easy going, stress-free, and happy person, but the past couple months I have felt very on edge, easily angered, and often times sad in a way that is hard for me to explain or understand. I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

I have looked at some counseling options in my area but haven't done anything about it because A) I don't know very many people with a history of mental health problems (that I know of) and I don't know what to expect, B) I don't know how to even start - can you just call and say hey can I schedule an appointment? and C) I don't know what qualifies as "enough" of a reason to start seeing a therapist/counselor. Will they ask you questions on the phone to determine if you are eligible?

Hoping that some mustachians with experience or knowledge of mental health can steer me in the right direction or share any experiences they've had. Let me know if I left out any information.

[Kris]

In my experience, if you are considering whether you should get some counseling... you should.

Also, if you are wondering whether your spouse has noticed... they have.

Please call and schedule an appointment. They will not try to decide whether you “need” to/are eligible. I suggest looking up a clinic near you (or in your network, if you’re considering insurance issues) and there should be a list of counselors available and what they specialize in. That might help you to take the first step. And yes, you just call and ask to schedule an appointment.

[RetireAbroadAt35]

I think everyone on the planet would benefit from counseling; there really shouldn't be any stigma IMO.

There are a bunch of directories out there you can use to identify counselors, like https://www.goodtherapy.org/ (no affiliation or recommendation but it looks reputable).

Just pick up the phone and start calling until you find someone who can make an appointment.

Good on your for picking up the signs and doing something about it.  You've got this.

[socaso]

I have had counseling before and it was very helpful. Today I had the realization that I need to get counseling again and I'm going to pursue that right away. Last time I got it I realized I had needed it for two years and my only regret was not pursuing it for the two years I needed it.

[The Fake Cheap]

I say just call and make the appointment, and see what, if anything, you get out of it. 

It sounds like I was in a similar situation to what you describe and I found it really was very beneficial just to talk to a qualified random stranger and hear their thoughts on whatever I had to say. 

I only went to the one appointment but I found it really helped.

[Miss Prim]

Yes you can just call and make an appointment with a psychiatrist.  Having been on antidepressants for a long time, I have been to psychiatrists in the past when I was in crisis, but now my medication works so well that I just get it prescribed by my physician who prescribes my blood pressure meds.  You would be surprised how many of the people that you know are on anti-d's and just don't talk about it.  I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist as opposed to a counselor as they can prescribe medication if you need it.  They will not quiz you on the phone about why or whether you should make an appointment. 


Please make an appointment and get the help you need.  There is no stigma in doing so and you will feel much better.  I had suffered with low level depression all of my life from the age of 12 and it took a until I was in my 50's and had a health crisis that sent me into a deep depression and forced me to seek help. When I was first placed on an antidepressant, after a few weeks I was amazed that I finally felt like a "normal" person and wished I had not spent all of those years being depressed! 


My depression also involved being very angry also, especially at my spouse.  Years ago ee actually went for marriage counseling because we were fighting all of the time and when the counselor asked me if he was any different than he always was, a lightbulb went off and I realized that I was depressed and needed to get back on medication!   


Good luck to you and let us know how you are doing.   

[mspym]

You're having a tough time, it's been going on a few months, it's having negative effects on your life, and it hasn't been solved by your current set of tools - sound like time to get some outside help. Does your work offer a employee assistance program? A lot of organisations do offer some form of generally free or heavily subsidised confidential counselling service because it turns out a mentally healthy workforce is better for the organisation.

[Sparafusile]

In my personal experience in counselling, they will tell you if they don't think you have anything (left) to benefit from their services. When in doubt, go. It sounds like you've already taken that advice however.

[I'm a red panda]

"I'd like counseling" is more than enough reason to book an appointment, and perfectly acceptable reason to make that phone call!

If you think you want medication, you want a psychiatrist.  Anger, short temper, easily frustrated when you used to be easy going CAN be signs of depression or anxiety (I'm not a doctor, and not diagnosing you) so even if you think you aren't depressed, or that medication won't help you; it doesn't hurt to visit a professional who can help determine what is best for you to do next.  I see my psychiatrist once a year, once we got my medication sorted out.

If you know you don't want medication, you are looking for a counselor/therapist.  This could be a psychologist or a social worker, or some other things.  My counselor is a social worker who specializes in trauma informed yoga therapy and EMDR for PTSD, she is not a psychologist.  I didn't need a referral. I just called and said I wanted therapy.  There are all kinds of therapists, most people start with CBT or "talk therapy"- but you can look for art-therapy, or like I did, yoga therapy (though we also do CBT and EMDR)

A therapist is good for someone who has deep rooted trauma, or for someone who is overwhelmed by the daily stress of life.  If you are uncomfortable with your first appointment- just tell them that.  "I don't really know what to expect here." or "I feel silly and don't really know what to say, but I've noticed my behavior change, and I'd like some help with this."

Therapy can be short term.  When I first started, because it was for a major event I went 2-3 times a week. Now I go 2-3 times a year when I just need a few minutes to help recenter on the techniques I've learned to manage.

If you are employeed by a large company, see if you have an EAP "Employee Assistance Program".  Your first few visits may be free.

Be warned, not every therapist is good for everyone. It sometimes takes a few tries to find the person you connect with for talk therapy.

[Smokystache]

I'm a counseling psychologist (for what it's worth). The other comments are correct - if you are considering counseling, then you'll likely benefit from it. No counselor/therapist/psychologist will tell you, 'what are you worried about? You shouldn't have called" - it will never happen. It sounds like you know you're having difficulty (you're being affected), but you're not quite sure what is causing it?? That's what the counseling is for - the exploration, the feedback, etc.

I'll add two more things:
1) You're brave to consider counseling. And I'm not just blowing smoke, because exploring aspects of your life you've not considered can be very difficult. Counselors often say "It's going to get a bit worse before it gets better" - they say this because it is so often true. You may need to fight through the urge to quit after a few sessions because shit gets hard. But it's worth pushing through.

2) Don't worry too much about whether it is a "therapist" "counselor" "licensed clinical whatever" - it sounds like you're looking for some type of licensed therapist (in the US your options would be licensed professional counselor, licensed clinical social worker, or licensed psychologist). The most important thing is not which of these three professional licenses they hold - it is if you feel connected to them, feel like they understand where you're coming from, and if you can trust them. Without this, progress will be difficult, if not impossible. Give a therapist up to 3 sessions and if you don't feel understood and you don't trust them, then switch and try someone else. This is a very personal process and not everyone is a match.

Feel free to message me with questions. Best wishes.

[Metalcat]

You've already gotten a lot of good answers, but I just wanted to pile on that I agree that if you are considering counselling, you probably should have started a long time ago.

I personally think everyone could use therapy to some extent. I'm a remarkably happy and mellow person and I see a therapist on and off, It's part of how I stay so happy and mellow.

A really good therapist is a lot like a really good physiotherapist. They can help you recover from major trauma, sure, but they can also help identify the small things you are doing every day that are causing a buildup of damage over time, and help you work on strengthening the parts that will overall make you function better and more comfortably.

I agree with the above statement that there should never be any stigma about going to see a therapist. You also don't have to meet some level of mental illness to qualify for needing therapy.

The vast majority of people seeing therapists aren't mentally ill at all. They're just average people dealing with the normal shit of life who are smart enough to ask for a bit of help when they could benefit from it.

My only specific piece of advice is to be picky. Make sure you feel 100% comfortable with whomever you choose to talk to, it's really the most important thing. It's a fit thing, and no therapist fits with everyone, so if the first one doesn't fit, don't worry about it, try another one. It's a normal part of the process.
ETA: ah, just saw I'm not the first one to say this, cool, because it really is important

Good luck, and good for you for taking this step. It's a smart thing to do.

[js82]

Hey all,

I don't know if this is the right place for a post like this or not. I generally trust folks here and know that we have more in common than any other random place on the internet, so I'll give it a shot.

I think that I have been having a relatively rough time in the past couple months. I say relatively, because I only know toughness in terms of my experience - I am sure that my problems are very small in comparison to many others. I would have considered myself to be a pretty easy going, stress-free, and happy person, but the past couple months I have felt very on edge, easily angered, and often times sad in a way that is hard for me to explain or understand. I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

I have looked at some counseling options in my area but haven't done anything about it because A) I don't know very many people with a history of mental health problems (that I know of) and I don't know what to expect, B) I don't know how to even start - can you just call and say hey can I schedule an appointment? and C) I don't know what qualifies as "enough" of a reason to start seeing a therapist/counselor. Will they ask you questions on the phone to determine if you are eligible?

Hoping that some mustachians with experience or knowledge of mental health can steer me in the right direction or share any experiences they've had. Let me know if I left out any information.

On the bolded part above:

One of my biggest regrets in life was not being more proactive about seeking outside help when a past partner and I were going through difficult times.  I feel that we could have worked through the issues in our relationship, and that relationship was worth fighting to save.  I wish I had acted more decisively, sooner in that regard.  I can't undo that mistake, and it will likely regret it for the rest of my life.  Please don't make the same mistake I did with your own life and relationships.

Please, for your own sake, start looking for someone that you can talk to right away.  If nothing else, simply having someone who can listen to you and hear your concerns can be valuable in itself.

[Chris Pascale]

In my experience, if you are considering whether you should get some counseling... you should.

Also, if you are wondering whether your spouse has noticed... they have.

Please call and schedule an appointment. They will not try to decide whether you “need” to/are eligible. I suggest looking up a clinic near you (or in your network, if you’re considering insurance issues) and there should be a list of counselors available and what they specialize in. That might help you to take the first step. And yes, you just call and ask to schedule an appointment.

Seconding this wise advice.

Also, don't be afraid to try out a counselor or two. Just like mechanics, there are some shitty ones out there.

[TheFrenchCat]

You seem like you're quite worried that your problems aren't severe enough, so I just wanted to second what the others have said and reassure you that it sounds like a good idea.  If your difficulties are effecting your quality of life, then in my opinion it's definitely time to go, even if it doesn't seem that severe.  It can almost always be worse, but that doesn't mean that your problems don't deserve attention too.  But I understand that feeling, and I'm someone who's dependent on therapy, meds, ect. to get by.  I'll still feel guilty for seeking help when others have it worse.  So, it's reasonable to feel that way, but I wouldn't let it stop you from getting therapy. 

Also something to check out, some insurance companies are offering copay-free teletherapy, especially if you're worried about going in person.  It's different, but I think it still can be effective.

[jps]

Thank you everyone for chiming in. It is reassuring to hear from so many for whom this is no big deal and a regularly helpful element of their life. Thank you for helping to take the "boogeyman" element out of this.

I know my employer offers an EAP, so I will look there and see what I can get going. I'm pretty sure when I got hired they said something like the first 5 appointments are free with a counselor - I wonder if that's a specific therapist through the EAP or if I would be able to use someone at a local clinic.

On the note about psychiatry/medicine. I don't feel like I need any medicine, so I'll probably just find someone who is not a psychiatrist, and assume they'll let me know if I need to work with someone who can prescribe medication

[jps]

If you are uncomfortable with your first appointment- just tell them that.  "I don't really know what to expect here." or "I feel silly and don't really know what to say, but I've noticed my behavior change, and I'd like some help with this."

This is really helpful. Often when I am in the middle of it all, I can clearly name so many things that I would like to talk about with a professional, but I worry that when I show up to a meeting I'll pull a blank!

[jps]

I had suffered with low level depression all of my life from the age of 12 and it took a until I was in my 50's and had a health crisis that sent me into a deep depression and forced me to seek help. When I was first placed on an antidepressant, after a few weeks I was amazed that I finally felt like a "normal" person and wished I had not spent all of those years being depressed! 

This struck a chord with me. I have noticed myself dwelling on events/relationships/pictures/things from years ago, remembering that I just felt differently and lighter back then.

[Kris]

If you are uncomfortable with your first appointment- just tell them that.  "I don't really know what to expect here." or "I feel silly and don't really know what to say, but I've noticed my behavior change, and I'd like some help with this."

This is really helpful. Often when I am in the middle of it all, I can clearly name so many things that I would like to talk about with a professional, but I worry that when I show up to a meeting I'll pull a blank!

You can always write them down and bring what you wrote to your appointment.

[jps]

The vast majority of people seeing therapists aren't mentally ill at all. They're just average people dealing with the normal shit of life who are smart enough to ask for a bit of help when they could benefit from it.

Thanks for saying this. Totally makes sense when someone else says it.

My only specific piece of advice is to be picky. Make sure you feel 100% comfortable with whomever you choose to talk to, it's really the most important thing. It's a fit thing, and no therapist fits with everyone, so if the first one doesn't fit, don't worry about it, try another one. It's a normal part of the process.
ETA: ah, just saw I'm not the first one to say this, cool, because it really is important

So if you're not super stoked about the person you're talking to, you can just say, "I'm going to see other people. It's you, not me." ? Or maybe something nicer. I guess it's their job but I can help but think I would be hurt if my client did that.

[jps]

If you are uncomfortable with your first appointment- just tell them that.  "I don't really know what to expect here." or "I feel silly and don't really know what to say, but I've noticed my behavior change, and I'd like some help with this."

This is really helpful. Often when I am in the middle of it all, I can clearly name so many things that I would like to talk about with a professional, but I worry that when I show up to a meeting I'll pull a blank!

You can always write them down and bring what you wrote to your appointment.

Brilliant.

[jps]

One of my biggest regrets in life was not being more proactive about seeking outside help when a past partner and I were going through difficult times.  I feel that we could have worked through the issues in our relationship, and that relationship was worth fighting to save.  I wish I had acted more decisively, sooner in that regard.  I can't undo that mistake, and it will likely regret it for the rest of my life.  Please don't make the same mistake I did with your own life and relationships.

Please, for your own sake, start looking for someone that you can talk to right away.  If nothing else, simply having someone who can listen to you and hear your concerns can be valuable in itself.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about what happened between you and your partner. Thanks for the concern and advice.

[mspym]

So if you're not super stoked about the person you're talking to, you can just say, "I'm going to see other people. It's you, not me." ? Or maybe something nicer. I guess it's their job but I can help but think I would be hurt if my client did that.

Yup, or you can say I am looking for something a bit more like X, do you recommend anyone? Because they are super used to clients leaving, preferably because they no longer need treatment but also because it's better for someone to get the right treatment for them than just stop because of a poor fit.

[Metalcat]

The vast majority of people seeing therapists aren't mentally ill at all. They're just average people dealing with the normal shit of life who are smart enough to ask for a bit of help when they could benefit from it.

Thanks for saying this. Totally makes sense when someone else says it.

My only specific piece of advice is to be picky. Make sure you feel 100% comfortable with whomever you choose to talk to, it's really the most important thing. It's a fit thing, and no therapist fits with everyone, so if the first one doesn't fit, don't worry about it, try another one. It's a normal part of the process.
ETA: ah, just saw I'm not the first one to say this, cool, because it really is important

So if you're not super stoked about the person you're talking to, you can just say, "I'm going to see other people. It's you, not me." ? Or maybe something nicer. I guess it's their job but I can help but think I would be hurt if my client did that.

You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, you can just not book back with them.

They will not take it personally, and you cannot hurt their feelings, it's a huge part of the training. If they aren't the right fit for you, they will not feel it reflects negatively on them and their skills, they fully expect to be a bad fit with some people, and they would rather you find someone you click with.

It's a normal part of the process.

[Uturn]

Don't get frustrated if the first counselor isn't a fit. About 5 years ago I started counseling for some problems that I tried to ignore for too long.  The first counselor seemed good at her job and wanted to help, but we just didn't work well together.  I found a different counselor. The second one just didn't seem good at her job, I felt that she just didn't want to be there.  So I quit and decided counseling wasn't for me.  Then late last year, after I found myself sitting in my car at an intersection crying, I decided to try again.  This time it is a great fit and we are definitely working through my issues.  I don't like it in the moment when he shoves me out of my comfort zone, but I do like the results. 

[Metalcat]

Don't get frustrated if the first counselor isn't a fit. About 5 years ago I started counseling for some problems that I tried to ignore for too long.  The first counselor seemed good at her job and wanted to help, but we just didn't work well together.  I found a different counselor. The second one just didn't seem good at her job, I felt that she just didn't want to be there.  So I quit and decided counseling wasn't for me.  Then late last year, after I found myself sitting in my car at an intersection crying, I decided to try again.  This time it is a great fit and we are definitely working through my issues.  I don't like it in the moment when he shoves me out of my comfort zone, but I do like the results.

This happens far too often, people don't feel a fit, so they think that therapy wasn't the right choice for them.

It's why so many of us are jumping in to say this. I'm glad talking about therapy is becoming more common because it's so important that people understand the fit thing.

Too many people are so nervous seeking therapy as it is that when it doesn't work the first time, they throw out the baby with the bath water and end up not getting any help and becoming even more resistant to therapy. I hear so many times "I've tried therapy and it didn't work".

It's also normal to need different therapists in different life stages.

I just recently switched therapists after I retired.
I said to my old therapist "I think I need a fresh start, coming here to see you invokes such strong memories of work stress and what I'm trying to do now is leave that behind" she replied "I think that's a great idea."

[koziknight]

Like most posters here have mentioned - YES! Definitely find someone to talk to, remembering that it sometimes takes a while to find the right therapist so don't feel defeated if the first one or two don't gel with what you're looking for in that person.

I agree that most people on the planet could benefit from some counseling. A very wise friend of mine says, "You don't get great in sports without a coach, how do you expect everyone to be great at life without a coach?"

Best of luck in finding someone to talk with - It will help tremendously.

[jps]

Thanks for the support, everybody. I've just reached out to a therapist that I don't know, but I know of.

Should a therapist be completely anonymous to you? Is it bad, for instance, to work with someone who you don't know directly, but knows people who are friends or friends of friends? I feel like I would be more drawn to working with someone that I at least know something about, but maybe that's a bad idea.

[Laura33]

I see that I am not needed here, but since when have I let that get in my way?

In a word:  go. 

It's the "frog in boiling water" thing:  we just don't notice minor changes day-to-day.  You ever go clothes shopping and look at yourself in a mirror and go "wait, I look like THAT?!  When did [my hair get so grey/those extra pounds arrive/etc.]???"  Or you "see" one of your kids and go holy shit, since when are those pants 2" too short?  That same change happens inside as well as outside -- only you don't have the visual representation of it to shock you out of it.  So like Kris said, by the time you come to the realization that something's "off," you're probably waaaaaaay further down the line than you think. 

Personally, I thought I was fine -- just WAY more irritable than most, but there were reasons that made that response seem reasonable.  Until one day I couldn't function -- couldn't do work, couldn't interact with people, couldn't even dream of making the two presentations the following week I was scheduled for.  And then my partner/mentor made the mistake of asking if I was ok, and I burst into tears and said I need to quit because I can't function.  Luckily, this is a guy who has been in therapy for years, and so he very calmly said, well, let's get you to a therapist and see if we can fix you before you make any big changes like that, ok?  And he put me on a schedule to call for help and told me he'd be contacting my husband directly if I didn't follow through. 

That's all way TMI, I know; I suspect you're just fine, just dealing with the added stress of Covid, which is basically fucking everything up and making the normal feel abnormal and the abnormal feel normal.  But I mention all that for a reason:  because it wasn't until I was seeing a counselor and on medication and working my way back up from the bottom that I ever realized exactly how far from "normal" my world had gotten.  All without me noticing the change -- or at least, without attributing the change to something within ME vs. just an unluckier-than-usual collection of annoyances.  Because the problem in my brain that was causing my feelings/behavior were also modifying how I perceived myself so that I never noticed the change. 

[Cassie]

Therapists operate under strict confidentiality so will not tell anyone that you are a client. I spent my career in human services and 3x’s I have benefited greatly from therapy. As others have said if the person isn’t a good fit then move on to another therapist. You will feel worse before you feel better because it’s hard work looking at your own stuff. Hugs:))

[wenchsenior]

I'm really happy you've decided to give counseling a try.

I firmly think a basic course in foundational mental health techniques like CBT, mindfulness, and emotional resilience should be taught in high school, and also (possibly again) in college. I've just been taking a refresher CBT course online, and even though I use certain tools frequently, I had completely forgotten some of them.  In fact, I just had an opportunity to deploy a couple skills from the refresher course the other day during a highly stressful situation, and I felt SO much better.  No surprise; CBT is most excellent at helping us help ourselves.

[big_owl]

Yeah I suffer from MDD and GAD (and the associated insomnia.... Oh the insomnia.... ).   I've found therapy to be helpful but not nearly as helpful as medication.  There are different types... ACT, CBT, AEDP, etc.  I get annoyed to no end by the ones that constantly refer back to my childhood as the source of all my problems.  ACT isn't for me.  I do better with CBT but still for whatever reason it hasn't been a cure.  That doesn't mean it won't help you of course, you gotta give it the college try.

My biggest mistake is I let it fester for 2yr before really getting serious.  I had no experience with depression, never knew anybody with depression, my spouse was always traveling and she had no experience with it, so it just festered slowly until one day BLAM, I had my first sleepless night.   And thus began my nightmare descent into the world of chronic insomnia.  The stories I could tell. 

Now recently my wife displayed some hallmark symptoms of MDD due to external factors and I was on her like stink on shit.  Psychiatrist, therapist, the works. She is doing awesome because I forced her to jump on it early.

I guess the lesson from my story is to take it as serious as a heart attack and use all means to treat it as quickly as possible.  The longer you dawdle the worse it gets and the harder it becomes to treat.

And if you ever find yourself having insomnia, do whatever the fuck you have to do to treat that immediately.  I cannot tell you how negatively chronic insomnia affects your life.  I once went 17days with not more than 3hrs sleep per night.  Holy shit it was life changing.

[Metalcat]

Thanks for the support, everybody. I've just reached out to a therapist that I don't know, but I know of.

Should a therapist be completely anonymous to you? Is it bad, for instance, to work with someone who you don't know directly, but knows people who are friends or friends of friends? I feel like I would be more drawn to working with someone that I at least know something about, but maybe that's a bad idea.

N'ah, that's fine. It would be a problem if they were treating someone very close to you, like a family member, but otherwise it's not a problem.

I referred a ton of friends and colleagues to my therapist. She has quite a fan club in my professional circles. We all get together and compare "Jan Stories". So no, not totally anonymous unless that's what you want.

[Fomerly known as something]

Hey all,

I don't know if this is the right place for a post like this or not. I generally trust folks here and know that we have more in common than any other random place on the internet, so I'll give it a shot.

I think that I have been having a relatively rough time in the past couple months. I say relatively, because I only know toughness in terms of my experience - I am sure that my problems are very small in comparison to many others. I would have considered myself to be a pretty easy going, stress-free, and happy person, but the past couple months I have felt very on edge, easily angered, and often times sad in a way that is hard for me to explain or understand. I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

I have looked at some counseling options in my area but haven't done anything about it because A) I don't know very many people with a history of mental health problems (that I know of) and I don't know what to expect, B) I don't know how to even start - can you just call and say hey can I schedule an appointment? and C) I don't know what qualifies as "enough" of a reason to start seeing a therapist/counselor. Will they ask you questions on the phone to determine if you are eligible?

Hoping that some mustachians with experience or knowledge of mental health can steer me in the right direction or share any experiences they've had. Let me know if I left out any information.

Does your employer have an EAP program. I mine pays for 6 sessions to start.  I went in for 3 or 4 last year to work on my Mildish PTSD which flares in the face every year.  (Time of the year the stress comes from.). They would have helped me transition to health care coverage if I needed more than 6 sessions or something like medication.

ETA:  program for me is run nationally with reversals within 25 miles of your home or office.

[jps]

Hey all,

I don't know if this is the right place for a post like this or not. I generally trust folks here and know that we have more in common than any other random place on the internet, so I'll give it a shot.

I think that I have been having a relatively rough time in the past couple months. I say relatively, because I only know toughness in terms of my experience - I am sure that my problems are very small in comparison to many others. I would have considered myself to be a pretty easy going, stress-free, and happy person, but the past couple months I have felt very on edge, easily angered, and often times sad in a way that is hard for me to explain or understand. I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

I have looked at some counseling options in my area but haven't done anything about it because A) I don't know very many people with a history of mental health problems (that I know of) and I don't know what to expect, B) I don't know how to even start - can you just call and say hey can I schedule an appointment? and C) I don't know what qualifies as "enough" of a reason to start seeing a therapist/counselor. Will they ask you questions on the phone to determine if you are eligible?

Hoping that some mustachians with experience or knowledge of mental health can steer me in the right direction or share any experiences they've had. Let me know if I left out any information.

Does your employer have an EAP program. I mine pays for 6 sessions to start.  I went in for 3 or 4 last year to work on my Mildish PTSD which flares in the face every year.  (Time of the year the stress comes from.). They would have helped me transition to health care coverage if I needed more than 6 sessions or something like medication.

ETA:  program for me is run nationally with reversals within 25 miles of your home or office.

I looked up my EAP, and it said that we got 5 free sessions online through the EAP's own counselors. I figured that rather than working with someone 5 times then switching to someone else, I'd just start with someone who I knew wouldn't have an expiration date, if that makes sense.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

If this works for you, fantastic. If it doesn't, there are a lot of other ways of managing depression and anxiety also. Some people like being able to talk to a stranger, and self analysis. Some people like to beat it out in a gym and never think about it again. Some people use meditation. It's about finding the right fit solution for you, but counseling is a great start that works for many, many people.

[jeninco]

My town is small enough that it's hard to not run into people doing ... stuff. Like grocery shopping, or walking the dog, or hiking.

A friend who's a therapist says that they learned to give everyone they see basically the same friendly nod, but not acknowledge any individual (that they work with) unless that person walks up to them and starts a conversation.

[simonsez]

I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

Why not ask your spouse if they have noticed and have a candid and honest discussion?  It requires swallowing some pride initially and you can feel vulnerable, but they're your spouse for a reason and it melts away tension and risk of silly argument like nothing else.

Of course, this is in addition to the professional help for all the reasons outlined by others already.  Every union is different but I find leveling with your spouse and talking about feelings and recognition of times when they're not the most fun can be quite cathartic.

[I'm a red panda]

Thanks for the support, everybody. I've just reached out to a therapist that I don't know, but I know of.

Should a therapist be completely anonymous to you? Is it bad, for instance, to work with someone who you don't know directly, but knows people who are friends or friends of friends? I feel like I would be more drawn to working with someone that I at least know something about, but maybe that's a bad idea.

My therapist is a good friend of my "best" friend. They don't talk about me, but I haven't kept it a secret that I see her, so my friend knows who my therapist is, through me.  We don't intentionally go to events where we know the other person will be at, but we also don't leave if we are both there.  Most therapists will not take their own friends on as clients nor become friends with clients. Their varying credentials are likely what sets the rules on whether or not they CAN do this.

[Cassie]

A therapist can’t be friends with a client until 2 years after therapy ends.

[Metalcat]

A therapist can’t be friends with a client until 2 years after therapy ends.

That depends on the jurisdiction and the governing body. Where I am, there's no specific timeline that suddenly makes it okay to socialize with a patient. If socializing with them would put them at psychological risk, there's no amount of time that makes it okay.

Incidentally, I was just tested on this.

[Fomerly known as something]

Hey all,

I don't know if this is the right place for a post like this or not. I generally trust folks here and know that we have more in common than any other random place on the internet, so I'll give it a shot.

I think that I have been having a relatively rough time in the past couple months. I say relatively, because I only know toughness in terms of my experience - I am sure that my problems are very small in comparison to many others. I would have considered myself to be a pretty easy going, stress-free, and happy person, but the past couple months I have felt very on edge, easily angered, and often times sad in a way that is hard for me to explain or understand. I don't know if my spouse has noticed this or not. We have had some difficulties getting along through all of this, too.

I have looked at some counseling options in my area but haven't done anything about it because A) I don't know very many people with a history of mental health problems (that I know of) and I don't know what to expect, B) I don't know how to even start - can you just call and say hey can I schedule an appointment? and C) I don't know what qualifies as "enough" of a reason to start seeing a therapist/counselor. Will they ask you questions on the phone to determine if you are eligible?

Hoping that some mustachians with experience or knowledge of mental health can steer me in the right direction or share any experiences they've had. Let me know if I left out any information.

Does your employer have an EAP program. I mine pays for 6 sessions to start.  I went in for 3 or 4 last year to work on my Mildish PTSD which flares in the face every year.  (Time of the year the stress comes from.). They would have helped me transition to health care coverage if I needed more than 6 sessions or something like medication.

ETA:  program for me is run nationally with reversals within 25 miles of your home or office.

I looked up my EAP, and it said that we got 5 free sessions online through the EAP's own counselors. I figured that rather than working with someone 5 times then switching to someone else, I'd just start with someone who I knew wouldn't have an expiration date, if that makes sense.

You don’t have to switch,  I could have transitioned to insurance or self pay at the end.

[Cassie]

Mal, that’s interesting because it’s that way in the states I have worked in so I figured it was universal. I think it’s a bad idea regardless.