Author Topic: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)  (Read 14646 times)

charis

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #50 on: March 21, 2017, 11:51:10 AM »
She responded well initially, however, she had it out for me later in the evening for no reason whatsoever. She is sleep deprived I get it, but its tough on me not to defend myself when she attacks like a tiger.

Are you splitting up the night?  If not, you should be.

acroy

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #51 on: March 21, 2017, 12:05:42 PM »
Whew,
It does sound like your wife has trust, possibly depression issues; and is not thinking clearly / being rational. DW had this for some time, until she realized what was going on, and turned herself around. Looking back, it was rough for a time.

I'm no pro, but it seems there are 2 options:
1) the slow&steady, lead/pull in the 'right' direction. Be the healthy, calm, and accommodating one; never show frustration. Assist as much as possible while gently suggesting changes. This is what I (mostly) did for some time.
2) Nuclear option. DW, we must sit and talk. Current situation is not acceptable. For the good of the family, we must iron this out. DW and I now do this when one of us has a big concern. It's usually a short conversation during the week 'hey we need to talk about x'; then we set a time 'Saturday afternoon'; when the time comes we have coffee (margaritas) & take notes; and things happen.

What worked for us re: DW's general state of unhappiness:
DW took up group exercise. I usually get home at a reasonable time and handle the kids while she leaves for an hour or 2 to work out etc. She gets a break, lots of positive endorphins from the exercise, some time with adults. Sleeps better at night. I get time with kids, they with me, we have a blast. It has been good all around, no downside. When i have to travel for a week, it is rough for everyone.

Good luck & prayers sent ya'lls way davef!!

Rosy

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #52 on: March 21, 2017, 12:53:43 PM »
She already told you ...:) She wants you to take the baby and go away - she needs time out for herself.
Difficult for you to do with such a full schedule and yes, you do plenty and then some, but so does she and what new Dad's don't get is that there is NEVER a time out from the baby for her, regardless how she feels or what happens on any given day. ... and there will not be for years to come.

It is all quite overwhelming, don't give up yet - you'll work it out. ... and yup, don't argue about snow suits:) Do what you can and roll with it.

partgypsy

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #53 on: March 21, 2017, 02:26:23 PM »
First of all, I think you are doing all the right things. I remember reading that when one has a baby, each spouse feels that they are giving more than their fair share. It's just the way it's going to feel. I was in the situation of being the breadwinner mom (and pumping) but having a husband who did NOT want to hire childcare/babysitting, and not having family members around. Which meant a default of me working/being at home with the kids (I also didn't drive during this time).
So, 1) If you can actually keep up 1.5 hours each weekday, and then give her a "day off" during the weekend that you do stuff, and she can either join in or have time off.
2) weeks you know you are traveling, for YOU to take up lead in setting up some kind of babysitting/childcare that she finds acceptable for those weeks, so she can get a break.
3) Don't take "shifts" those don't work in my experience, especially if one parent is a heavy sleeper (they will ignore baby until other parent wakes). Instead have 1,2 nights a week where the Dad agrees to take care of the baby, so the mom could get entire nights of uninterrupted sleep. Sleep deprivation can really do a number.
4) plan things if you can, using baby sitter, etc for you a couple times a month (or more if you can) that you either go out on a date without the child, or her or you as a couple do things with other adults. REALLY helpful so she doesn't feel isolated or you neglect your relationship. 
« Last Edit: March 21, 2017, 02:28:49 PM by partgypsy »

charis

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #54 on: March 21, 2017, 02:46:30 PM »
First of all, I think you are doing all the right things. I remember reading that when one has a baby, each spouse feels that they are giving more than their fair share. It's just the way it's going to feel. I was in the situation of being the breadwinner mom (and pumping) but having a husband who did NOT want to hire childcare/babysitting, and not having family members around. Which meant a default of me working/being at home with the kids (I also didn't drive during this time).
So, 1) If you can actually keep up 1.5 hours each weekday, and then give her a "day off" during the weekend that you do stuff, and she can either join in or have time off.
2) weeks you know you are traveling, for YOU to take up lead in setting up some kind of babysitting/childcare that she finds acceptable for those weeks, so she can get a break.
3) Don't take "shifts" those don't work in my experience, especially if one parent is a heavy sleeper (they will ignore baby until other parent wakes). Instead have 1,2 nights a week where the Dad agrees to take care of the baby, so the mom could get entire nights of uninterrupted sleep. Sleep deprivation can really do a number.
4) plan things if you can, using baby sitter, etc for you a couple times a month (or more if you can) that you either go out on a date without the child, or her or you as a couple do things with other adults. REALLY helpful so she doesn't feel isolated or you neglect your relationship.

I mentioned taking shifts, and by that I meant actually dividing up the night, not trying to wake up when the baby cries.  What worked well for my husband and I was him taking the first shift and I would go to bed earlier.  I would get a solid block of sleep and husband would go to bed after first night wake up and I would get up for the early morning wake up.  Obviously you can tweak that to suit your needs/baby's sleep habits.   If the baby is having a rough night, I would be pretty annoyed if I had go it alone all night.  If Mom gets 1-2 nights of sleep per week, what's happening on the other nights?

MrsPete

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #55 on: March 21, 2017, 02:59:34 PM »
This is a tough position.  I remember clearly that those first years were tough; I also remember when the second one turned two, things got easier.  Things I recommend:

- Try very hard not to take it personally.  She's reacting to the situation, not to you.

- She won't talk about babysitters ... would she consider a mother's helper?  That's a person -- usually someone young, perhaps a teenager after school -- who'd come in to "help" ... but Mom is still at home.  This person would play with the baby, perhaps take a stroll through the neighborhood, or sit and play blocks or read in the bedroom ... which allows Mom to take a shower or a nap, or start dinner, or whatever ... yet Mom can feel secure in knowing that if anything bad should happen, she's only steps away.  OR, the mother's helper could start dinner or run a load of laundry.  If you have the right person, this could work well, and you don't pay a mother's helper as much as you would pay a babysitter. 

- You're traveling a fair amount.  I wonder if those days/weeks are the real source of the issue.  When our kids were small, my husband and I had a routine that worked well ... except when he went out of town.  On those days, those days when I did double-duty, I was always extremely tired and cranky, and often the (unfair) idea came into my head:  He's sleeping in a clean, quiet hotel room ... he went out to dinner ... he's not staying awake another 20 minutes for the washer to end so he can transfer things to the dryer ... I know he had time to work out and then sat and watched TV.  Perhaps the above-mentioned mother's helper could come just on the days you're traveling?   

- Sounds like chores are taking up too much of your time.  How could you cut down that drudgery?  Hire someone to come in once a week to do the heavy stuff (clean the bathrooms, wash the bedsheets)?  Move to a smaller place with less work?  Keeping up with the housework was the #2 issue for me when my kids were small (#1 being those bad days when my husband traveled). 

- Perhaps she should go back to work.  I know, I know, you're thinking "How could she handle more?"  But I know that I did better when my kids were small because I worked.  That time away gave me a break from the constant demands of the baby; oh, my life was still very busy, but it was a different kind of busy.  I handled the balance well, and -- given the same set of circumstances -- I'd do the same thing again.

- Several people have suggested that you not consider a second child ... ever.  Put that entire thought process on the back burner.  Just because things are rough now doesn't mean things have to be rough six months from now, nor does it mean things would be rough with a second child.  You don't need to make this decision now, and if you do discuss NO MORE, it might actually make things worse.  Wait and see.  You're in a crisis, and you don't make long-term decisions during a crisis. 

- I agree that your wife may have some depression or post-partum issues going on.  The thing about not trusting anyone is a really big red flag.  I also agree that exercise can help with this type of thing.  How to make that a priority?
 
- I also agree that she could benefit by getting out of the house and into some type of a mom's group ... but some of those are rather negative; you have to be careful that she doesn't get into one of those groups that's all about trashing working moms and bragging over who reads to the baby the most /has the smartest or cutest baby.  That type of situation could make things worse.

davef

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #56 on: March 21, 2017, 03:58:52 PM »
Thank you for all of your input.
She is in two moms groups that meet weekly and one that meets spuratically.  She does like those, but recently told me like she doesn't feel she connects with many of the moms.

On nights, she is a much lighter sleeper than me, so often she wakes up and handles the baby before I ever wake. occasionally I do wake up and rock the baby back to bed. Maybe not as often as she would like...but as I said before our baby is a pretty good sleeper. Sleeping through the night whenever he is not sick, ever since about 2 weeks old.   

skp

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #57 on: March 21, 2017, 04:08:05 PM »
Option one- I suggest her getting a part time job.
I worked part time when my children were young.  Lucky for me I did shift work, and had a MIL who not only didn't charge us, but would come and bring dinner so that she could have GM time and help us out at the same time.  Win Win for everyone. 
I know that isn't the case for you. And I don't know about your wife, but I liked to work.  Work was the break I needed.  I think paying for child care would be worth it even if you ended up cash flow negative.

Option 2- like other posters have said.  Join the Y, use the free child care for a break, and take an exercise class.

Option 3 I had a "rich" friend, who would hire a nanny to take a nap every day. 

Options 1 and 2 are more Musachian.

I still think the walk and make dinner when you are in town are a good idea.  But what happens when you aren't

Flyingkea

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #58 on: March 21, 2017, 06:22:36 PM »
One thing it might be worth suggesting to your wife, is that it might be worth going to see the doctor for a blood test, as a post baby checkup. Check things like iron levels (many pregnant women become anemic and it can take time to bounce back)  and thyroid function. Sometimes that can be a cause for anxiety and lowered mood.

I wouldn't frame it as "we need to see what's wrong with you" but a "you've had a baby, let's just make sure everything is still ok."

Simpli-Fi

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #59 on: March 21, 2017, 06:54:22 PM »
Does the baby sleep in her own room yet?

Sounds like mom is tired

dreamer8887

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #60 on: March 21, 2017, 07:10:02 PM »
OP, sorry you're going through this. I have an 8 month old (I'm the mother) and like some other posters have also struggled with postpartum anxiety. I see a lot of my own worries echoed in the way your wife thinks, particularly about trusting other people to look after the baby. I was forced to confront those fears head-on when I went back to work at 6 months and DD entered daycare 3 days a week. I was a wreck leading up to it, but it has helped me regain my sense of self somewhat and learn to trust her with others AND learn to let things go (e.g. they don't follow my schedule, so she often doesn't nap enough IMO, but I've had to let that go, and it's OK! She's fine! Another e.g.: she gets sick a LOT from daycare. I saw a kid the other day playing with DD, kid obviously had pink eye. DD caught pink eye. And she's OK! We got antibiotic eye drops and she's better!)

It's hard. Like your wife, I don't have any family in town, on either side. Mine are on the other side of the world. It gets easier.

I don't have anything new to add, you've gotten lots of great advice thus far. I wanted to say, though, that I hope *you* are doing OK! It sounds like you are doing a lot to try to give your wife time off, as you should be, and spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to fix this problem, and that's great to hear. You should also be sure that you have people you can talk to about the impact of your wife's (possible) PPD/PPA on you, and making sure you're also trying to look after yourself.

Frugal Lizard

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #61 on: March 22, 2017, 05:44:47 AM »
Just to let you know - I refer to moments in the post partum phase as the time when the "bitch within" would escape.  I could not control her appearance.  It was a secret label that I had for those moments.  More sleep weakened her but it took a long time before I would even share with my spouse the nickname I gave for those moments of completely nasty illogical behaviour.
Keep trying the walk before dinner.  It is good for you and baby for sure.  And in the long run, it will be good for Mom.

meerkat

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #62 on: March 22, 2017, 07:52:14 AM »
On nights, she is a much lighter sleeper than me, so often she wakes up and handles the baby before I ever wake. occasionally I do wake up and rock the baby back to bed. Maybe not as often as she would like...but as I said before our baby is a pretty good sleeper. Sleeping through the night whenever he is not sick, ever since about 2 weeks old.

I'm normally a heavier sleeper than my husband but after the baby was born I was a much lighter sleeper than I had been previously. It was very, very difficult for me to turn off my baby anxiety at night. I had to sleep across the house on the couch with all the door shut in between the room where I was and the baby's room, AND have white noise going. I had to be completely, utterly convinced that I would not hear the baby if he cried to get myself to really relax. Logically I trusted my husband to do baby care but the emotional/instinctive side wouldn't fully relax because I felt like I still had to be "on call" as it were.

In regards to talk of shift sleeping, when we did this I went to bed early on the couch, pretty much right after the baby did. Then I had a chance to get 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep before the middle of the night feeding session, then I'd get what sleep I could in the baby's room on a twin bed from the middle of the night till we had to get up for work. My husband took the first shift and gave the baby a bottle right before my husband went to bed, but he would also be on duty till the middle of the night feed so if the baby was fussy that meant sometimes he wasn't able to go to sleep until I took over. Then he'd go out to the couch and get 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. We didn't sleep in the same bed for about a year after our son was born unless we had an overnight visitor/babysitter. That sounds weird but it worked for us and I think our marriage was better for us each getting what sleep we could even if we didn't have a traditional sleeping arrangement for a while.

charis

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #63 on: March 22, 2017, 08:10:54 AM »
I'm normally a heavier sleeper than my husband but after the baby was born I was a much lighter sleeper than I had been previously. It was very, very difficult for me to turn off my baby anxiety at night. I had to sleep across the house on the couch with all the door shut in between the room where I was and the baby's room, AND have white noise going. I had to be completely, utterly convinced that I would not hear the baby if he cried to get myself to really relax. Logically I trusted my husband to do baby care but the emotional/instinctive side wouldn't fully relax because I felt like I still had to be "on call" as it were.

In regards to talk of shift sleeping, when we did this I went to bed early on the couch, pretty much right after the baby did. Then I had a chance to get 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep before the middle of the night feeding session, then I'd get what sleep I could in the baby's room on a twin bed from the middle of the night till we had to get up for work. My husband took the first shift and gave the baby a bottle right before my husband went to bed, but he would also be on duty till the middle of the night feed so if the baby was fussy that meant sometimes he wasn't able to go to sleep until I took over. Then he'd go out to the couch and get 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. We didn't sleep in the same bed for about a year after our son was born unless we had an overnight visitor/babysitter. That sounds weird but it worked for us and I think our marriage was better for us each getting what sleep we could even if we didn't have a traditional sleeping arrangement for a while.

I had the same issues and had to do the same thing in order to get any sleep.  It might seem like your baby is sleeping well, but the light sleeper might be seriously sleep deprived.  Even a couple night in a row of bad sleep can have a huge effect on someone's mood.  The light sleeper may wake up every time the baby makes a noise and have difficulty falling back asleep (I did).  So doing shifts in different parts of the house might be necessary for a while - for everyone's sanity.

davef

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #64 on: March 22, 2017, 09:33:00 AM »
Well, Im not sure the house is big enough that you cant hear the baby cry from one end to the other. Last night I was "on shift" the baby slept through the night except he woke up at midnight and made noises for about 2 minutes. He fell back asleep but my wife and I we both up for a few hours.

She wants to work. I have encouraged her to get a job and we would pay for daycare, so far I dont think she has looked.

patchyfacialhair

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #65 on: March 22, 2017, 09:46:04 AM »
Following.

We're expecting our first in a few months, and my wife is already throwing me curveballs with her behavior. I shrug it off and do my best to almost all of the cleaning, cooking, and laundry. Add raising a kid and I can see where things can get out of hand. With all the feedback that folks are giving OP, I'm going to do my best to provide a buffet of resources and support to her, and let her choose what works best at the moment. Hopefully it's not as negative as OP makes his experience seem.

partgypsy

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #66 on: March 22, 2017, 09:51:41 AM »
Thank you for all of your input.
She is in two moms groups that meet weekly and one that meets spuratically.  She does like those, but recently told me like she doesn't feel she connects with many of the moms.

On nights, she is a much lighter sleeper than me, so often she wakes up and handles the baby before I ever wake. occasionally I do wake up and rock the baby back to bed. Maybe not as often as she would like...but as I said before our baby is a pretty good sleeper. Sleeping through the night whenever he is not sick, ever since about 2 weeks old.

Sounds like my situation, where when our babies were little, my husband slept through the sleep disturbances and I would wake up as default. I do not recommend this situation! I remember one night literally begging and crying for him to take care of the baby one night because I was so tired...  So this situation needs to be rectified

charis

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #67 on: March 22, 2017, 10:02:59 AM »
Well, Im not sure the house is big enough that you cant hear the baby cry from one end to the other. Last night I was "on shift" the baby slept through the night except he woke up at midnight and made noises for about 2 minutes. He fell back asleep but my wife and I we both up for a few hours.

She wants to work. I have encouraged her to get a job and we would pay for daycare, so far I dont think she has looked.

There are ways to deal with this regardless of the house size.  Ours is 1400 sq ft. with a tight layout.  I would go upstairs, shut the door, blast a white noise machine and take a benadryl.  It can be done.

meerkat

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #68 on: March 22, 2017, 10:17:30 AM »
Well, Im not sure the house is big enough that you cant hear the baby cry from one end to the other. Last night I was "on shift" the baby slept through the night except he woke up at midnight and made noises for about 2 minutes. He fell back asleep but my wife and I we both up for a few hours.

She wants to work. I have encouraged her to get a job and we would pay for daycare, so far I dont think she has looked.

There are ways to deal with this regardless of the house size.  Ours is 1400 sq ft. with a tight layout.  I would go upstairs, shut the door, blast a white noise machine and take a benadryl.  It can be done.

Ditto, except we have an open layout which has some of the same problems as a tight layout when it comes to noise. I strongly considered going out into the garage and sleeping in the car at one point because I wasn't sure if I could block out the noise otherwise. Oh, also ear plugs if she's able to sleep with them in. The ear plugs bothered me too much so they weren't a good solution for me, but wanted to mention them as an option.

She wants to work. I have encouraged her to get a job and we would pay for daycare, so far I dont think she has looked.

Job hunting is rough even when you're caught up on sleep. Just keep supporting her on this, but I'd say focus on her sleep as the #1 household priority at this point.

Socmonkey

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #69 on: March 22, 2017, 01:36:16 PM »
A bit late to the thread, but OP's summary is VERY similar to my own.

I appreciate all the advice that has been written. Will try some and see if the situation changes.

steviesterno

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #70 on: March 22, 2017, 03:46:12 PM »
I know the feeling. I had to travel for work when baby was 6 months old and her parents were visiting. Everybody (wife included) got a violent flu. they were miserable. when I got back I got it to, so now she had to take care of all of us. I got yelled at for it since she wanted the break.

Its tough. Im the same way but work is 8-7. I'm the one that drops him at day care even though she works from home. I get the blame for not doing housework, though with commuting she gets 10 extra hours in a week than I do! sucks. The only thing I used to get when she worked in an office was friday from 1-5. my chance to do whatever, and I needed that. Then when she worked from home, that time became shared chores and make me do shit time. I finally had to talk with her and calmly explain that I needed it or I was going to die. Figuratively or literally, take it however you want.

now it's my time and we try and make a lunch date if possible. Having a baby f*cking sucks. I wanted 2-3 kids. Now I'm not really sure I could do another. I love mine and wouldn't change a thing, but babies are expensive and put a strain on everything else in your life all the time.

I'm all messed up from these last 2 nights, i actually heard my alarm go off at 630 rather than being woken by screaming at about 3am. so that's new.

MBot

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #71 on: March 22, 2017, 05:31:18 PM »
You have  gotten incredible advice so far, and I am very glad you have.

One practical suggestion I would add, if it might work with your personalities, is buying a cheap but decent ergonomic baby carrier you can just buckle the baby on with  (try looking for a Lillebaby or an Ergo, there's lots of groups like Babywearing on a Budget on Facebook where people will sell used ones).
Even if your wife is super touched out/won't want the baby closer, you'll be able to put a 9 month old on your back and still cook dinner or clean or just talk with your wife without her having to be responsible for him. It made a big difference for me

Meggslynn

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #72 on: March 22, 2017, 06:09:13 PM »
I haven't read through all the comments but so far I can see you have got some good advice.

As a mother to a 5 month old baby and a four year old try not to take her behavior personally. I know that with my first I felt like a completely different person and couldn't always control what came out of my mouth. The thoughts in my head were so irrational looking back. I did develop mild PPD which I was able to succesfully treat naturally as I had adverse reactions to the medication.

Somethings that helped my moods and get back to my old self were:

- Exercise (at home, and twice a week in the evenings I would attend aquafit at the outdoor pool with fellow moms)
- A moms group
- Therapy
- Supplements (a good quality b complex, vitamin D, 5-htp)
- Time without baby


The second time around has been much easier as we have implemented these things from the get go and hubby and I recognize this as only a phase in our parenting journey. We put the kids to bed at 7:30 each night which gives us a couple hours of us time (or time to ourselves). Plus on the weekends we each take turns going out without the rest of the family. He often goes snowshoeing or for wings and beers with his friends for a couple hours. I often go for a long walk then to the cafe to sip coffee and read.

Good luck to you and remember it does get easier!!

kaadalac

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #73 on: March 24, 2017, 01:23:40 PM »
Just like all parents of 9 month olds, she needs sleep and personal time. 

By the time our daughter was 6 months old my wife and I alternated bed time responsibilities, where every other night one of us would put the baby to bed giving the other parent precious precious free time to do whatever they needed... read, relax, drink wine, watch TV, go to sleep early.  It worked well.

Now that we have 2 kids we have sacrificed all free time altogether but that is a different story :)

kimmarg

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #74 on: March 24, 2017, 06:23:36 PM »
Thanks for the great replies so far. We read 5 loce languges togeter last year. Great book. We still talk about it. Yes i think she has ppd, she has refused to see anyone. Yes she is a stay at home mom now, and though she is good at it she has cabin feaver. I regularly relieve her on week nights and weekends and suggest she go out and take abreak, but she rarely does. She usually does laundery or other chores.

See if you can get her to go out of the house and maybe to a mom's group. PPD is NOT something to be ashamed of, it's a result of the hormones still being wacky from pregnancy and nursing.  http://www.postpartum.net/ has info on various groups all around the world.

kimmarg

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #75 on: March 24, 2017, 06:29:50 PM »
Following.

We're expecting our first in a few months, and my wife is already throwing me curveballs with her behavior. I shrug it off and do my best to almost all of the cleaning, cooking, and laundry. Add raising a kid and I can see where things can get out of hand. With all the feedback that folks are giving OP, I'm going to do my best to provide a buffet of resources and support to her, and let her choose what works best at the moment. Hopefully it's not as negative as OP makes his experience seem.

FYI, while even POST partnum depression/anexity isn't recognized often, PRE-parturm (erm is that a word? during pregnancy) can also be an issue. Do try to talk about it before baby. Maybe at an OB appointment go and ask about what you can watch for or do? Your hormones are messed up right from the get-go.

twojabs

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #76 on: April 14, 2017, 04:01:41 PM »
well, im glad i found this thread again because i'm kinda going through this just now.

though im my case, it is me having the mood swings and living on a knife edge.......

Pigeon

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Re: What the heck does she want me to do? (new Dad needs help)
« Reply #77 on: April 14, 2017, 04:24:46 PM »
Taking care of a baby is emotionally exhausting for some of us.  I would have lasted 10 minutes if I knew I had to be a SAHM.  If my husband had to travel as much as you do, I would probably have run away from home.  I would quite frankly put all thoughts of mustachianism on the back burner for a year until your wife is feeling happier.

I think the real problem here is that your wife obviously needs some mental health support here.  It is very frustrating to have a loved one who refuses to get help for depression.  I know, I have one in my family.

You said she won't see a therapist.  Would she consider having an honest discussion with her family doctor or GYN?  They might be able to talk her into accepting a referral.