What do you think of my lifestyle? Seems a bit off.

[pudding]

Hi Moustachians... my life seems a bit off. What do you think?

Im 54, have eaten well and keep fit.

Im single and have been for ages, have an adult child and grand kids,  I was married long time ago then divorced, ex wife / childs mother died in a motorcycle accident when child was 7.

Im from England and lived in Canada last 22 years.

Have own small renovation business, just me most the time, hard work!, good money, enjoy it but getting older and often tired from the physical work.

A few years ago didnt have a pot to **** in and now have a house with almost million dollars in equity and good rents that more than cover the expenses.

I used to like travel and adventure, then had a few tragic deaths in my family.... this kind of threw me into working a lot as a way to take my mind off these things.

It worked and time moves on and things get easier... I don't really like travel anymore though and don't really seek out adventure in same way.
(which might not be a bad thing, as I've ended up in fights and almost got shot, things like that)

In the same way I think its partly why I've stayed single too. Seemed best just to keep my head down and not get into anything that could cause distress. I've had this habit of hooking up with some wild women at times. I still occasionally have women come knock on my door ;)


Nowadays seem to value  familiar things and surroundings.  But !  I also hate winter here, its dark and grey and rains for months... and I end up depressed every winter. And depression is something I really don't want.

So I seem to have these contradictions nowadays.....    I dont like winter here/ dont want to go away      .... tired of being single/ dont want to risk in a relationship          tired of working to hard / keep on working hard

Sometimes I think that it's almost like I've ended up with this invisible disability. And to want things to be the same as before isn't realistic... would be like if you liked fell running and paragliding but you'd got in a car accident, you're not going to be doing the same stuff after... you might want to, but its obvious from your physical disability that your not going to be able to. 

Bit of a a ramble... Maybe I should move it to journals..

[mozar]

It sounds like you do have an invisible disability, anxiety.

When it comes to decisions you have more than 2 choices. You could go somewhere warmer just for the winter, you don't have to move entirely. And you don't have to date wild women, you could pursue those you value for their character, which is less risky. Although having risky relationships with risky women sounds like a point of pride for you.

Also sounds like you haven't really mourned the tragic deaths that happened. So here you are! You have lots options to address your issues. Therapy, talking to a clergy person, testing out places to winter...time to take care of your mental health as well as physical.

[pudding]

It sounds like you do have an invisible disability, anxiety.

When it comes to decisions you have more than 2 choices. You could go somewhere warmer just for the winter, you don't have to move entirely. And you don't have to date wild women, you could pursue those you value for their character, which is less risky. Although having risky relationships with risky women sounds like a point of pride for you.

Also sounds like you haven't really mourned the tragic deaths that happened. So here you are! You have lots options to address your issues. Therapy, talking to a clergy person, testing out places to winter...time to take care of your mental health as well as physical.

Thanks Mozar....

I think anxiety sounds about right.

I think I've mourned the people that passed on, and I've talked to different people and I'm just kind of thinking that you can mourn the people that pass on. Might change ones feeling a bit to talk to therapists and clergy, but the ones that died still they're not around and nobody on earth actually knows what happened. 

It's problematic, this dating crazy women being a point of pride... you're not wrong there, and something I've thought about too. Almost doomed to repeat it as long as it's not seen as a distasteful habit.

Anyway, thanks!  I wrote this post when I woke up this morning and wondered about posting it, but good to get the wheels in my mind turning.

[mozar]

You're welcome!

[big_slacker]

Sounds like you have the freedom to do whatever you want to make yourself happy. Head problems only, and I'm not saying that to be a prick. I'm actually jealous!

Seems like you might just need to sit down, untie the knots a little bit and decide what you really want in life. After that the rest is easy given good finances, no family and being old/wise enough to figure out the details in a way that will let you live the rest of your life well.

[pudding]

Sounds like you have the freedom to do whatever you want to make yourself happy. Head problems only, and I'm not saying that to be a prick. I'm actually jealous!

Seems like you might just need to sit down, untie the knots a little bit and decide what you really want in life. After that the rest is easy given good finances, no family and being old/wise enough to figure out the details in a way that will let you live the rest of your life well.

I do and for that I'm thankful. I think its this tendency to work too much thats getting in the way at the moment.

Years ago I remember doing some work for this guy that owned some apartment buildings. He was a rich man and a great mentor who was more than happy to pass on how he did it.

But I always remember what a tight ass with money he was. Not in just a frugal way, but almost like obsessive. I think I have to loosen up a bit... I got a bit like that guy in some ways. Not that Im a tight ass, but have to remind myself to stop and breathe and smell the roses etc...

[MrsPB]

Are you in the Vancouver area? I'm from the uk and moved to Vancouver in my 20s and loved it but found the dark and wet winters hard. I now live in Nova Scotia and I prefer the sunny -20 days to the wet n windy mild Vancouver climate. We also get nice warm summers and amazing Fall seasons. I hate the cold and never thought I'd adjust here but I have. As long as you dress properly, the sun being out really brings the mood up on a winter day.
Hope you can figure out some solutions to the things you mention. Like others said, taking some time to just have space to ponder may help a lot.

[Choices]

Good for you for starting to ask the right questions.

Keep in mind that, as previously pointed out, there are more than two answers to every question.

For companionship, can you volunteer or join a club? What about attending trivia night at a bar/restaurant every week? You'll get to know the regulars. Do you have buddies who like to hike, play board games, fish, etc? Maybe you can have pot-lucks every now and then too and meet their friends and neighbors. Does your neighborhood have a community center? If you meet a special lady that's great, but you will definitely meet some good friends.

For winters, do you have friends or family in sunnier places you could visit for a few days here and there? Have you considered using a light box?

For work, do you know exactly where you stand with your finances and how much you need to make to support yourself? Or are you already at FI? If so but you still like what you do, consider raising your prices or only doing the jobs you really like. Our handyman won a lottery here and still works, but now won't do drywall because he hates it. He'll do wiring and painting and other stuff that he likes.

For travel, start with visiting people you already know or places you've already been, or start with short day trips and graduate to weekend road trips. If those go well, you can branch out more. It's even better if you go with a buddy.

[pudding]

Are you in the Vancouver area? I'm from the uk and moved to Vancouver in my 20s and loved it but found the dark and wet winters hard. I now live in Nova Scotia and I prefer the sunny -20 days to the wet n windy mild Vancouver climate. We also get nice warm summers and amazing Fall seasons. I hate the cold and never thought I'd adjust here but I have. As long as you dress properly, the sun being out really brings the mood up on a winter day.
Hope you can figure out some solutions to the things you mention. Like others said, taking some time to just have space to ponder may help a lot.

Hi Mrs PB, yes I'm in Vancouver and came here from Yorkshire. So I know about wet and dark winters ;)

I'm not sure what to do really. I really like the climate here from March to the end of October... after that its like I'm shut indoors for months, and it drives me nuts. I suppose really theres a few easy solutions.
1. move
2. have a couple of winter holidays
3. snowbird and spend winters away
4. stick it out (blahh)

What I find though is that unless I go away early in the winter, say November.... then I end up depressed and I have a negative outlook and don't go anywhere.  By January I'm a bit of a basket case...then suddenly 'spring' to life again at the end of February.

[pudding]

Good for you for starting to ask the right questions.

Keep in mind that, as previously pointed out, there are more than two answers to every question.

For companionship, can you volunteer or join a club? What about attending trivia night at a bar/restaurant every week? You'll get to know the regulars. Do you have buddies who like to hike, play board games, fish, etc? Maybe you can have pot-lucks every now and then too and meet their friends and neighbors. Does your neighborhood have a community center? If you meet a special lady that's great, but you will definitely meet some good friends.

For winters, do you have friends or family in sunnier places you could visit for a few days here and there? Have you considered using a light box?

For work, do you know exactly where you stand with your finances and how much you need to make to support yourself? Or are you already at FI? If so but you still like what you do, consider raising your prices or only doing the jobs you really like. Our handyman won a lottery here and still works, but now won't do drywall because he hates it. He'll do wiring and painting and other stuff that he likes.

For travel, start with visiting people you already know or places you've already been, or start with short day trips and graduate to weekend road trips. If those go well, you can branch out more. It's even better if you go with a buddy.

Hi Julie, thanks for your reply.

I have something that I do regularly.. its social dancing and I like it, and I know people there and can say hi and how is this and that. But considering the amount of time I've been going there it doesn't really seem to equate to much.

Vancouver is where I'm living, and it has a reputation for being cliquey and hard to meet people. I have to say I think its the case here.

I was thinking just today that its not always a good thing to dwell on my own personality to much and question what I should or could be doing better... I have a hunch that just move somewhere else and 'hey presto' suddenly problem solved and friends a plenty.

I might have a look around and see if somewhere else feels like a better fit.

There's a community centre but its a bit of an anonymous place, not the kind of place where people will say hi and remember you. I think thats the thing living in this city, I go outside and its a lot of high rises and lots of people, but can walk for hours and not see anyone you know.

Im on top of the finances, I think I'm doing good in that area.... probably what has happened is that over the last 10 years I've had to deal with a lot of very heavy family situations, while at the same time having to take care of some hefty financial responsibilities.

Things worked out financially and now I'm 10 years older and need to focus on things other than working.  And as Mozar said earlier, I think I've got a lot of anxiety going on in my thoughts... I think I should make dealing with that a priority.