Wedding registry: how to receive money not stuff

[GreenQueen]

My close friend is getting married and they would rather receive money to use for a down-payment on their first house instead of dumb crap. But they don't want to use a website that takes a percentage and would like avoid Paypal, etc if possible.

Is there some bank account they can set up for people to donate to, or a website that doesn't charge a fee?

(Search function isn't working--if this has been covered already please send me the link. Thanks.)

[Jack]

IMO the logistics of that are a moot point because there is no way to accomplish it while maintaining good manners to begin with. Perhaps if your friend asks his guests simply to forego gifts entirely some might give cash/checks/gift cards (physically in an envelope) anyway.

(If pressed, I suppose you could try telling people that your "wedding registry" is at Vanguard!)

[iris lily]

There is no place in any country, on any planet, that wedding guests do not undrstand how to give money. A special account is not necessary

If your friends do not want objects and instead want money, there is no way to express that in writng without being rude. They might put the word out to parents and friends,  verbally as in "oh we truly have everything we need or want, we welcome your presence at our wedding." And because the average Joe cannot bring himself to attend a wedding without something in hand, that Something will often be cash or a check.

I find it extremely tiresome to read about people getting married in a big hoopla who expect to direct the gifting habits of others. But there it is. If they dont want lots of useless objects, don't have a traditional reception.

[lizzzi]

About the best they can do is just say "no gifts, please." People will at least give them a nice wedding card, and there will most likely be a check in it.

Boy, do I hate people who use their wedding as a way to get money. A distant relative actually had a website where they asked people to contribute money to pay for their honeymoon. Gaack.

[NV Teacher]

I've seen people include a rhyming poem in with the announcement asking for money.  I thought it was tacky.

[StacheDash]

We used a website called honeyfund to ask for money instead of presents for our wedding.  It allows you to designate gifts for specific parts of your honeymoon.  We used the free option two years ago.  I don't know how much it has changed since then. 

It worked out great for us.  It was a fun way to avoid getting a lot of presents we didn't need, and most people were supportive of our desire for a great honeymoon instead of extra belongings.

[SeaEhm]

Have a Chinese wedding.



I saw one wedding where they have some clever verbiage asking for their guests to not purchase gifts...

Who need two waffle makers?

[sis]

My close friend is getting married and they would rather receive money to use for a down-payment on their first house instead of dumb crap. But they don't want to use a website that takes a percentage and would like avoid Paypal, etc if possible.

Is there some bank account they can set up for people to donate to, or a website that doesn't charge a fee?

(Search function isn't working--if this has been covered already please send me the link. Thanks.)

Just don't set up a registry for objects.  People will get the idea that you prefer cash.  At least in the northeast, cash seems to be king and there's no need to set up anything extra.  Personal checks work fine for a wedding gift.  I think it is a bit tacky to be like "OMG we want cash" but just not setting up a registry sends that message.  They can also spread the word gently that they are saving for a house but already have most of the household items that they need because they haven't lived with their parents in x years. 

[sis]

Have a Chinese wedding.



I saw one wedding where they have some clever verbiage asking for their guests to not purchase gifts...

Who need two waffle makers?

Damn that hong bao is stuffed :-)

[DebtFreeinPhilly]

My good friend is using www.honeyfund.com to have people pay for their renovation project on their house as wedding gifts. The site doesn't charge a fee but if people pay by credit card, they will be charged a transaction fee by PayPal. The site allows you to have multiple projects that need funding. At least its a polite way for people to help get your house, contribute to renovation in the house, or fund something else.

[forummm]

I don't like mooching. I saw no reason why people should buy us presents that we don't need. Especially since we (like most people getting married nowadays) already lived with each other. We already had sheets and frying pans. It's also expensive (often) for people to show up to your wedding anyway. We said we didn't want gifts, but if people felt compelled to do something they could give us a Kiva gift card (which lets us lend money at no interest [to us] in microfinance loans around the world). For us it was a way to make any gifts about helping someone else who actually needed the help.

Similarly, I find it distasteful that other people expect that people will buy them stuff because they decide to do something in their lives. I think it's a nice thing when people who don't have a lot of resources get some assistance at an expensive part of their lives. But if they are choosing to spend $50,000 on a wedding, they really don't need me to buy them some $100 plates. And if they have a household income of over $250k in a LCOL (and are 10 years into their careers), they don't need a giant baby shower to get gifts from their coworkers (who make less than them).

Your friend should just say they don't want gifts. The "your presence is your gift to us" is a nice line to use. If they want a down payment they should be responsible adults and save their own money themselves. Or spend less luxuriously on the wedding and use that extra money for it instead. Our wedding cost about $5k including everything.

[Lunasol]

I've seen wedding invites with a little envelope printed on them, gives the hint of no wedding registry but money is welcome. I don't recall having heard anyone complain about this, why is it a big deal?

My friends who had wedding registry had trouble getting their gifts, some got lost, or they got stuff they didn't register for, so if possible I try to give either store money or cash, never had a problem that way.

[MrsDinero]

Outright asking for cash will always be in bad taste.  However I think the norm has become to just give cash.  I do suggest creating a standard registry for everyday items (kitchen, bath, bedroom, garage, etc), because there will be some people who are just to giving money.

[mm1970]

Have a Chinese wedding.



I saw one wedding where they have some clever verbiage asking for their guests to not purchase gifts...

Who need two waffle makers?

Ha ha yes.  I got a little red envelope from my Chinese friend when my second child was born.

Our good friend got married a month later... out comes the $100 from the red envelope, and into a wedding card...

[partgypsy]

Ditto for Greek weddings. I remember being dumbfounded someone telling me that cash gifts for weddings was rude. Not how I was raised. I don't think you come out and say it, but have a very small or no registry and people will get the hint.

[iris lily]

I've seen wedding invites with a little envelope printed on them, gives the hint of no wedding registry but money is welcome. I don't recall having heard anyone complain about this, why is it a big deal?

My friends who had wedding registry had trouble getting their gifts, some got lost, or they got stuff they didn't register for, so if possible I try to give either store money or cash, never had a problem that way.

They got  stuff they didn't register for? What insufferable behavior from a wedding guest. The nerve! I probably would have driven over to the giver's home and dumped that unwanted gift on their doorstep.

/sarcasm

[neo von retorch]

We created an Amazon registry of things we'd actually use (camping supplies, a handful of kitchen items, things related to coffee and board games...) and nothing on our list was over $100 - most of it was $15-30. Most people have a number in their head for weddings - in this area, I think it's $50-100 depending on how close you are.

The end result was that we got about 10 presents and the rest was cash and checks. People don't want to buy you $15 items for your wedding. (The other extreme would be to put things that are $200+ on the registry...)

We did not do it to elicit cash. We just didn't want the junk, nor did we want to ask for expensive things! But people that care about you will likely give you cash. (And when I say "you" I mean your friend or anyone that gets married and invites people.) The cash/check gifts we received added up to a decent multiple of what we spent...

[Prairie Stash]

Its customary to send gift receipts with wedding presents. They're return receipts without prices on them, so if you get 3 blenders you can return 2. Usually you end up with store credit, that's why you do a registry at a place that you regularly shop at. It removes the stigma about showing the value of the gift and the problem of multiple items.

[herbgeek]

I remember being dumbfounded someone telling me that cash gifts for weddings was rude.

The rudeness is in ASKING/DEMANDING them.  No one is obligated to give you a gift.  Saying "give us the money" to guests implies they are obligated to comply.

[Lunasol]

I've seen wedding invites with a little envelope printed on them, gives the hint of no wedding registry but money is welcome. I don't recall having heard anyone complain about this, why is it a big deal?

My friends who had wedding registry had trouble getting their gifts, some got lost, or they got stuff they didn't register for, so if possible I try to give either store money or cash, never had a problem that way.

They got  stuff they didn't register for? What insufferable behavior from a wedding guest. The nerve! I probably would have driven over to the giver's home and dumped that unwanted gift on their doorstep.

/sarcasm

haha, my point is that gift registry stores don't work as well or good as people think or expect. Not that one should be ungrateful for whatever they get.

[partgypsy]

I remember being dumbfounded someone telling me that cash gifts for weddings was rude.

The rudeness is in ASKING/DEMANDING them.  No one is obligated to give you a gift.  Saying "give us the money" to guests implies they are obligated to comply.

This was in regards to me GIVING cash as a gift, as I was informed it was customary to buy from the registry. there was nothing on the registry I wanted to gift, so opted for cash so they could choose what they wanted.

[iris lily]

I remember being dumbfounded someone telling me that cash gifts for weddings was rude.

The rudeness is in ASKING/DEMANDING them.  No one is obligated to give you a gift.  Saying "give us the money" to guests implies they are obligated to comply.

This was in regards to me GIVING cash as a gift, as I was informed it was customary to buy from the registry. there was nothing on the registry I wanted to gift, so opted for cash so they could choose what they wanted.

What kind of present to give and  how much to spend is a regional  and cultural thing.

And then there is personal preference. Some people, seemingly a fair number, just cannot bring themselves to give cold, hard cash. They think it is not " personal" ( as though some shiny metal gadget made in the millions in China IS  "personal.")

It is all very silly when all of us have so much. No one really  needs objects or cash for a wedding. If they do, perhaps they shouldnt be throwing the big expensive party in the first place.

[Catbert]

I'll speak as someone from an older generation.  Never include mention of gifts in a wedding invitation.  Use word of mouth, wedding website or shower invitations to spread the word.  If no registry is set up I'm happy to take the hint=cash.  I would never send money through a third party vendor who wants to charge me a fee.  I galls me to pay $5 for the privilege of give you $100. 

If there is a registry I'll generally select something from it.  Have gifts at a range of prices, not just $400 pans.  I'm fine with an unconventional registry (e.g., camping or gardening equipment); however, I hate honeymoon registries,  Couple and their families are supposed to fund wedding and honeymoon.  My responsibility is to send a gift, show up on time and not get drunk at the reception.

And while you're at it, get off my lawn.

[mskyle]

I feel impersonal giving money to people I know well (especially if they make more money than I do) but, for whatever dumb reason, I feel 100% OK about buying them a small gift and also giving them money. I don't know if I'm weird like that.

Anyway, this stuff varies so much regionally and even within demographics within a region... someone's always going to think you're being cheap, or tacky, or ungrateful. So long as you don't behave as though your guests owe you something, you're fine.

[Lanthiriel]

My good friend is using www.honeyfund.com to have people pay for their renovation project on their house as wedding gifts. The site doesn't charge a fee but if people pay by credit card, they will be charged a transaction fee by PayPal. The site allows you to have multiple projects that need funding. At least its a polite way for people to help get your house, contribute to renovation in the house, or fund something else.

I'm almost positive they charge 7%. Make sure your friend is reading the fine print.

[Jouer]

Word of mouth. Lean on the best man for this service. All will be good.

[iris lily]

I will now have to give my own story.

We didnt have a wedding, I didnt care about that stuff and we were too busy anyway, job hunting and getting ready to move. So we went to the courthouse and got hitched.

My parents who had always discouraged The Big White wedding had some sort of brain fart and felt compelled to throw a reception. Ok, whatever, I Told them "tell us when and where to show up, and we will attend."

 The party was--ok. They meant well. Hey, i didnt have to plan it or pay for it, so I had no right to complain. They had written on the invitations " no gifts, please" because they thought that the right thing to do since I wanted nothing. Nada. I mean no money, no objects. We already had to hold a stupid garage sale when we merged households, DH and me.

Probably as a result of that note, we got a fair number of cash gifts from people. Ugh. I was embarrassed.

And then, I'll be damned, DH's parents threw another reception and  another slew of objects and  money came our way, but less money than for the previous event 'Cause they didnt have the impolite note on their invitations.

[Goldielocks]

I've seen wedding invites with a little envelope printed on them, gives the hint of no wedding registry but money is welcome. I don't recall having heard anyone complain about this, why is it a big deal?

Imagine you are inviting people to "John's 40th Birthday celebration"...and you ask them "please bring cash instead of a present"...   GAH.

My friends who had wedding registry had trouble getting their gifts, some got lost, or they got stuff they didn't register for, so if possible I try to give either store money or cash, never had a problem that way.

Lost gifts and trying to handle them to / from the reception are good reasons gifts can be problematic, but only minor reasons......  but the gall of someone buying you a gift that you did not register for?  How dare they take the time and effort to do something nice for you that you did not dictate....


I often will give cash, but it is usually because I could not be bothered to take the time to get a gift, I did not know the couple well, (DH's work friend), I did not bother to get the house address to send  a tangible gift to, or something like that.  It is very easy, last minute and very impersonal.  I much, much, much prefer to give a gift PLUS cash.  Why?  I have found after 5  years, it is the gifts that I received (not on a registry) that remind me most of the special wedding day each time I see it.  I did not appreciate them as much as I could have on the day.  (Wicker 3 ft giraffe, I am talking of you).. but loved in the years following.

When someone asks for no gifts, cash please, i can guarantee that the present that they get from me is much smaller.  They won't remember it (cash), anyway.

[lizzzi]

+1 for giving a small personal gift, even if the main gift is cash...and assuming you know the couple and are friends.. I still have and treasure the little serving tray with the bride and groom on it that I'm sure came from Marshalls. And the crystal candlesticks, the Christmas napkin rings that say "Joy" "Peace" "Love" "Hope",  the crystal vase--all from discount stores, I'm sure, but wrapped and lovingly put into my and my new husband's hands by our closest friends...who knew we didn't need "stuff" or money...and hadn't asked for it...but would love a personally chosen, quasi-useful, beautifully wrapped gift to open at the dinner table. (Actual wedding comprised of three people: Me, husband, priest.) I still use all those items 20 years later, and especially with husband resting peacefully up in the cemetery, these (cheap) gifts from good friends mean all the more.

[Livingthedream55]

I'm first generation Irish American and at Irish weddings it's 90% money (checks) in envelopes but guests are never asked for money (that would be rude.)

[goatmom]

     I worked at "wedding palace" while in college.  Mostly Italian, Irish, Jewish weddings.  It was almost all envelopes with cash.  Very few gifts. Many brides had a special fancy bag they carried for the "loot."  When I got married, I said nothing about any gifts and did not set up a registry and got almost all checks/cash.  We were young and broke and had not lived together. (why did we get married ??) 
     I think it is tacky to request money in any form.  I have never seen such a thing.  It would totally turn me off.  I always give cash at a wedding.

[Lunasol]

I've seen wedding invites with a little envelope printed on them, gives the hint of no wedding registry but money is welcome. I don't recall having heard anyone complain about this, why is it a big deal?

Imagine you are inviting people to "John's 40th Birthday celebration"...and you ask them "please bring cash instead of a present"...   GAH.

I've only seen small envelopes printed on invitations, and it isn't a big deal where I'm from. I can see it being troublesome in different cultures. Fair enough.

My friends who had wedding registry had trouble getting their gifts, some got lost, or they got stuff they didn't register for, so if possible I try to give either store money or cash, never had a problem that way.

Lost gifts and trying to handle them to / from the reception are good reasons gifts can be problematic, but only minor reasons......  but the gall of someone buying you a gift that you did not register for?  How dare they take the time and effort to do something nice for you that you did not dictate....

Haha, you might want to scroll up to what I said before ^

haha, my point is that gift registry stores don't work as well or good as people think or expect. Not that one should be ungrateful for whatever they get.

[SJS]

j

My close friend is getting married and they would rather receive money to use for a down-payment on their first house instead of dumb crap. But they don't want to use a website that takes a percentage and would like avoid Paypal, etc if possible.

Is there some bank account they can set up for people to donate to, or a website that doesn't charge a fee?

(Search function isn't working--if this has been covered already please send me the link. Thanks.)

It's just plain rude to think you can "tell" people what you want them to gift you.    Are they holding a "fundraiser" or are they asking the people they love & care about to join them in celebrating their union???!!! 

[SJS]

My good friend is using www.honeyfund.com to have people pay for their renovation project on their house as wedding gifts. The site doesn't charge a fee but if people pay by credit card, they will be charged a transaction fee by PayPal. The site allows you to have multiple projects that need funding. At least its a polite way for people to help get your house, contribute to renovation in the house, or fund something else.

Sorry, there is NO POLITE way to ask your guest to give you money!!!! 

[ender]

One option is to register for easily returnable items at a place you actually might spend money.

[dodojojo]

Try claiming to be Chinese...cash in small red envelope is the norm.  No need to register or worry about the "right" gift.  Close family members give jewelry in addition to cash.

[mountains_o_mustaches]

I highly recommend a SoKind Registry - it allows you to register for gifts of money, but also gifts of service, homemade items, etc.  It's a unique registry for sure and quite in line with Mustachian values!  www.sokindregistry.org

[Friar]

I don't see the problem in saying something like "we have everything we need. Gifts aren't required but if you want to give us something then please make it cash"

To me that is perfectly acceptable.

[rubybeth]

There is certain wedding etiquette related to gifts that most people these days just ignore. To me, it's sad and appalling, but oh well! I guess I am a traditionalist in some aspects and I'm okay with that. I will share this traditional etiquette:

1) It's in very poor taste to print the registry info. on the wedding invitation, even though it is commonly done in more recent years. It's in less poor taste to put in on a wedding website, but traditionally, you would find out where someone was registered by asking someone close to the family (if you weren't part of the family), or it was expected that the couple would register at a department store where they live. These days, you can search registries online (Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, Amazon, etc.) to find out if the couple is registered there. If you don't want to search out a registry, then you give money! :)

2) It's also in poor taste to directly ask for money. Period. No matter how you do this (HoneyFund, PayPal, etc.), it's tacky. You might be fine with being tacky. :)

3) The bride & groom are not sherpas. They should not be tasked with bringing their many gifts from their wedding home with them on their wedding night! Gifts should be MAILED or otherwise delivered either before or after the wedding. Usually couples have to figure out who is going to get all the gifts from their venue to wherever they will be opening them, and it's a hassle. How rude of some guests to expect the bride & groom to do this! Etiquette says to mail your gift. So if you can't mail a physical gift, the most polite thing to do is to bring something very small (in effect, a card with money in it) as your gift, or better yet, MAIL that card with money in it!

I second the recommendation to create a small wedding registry of only items the couple would be happy to have, perhaps on Amazon where many types of items can be had, and this makes it easier for guests to have items delivered (keep in mind the image of bride & groom as sherpas!). Many guests will likely give cash/checks, or more personal gifts (like my godmother who gave us a handmade quilt), as they see fit.

[brokemillennial]

Emily Post has a page dedicated to this very question. In short, the best way to let people know is through word-of-mouth. If you're asked directly, say it clearly but politely: e.g., "we're actually saving for a house," etc. But have a small registry just in case people are uncomfortable giving money.

Even if you (like me) would only want cash for a gift, it's rude to dictate to guests what they must give--as a guest, they have the right to choose a gift.

[BlueHouse]

There is no place in any country, on any planet, that wedding guests do not undrstand how to give money. A special account is not necessary

If your friends do not want objects and instead want money, there is no way to express that in writng without being rude. They might put the word out to parents and friends,  verbally as in "oh we truly have everything we need or want, we welcome your presence at our wedding." And because the average Joe cannot bring himself to attend a wedding without something in hand, that Something will often be cash or a check.

I find it extremely tiresome to read about people getting married in a big hoopla who expect to direct the gifting habits of others. But there it is. If they dont want lots of useless objects, don't have a traditional reception.

+1.  The only way to get the word out is to have someone else tell people.  Your parents can whisper it to the people they feel comfortable saying these things to.  Your best man/maid of honor can tell friends if they're asked.  But that's about it.  And the only way I know to suggest something like this is to say that green looks good on everyone. 

[MrsPete]

I'm with the majority here:  You cannot specify money (or honeymoon funds) without being crass -- even if it's for a "good reason" like a downpayment on a house.  As someone else commented, You're getting married; it's your responsibility to manage your own finances.  Don't count on the wedding for finances. 

IF ASKED, you can say, "We have everything we need in the way of household goods, but we're saving for a downpayment on a house."  But ONLY if asked. 

Just for the record, I LOVED my wedding gifts and am still using many of them (two decades later).  Often when I use those items, I remember receiving them and the person who gave them to me.  I don't remember who gave me cash. 

Finally, I'm Southern and would never give cash -- it's not what we do.  My biggest reason is that I can buy something on sale, package it with something personal, and it comes out looking like a NICE gift, whereas the same amount of money would look skimpy.  For example, something I've given a couple times for a co-worker or casual friend gift is a glass-etched casserole dish ... I buy a simple $8-10 Pyrex dish, then engrave the couple's name in big fat letters underneath.  It's useful and personal.  I handwrite a couple recipe cards and tie up a wooden spoon into the bow, and it's a nice gift ... whereas, I'd be ashamed to give $10.  My niece is getting married soon, and I gave her 12 place settings of her chosen flatware (plus serving pieces); however, I bought it all from ebay -- it was all new, but it wasn't in a store box.  So I "showcased" the silverware in a rattan picnic silverware caddy along with some black cloth napkins (upon which I monogrammed with her new initial) ... I spent about $120 on all that silverware -- and then another $15 on the caddy and napkins -- but if I'd bought the whole set straight from the registry, it would've been over $300. 

[Leisured]

I don't like mooching. I saw no reason why people should buy us presents that we don't need. Especially since we (like most people getting married nowadays) already lived with each other. We already had sheets and frying pans. It's also expensive (often) for people to show up to your wedding anyway. We said we didn't want gifts, but if people felt compelled to do something they could give us a Kiva gift card (which lets us lend money at no interest [to us] in microfinance loans around the world). For us it was a way to make any gifts about helping someone else who actually needed the help.

Similarly, I find it distasteful that other people expect that people will buy them stuff because they decide to do something in their lives. I think it's a nice thing when people who don't have a lot of resources get some assistance at an expensive part of their lives. But if they are choosing to spend $50,000 on a wedding, they really don't need me to buy them some $100 plates. And if they have a household income of over $250k in a LCOL (and are 10 years into their careers), they don't need a giant baby shower to get gifts from their coworkers (who make less than them).

/quote]

Good points, particularly the point about an expensive wedding. We live much more prosperous lives than in the past. In the old days, a village would pitch in to give useful wedding gifts to a young couple, who could not be expected to have everything they need.

 I am an Australian married to a Filipina, and at Filipino weddings in Australia, at the reception, the newly married couple dance - slowly - while guests pin paper money to the wife's wedding dress.

[bognish]

I was at a wedding where the cash got swiped from the invitation basket by the brides sister. Pretty pathetic, but how do you go around asking people if they gave an empty card or how much was in it? Sister was gone before they figured out what happened and it took awhile to determine the culprit. So give a check not cash and have a trusted family member in charge of cards.

[MrsDinero]

I was at a wedding where the cash got swiped from the invitation basket by the brides sister.

Sometimes people really suck.

[Miss Piggy]

 I am an Australian married to a Filipina, and at Filipino weddings in Australia, at the reception, the newly married couple dance - slowly - while guests pin paper money to the wife's wedding dress.

That sounds kinda fun!

[charis]

I was at a wedding where the cash got swiped from the invitation basket by the brides sister. Pretty pathetic, but how do you go around asking people if they gave an empty card or how much was in it? Sister was gone before they figured out what happened and it took awhile to determine the culprit. So give a check not cash and have a trusted family member in charge of cards.

This is probably why it is better to mail the card with a check at or after the time of the wedding.   Also, you will know that it is received without having to inquire about it later if you don't receive an acknowledgment.   I once mailed a sizable gift card (dumb I know) to the store where the couple was registered in a wedding card.  I never received a thank you note or even a mention of it from them.  To this day I have no idea if they received it because I couldn't bring myself to ask them and appear to be calling them out for not sending a note.

[lampstache]

I just got married on August 13th... Woo hoo! We were exactly like you and did not want "stuff". What we did:

Honeyfund.com - For every $50 donated we receive $48.30 of it. Not ideal, but it is what it is. And, yes we are using the money we received here for a honeymoon.

Target registry - Again, we didn't want "stuff", but we were told needed it to allow people to buy us physical gifts if they wanted for wedding showers, wedding gift, etc. In the end we took everything back and received all the money via Target Gift cards. Not ideal, but we do enough grocery shopping and gift buying there that the gift cards will be used appropriately.

While we had both the honeyfund and target registry, 75% of the monetary gifts we did receive came via congratulation cards that people gave to us at the wedding anyways. Overall, don't sweat it too much. People will give how they prefer to give most of the time anyways. Good luck!

[partgypsy]

There is certain wedding etiquette related to gifts that most people these days just ignore. To me, it's sad and appalling, but oh well! I guess I am a traditionalist in some aspects and I'm okay with that. I will share this traditional etiquette:

1) It's in very poor taste to print the registry info. on the wedding invitation, even though it is commonly done in more recent years. It's in less poor taste to put in on a wedding website, but traditionally, you would find out where someone was registered by asking someone close to the family (if you weren't part of the family), or it was expected that the couple would register at a department store where they live. These days, you can search registries online (Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, Amazon, etc.) to find out if the couple is registered there. If you don't want to search out a registry, then you give money! :)

2) It's also in poor taste to directly ask for money. Period. No matter how you do this (HoneyFund, PayPal, etc.), it's tacky. You might be fine with being tacky. :)

3) The bride & groom are not sherpas. They should not be tasked with bringing their many gifts from their wedding home with them on their wedding night! Gifts should be MAILED or otherwise delivered either before or after the wedding. Usually couples have to figure out who is going to get all the gifts from their venue to wherever they will be opening them, and it's a hassle. How rude of some guests to expect the bride & groom to do this! Etiquette says to mail your gift. So if you can't mail a physical gift, the most polite thing to do is to bring something very small (in effect, a card with money in it) as your gift, or better yet, MAIL that card with money in it!

I second the recommendation to create a small wedding registry of only items the couple would be happy to have, perhaps on Amazon where many types of items can be had, and this makes it easier for guests to have items delivered (keep in mind the image of bride & groom as sherpas!). Many guests will likely give cash/checks, or more personal gifts (like my godmother who gave us a handmade quilt), as they see fit.

I ditto all of this. I also like the combination of cash/check, with some kind of personal gift.

[justajane]

Wait, so "no gifts please," means that you should give cash? Oops. I thought that meant don't give anything. Oh, well. I went to a destination wedding of a doctor friend of mine who makes a lot of money, and I just assumed she truly didn't want anything, especially given the fact that every person at the wedding flew there and paid for their own hotel rooms.

I find it so disingenuous and annoying for the couple to register for things they don't want, so that they can return them for cash. What a fucking waste of everyone's time, not to mention the gift wrapping and such.

I've had people jump on me in the past for this, but I stand by my opinion that you should never not give a gift to a wedding you attend. It's rude. My only caveat is that I consider a card with a nice note on it a gift. But to not even take the time to write something kind on a piece of cardstock? For shame.