Wedding cutting costs

[WildHare]

We had a big party / wedding at our house over a major holiday weekend.  Our kid got married, it took about 15 minutes.  It was extremely cheap for them, and really fun for me. It was a multi day affair. Flew in family and friends, everyone had a blast, and I don't regret one penny.

[sis]

I second the short planning time (we did it in 4 months) and tips from apracticalwedding.com. They have a lot of "how much booze do I buy" calculations and stuff like that, especially if you want more of a wedding than elopement, but as others have mentioned, they cover elopements too.

But I scanned the comments and didn't see this tip - go with a Thursday! We kind of stumbled upon a Thursday but everything was MUCH cheaper. Everywhere we went people wanted to confirm we were getting married on a Thursday and then give us a discount. We got to spend Friday and Saturday with guests who came from out of town just relaxing.

Also - you can definitely save money doing it all yourself, but we went with a weekday place that does a ton of weddings and has a lot of things included, but allowed us to bring our own booze. Not super duper Mustachian but could fit your $10K budget and relieve a lot of stress, so it was a great balance for us.

I feel like a Thursday wedding (along with Sunday weddings) is another way that you are outsourcing the costs of the wedding to your guests.  Not everyone is able to take a Friday or Monday off from work to attend a wedding.  That said, if your guest list is small and your friends/family have flexible jobs I say go for it. 

I generally turn down wedding invites for non-Friday/Saturday weddings because my husband only gets so many vacation days.  We also made a policy not to attend weddings that required more than 3 hours of travel because at some point in your late 20s/early 30s there are just too many weddings to attend and we needed some selection criteria.  One summer we had 6 weddings to attend and it just got to be too much.  It is especially terrible when people fall into the wedding industrial complex model of engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding.

One thing my little sister did was she got a Saturday evening June wedding on a beachfront for "winter" pricing by booking a cancellation.  Her engagement period was under 6 months.

[Pigeon]

I second the short planning time (we did it in 4 months) and tips from apracticalwedding.com. They have a lot of "how much booze do I buy" calculations and stuff like that, especially if you want more of a wedding than elopement, but as others have mentioned, they cover elopements too.

But I scanned the comments and didn't see this tip - go with a Thursday! We kind of stumbled upon a Thursday but everything was MUCH cheaper. Everywhere we went people wanted to confirm we were getting married on a Thursday and then give us a discount. We got to spend Friday and Saturday with guests who came from out of town just relaxing.

Also - you can definitely save money doing it all yourself, but we went with a weekday place that does a ton of weddings and has a lot of things included, but allowed us to bring our own booze. Not super duper Mustachian but could fit your $10K budget and relieve a lot of stress, so it was a great balance for us.

I feel like a Thursday wedding (along with Sunday weddings) is another way that you are outsourcing the costs of the wedding to your guests.  Not everyone is able to take a Friday or Monday off from work to attend a wedding.  That said, if your guest list is small and your friends/family have flexible jobs I say go for it. 

I generally turn down wedding invites for non-Friday/Saturday weddings because my husband only gets so many vacation days.  We also made a policy not to attend weddings that required more than 3 hours of travel because at some point in your late 20s/early 30s there are just too many weddings to attend and we needed some selection criteria.  One summer we had 6 weddings to attend and it just got to be too much.  It is especially terrible when people fall into the wedding industrial complex model of engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding.

One thing my little sister did was she got a Saturday evening June wedding on a beachfront for "winter" pricing by booking a cancellation.  Her engagement period was under 6 months.

Agreed. My nephew just did this. He is a great guy with tons of friends and we have a big family. He wasn't hoping for a low turnout but that's what he got. He and his wife were talking to me about how hurt and disappointed they were. Both have jobs where they don't get many vacacation days and have to take most of them at certain times. I asked how they would feel if they were on the receiving end of that kind of invitation and got the deer in the headlights look.

[mskyle]

I second the short planning time (we did it in 4 months) and tips from apracticalwedding.com. They have a lot of "how much booze do I buy" calculations and stuff like that, especially if you want more of a wedding than elopement, but as others have mentioned, they cover elopements too.

But I scanned the comments and didn't see this tip - go with a Thursday! We kind of stumbled upon a Thursday but everything was MUCH cheaper. Everywhere we went people wanted to confirm we were getting married on a Thursday and then give us a discount. We got to spend Friday and Saturday with guests who came from out of town just relaxing.

Also - you can definitely save money doing it all yourself, but we went with a weekday place that does a ton of weddings and has a lot of things included, but allowed us to bring our own booze. Not super duper Mustachian but could fit your $10K budget and relieve a lot of stress, so it was a great balance for us.

I feel like a Thursday wedding (along with Sunday weddings) is another way that you are outsourcing the costs of the wedding to your guests.  Not everyone is able to take a Friday or Monday off from work to attend a wedding.  That said, if your guest list is small and your friends/family have flexible jobs I say go for it. 

I generally turn down wedding invites for non-Friday/Saturday weddings because my husband only gets so many vacation days.  We also made a policy not to attend weddings that required more than 3 hours of travel because at some point in your late 20s/early 30s there are just too many weddings to attend and we needed some selection criteria.  One summer we had 6 weddings to attend and it just got to be too much.  It is especially terrible when people fall into the wedding industrial complex model of engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding.

One thing my little sister did was she got a Saturday evening June wedding on a beachfront for "winter" pricing by booking a cancellation.  Her engagement period was under 6 months.

Agreed. My nephew just did this. He is a great guy with tons of friends and we have a big family. He wasn't hoping for a low turnout but that's what he got. He and his wife were talking to me about how hurt and disappointed they were. Both have jobs where they don't get many vacacation days and have to take most of them at certain times. I asked how they would feel if they were on the receiving end of that kind of invitation and got the deer in the headlights look.

Yeah, I once went to a Thursday semi-destination wedding (New Orleans - not where most of the guests were from, although the bride had family in the area) and the bride was sad about how few people came (in fact, I was initially a "no" but was able to change my plans at the last minute, I suspect because they had not met their minimum). It was a fun wedding and I'm glad I went for a variety of reasons (not least that there was a huge snowstorm where I lived right beforehand and I had no power for days, so any hotel room with a shower and electricity was going to be a treat for me). But it felt a little like they reaped the consequences of trying to pass the expense off on their guests.

Unless your wedding is going to be very small and your guests mostly local and/or not working, a Thursday wedding is pretty hard on guests - and even if they're local they almost certainly have to take Thursday or Thursday afternoon off and/or Friday if they're going to stay out late. I would rather go to a Sunday wedding than a Thursday - have the wedding early and hang out all afternoon, then head out. Still difficult if people are coming from further than a quick shuttle flight away though.

[hudsoncat]

I might have missed someone else suggesting this earlier, but talk to friends who have recently gotten married. Our wedding fell at the end of a two year period where it felt like everyone we knew got married. A lot of my not-mustaschian at friends bought two of this or that (i.e.-cake serving sets: bought one, but fell in love with a second one later) or were far enough away from their wedding they were happy to let me borrow or buy things they had for very cheap. One friend gave me her centerpieces (someone had given them to her), but asked me to donate them to another bride when I was done with them (Those centerpieces have shown up in various different forms at least 6 weddings before I lost track of them). I got a lot of things this way that I would have never spent money on (did I really need a fancy cake stand? Nope! Would I have purchased one? Nope! Was I happy to use the one lent by my co-worker? Sure!)

I'd also think a lot about what you actually need flower wise. We did not do boutonniere for the men, they had pocket squares that matched their ties. Still gave a pop of color if you want it, much cheaper than buying flowers. No one noticed. I think that's the thing to remember too. Most people will not notice 'typical' wedding things that are 'missing.' They might notice a really fancy cake stand and comment on it, but I'd bet no one would notice if you didn't have one. Like someone said earlier, the things bridal magazines and shows make you feel like are required are usually not.

[CNM]

The biggest line item expense at my wedding was the dinner costs and the bar costs.  If you forego a sit down dinner and have a cash bar, you will save a lot of money.

[neo von retorch]

Does Lake Erie count as a "beach"? We had our wedding/reception at a rented pavilion by a (much smaller) lake (Lake Galena) - so the venue cost $125.

I agree with the suggestion to keep it relatively casual. Don't try to control every moment of the experience.

What is the objective of your wedding?
For us, it was to get the people we care about together with us while we have a little ceremony and a big party. All we needed for a party was the people, the place, food and drink, and probably some music. A (good) DJ can definitely help the mood, but we didn't want someone directing us so we stuck to using Pandora (with a $.99 day pass to forego ads) and a bluetooth speaker.

People ate food. People drank things. People had fun. For me, fun was important, so we also had some outdoor activities/games like horseshoe, cornhole, etc. I know that's not everyone's idea of a "wedding" but it worked for our family.

[Goldielocks]

Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.

I fully disagree.  have a destination wedding and then a party at your home when you get back.  The party is for the people who could not come to the destination wedding.  Use the destination wedding as a way to get away for a 5-7 day vacation on the beech, and also to get married.  Expect it to be very very small.

What is nice about doing it this way, is that you get to invite all the people your family wants.  None of those strangers will show up just to a party at your house.  The only people at your wedding and home party will be the people who actually care about you.

I disagree, reverse it...

Have a "Cake and Champagne" wedding (e.g., an afternoon ceremony, open for whomever wants to show up with a small social time after of just toasting drinks, cake, and small plates) at home location first, then invite people to join you on your honeymoon!  No one expects the bridal couple to pay for others on their honeymoon.

IMO,  witnessing and supporting the marriage, and my tacitly agreeing to supporting your choice in future is the most important part as a guest.


;-)

Who wants to be conventional, anyway..?

[neo von retorch]

It is interesting reading the comments about Thursday weddings. We had one. We know some people could not make it. That isn't ideal, and I'm sure my feelings on this vary from others, but to me, a wedding is not an "ultimate" celebration that absolutely must be attended no matter what. Yes, it's special. Yes, you want people you care about / that care about you to feel included in your life. Looking back, it feels kind of special when I think about just how many of my family members and friends did come to our Thursday wedding. It was important enough that they made it work somehow. And we didn't exactly give them a really long notice. We settled on our wedding date about two months before it happened, if I remember correctly. My family and friends all had to drive 90-120 minutes because I moved partway across state to be with my wife, and we had the wedding a little closer to that side of the family (we held an after party at my new in-laws' house!)

[mm1970]

It is interesting reading the comments about Thursday weddings. We had one. We know some people could not make it. That isn't ideal, and I'm sure my feelings on this vary from others, but to me, a wedding is not an "ultimate" celebration that absolutely must be attended no matter what. Yes, it's special. Yes, you want people you care about / that care about you to feel included in your life. Looking back, it feels kind of special when I think about just how many of my family members and friends did come to our Thursday wedding. It was important enough that they made it work somehow. And we didn't exactly give them a really long notice. We settled on our wedding date about two months before it happened, if I remember correctly. My family and friends all had to drive 90-120 minutes because I moved partway across state to be with my wife, and we had the wedding a little closer to that side of the family (we held an after party at my new in-laws' house!)

This is how I feel about Thursday weddings and destination weddings.

I get it.  I have limited vacation and two kids.  Gosh, paying for 4 plane tickets, taking time off work, using up valuable vacation time which I need to save for school holidays and barfing children?

So don't go.  "It's hard on the guests".  It's not about you.  Don't go.  I was not offended at people who declined to come to my wedding (except my eldest sister, but we were having issues at the time).  I wasn't mad at people who told me they were coming when they were not invited (long story).

My mother considered my wedding "destination" because it was in DC (where I lived) and not PA (where i'm from) or NY (where my husband is from).  Some people from  my home town made it. Some did not.

[NghtSkyyStarz]

Flowers are a large ticket item that don't really need to be. You can get floral packages from Sam's Club or Costco delivered to you before the wedding - of course you'll have to keep them alive until the time comes but it's much much cheaper. Doing a reception at a restaurant that is themed for you is a good way to save on decorations. For my second wedding we did a reception at a place that was a night club/restaurant and the best part was that they were able to hook us up with their in house DJ and live band that they use all the time for much less than regular wedding entertainment. For my last wedding we bought a package from a planner in Sedona, Arizona. We paid $4k and had live music, officiant, floral and photography/video all arranged for us. It was really nice to not have to worry about all the details and we had dinner with about 15 of our family members afterwards where they all paid for their own dinners. They knew ahead of time we couldn't cover the cost of their dinner and they were all okay with it. I would also recommend not having a huge wedding party - it's a money pit.

[MBot]

The "big ticket" items will be your biggest savings.

Four tips from my own wedding:

(1) If you need them, ask for gifts. We come from a pretty modest area, (no giant gifts and very few cash gifts), and we tallied up 2x as much in the value of gifts as what we spent on the wedding (about $3.5k total). For this reason I wouldn't necessarily do a potluck reception instead of gifts. But that can be a lot of fun if you don't need gifts and your family/others love potlucks.

(2) Your head table is what everyone will look at
The "head table" will make the biggest impact for decor at the reception. The individual tables will have so much food, drink and the rest on them you can go simple with the decor. But your head table, once the bridesmaids put their bouquets on the table and your sharp-looking wedding party is sitting up there, will really hold everyone's attention.

(3) Don't order many flowers.
Flowers don't have a lot of bang for buck. Borrowing string lights and tulle/fabric does a lot more. You can go really simple with flowers, even order bulk roses. My sister just did baby's breath bouquets (literally just order some baby's breath and tie it together) and some roses for her wedding.

(4) Food is your biggest expense.
Barbecue in a friend's yard or a rented pavilion is a cheap way to go.
If you have a church you can rent, here's how we saved on food and venue. We did an appetizer buffet of shrimp, cheese, meat, etc and then a buffet of hot roast beef, chicken and veggies with sides of rice and pasta. Bread and salad on the tables.

- We used my parents church (for a $50 cleaning fee!) along with all of their kitchen's chafing dishes, plates, coffeemaker, kettles, etc.
- Hired 2 teenagers and 1 adult to coordinate food
- Ordered 3x50-serving portions from local Italian company of hot roast beef, hot pasta and sauce, grilled mixed veggies, etc. Delivered for $5 on the day of the wedding an hour before dinner.
- Bought appetizers, buns and sheet cake from Costco; had a small fake "cutting" cake a family member made.

Anything else.. no one will miss an aisle runner, pew decorations, wedding favours. I've attended weddings and never noticed they were missing.

[MBot]

Also, I attended an amazing morning ceremony + brunch reception at a golf club last year. Way cheaper, we had tons of fun, the brunch buffet was amazing - and we were done by 2 p.m. on Saturday! As a guest I loved it.

[DebtFreeinPhilly]

These are all great suggestions. I planned my wedding...and I'm the groom! Whatever you decide to do remember these things:

1) Pictures will all you will have after the wedding to really remember the day. Spend some money to make sure you have pictures of the day. Both my parents and my brother only have 5 pictures each of their wedding day because they used "friends" to take pictures.

2) Guests only remember if they had a good time, danced a lot, and ate good food. Everything else doesn't matter one bit. Beach, park, barn, cathedral, fancy place, fire hall, it all is the same if your guests had a great time and got well fed. 

3) Open Bar. Cash bars are for corporate events not your family gatherings.

Backyard weddings can be awesome. I particularly like farm weddings, in a barn decorated with string lights, pictures in the field at sunset. Also, a farmer might like the fact that he can rent out his unused barn for $500 a night. Best of luck!


REMEMBER: ITS YOUR DAY. EVERYONE ELSE CAN FUCK OFF IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT!

[Drifterrider]

Hey guys I just got engaged this week and we're starting to plan stuff I wanted to hear ways of cutting costs.
Budget is 10k max ( 2k would be amazing)
Location: preferably beach
We're just starting to look into it so we have done to much reasearch yet. But she found a dress for like 150 dollars.

You guys have any ideas to help cut costs?

Yep.  Just do it.  Is your objective to get married or to impress others with how much you've spent?

License fee.  JP fee.  Then just have a party.  If you want a beach wedding, do it beach style.  Hawaiian shirts, shorts, etc.  Buffet style eating.  Recorded music (then you don't have to worry someone can't sing). 

[davidsdollars]

me and my wife met are were married in 6 months. I went back and forth in my head about a justice of the peace wedding and a full on bash of a wedding. I called around to alot of wedding venues, but eventually found one that had "last minute" prices. It was about 5 months before we got married, but in the wedding industry that's "last minute". It was important for our families to celebrate with us so decided to have a wedding / reception. We decided to book (it was with Ashton Gardens in Houston) and we got it for half off the sticker price (so it turned out to be $10k for about 120 guests) and it was pretty freaking awesome!! Me and my wife watch our wedding video / go through pics every few months and love seeing how beautiful it was. If it's really important to you I would do it. Shortly after we got married, my mom passed away so I'm that much more grateful that we had a wedding / reception.

I'm not sure where you live, if it's near a beach or not, but you could also look at a destination wedding. Maybe an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, and everyone pays for their own flight / hotel. It would probably be more intimate and YOUR out of pocket expenses would be less than hosting a huge wedding for everyone to eat/drink.

[jacksonvasey]

I got married 9 years ago for about $10k. And rather than tell you to just not do it, I'll tell you what helped us keep costs relatively low:

• The venue was a b&b in the country, which had a nice big barn (we fit 125 people with room to spare), bathrooms, and stalls for the caterer to set up in. Nature provided a nice hill overlooking the VT "mountains"
• The caterer was willing to work with us on keeping costs low, by limiting the options to either chicken or fish, I think he had enough simple plates/glasses/silverware that we 'rented' it directly from him, rather than having to rent from his supplier
• My aunt made the wedding cake
• My wife's aunt worked for a decorator who had all the glassware for decorating the tables. We paid the cost of flowers, the aunt gifted us the labor of arranging it all and decorating
• We decorated the barn ourselves (white xmas lights, whatever other stuff was collected on sale at Michaels or wherever over the course of a year)
• Hired a family friend to babysit kids at the wedding, providing activities and pizza for them (so we didn't have to pay for fish/chicken for them, which wouldn't get eaten anyway)
• Hired a dj who worked for pretty cheap. It was just music to us. We picked some songs we wanted and left the rest to him. He's dead now, so don't ask for his info

That's about all I can remember.  I guess the important point is it's handy to have a network of people with capabilities/connections.  I would have been happier eloping, but my wife would not have been happy with that, as she wanted her family with us.  It was a big deal for her, and for her family, so it was worth the expense.

My roommate from college had his wedding in his backyard; they hired someone to roast a pig, and otherwise it was pretty much pot luck.  They did pay for renting a tent and chairs/tables.  They paid $50 to get me ordained online, and I performed the ceremony.

[MrsStubble]

Congratulations!!   


We got married at a beach (Cape May, NJ) - 4 days, 30 people, $5k.  Here's what we did:

1) We kept it small - under 30 people (close friends and immediate family)
2) we consolidated for costs - we rented a vacation home for 4 days that slept our immediate families and was home base for the entire weekend.  Everyone pitched in for cooking, and we all brought our favorite drinks (beer, etc).  No out of house food expenses except what people wanted to do on their own.   Our friends/family appreciated not having to pay for hotels on top of attending.
3) Find an alternative venue - we got married on the grounds of a historic house that also did teas/lunches so we could have catering down.   We skipped the dinner portion and just did an extended happy hour (cheaper and much better food) and desserts.  The venue let us bring our own alcohol/beer so we didn't have that fee and we were able to negotiate for free transportation on the trolley they used for tours.
4) We skipped the normal stuff: no  bridesmaid, no groomsmen, no extra flowers, no dresses, groomsmen gifts, no limo, etc etc.  We had our nieces be our flower girls and i only bought a bouquet and boutineer for us.
5) we got a friend ordained online - it was much more personal and free minus the $20 fee
6) skip the dj, hook up your iphone and a great speaker.  Put someone in charge if you want to have it manned or have requests. 
7) if you want a simple cake, don't tell them it's for a wedding.  They upcharge... alot.
8) Find a photographer who will just give you the cd's of the photos... no album, or stupid stuff. just get the originals and be done. And don't skip the photographer, that's one place you don't want to scrimp b/c the photos never work out as well.
9) don't go crazy on the decorations or favors or any of that. no one notices... i repeat... no one notices.
10) get married on friday night.  It's cheaper if it's not a saturday.

As cheap as this may seem our wedding was fun, fancy, and one of the greatest times we've had.  Our friends/family still talk about how great it was and we're planning a 10 yr reunion party at the beach in 2020 because if it.   We've also been to 3 wedding since where friends followed our lead and did the same. One at a lake, one at another beach, and one at their family's house.  All fun, all better then a venue, all much cheaper.

[Bakari]

I got married last weekend.


I would have been perfectly happy just to go to city hall, but she wouldn't hear of it.


We spent just under 6k, which was 1k over budget.
The original 5k came from an inheritance, so in a sense it "doesn't count" - it didn't come from our savings, and we didn't have to work for it.
It wasn't part of the plan (we asked for no gifts), but we got more than enough in gifts to cover the overage.


The biggest thing was we used a cabin in the woods that belonged to a family member, so there was no cost for the venue.
The families spent several days building and repairing and cleaning and decorating.


The band was one which her father is the bassist for, so no cost for that.
Entertainment was provided by foam swords, a badminton set, and board games.
Dinner was a (prepaid) taco truck.
Our staff was a former personal assistant to a family member, and 3 assistants she choose.
Our rings were flashing multi-colored sparkle jelly rings.  They were also the gifts we gave out to guests. 
(well, ok, we have "real" metal rings too - they came from a pawn shop, and I believe were under $300 for both of ours)
Cake and wine were donated by family who really wanted to help in some way (we would have just done without them)
Then there was chair and table rentals, and food (from Costco), the photographer (least expensive nearby on Yelp - he turned out to be AMAZING), and she got professional hair/make-up people.


We certainly could have kept it lower, but its hard to reign in excited family members.  Her mom, in particular, was worried about not having enough of things, so we ended up with much more food, drink, and chairs, then we really needed. 
But I guess I can take some comfort that at least we still kept it between 1/2 and 1/3 of the national median.


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