Wealthy people: Are you "out"? Why or why not?

[Villanelle]

Makes you wonder how many of your friends are actually stealthy-wealthy.

People talk about their finances, even when they don't get into specifics.  "We'd love a three bedroom home now that the kids are getting older, but can't afford it."  And they talk about purchases, "I just got a new XXXX handbag; isn't it pretty!"  "We are going on vacation and I had trouble finding a 4 star or better hotel with availability for our dates, but I just booked".  And you see signs of it--expensive clothing that you rarely see repeated, huge diamond wedding rings, "redoing" the furniture every few years, that major kitchen and bath remodel because they didn't like the color of the cabinets, etc.  It's pretty easy to ballpark what most people make, and it's pretty easy to see if they are Consumers, so I think it's actually pretty easy to guess who has a cushy retirement savings and who doesn't, if you are paying attention.

I don't think any of my friends would say the quotes, or anything like that. If they said it, I'd very quickly un-friend them. I think in most polite circles it's seen as really gauche to talk about money, especially if you are either complaining that you can't afford a consumer item, or gloating about being able to afford a consumer item. I also assume that anyone who gloats about a consumer item or posts it on Instagram etc is probably poor, or nouveau riche in the worst way.

Stuff like expensive clothing and huge diamond rings is a huge marker of a middle class person trying to look rich. Actual rich people don't give a shit.

Other than talking about money in a purely business sense (e.g. - profit margins), or good-faith comparing prices on a common product, or talking about it in a community specifically devoted to personal finance (like this), I think any mention of money is unlikely to be productive, and very likely to be seen as gauche (whether or not it is intended to be that way).

I have awesome friends who have said some of those things.  What's wrong with wanting to move to a three bedroom home when you have 2 kids (different genders)?

And whether it's a marker of someone trying to look rich or not doesn't really matter.  Actually, that illustrates my point.  It (as part of a pattern) is a way to tell is someone likely has a lot saved, or is merely getting by.  If they are middle class trying to look rich, then they are almost certainly the latter, and the point of my post was that these things are indicators of whether someone is stealth-rich or not. When they have those things, they are are probably not. 

[rob in cal]

  Being a pizza delivery driver kind of insulates one from assumptions that I'm wealthy, but then people start to put two and two together, like how is it that your wife's only employment is about 7 hours a week, or how is it that you are going to Europe for 3.5 weeks this year?

[LaDeeDa]

  Being a pizza delivery driver kind of insulates one from assumptions that I'm wealthy, but then people start to put two and two together, like how is it that your wife's only employment is about 7 hours a week, or how is it that you are going to Europe for 3.5 weeks this year?

Yes, this is very close to my situation. We work low paying jobs, with the cheap car and clothes to match. But I'm dreaming about taking a couple years to travel as a family.

I'm feeling torn between my comfortable millionaire-next-door hiding space, and the eccentric, though 'out', person I could be. I'd love to hear how others have handled this.

[EngagedToFIRE]

I like this topic as my wife and I discuss this regularly.  We are wealthy.  Where we live full time, we live in an upper class neighborhood and in an area that is middle/upper middle class in general.  So if it's clear you are doing well, nobody really cares.  Drive a fancy car? Have plenty of money?  Meh.  Whatever.  So does everyone else. That's our primary residence.

Our secondary residence is in a LCOL rural area.  We go to a lodge when up there (similar story as OP, but not a church) and it's VERY low income people there. Lot of poor, working class, lots of sad economic stories and hardship. But also fixed income retired type people.  We are quite conscious of concealing our wealth and status when up there.   It's not something I would have ever thought of doing being that my primary area has such a different feel to it, and I've always been a "just be who you are" type person.  But it's undeniably uncomfortable to stick out as a "rich person" up there, especially to the extent of the our wealth compared to the area.

Basically, as far as being "outed" - it totally depends on where you live and how the local culture is.