US mustachians - state culture influence

[Typhoid Mary]

I was wondering how other US mustachians are influenced by their state, or how their state has derailed them in any way. This could also apply to all other area, but I am not as well educated on their COL or politics or culture.

I live in Eastern Nebraska. Most of the state is rural, I am in a small city.  It is considered LCOL by national standards (3 br 2 ba house in safe, decent public school area for under 150K) Commute times are low (15 mins to anywhere in the city) and downtown has recently become very bicycle friendly, adding bike lanes and miles and miles of trails to anywhere in the city.  Average and median salaries for a worker with a bachelors degree are around 50k. 

Nebraskans pride themselves on being a hardworking people, salt of the Earth types. Rural areas seem to embrace mustachian principles (lots of clothes lines, lots of bikes, incomes are lower so money saving seems embraced, lots of gardens and picnics.)

Then, there's my city.  Recently renamed "Silicon Prairie" due to the large number of tech start ups and companies relocating here because it's so cheap to do business.  Average house being built in our area is over 300k to start.  Three car garages abound and are full of brand new cars.  Garages are finished and have big screen TVs.  The Man Cave and She Shed are fully loaded.  I'm pretty sure there is one craft brewery for every man, woman and child here. 

But the culture is what gets me --- athletics are a religion here.  Never mind the main God of Husker Football, all athletics are encouraged ney forced on you at such an early age.  My kids are young, but they are asked daily what cheer academy they attend, what gymnastics school they go, which elite travel volleyball team we have them on (my kids are 2nd grade and kindergarten).  I had a parent point out to me today that if I want them to play soccer or volleyball in junior high that I would need them to start working with a trainer now.  I signed them up for swimming lessons and they were denied swimming lessons because they didn't know 2 strokes already, which apparently is the minimum to learn how to swim.  ( ??? ) We are more of have fun and enjoy yourself family, but that level of sports does not exist here.  These sports options are around 4-6 K per year PER KID! My oldest is already starting with the "All the girls in my class are in cheer but me" - I scoffed but it actually turned out to be true!! She is literally the only soon to be second grade girl in her school not doing Elite Cheer. 

I know MMM has touched on children's activities bankrupting people and I do keep perspective. The issue is not that I want her to do cheer.  It's the culture of what is of value to people in my city.  I value frugality, education, family and being a decent human being.  My city values athletic prowess, physical fitness, competition and conformity. I don't dislike my city, just feel like a square peg in a round hole much of the time.

What does your city value, and does it reflect your values?

But the cu

[DesireeD]

I worry that when a square peg gets repeatedly shoved into a round hole, it wears away until it is also round and fits said round hole. Maybe you should move to a local where square holes abound. Both round and square pegs fit nicely in round holes. Everyone is happy.

[ltt]

Please don't let yourself get trapped into all of the extracurricular activities.  One of our daughter's was almost running us ragged with wanting to do this and that and this and that.  Dance.....we dropped it, don't miss it at all.  Basketball....was supposed to be at practice and weights 3 times a week this summer....didn't take her.  There were some tears, but they went away, and it's allowed us to work on some of those life skills that she really needs, like math and practicing for her learner's permit. 

Athletics are a religion only if you let them be.  One of the reasons I can't stand Cornhusker football is that the players can go party and commit criminal acts on Friday nights and then play on Saturday.  But evidently people in the state are okay with all that.  :(  I was quite happy when our son decided to forego UNL.

Find some like-minded people; they are out there.

[big_slacker]

I live in Microsoftland, or maybe now becoming Amazonland or whatever my main worries aren't so much the kid activities and consumerist culture (which exist) but mainly just the high cost of housing.

Yes I rock a bike and a fit, but all for naught if houses are 500-750k anywhere that doesn't have a 45min-1.5 hour rush hour commute.

[Giro]

I grew up in a rural "good ole boy" area of the country and sports were the end-all-be-all.  I've now moved far far away and we live in Asian-ville where mathematics and engineering is the end-all-be-all.  Sorry for the stereotype, but it's true in my neighborhood.  And all of my Asian neighbors are related and/or know each other.  They are a very social people.  (tee hee)  They have garage parties almost every weekend where they walk down the sidewalks carrying their dishes of food and sit in each other's garages.  We have been invited a few times.  And I kind of love it.  I fit in a lot better with people I can barely understand then I ever did in my home town growing up.  They are frugal, goal-oriented and friendly. 

Anyway, I let my daughter do one sport a year for the social and physical aspect and it AINT cheer.  yuk!  She is allowed to sweat and try hard without make-up or cute ribbons.  This sounds like a difference in parental goals.  Focus on what is important to you not others. 

[Slee_stack]

Sports and the sports lottery are pushed almost everywhere.  Localities might differ in the type of sport that's most popular, but otherwise, the mentality remains the same.

I suppose I've never been bothered too much by peer pressure. 

I suppose I would argue that if EVERYONE is doing one thing, STAND OUT by doing something else.  Why be a lemming?

The herd mentality is rarely a good thing.

I guess my city/locality has had virtually zero direct influence on my family.  We do take advantage of some opportunities, but popularity doesn't factor in.

[Jesstache]

We live in a sports and outdoors mecca.  Seriously, everyone where I live is outdoorsy, fit and super into sports.  It's like a living LL Bean catalog.  There are many Olympic athletes that live and train here, including Ashton Eaton, winner of the 2012 decathlon, whom we see around town all the time.  Unfortunately, it's also very high cost of living and generally without the high paying jobs to go with it (tourist industry abounds).  One of the silver linings of the HCOL is that it's okay to be frugal/cheap and do low cost activities yourself and with your family, plus our parks and rec has excellent and cheap programs. 

We have our oldest daughter entering kindergarten in the fall and it's one of the most affluent areas of town so I'm also a little worried about how much of a pain "what the other kids get to do" will be in my life.  What I don't worry about is us sticking to our guns about what the rules in our house will be:  1 sport or activity at a time per child.  If that activity is cheer leading, fine.  But we won't be doing cheer and soccer and swimming and skiing, etc.  Right now my kids are taking swimming lessons.  They didn't get to choose that, it was my choice as I think they need to learn for their own personal safety but it just so happens they really enjoy it as well (win-win).  In the fall both kids have decided they'd like to play soccer so that's what they're signed up for.  It really is not an option to do more than that as we do a lot of activities together as a family (hiking, biking, camping, etc) and more commitment to sports would take away from family time and I'm not willing to compromise on that.  Our friends have twin boys the same age as our oldest (5) and they have them signed up for golf, tennis and swim lessons this summer.  Seems crazy to me but I also think it's more so the mom (SAHM) can get a break from the kids.

How elite can "elite cheer" be if every single girl is doing it?

[Fastfwd]

sports are definitely something more important in the USA in general than other places.

I'm from Canada and grew up on american TV shows with all the football jocks and cheerleaders, etc. This just does not happen here. The local hockey guy does not go around the school halls wearing his hockey jacket and surrounded by his hockey friends.

Also seems like every american school has a football field, 400m track, etc. Usually here we have a multi sport grass field but very rarely 400m tracks outside of universities and some municipal parks.

[Us2bCool]

I've written before about how we are able to live a more or less Moustachian lifestyle in the California Bay Area, and this is a big reason why. When we were in Texas, the lifestyle was very much the way you describe in in your city in Nebraska.

In our town in California, things are different. Yes, there is a lot of affluence, but there's also more of a celebration of doing your own thing. Plenty of kids do cheer, dance or football, but really everyone does something different. Lacrosse, drama, camping, building robots, whatever floats your boat. In some ways it's considered cool to be a little off-beat (as it should be). My daughter is in high school and she's very happy with her goofy friends, she feels no pressure to be anything other than what she is.

The high cost of living also means that people aren't really expected to have a lot of extra cash to spend on their kids. Our town is known for being a great town to raise a family in; small town atmosphere, safe, great public schools...and in exchange the median price of a single family home is upwards of 1.2 million :-O. Don't get me wrong, plenty of people spoil their kids here. It's just not an expectation to fit in to the round hole.

[MMMarbleheader]

I live in the heart of Yankeedom in Massachusetts. (My town has 2! Episcopal churches).

One of the many things I do enjoy about it is that the Yankee culture rejects being flashy/showing off and promotes thrift/ingenuity. There are some flashy cars in town but not to the level of the net worth of many of the blue blood families could afford.

Education, Travel, and Social Club spending does seems to be popular and somewhat worries me. My town has a great public school which I am fine with but lots of kids in my town go to Boarding school like daddy and grampa did (Groton, Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc.). Five Yacht clubs in town and everyone seems to go to the mountains on the weekends in the winter.

As a parent this concerns me, but not as much as a new money, high consumer lifestyle.  I know if my kids are smart enough to get into an elite boarding school (and if we wanted them to go) we wouldn't pay much because they are need blind, we have friends who live in VT, and a daily cruiser sailboat and public mooring are not that expensive if we want to sail.

[Mr Dorothy Dollar]

Change circle of people you hang out with. In a city you can pick your people much easier than a rural environment. As a gay guy, I could have fallen into the traps of making myself and my surroundings sparkle with consumer fabulousness. Or I cold have been a gaymer or a jock, masc for masc guy. Perhaps me being gay has given me the power to care very little about other peoples opinions or expectations as they don't walk in my shoes and never will. Empathy towards the plight of others and indifference towards their opinions of you plight is a decent motto.

As to the city or state making a difference, your original post was more so about those it was about the group of people you choose or are forced to interact with and their values. You cannot control if tech companies come in and drive up prices. You can control if you buy into their culture.

[nottoolatetostart]

We recently moved from a planned community/suburbia hell/everyone has same house/2-3 new SUV's, pools, etc to a downtown community. We moved 12-15 minutes away, but a huge difference. While the public schools were decent enough, we learned after we moved in that many send their kids to the big city Catholic high school. Folks in our old community were excluded from the school buses so they COMMUTE their kids to Catholic school 30 min away in their big ass SUV's every day. That commute is no joke either and the school is marginally better. No one ever walked around, no sidewalks either, not friendly...many had dogs, but we never saw anyone walking their dogs. Such a weird community. But the houses were manicured perfectly and looked perfect outside, yet no one was friendly.

Fast forward to our new community 12-15 minutes away....yes, cost more per square foot (but we downsized so final price about the same)....many drives older cars like us, SO friendly and WARM, we see people biking to work, community feel, many farmers markets. Plus, schools are within top 10% for our state. Home prices are $300k-$1.5 million (we scored one for 284k). People don't look at you like you're poor if you actually WALK somewhere. We have toddlers and so far, I ignore the hype. My SAHM Mom friend has her kids enrolled in an activity everyday....(what is kindermusik BTW?).... her schedule exhausts me. Of my neighbors who have school-aged kids, it seems like it is laid back and everyone is free to be unique.

I do think it varies. I feel bad for your daughter and that she is the only one not doing cheer. I dread those conversations in the future. I grew up in the Midwest and one of my best friends lives in Nebraska. Went out to visit her and her friends definitely had an air about them....if you don't LOOK the part, you must be nothing and it is difficult to have a substantive conversation. I hate it. No advice, but stick to your guns.

[Penny Lane]

Oh, Typhoid Mary, I really do feel for you!  I am old ( kids in their 20's now), live in coastal NNew England, and have not heard of "doing cheer" (=cheerleading??).  It seems to me that this travel sports stuff is extremely disruptive to family life and very stressful for parents.  Not worth it, I think.  My kids did one or two things a semester ( ie, swimming lessions-- wow, who knew you have to learn to pre-swim!--dance) and had pickup soccer games at a park.  We did not supply cell phones; they worked and achieved them on their own which was not the norm,despite the fact that we were way more $$$'ed than most.  We did not rent ski condos, but did get to the slopes on occasion.  Lots of kids got their own car at 16, which amazed me.  Yes, and other kids can be so mean about these things, starting in the 5th grade or so back in the day, may be earlier now.  It was hard, but they are so thankful for how they grew up.  Maybe you will find some other parents who are distressed about the status quo?  I hope it gets easier for you!