One fascinating thing about the military is that you know exactly what everyone is making. Of course spousal income varies wildly, but when overseas, almost no spouses work, so it is a very level playing field. I was driving a 20 year old car that was modest even when it was new, and friends (and DH's peers) would show up in the brand new Mercedes and fully loaded Volvos. When Stateside, we lived in a 2000sqft townhouse with some dated and low end finishes, while others had 3000sqft+ brand new homes with top of the line everything. Of course you never know the details of someone's life and maybe there is family money or some windfall or something, but certainly with the vast majority of those people, they can't be affording all that and yet also putting away more than a few % of their income, if that. Everyone talks about the second career, post military and with that military pension, as though it is a foregone conclusion, when for us, it is a consideration. I find the whole thing fascinating--the vastly different choices people make with the same income. But also kind of sad.
And I see it in my non-military friends as well. One in particular has a great income, though she'd claim otherwise. But she seems to be really hurting for money, and my sense is that it is getting worse and worse. I worry a lot for her and her family. I think she didn't have the conservative financial role models I did, and that it is all spiraling out of control. She "deserves" lots of things, and while I think she's a wonderful human being and "deserves" the world, that simply doesn't work if the numbers aren't there. I feel her stress sometimes, and am so, so grateful not to have that in my life. I wish she could find that "ease and comfort", but when I've talked around the edges of it all, it's clear she isn't ready. She truly believes they don't have enough money, and she's not ready to see that the choices are what make that true. And sometimes I think that when the stress of it all gets to her, she goes out and shops as that gives her an immediate happiness, so it becomes a cycle that feeds itself. She stresses about money so she shops or spends to feel in control of something and get a moment of pleasure, which makes the money situation worse, with makes her feel unhappy and out of control, which she "treats" by shopping. Shampoo, rinse, repeat.
My parents always taught me that carrying a CC balance was unthinkable, and that you simply didn't buy things you couldn't afford to pay for on the day you buy them, except for houses. DH didn't have that, but thankfully he seemed to simply adopt my financial outlook and we are very much on the same page. We've never once fought about money, and it's not something we think about at all most days.
