Ugh.....I'm spending too much time with my SO, and YOU?

[wanderlustNW]

I dearly love my SO, but damn we are spending waaaaay too much time together lately with this whole pandemic thing

. Anyone else having this issue? How do you work around it?

I work part time (essential employee), and was used to having the house to myself for several days during the week while he worked. Now he's work from home (teacher) and has a lot of work, but we are seeing each other for lunch, dog walks, etc etc. There used to be a nice break where we would catch up after a day out. Now it's more of the same.

I am fully able to keep myself entertained all day when I'm not at work, but he keeps interrupting whatever I'm doing to check in, or ask a question ("why's the WIFI not working?") etc etc etc. Figure it out yourself! I know we are all stressed, his job sorta sucks having to do it from home as teaching wasn't meant to by via computer. I think I need to set some bounds or close my office door when I just need some alone time. I don't know. Any thoughts about you all are handling it?

[Hula Hoop]

You need to just tell him.  Do it in as nice a way as possible but let him know that this bothers you. 

[hops]

I'm enjoying having a lot more face-to-face time since my wife's mostly working from home right now and her usual work schedule means a lot of time apart (and a lot of time at the hospital). But she's very absentminded and the messiness is grating. Every time I turn around there's more clutter and she's distracted enough that our chats about it don't completely resonate. When particularly irked I just remind myself I'm lucky to have a healthy, if maddeningly disorganized, spouse. But when she's less preoccupied we're going to have a more, uh, candid discussion about it.

[deborah]

This is a problem many couples face when they become fully FIRE - one has been at home for a year or more, and now they are both sharing the house. The SAH one has got a routine and is used to spreading their routine over the whole house. The newly retired one wants to share tasks and needs their own space. So there's friction. It must be even worse for you, since your SO needs a workspace.

Maybe you need to nut out a timetable?

[mspym]

We had some friction but have worked out a system where he is downstairs, I am upstairs and we meet at our kitchen table for lunch together. I have also taken to having some time out with a closed door at the end of the day to replicate the transitional time my commute used to take. (I miss you, train)

[RetiredAt63]

We had some friction but have worked out a system where he is downstairs, I am upstairs and we meet at our kitchen table for lunch together. I have also taken to having some time out with a closed door at the end of the day to replicate the transitional time my commute used to take. (I miss you, train)

I know the perceived wisdom here is to have a super short commute but my drive home (from urban to rural) was always my decompression time.

[John Galt incarnate!]

I dearly love my SO, but damn we are spending waaaaay too much time together lately with this whole pandemic thing

. Anyone else having this issue? How do you work around it?

I work part time (essential employee), and was used to having the house to myself for several days during the week while he worked. Now he's work from home (teacher) and has a lot of work, but we are seeing each other for lunch, dog walks, etc etc. There used to be a nice break where we would catch up after a day out. Now it's more of the same.

I am fully able to keep myself entertained all day when I'm not at work, but he keeps interrupting whatever I'm doing to check in, or ask a question ("why's the WIFI not working?") etc etc etc. Figure it out yourself! I know we are all stressed, his job sorta sucks having to do it from home as teaching wasn't meant to by via computer. I think I need to set some bounds or close my office door when I just need some alone time. I don't know. Any thoughts about you all are handling it?

I am an  introvert-extrovert  hybrid and so is beloved SO (bSO).

We like lots of quiet time alone so we live in separate houses.

SO is staying with me for a few months  so we worked out a "solitude rule."

We have separate bedrooms.

When the door to a bedroom is shut it means "I am in solitude mode;  do not disturb and please be quiet."

So far it's worked perfectly.


Our increased togetherness since bSO has been staying with me has had the sublime effect of deepening my everlsating love for her. 

We  hike through the woods on my property and  then, under a blue sky,  relax in my double hammock which is suspended between two pine trees. The air is redolent of the pine needles that carpet the ground.


I especially enjoy cooking breakfast for bSO, usually breakfast in bed.

This morning we had waffles w/ butter, syrup, and raspberry jelly.

For dessert we  had homemade fruit salad w/ sugar and cinnamon.


We drank green tea.

[ysette9]

I FIREd right before our local shutdown and a big part of my reasoning for the timing I chose was to spend more time with my husband. It was supposed to be that I quit work while he was still on paternity leave and the oldest two were at school/daycare during the day. Instead the universe once again laughed at my plans for some quiet Me time and locked all of us at home together.

(The last time I planned Me time was two weeks in between jobs when instead of the down time I desperately needed, our daycare closed and I was forced the scrambled for childcare replacement with the littles underfoot.)

I love my family and my kids but I really, really value the hours each day when they are occupied by someone else out of the house. There are aspects of this shutdown I enjoy but it is also exhausting for this introvert.

[LifeHappens]

I feel very fortunate my DH and I are used to being together most of the time. I have worked from home for 10 years and he is mostly retired. For the last 7 years we've been around each other 22-23 hours per day. We've figured out how to give each other some space and how to have enough separation to have something to talk about at the end of the day.

It takes time! I feel for everyone who has been thrown into constant togetherness with no runway to prepare.

[Kris]

We get along super well, but we had a year to prepare for this. DH retired last February (2019), and I work from home, so we had to establish some rules about interrupting me. I close my door to work, and he's pretty good at respecting that.

[Captain FIRE]

No.  But I am spending too much time with my MIL!

But she's watching our 3 yo so we can work, so I try to bite my tongue.  A lot.  Only partially works.

Fortunately, my DH and I have mostly managed to avoid friction.  A little over housework (I'm 9 months pregnant and want him to pitch in more because I'm fatigued/find doing things like loading/unloading dishwasher and washing dishes very uncomfortable).  Today he was irritated that his mom and I were having problems - seems to be 1-2 times a week things blow up.  I've tried to get him to be more present at lunch/beginning of day/end of day when we are all together so it's not just the two of us, but that doesn't seem to work out.

[CodingHare]

Actually not much has changed for SO and I.  We're both working remote, and we both have hobby rooms that we're using as separate offices.  The main things that have changed is we take a walk at lunch to get out of the house.  Which I really love!

But then, we've always been homebodies, and we love spending time together.

[Imma]

I'm on week 6 of work from home and I'm still enjoying all the time we spend together now. We still enjoy each other's company after all these years.

[erutio]

Funny, I can totally see that happening for us also.

Unfortunately, we find ourselves in the opposite spectrum.  I'm about as frontline as you can get in the health setting, working in our covid tent set up outside our hospital to screen all symptomatic patients and test them if appropriate.  A few weeks ago, we decided that I would move into our basement.  I'm not quarantining myself per se, as I do come up for meals and to see the kids, but we're limiting our mingling. 
It's been really hard, but our little kids are taking it much worse than the adults.

[ixtap]

My SO pretends like i don't exist while he is working and has been working even more hours than usual. The extra hours mean extra pain for him, as well. When he is in pain, he also basically pretends like I don't exist in order to avoid taking it out on me. We went one entire day without talking after the last time he did take it out on me (not abusive, just a quick verbal outburst about how he didn't have time to walk upstairs to use his ergonomic set up and how unreasonable it was to expect him to do so).

So, yeah, we are in the same house all day. We can even spend hours in the same room without interacting. We generally go dancing a couple of times a month, I have convinced him to dance once in the last six weeks. It has been a little more balanced this week than the previous month, but I want more quality time with my SO.

[RetiredAt63]

We had some friction but have worked out a system where he is downstairs, I am upstairs and we meet at our kitchen table for lunch together. I have also taken to having some time out with a closed door at the end of the day to replicate the transitional time my commute used to take. (I miss you, train)

I know the perceived wisdom here is to have a super short commute but my drive home (from urban to rural) was always my decompression time.

[Fishindude]

I dearly love my SO, but damn we are spending waaaaay too much time together lately with this whole pandemic thing

. Anyone else having this issue? How do you work around it?

I work part time (essential employee), and was used to having the house to myself for several days during the week while he worked. Now he's work from home (teacher) and has a lot of work, but we are seeing each other for lunch, dog walks, etc etc. There used to be a nice break where we would catch up after a day out. Now it's more of the same.

I am fully able to keep myself entertained all day when I'm not at work, but he keeps interrupting whatever I'm doing to check in, or ask a question ("why's the WIFI not working?") etc etc etc. Figure it out yourself! I know we are all stressed, his job sorta sucks having to do it from home as teaching wasn't meant to by via computer. I think I need to set some bounds or close my office door when I just need some alone time. I don't know. Any thoughts about you all are handling it?

This is funny!   I've heard quite a few similar comments from friends.
Wonder if murdered by your spouse would be considered a Coronavirus death?

[talltexan]

No.  But I am spending too much time with my MIL!

But she's watching our 3 yo so we can work, so I try to bite my tongue.  A lot.  Only partially works.

Fortunately, my DH and I have mostly managed to avoid friction.  A little over housework (I'm 9 months pregnant and want him to pitch in more because I'm fatigued/find doing things like loading/unloading dishwasher and washing dishes very uncomfortable).  Today he was irritated that his mom and I were having problems - seems to be 1-2 times a week things blow up.  I've tried to get him to be more present at lunch/beginning of day/end of day when we are all together so it's not just the two of us, but that doesn't seem to work out.

Indeed, I find myself eating s**t sandwiches all the time to try to keep my MiL in the child-watching game. Whatever topic she's wrong about, Star Wars, Trump, Music, parenting, I basically am letting her think she's qualified to be Chief Justice just so that she provides adult time with the kids.

[ysette9]

No.  But I am spending too much time with my MIL!

But she's watching our 3 yo so we can work, so I try to bite my tongue.  A lot.  Only partially works.

Fortunately, my DH and I have mostly managed to avoid friction.  A little over housework (I'm 9 months pregnant and want him to pitch in more because I'm fatigued/find doing things like loading/unloading dishwasher and washing dishes very uncomfortable).  Today he was irritated that his mom and I were having problems - seems to be 1-2 times a week things blow up.  I've tried to get him to be more present at lunch/beginning of day/end of day when we are all together so it's not just the two of us, but that doesn't seem to work out.

Indeed, I find myself eating s**t sandwiches all the time to try to keep my MiL in the child-watching game. Whatever topic she's wrong about, Star Wars, Trump, Music, parenting, I basically am letting her think she's qualified to be Chief Justice just so that she provides adult time with the kids.

I really feel for you and admire your reserve and patience. I am so completely overdosed on my MIL being around that I can’t even be civil and stay in the same room while by husband is video chatting with her now. Just the thought of her makes me pulse race, and she is objectively a nice enough lady.

Sigh

[DirtDiva]

When my spouse is  at odds he will come to where I am to ask what I’m doing.  I don’t know why, but this can drive me up a tree!  Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing?

I have found that the best response is to try to help him identify why he is restless.  I usually just ask him if he is bored, which seems to help.  Sometimes he just needs to chat with another live human for a few minutes.

Maybe help him figure out other ways to relieve his boredom or restlessness? Cuppa tea? Walk the dog?   

[scottish]

I'm looking on this exercise as a test run for when I retire.    Definitely learning things from it.

[Lady SA]

My DH and I needed to set up completely separate work areas. We both have a lot of conference calls to attend so we were driving each other nuts when we were in the same general area with no doors between us. So pretty quickly DH took over a spare room and turned it into his work office, and I stayed out in the main living area, and he keeps the door closed for the most part.

We really like each other's company, so when we don't really have much going on, we might hang out quietly together in the living area and work. But when a meeting or concentration work needs to happen, we separate. We eat lunch together and decompress at the end of the day by taking a walk and talking about what we each did/worked on.

The physical separation and clear delineation of work time vs "yeah you can bother me" time was key in getting into a comfortable groove, imo. I'd put a "do not disturb" sign on your door or tell your spouse that during work time, you can't be interrupted, and please save his questions for when you are on a break. Brainstorm together the signals that signify "work time" vs "break time" - ie the do not disturb sign, entering a special work space, a closed door, etc. And also brainstorm things to relieve restlessness until he has access to you at your break time again. Just making him aware of the expectations/setting the expectations together will help a lot, because right now all the friction is happening because both of you have different ideas of what is ok and what isn't.

[TomTX]

I'm looking on this exercise as a test run for when I retire.    Definitely learning things from it.

++

I've learned that I need the kid out of the house (preferably at school) for a big chunk of the day. Not feasible now, of course.

[Halfsees]

No.  But I am spending too much time with my MIL!

But she's watching our 3 yo so we can work, so I try to bite my tongue.  A lot.  Only partially works.

Fortunately, my DH and I have mostly managed to avoid friction.  A little over housework (I'm 9 months pregnant and want him to pitch in more because I'm fatigued/find doing things like loading/unloading dishwasher and washing dishes very uncomfortable).  Today he was irritated that his mom and I were having problems - seems to be 1-2 times a week things blow up.  I've tried to get him to be more present at lunch/beginning of day/end of day when we are all together so it's not just the two of us, but that doesn't seem to work out.

Indeed, I find myself eating s**t sandwiches all the time to try to keep my MiL in the child-watching game. Whatever topic she's wrong about, Star Wars, Trump, Music, parenting, I basically am letting her think she's qualified to be Chief Justice just so that she provides adult time with the kids.

I really feel for you and admire your reserve and patience. I am so completely overdosed on my MIL being around that I can’t even be civil and stay in the same room while by husband is video chatting with her now. Just the thought of her makes me pulse race, and she is objectively a nice enough lady.

Sigh

My in-laws lived with us from last April to November and my MIL is also a nice enough lady (like seriously, I don't know how I would have parented the early years without her constant help), but after living with her I have zero desire to see or talk to her anymore or my FIL. I'm hoping that feeling will go away because I do feel guilty because we owe them so much, including allowing us to live with them when we moved 4 years ago. They just took so flipping long to find a new place despite knowing for years this move was coming, and were kind of insensitive to me losing my father in May once the funeral was over. They acted like life was going on as normal while I was still mourning and needed space, although I do realize they were going though a difficult life change as well moving out of their house of 40 years. It was stressful for all.

I am so, so glad they aren't here. The pandemic is so much easier than what we were dealing with less than a year ago. I like having my SO around, we spend time taking walks, etc every day. However, I find I sometimes get annoyed by noises he makes (no one should sing in the morning), as well as the way he talks as if I am still in the room when I leave to get something or transition to wherever I was going when we started talking in passing. I think he gets that from his mom. She rarely stops taking. I know I drive him nuts too sometimes, so it's all good. It's wonderful he no longer has to wake at 5 am to commute. Much better for his health.

[ysette9]

@sehr
“...but after living with her I have zero desire to see or talk to her anymore or my FIL. I'm hoping that feeling will go away because I do feel guilty...”

I could have written that but myself. I constantly feel guilty and awful about the position it puts my very good and decent husband in. But it is like I overdosed, or strained a muscle, and there is this sore spot now that won’t go away. I’m a nice enough person in other aspects of my life but I just become this cold-hearted meanie when the topic turns to my MIL.

[mspym]

@sehr I find it hardest when I am negating my true feelings because I *shouldn't* feel the way I *actually do* and somehow it also makes it last longer. It can be easier to get over if you have a space where you can say honestly "x is super bugging me, I am unhappy with y because of A" without having to asterisk and footnote your reactions. And once you can say "yes I am ticked" without having this weight of... "but I shouldn't because..." immediately coming down, then it can become easier to detach from the feeling because it isn't tied up with "and therefore I am a bad/ungrateful/now I need to justify myself person".

I think it is the implied judgement about what type of person you are that makes the feelings stickier.

[BussoV6]

I think this is an issue many couples/families face. It's good to sort out earlier than later.

My SO and I both work from home. She started this before me and when I started about 10 years ago, we shared a home office. That lasted about 2 weeks, now we each have our own office with only a shared printer/scanner etc. :-)  We've learnt how much interaction during a workday is OK and only really spend time together during the day for a coffee or snack at lunchtime. We also both travel frequently (not now under lockdown) and that makes the time spent together seem very short.

[Metalcat]

DH and I went from living in a 3 story townhouse to a 1 bedroom apartment. DH worked out of the house full time, and I worked part time, but different hours.

We were both used to having a lot of time alone at home while the other worked. Now we're sharing 3.5 rooms 24/7.

It was a bit of an adjustment at first, I was used to having A LOT of time alone at home, and when DH is here with me, it's normally a lot of activity. After a few days, I started burning out on all of the activity and he was like "don't you ever just rest?"

After that, we got into a nice groove of doing what we normally do when the other isn't here, and giving each other space.

I think the key has been to behave for the most part as if the other isn't there, and being comfortable to tell each other when we need to be left alone, and the other not taking it personally.

It's really nice not feeling like our time together is limited. We're definitely getting a bit of a feel for what it will be like when DH retires. However, we will never stay home this much once we're allowed out again, we both have tons of projects and volunteering that will take us away from home.

[Halfsees]

@sehr I find it hardest when I am negating my true feelings because I *shouldn't* feel the way I *actually do* and somehow it also makes it last longer. It can be easier to get over if you have a space where you can say honestly "x is super bugging me, I am unhappy with y because of A" without having to asterisk and footnote your reactions. And once you can say "yes I am ticked" without having this weight of... "but I shouldn't because..." immediately coming down, then it can become easier to detach from the feeling because it isn't tied up with "and therefore I am a bad/ungrateful/now I need to justify myself person".

I think it is the implied judgement about what type of person you are that makes the feelings stickier.

I understand what you are saying. Shame does complicate things. In my case, I do believe I have valid reasons for my resentful feelings but also valid reasons to be thankful for my in-laws as well. They can coexist and I bet you are the same way. Have you validated the causes of your negative emotions?

The silver lining of this is I didn't have to spend Easter with them and hopefully I'll be in an even better place emotionally the next major holiday. I just had to eventually acknowledge that my MIL is incapable of listening to others. That her way of relating to others is to talk about herself instead of listening to them and cannot be a source of emotional support. However, she is super giving of her time and physical resources. And my FIL is emotionally unavailable and stubborn and won't do anything unless it is on his timeline no matter what is going on around him. However, he is mild, funny and easy to have around, although he'll never be the grandfather my father was.

[Ynari]

Slightly off topic, but in the realm of asking SOs to do things that are typically filled by colleagues or friends: my ADHD means that I am HORRIBLE at self directed work, but I go above and beyond with other people around. It's been particularly challenging to go remote, especially as my SO has never "counted" as "other people". So historically he'd watch me spiral into pits of procrastination and despair and be unable to help. Sucked for both of us.

Well, I've been working with a coach who helped illuminate some of my patterns (both good and bad), and we've actually discovered things he can do that actually count. For instance, I found out that I need to feel like something is a Team Effort to do my best, but the other person doesn't actually have to contribute much to the team. If I brief SO on my task and he confirms "Yep, sounds like you need to do X", that can be enough for Team Effort to kick in.

It's a balancing act, to be sure. I never want to ask too much of him, so it's not the same kind of conversation I'd have with a coworker, but it's useful to know that there are things that can be done to fill some gaps in needs.

Relatedly: I'm extremely glad I've always had online friends. I think some people don't realize how necessary it is to have someone to talk to someone who is not your SO! Just as my SO can only fill a minor "colleague" style role, he'd be awful at a lot of a lot of my "friend" needs! Particularly when you want to just vent about something your SO does that doesn't really bother you *that* much...

[wenchsenior]

I wonder if this period of time is actually going to serve a really positive role for many people in illuminating possible difficulties of navigating family life in retirement, when (presumably) people will be spending much more day to day time together.  This can serve as an opportunity to identify possible problems and start proactively planning 'best practices and structures' for that upcoming time.

Likewise, I sometimes wonder if the circumstances of DH and my relationship during our first 8 years together (living in a one-room efficiency apartment and quite often working together long hours in the field as well, punctuated by occasional periods of months at a time living apart from each other for other field work) really helped cement our bond.  Ah, nostalgia!

Anyway, we are loving both being at home together right now.  I think this is partly b/c the pandemic has hardly affected my daily life at all...I've worked from home for more than 10 years, and we try to bunch errands together about 10 days apart, so the only regular outing I'm really missing is access to the gym/pool (which is pretty awful, to be honest...swimming keeps my chronic pain under control and not having access sucks in more than just a psychological way).  My husband enjoys working on campus, but sometimes works at home as well, so he is used to that.

The big downside is the possibility that there will be no field research this year.  There is no attractive outdoor land accessible for at least 4 hours' drive from this city (with the exception of a single state park, which is of course closed).  Most of the city parks aren't that nice either, so we have traditionally used field work as a release and recharge valve to get us outdoors and active.  That could really wear on us psychologically if this goes on more than a couple months, so I'm not putting relationship strain completely out of the realm of possibility in the future.

Interestingly, the one thing that HAS really screwed up our dynamic over the 30 years we've been together is the introduction of any other people into our daily living arrangement. We've had family members stay with us for extended periods a few times, and that created some real marital tension.

[Retire-Canada]

I dearly love my SO, but damn we are spending waaaaay too much time together lately with this whole pandemic thing

. Anyone else having this issue? How do you work around it?

No issue here. I can hang with my SO 24/7/365 in a tiny house or on a road trip in a car/small tent without any problems. Sounds like you have some work to do before FIRE when you'll get to spend ALL the time together without work even to distract you.

[mm1970]

I was hesitant to post when I first saw this, because I've been also seeing a bunch of funny memes on the internet.

This has been absolutely great for our marriage.  We've been married for almost 24 years, two kids (14 and 7).  The last several have been brutal - when MMM and the Mrs. divorced, and a bunch of people spouted off that it's probably because he's a jerk - I defended them with "sometimes people just grow apart".  I'd seen it in many friends.  And while divorce never crossed my mind (I do love the guy), we had years of spending very little time together.,

Two jobs, two kids at two schools, two dropoffs and one pick up.  My sleep cycle is 9 to 5, his is 11 to 6:30 or 7.  I maybe had 2 hours after getting home from work before bed, filled with helping kids with school work, chores, etc.  The kids dominate every single moment.

This has been GREAT for our marriage. Sure, there are sucky things about it - working at home with 2 kids trying to do distance learning, in a 2BR, 1 BA house...it's hard.  We only have 3 "rooms" but 4 people doing work.  However...now we eat breakfast together, often make and eat lunch and dinner together, do dishes together and walk the dog together.  WE TALK.  It's so awesome.  He's the same great guy I married, even better really.

[moneypitfeeder]

Our life hasn't changed much at all, as I had been working from home for abt 5 yrs. SO is retired, but we have a standing rule that when I'm working, unless something is on fire or some other emergency, he treats my work hours like I'm not here. We have the benefit in that my office is in the attic, so when I go up there, I'm isolated, when I'm done, I can shut it out too. Occasionally we will have lunch together when I need a 1/2 hr break, but I normally just go downstairs to heat my food and take it back to my computer. My cat, on the other hand, doesn't understand work boundaries. She is willing to interrupt at the drop of a hat! She participated in her first video con yesterday, and was not amused. Apparently, bird tv on YT is way more interesting than my co-workers!

[Cranky]

I’m enjoying having my dh around more, but he’s pretty busy with work.

I’m hoping that when he actually retires he’ll have time to do something useful. ;-)

[Imma]

However...now we eat breakfast together, often make and eat lunch and dinner together, do dishes together and walk the dog together.  WE TALK.  It's so awesome.  He's the same great guy I married, even better really.

Yes, it's the same for us, minus the kids. For years we've hardly seen each other at all, we used to have one day a week together and we'd eat dinner together maybe 2-3 times a week. Now we spend a lot of time together and we love it.

We aren't the type of people that really fight but we used to have small arguments/annoyances about each other's domestic contribution. But now we aren't constantly tired and stressed the housework just happens. We both do a lot of chores and the house has never been this clean and tidy. We're even working together on our backlog of DIY-projects. And it just happens, we don't have to nag eachother about it.

We are far from FI but we do have FU money and when work from home is no longer mandatory I'm really going to push for a mostly work from home schedule at work. My output is not suffering at all, in fact I think I'm probably more productive than ever now I'm not stressed, tired or constantly disrupted by coworkers.

[Greystache]

This is one of the reasons that we did not down-size our home when we retired. It is so nice to be able to go to opposite ends of the house for a little alone time. I don't know how we could manage in a much smaller house. As the old saying goes: I married my spouse for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but not for lunch every fucking day.

[engineerjourney]

We are spending significantly less time together during the week because of this fiasco and it sucks.  We used to carpool to work every day, worked in the same building, and would spend time with the kids and then each other in the evenings, with some alone time in there.  Now we work opposite shifts to continue working (out of the home) since we dont have daycare and even work some on the weekends to make up time.  We see each other for 15 minutes total each day during the workweek when we switch off at home.  And the majority of our home time during the week is wrangling two young kids (2 & 4). So definitely not a trial run at FIRE at all here!  I miss free time, I miss my husband, and I miss being able to be more patient with my kids. 

[Missy B]

I dearly love my SO, but damn we are spending waaaaay too much time together lately with this whole pandemic thing

. Anyone else having this issue? How do you work around it?

No issue here. I can hang with my SO 24/7/365 in a tiny house or on a road trip in a car/small tent without any problems. Sounds like you have some work to do before FIRE when you'll get to spend ALL the time together without work even to distract you.

That's great that spending all your time together works. But you're assuming that *everyone* has to do what you're doing and that isn't the case.

Everyone creates their own retirement. There's no reason why people can't spend as much time apart as they like, whether its different floors of the same house or different continents.

[Serendip]

We have sort of figured out how to give each other space, I am now unemployed but have plenty of projects on the go. My hubby is still working but always has been working from home or while travelling or in coffee-shops/the library, etc.

Current routine:  My SO works from the bedroom in the morning (while I use the living room), then he moves to the dining room around lunch (and I move upstairs), often we go for a walk before dinner, eat together and then both hang out on the couch (but doing our own thing) before reading in bed or watching a show.

It seems to be working: we are allowing ourselves to flow and accommodate each other...often apart, sometimes together and yet, of course, couple dynamics are so different (add children and it's a whole other equation all together!) If either of us REALLY needs to be on their own, a solo walk seems to do the trick.

[BudgetSlasher]

We are both full time (basically) WFH and our interactions aren't much more than before.

We both get up and "go to work" generally in different areas on the house and even when we are in the same room at least one of us is busy with work.

So, basically we have our time before work (breakfast) and after work (walk, projects, dinner, games, or TV time), just like before. We do have the extra time that we are having lunch together.

I suppose there are a few days where one of use would have met up with a friend or worked late that we end up spending together.

We still keep up our social bits by calling people that we would normally talk to. The issues turn out to be little things (like things we each watch on the one TV when the other is away) or things have always been a small issue.

[Metalcat]

This is one of the reasons that we did not down-size our home when we retired. It is so nice to be able to go to opposite ends of the house for a little alone time. I don't know how we could manage in a much smaller house. As the old saying goes: I married my spouse for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but not for lunch every fucking day.

We get out of the house a lot, so are apart for several hours a day despite sharing a very small space.

I go for long walks every morning, and DH goes for runs and bike rides, but we do lunch together every day ;)

[FireHiker]

I haven’t posted in awhile, but I am definitely struggling with this! It isn’t so much the being together that is the problem. We work together and are used to “commuting” (one mile!) to and from work, spending lunch together, etc. my problem is that we downsized our house by 2000 square feet last year and we work three feet apart from each other all day. It is totally great unless he is on the phone and then he is so freaking loud that I can’t think at all! We don’t have a lot of options space-wise so it’s difficult. I think we’ll be just fine in retirement when there aren’t work meetings but OMG why does he have to practically yell on the phone?!

[Just Joe]

This virus has been unfortunately terrible for so many people but for me personally - so far - this has been the best spring in 25+ years b/c I've had time to enjoy it.

DW and I are getting along just fine. Work is stressing her out and so is our younger school refusing teen who won't do any school work. Both situations are solving themselves as DW is solving a couple of problems at work and the school system is basically giving final grades based on the last report card before the schools closed which was pretty good for teen. I'm confident that next year (HS) will be better as teen's issues were improving slowly before schools closed.

We have a large piece of property and a good sized house that allows us all to have separate rooms when we want it. I adore going to the basement to watch a little TV each evening. I try to spend some time outside on the front porch or back porch reading each day. I enjoy mowing the grass although my antique (but good) lawn tractor broke down. I'm tearing down the engine for a ~$50 repair. Kids' sleep schedules have been weird.