Tomorrow isn't Even Guaranteed

[Simpli-Fi]

Out of the blue I lost a friend of about 35 years...we were the same age and grew up together.  He was at the top of his game and doing what he loved.

This shook me a little, because I'm not doing what I love day in and day out.  There are glimpses of doing what I love, however I have young kids and healthcare is my main driver for a "corp" job.  Against my better judgement (due to inflation and markets down) I took another high stress job (3 months ago...after originally saying "no") after downshifting (2020) and then quickly started coasting (2021) for about 1.5yr.  Even started a practice FIRE cash withdrawal strategy...but didn't make it past 2 or 3 quarters before the market began falling; much easier to pull out after surpassing all time highs again and again, LOL!  Also realized I need to hold more bonds...building an I-bond arsenal now.

the HUGE PLUS for coasting obviously was work/life balance (although the job wasn't worth mentioning or fulfilling); which the balance is now gone. 

The trade off, I now have excess cash to invest more (with the market down) and cash flow home projects and vacations...is it worth it?  I don't know.  Its a good gig in the town I live in and I should feel fortunate, however my attitude sucks because the work isn't anymore fulfilling than my coast gig...just pays double.  If I walk out now, after such a short time, landing another high paying gig is almost out of the question.  I'm not sure why I can't be happy just grinding like I used to...it seems coasting has broken my work bone.  I look around the office, and there isn't a job in the building that I want, so no real point in being other than wage slavery.

I feel like a "multimillionaire" hustling for money crumbs.  Being the cherry picker that I am, market gains since Oct 1, have surpassed my annual salary...so I'm back to "what's the point?" tomorrow isn't even guaranteed.

not real sure why I'm posting, other than writing helps organize my wondering thoughts...I can't be alone in this ship.

[moneytaichi]

My heart goes out for you. It looks like you are experiencing grief of losing your close friend and questing your existence at the same time. Grieving is probably more urgent because you can only assess your situation with clear head after you surrender to grief and let it cleanse your body/spirit.

There is nothing wrong to get some time off, or get some consoling services, or reach out to friends...

Would you feel this way if you were still on your coasting job? What is the most important for you: meaning in the job, meaning in the life, fast cash to aid your FIRE or other life goals? You are comparing the worst part of your current job (i.e. lack of balance) to the best part of your previous job.

Hope you feel better and find YOUR path!

[Dicey]

Three men I know or know of have died while surfing/snorkeling/diving in Hawaii in recent years. All were in the prime of their lives, in good health and very experienced at their sport. There's some consolation that they died doing what they loved, but it's small.

None of us knows how long we have. Happily, most everyone here knows exactly how much money they have. Use it to buy the time of your life.

[wageslave23]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.  Don't make any major life changes in the next six months.

[Psychstache]

not real sure why I'm posting, other than writing helps organize my wondering thoughts...I can't be alone in this ship.

It sounds like you are having a (very understandably) hard time with the loss of a close friend and you should talk to a professional about this.

[ender]

One of my favorite songs is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9TShlMkQnc

I think it's really important/insightful to realize we aren't guaranteed tomorrow at all and it's something I wish I had realized earlier in my life.

He said
"I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
When a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days
Looking at the x-rays
And talkin' 'bout the options
And talkin' 'bout sweet time"
I asked him
"When it sank in
That this might really be the real end
How's it hit you
When you get that kind of news?
Man, what'd you do?"
And he said
"I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying"
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying"
He said
"I was finally the husband
That most of the time I wasn't
And I became a friend a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I, I finally read the Good Book, and I
Took a good, long, hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then
I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying"
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity
To think about
What you'd do with it
What could you do with it
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?
Skydiving
I went Rocky mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
Man, I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flying"
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying"

[Loren Ver]

*Hugs*  Condolences on the loss of your friend.

I'm glad you are taking the time to think about these things instead of just pulling your hat down over your eyes and plowing forward like life can't teach you lessons.  You don't need to make any snap decisions, grief is real, but lessons abound.

You are trading your one truly limited resource for one that is far less limited and much more negotiable in it's usefulness once you have the needs covered.  That's always been true, the shock and clarity are just a little more vivid right now.  Or as we say in these parts, security is an expensive illusion.

My dad passed away at 54 (young!) and pretty healthy (freak rare heart issue got him).  What he did have was 14 years of healthy early retirement under his belt before he went.   

Proverbs 27:1  Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.

Loren

 

[ixtap]

Many condolences for your loss.

This is one reason I often comment that FIRE should not be about being miserable for a few years to attain FI, then start living. Even for friends who just complain that they aren't "living." Bills need to be paid, children need to be fed, but you also need to make an effort to find the joy where you are. Watch the sunset and just be present with it. Take your kids to the park and play with them. Start a gratitude journal. These small nudges can make an enormous difference in life satisfaction; one doesn't necessarily need to pursue a big dream of the road less traveled.

[Ysera]

I'm so sorry. I think about it from time to time: What would happen to our stash if something happened to us? Would I regret amassing it and not being able to enjoy it myself? I am consoled by the thought that my siblings would inherit a fat chunk of retirement funds that their obligations and careers didn't allow for, among other things.

I have also been guilty of working more hours than I need for the cash, and not taking or even having enough time for vacations. My husband is disabled, which has also reduced many of our recreational opportunities. Still, I'm hoping to take more leave this year for ME (instead of only for everyone else's needs and crises), and hopefully cross a thing or two off the bucket list. The pandemic and several family emergencies put my life on hold for so long. I want to get out and visit beautiful places again, relax on the beach, de-stress. I have spent the last two years or so exploring beautiful places locally on day trips, but I look forward to traveling again.

[Simpli-Fi]

Grieving is probably more urgent because you can only assess your situation with clear head after you surrender to grief and let it cleanse your body/spirit.

You are comparing the worst part of your current job (i.e. lack of balance) to the best part of your previous job.

Hope you feel better and find YOUR path!

Thank you for this...you are absolutely correct, my comparison is terribly skewed.

None of us knows how long we have. Happily, most everyone here knows exactly how much money they have. Use it to buy the time of your life.

so true...this reads almost to "weaponize" my modest wealth in to FU terriroty

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.  Don't make any major life changes in the next six months.

thank you and you are probably correct...a little holiday away from a desk is certainly due and re-focus on what it is I'm trying to do.

It sounds like you are having a (very understandably) hard time with the loss of a close friend and you should talk to a professional about this.

I think it is very easy to see from the outside this is grief...and something I'm fortunately not at all familiar with (or even considered); good advice, thank you.

One of my favorite songs is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9TShlMkQnc

I think it's really important/insightful to realize we aren't guaranteed tomorrow at all and it's something I wish I had realized earlier in my life.

I hate to use the term wake up call...but for lack of a better term that is what it has been.  I am trying to be more present and grateful for the day.

*Hugs*  Condolences on the loss of your friend.

I'm glad you are taking the time to think about these things instead of just pulling your hat down over your eyes and plowing forward like life can't teach you lessons.  You don't need to make any snap decisions, grief is real, but lessons abound.

You are trading your one truly limited resource for one that is far less limited and much more negotiable in it's usefulness once you have the needs covered.  That's always been true, the shock and clarity are just a little more vivid right now.  Or as we say in these parts, security is an expensive illusion.

My dad passed away at 54 (young!) and pretty healthy (freak rare heart issue got him).  What he did have was 14 years of healthy early retirement under his belt before he went.   

Proverbs 27:1  Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.

Loren

much appreciated and I'm sorry to hear about your father.  My dad is 69 this year and it destroys me to see him not the superman he has been my entire life.  I will be allocating more budget to travel and spending time with him before I regret not doing it; stressful job does not fit in with this choice.

Many condolences for your loss.

This is one reason I often comment that FIRE should not be about being miserable for a few years to attain FI, then start living. Even for friends who just complain that they aren't "living." Bills need to be paid, children need to be fed, but you also need to make an effort to find the joy where you are. Watch the sunset and just be present with it. Take your kids to the park and play with them. Start a gratitude journal. These small nudges can make an enormous difference in life satisfaction; one doesn't necessarily need to pursue a big dream of the road less traveled.

Thank you, and I agree building tiny habits will pay dividends for the remaining lifetime...START NOW.  I have always been in the camp of not being miserable during the journey, as those aren't the habits of a happy individual.

I'm so sorry. I think about it from time to time: What would happen to our stash if something happened to us? Would I regret amassing it and not being able to enjoy it myself? I am consoled by the thought that my siblings would inherit a fat chunk of retirement funds that their obligations and careers didn't allow for, among other things.

I have also been guilty of working more hours than I need for the cash, and not taking or even having enough time for vacations. My husband is disabled, which has also reduced many of our recreational opportunities. Still, I'm hoping to take more leave this year for ME (instead of only for everyone else's needs and crises), and hopefully cross a thing or two off the bucket list. The pandemic and several family emergencies put my life on hold for so long. I want to get out and visit beautiful places again, relax on the beach, de-stress. I have spent the last two years or so exploring beautiful places locally on day trips, but I look forward to traveling again.

Thank you and I wish you the best in losing the feeling your life is on hold.

I really appreciate all the responses, sometimes it takes putting yourself out there to really see what is going on.  I'm thankful for this community as I don't have many people around that understand financial freedom or outlets to help me sort out my brain dump.

[gooki]

If I walk out now, after such a short time, landing another high paying gig is almost out of the question

Why do you believe this?

You can always leave it of any future CV.

[Simpli-Fi]

My thought is I’ll age out in the sense I’m not up to speed with the latest tech, trying to re-enter this industry in another 10 years.  I’d rather be more present while my kids are young, and entertain evil corp positions later in life…and actually now that I type it, that sounds awful too, lol

[ChpBstrd]

Sorry to hear about your friend.

I feel like a "multimillionaire" hustling for money crumbs.  Being the cherry picker that I am, market gains since Oct 1, have surpassed my annual salary...so I'm back to "what's the point?" tomorrow isn't even guaranteed.

This is the part I struggle with, as a fellow traveller late in the FIRE game. A couple days' of market zig zags can change my portfolio more than giving away an entire year of my life to sit at a desk for someone else's benefit.

I know that's a fallacy. It's why poor people are afraid to put $1,000 into the markets, because it might go down, and it's 100 hours of work for them to earn it back. They don't want to lose that prime-of-life time any more than we want to lose any of our time, but the toxic part of this thought is that the investment never happens, and neither does retirement. They end up losing any hope of having their own time someday due to loss aversion.

The flipside of the poor non-investor is the high-salary person with golden handcuffs. They seem to be earning two hours of freedom for every one hour of time worked. But the fallacy here is that the system will make this deal with you for the rest of your life, and so if you keep taking the bargain, you'll never actually get the time you earned. Your relatives will fight over your portfolio as you waste away in a nursing home, never having done the things you originally meant to do.

Then there are those of us in the middle, who should be focused on shortening our time to FIRE by developing skills and getting new jobs with higher pay rates. How can we avoid watching the markets when a daily movement makes more of a difference than all our efforts to get promoted, earn new certifications, do impressive work, etc. The toxic thought here is that the zig zags matter more to our destiny than the hard work, and so we watch the zig zags instead of doing the work.

[Simpli-Fi]

Thanks @ChpBstrd.

I agree with everything you wrote...and I think that is why/where coast FIRE fits in, at least that is how one can escape the golden handcuffs; however healthcare is where the apprehension flows in.

[Captain Cactus]

Thanks @ChpBstrd.

I agree with everything you wrote...and I think that is why/where coast FIRE fits in, at least that is how one can escape the golden handcuffs; however healthcare is where the apprehension flows in.

Same here… it’s the health insurance that’s keeping us from breaking free. 

[lifeisshort123]

So many people say that about the health insurance…. I can’t imagine what low or mid wage workers who don’t have access to insurance through work go through though, it is much worse….

[TreeLeaf]

I clicked on this thread because a friend of mine keeps saying "Tomorrow isn't even guaranteed" as a way to convince me to spend more money and "have a good time".

Said friend is 450 lbs, smokes, has heart disease, lives paycheck to paycheck, is diabetic but still drinks pop, constantly gets drunk and high, eats about 6,000 calories everyday of fast food, and can only walk a few feet now without getting winded. He is constantly in and out of the hospital and the doctors say he has a few years left to live. He says he has constant chest pain now. I have been quietly watching him kill himself with food and drugs for years now, and he has made it clear that he will not change his lifestyle and I should be like him to be truly happy because "tomorrow isn't even guaranteed".

Since he can barely walk we only meet for lunch now where I watch him stuff his face with garbage and talk about how high/wasted he will get tonight because "tomorrow isn't even guaranteed"

I know a few people now who have died in their mid/late forties who have told me "tomorrow isn't even guaranteed" a few years before their death.

It is true that tomorrow is not guaranteed. If you believe this though it can also be used to justify any sort of dangerous or depressing behavior today.

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

[RWTL]

So sorry to hear about your friend.  Give yourself time to process and as others have said, try not to make too many decisions while your in the acute grief.

You are trading your one truly limited resource for one that is far less limited and much more negotiable in it's usefulness once you have the needs covered.  That's always been true, the shock and clarity are just a little more vivid right now.  Or as we say in these parts, security is an expensive illusion.

This is really insightful.  It seems so obvious, but is hard to see it when you're stuck in the normal 9 to 5.

[Dicey]

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

This is golden.

[moneytaichi]

Thanks @ChpBstrd.

I agree with everything you wrote...and I think that is why/where coast FIRE fits in, at least that is how one can escape the golden handcuffs; however healthcare is where the apprehension flows in.

Same here… it’s the health insurance that’s keeping us from breaking free.

ACA actually makes the health insurance possible and feasible if you can manage your income. We paid $5-600 in CA silver plan when I was not on any corp benefits. Of course we have to keep an eye on next election and its subsequent impacts on ACA. Even so, many states like CA will most likely keep some forms of state insurance marketplace, even if Federal ACA is severely reduced. It'll take time to implement changes so we get time to find jobs with insurance ;-)

[Simpli-Fi]

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

Yikes @curious_george!  That sure is a destructive way to spend remaining days on this rock.  But makes me think that career suicide could be viewed as destructive as well. 

[TreeLeaf]

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

Yikes @curious_george!  That sure is a destructive way to spend remaining days on this rock.  But makes me think that career suicide could be viewed as destructive as well.

Oh - idk. I certainly view them differently...especially if you are a multi-millionaire. Money is just a means to an end for me. It has no inherit value and I'm not planning on dying with it. Same with my career. Most of the happiness came from the people I have been able to work with over the years, not the job itself. And I became friends with the people I most enjoyed working with so I still get to hang out with them. :)

What are you really losing if you walk away from your career?

Physical and mental health allow me to continue to enjoy life. My friend can no longer go running, or hiking, or play tennis. He is not happy without beer and drugs. He has a nice job, but that is all. He does make more money than me - but he put his career ahead of everything - including his own health, happiness, marriage (he is divorced), etc.

I think  health is more important than money because I can use my time left on this rock to generate more money, but after a certain point it can be hard to use more money to create better health or more time.

If you are a multi-millionaire you have already passed that point, imo.

Do what you want. In your shoes I would only work for entertainment in a flexible job that has zero stress. Even then I might randomly quit if I got side tracked by a good book series or something.

[clarkfan1979]

I'm sorry for your loss.

One of my friends from high school died about 3 weeks ago at the age of 42. They were probably 150 pounds overweight, lived a stressful and overall unhealthy life. Super sad, but I wasn't surprised.

[Metalcat]

I personally wouldn't consider eating and drinking oneself to death to be "living," that's just slowly dying and not caring enough about living not to.

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, and that should be a rallying call to live today.

However, if you think that "living" means doing shit that will make your future worse, then you need to seriously reexamine what you think living actually means.

And if your aren't really living...what are you doing???

[wenchsenior]

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

This is golden.

Absolutely.

Another variant quote that I heard that really struck me and helped me to really change focus in my life a few years ago, and that I think is very applicable in our current culture that loves to emphasize 'self-care' without examining what true self-care really entails:

Brianna Weist wrote, “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from."

[Simpli-Fi]

Brianna Weist wrote, “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from."

Life will be beautiful if one achieves this.

[RWTL]

Brianna Weist wrote, “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from."

This.

I feel like I want to engrave this onto a sign.

[ender]

Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but we probably should not do anything today to fuck it up just in case it arrives.

This is golden.

Absolutely.

Another variant quote that I heard that really struck me and helped me to really change focus in my life a few years ago, and that I think is very applicable in our current culture that loves to emphasize 'self-care' without examining what true self-care really entails:

Brianna Weist wrote, “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from."

I love this.

[ca-rn]

Thanks @ChpBstrd.

I agree with everything you wrote...and I think that is why/where coast FIRE fits in, at least that is how one can escape the golden handcuffs; however healthcare is where the apprehension flows in.

Same here… it’s the health insurance that’s keeping us from breaking free.

ACA actually makes the health insurance possible and feasible if you can manage your income. We paid $5-600 in CA silver plan when I was not on any corp benefits. Of course we have to keep an eye on next election and its subsequent impacts on ACA. Even so, many states like CA will most likely keep some forms of state insurance marketplace, even if Federal ACA is severely reduced. It'll take time to implement changes so we get time to find jobs with insurance ;-)

I'm CoastFIRED for the free health insurance and plan to stay until 55.  I live in CA too but with rental income, 401k to roth IRA conversions (at 55) and a single filer, I won't qualify for reduced ACA.  So am researching to plan an expatFIRE until 65... I hate this American healthcare system.