To Dog or not to Dog

[WSUCoug1994]

I am writing this primarily for my 4 year old daughter.  I assume that she is similar to most young children who are obsessed with animals particularly unicorns, dogs and ponies.  My wife and I are not what you would describe as "dog people" - she had a dog growing up and I had a cat growing up but we have not been exposed to the "dog life" as adults.  Our daughter would like to have a dog - as I think most young children who don't recognize the cost/work involved and we are trying to keep an open mind.

Our situation is this: My wife is a SAHM with two kids (4 and 2) and our daughter attends pre-school 11 months out of the year.  We have a 22 acre lot that is essentially 20 acres of trees (and bobcats, turkeys, deer, etc.) and is adjacent to a pretty big housing development.  I work full time and I am often out of the house 2-3 days a week to work in San Francisco.  We are clean freaks and we generally take very good care of everything we own. 

We are open to the idea of having a dog - but to be honest we don't know enough about dog ownership or what kind of dog we should get.  I think both of us would prefer a "big" dog as opposed to a small dog - we do a ton of outdoors activities and we think a lab or something of that size would be fun to take to the lake and on hikes with the family and for regular camping trips.  Since we are clean freaks we are worried about long-haired dogs and since we have hardwood floors throughout our house we are also worried about scratching the floors.

As the kids get older and I get retired (3-4 year window) we would like to start traveling domestically and internationally as well - which could cause an emotional and financial stress on a dog.  We also spend a lot time at "local" lake where we like to wakeboard/wakesurf and generally spend days out on the water. 

Some of our life seems to be tightly integrated with that of a dog and some of just seems to be completely out of alignment.  I was just seeking advice as we would love to add a dog to our life but we were hoping to field some insight from the group if it makes sense or not and if the group might have recommendations of breeds for us to investigate further that might work best with our current set up. 

[Sibley]

Can you borrow a dog for some shortish period of time? Foster, pet sit, etc. You'll get practical experience in having a dog in the house.

Don't get a dog because your 4yo wants a dog. Get a dog if you and your spouse want a dog.

I don't have dogs. I have cats. But I know enough about animals to tell you that bringing any animal into your home will make you change things. Not to the same extent as having a baby, but there will be adjustments. If you're not willing to make those changes, then don't get a dog.

[Cranky]

Just like you should only have a baby because you really REALLY want a baby, you should only get a dog because you really REALLY want one.

Dogs are very much like a toddler that never grows up.

[Adam Zapple]

The fact that you are this concerned says you shouldn't get a dog.  I have one.  It is mostly a nuisance.  Most will shame you for sharing this opinion, but I have several friends with dogs who feel the same way.  My dog ruined our hardwood floors.  He smells.  He sheds everywhere.  He throws up on car rides so no blissful doggie trips to the lake or campground as I imagined.  Some dogs suck and there is no guarantee you will get a good one.

[SunnyDays]

I LOVE dogs and have had 2 (and 3 cats) over the years and they are a LOT of work.  And yes, they will wreck things just by nature of being an animal.  It’s really like having another kid so if you aren’t totally committed to doing your best for it for the next 12 years or so, then don’t get one.  Not fair to you or the dog.  As much fun as you will have with it, it will give you equal amounts of grief.  Look into borrowing or fostering to give you a taste of “the dog life.”  My local shelter offers weekends or weeks of “take a dog home “ to give it a break from the shelter and showcase an adoptable dog in the community.  Check to see what yours offers.

[erutio]

I am writing this primarily for my 4 year old daughter.  I assume that she is similar to most young children who are obsessed with animals particularly unicorns, dogs and ponies.  My wife and I are not what you would describe as "dog people" - she had a dog growing up and I had a cat growing up but we have not been exposed to the "dog life" as adults.  Our daughter would like to have a dog - as I think most young children who don't recognize the cost/work involved and we are trying to keep an open mind.

Our situation is this: My wife is a SAHM with two kids (4 and 2) and our daughter attends pre-school 11 months out of the year.  We have a 22 acre lot that is essentially 20 acres of trees (and bobcats, turkeys, deer, etc.) and is adjacent to a pretty big housing development.  I work full time and I am often out of the house 2-3 days a week to work in San Francisco.  We are clean freaks and we generally take very good care of everything we own. 

We are open to the idea of having a dog - but to be honest we don't know enough about dog ownership or what kind of dog we should get.  I think both of us would prefer a "big" dog as opposed to a small dog - we do a ton of outdoors activities and we think a lab or something of that size would be fun to take to the lake and on hikes with the family and for regular camping trips.  Since we are clean freaks we are worried about long-haired dogs and since we have hardwood floors throughout our house we are also worried about scratching the floors.

As the kids get older and I get retired (3-4 year window) we would like to start traveling domestically and internationally as well - which could cause an emotional and financial stress on a dog.  We also spend a lot time at "local" lake where we like to wakeboard/wakesurf and generally spend days out on the water. 

Some of our life seems to be tightly integrated with that of a dog and some of just seems to be completely out of alignment.  I was just seeking advice as we would love to add a dog to our life but we were hoping to field some insight from the group if it makes sense or not and if the group might have recommendations of breeds for us to investigate further that might work best with our current set up.

If your 4 year old is the only one in the house that wants the dog, don't do it.

Get her the unicorn instead.

[RetiredAt63]

As the others have said you have to really WANT a dog (or cat) or the work outweighs the joy.

Dog's nails should never get long enough to scratch the floors, or you are making it difficult for them to walk.  What that means is you have to be ready to trim nails every week or so.  Are you?  Labs - you do not want a Lab.  Great dogs, but those stiff hairs get into fabric and never want to come out.  And the coat is oily.  And they are a bit rambunctious for a 4 year old.  In your shoes I would look for a mix that has a poodle/Portuguese water dog type of coat. Those breeds love water, and although they need more trimming at least they basically don't shed.  Standard poodles are great dogs by the way.

But really, it doesn't sound like your family is dog owner material.  Seriously, this is not a put-down.  I had dogs all my adult life, but at the moment I am dog-less, because I want to travel and I can't do that with a dog.  I was in New Zealand and Australia for 3 months this past winter, and I could not have done that if I still had my last dog.  You want to travel more than fits a family dog lifestyle.  Also 4 is not a great age to start with a puppy.  Our first dog was well into middle age when our DD was born, so he was very tolerant of her and knew how to behave around babies and toddlers.  He died when she was 4 and we didn't get our next puppy until she was 7.

[fuzzy math]

If you're going to eventually get a dog, consider the lifespan of the dog in relation to the ages of your kids. Most big dogs are dead by age 12, little dogs by 14. If you play your cards right, you can get one when both are old enough to appreciate it, and that one could possibly last until they leave the house but not too much longer if you're looking to be unburdened by then. Maybe ages 4 and 6 for the kids?

[FIFoFum]

Don't get a dog. I commend you so much for asking and for your honestly. I work as a dog trainer, and I wish people asked and researched before acting impulsively.

Getting a dog for a 4 year old is a particularly terrible reason. A dog is not a stuffed toy. It's a living sentient being with significant care needs that you don't really sound set up to provide or interested in providing. Your children are way too young to understand or assist with caring for the dog. They are too young to be able to keep themselves safe, be safe/appropriate toward the dog, or be left unsupervised with a dog. You would be increasing the household work level and stress level significantly.

You can nurture your daughter's love of animals (including dogs) in other, far less time-consuming ways. Pandemic-permitting: Visit wildlife conservation centers & other kid-friendly programs with animals and animal education, look into therapy dog programs you can attend like reading with rover at the library, see if you have friends or neighbors with an appropriate dog who would let you have a fun visit (get to know the dog first & maybe you can even then offer to bring them on a hike or outing with you).
 
If her interest in having a dog persists as she grows up, I'd revisit the decision when she's in the 8-10 year old range (assuming parents are ok doing most of the work) or in tween-teenage years (where responsible teen takes on some of the care).

I'd suggest fostering now but most reputable shelters and rescue groups would not approve a family with a 4 year old and 2 year old as fosters. Especially not in a home that lacks significant dog experience. You're not a great candidate for that type of try-out for either your family or the foster dog. I'd be skeptical of an organization that would place a foster dog with you - so if you pursue this, you want to do due diligence.

I'll add - There is no perfectly clean dog, although some breeds are messier, sheddier, and/or smellier. If you care about cleanliness that much, I'd say: Absolutely not a lab! I love labs. I also still find fur stuck in clothing from a Labrador who hasn't lived in my home in 1.5 years!

[John Galt incarnate!]

Can you borrow a dog for some shortish period of time? Foster, pet sit, etc. You'll get practical experience in having a dog in the house.

Don't get a dog because your 4yo wants a dog. Get a dog if you and your spouse want a dog.

I don't have dogs. I have cats. But I know enough about animals to tell you that bringing any animal into your home will make you change things. Not to the same extent as having a baby, but there will be adjustments. If you're not willing to make those changes, then don't get a dog.

I like cats more than dogs.

I never had a dog  but I've had cats.

SO has 3 cats.

 She calls them her "fluffs."

[mspym]

I agree, you don't sound ready for a dog. Ours is the light of our hearts and yet she
- needs daily runs, even when it's pouring down or freezing cold - at least that takes care of the nails
- has a very strong prey drive so in your location would absolutely get lost chasing bush turkeys
- doesn't like other dogs. Some of them just don't.
- will get snippy with our teenagers when they get in her face too much. Now imagine that with some toddlers who haven't grown up with dogs and don't know how to take a warning.

Plus it sounds like the majority of the additional work would fall on your wife, and she should really consider the realities of looking after a dog with two toddlers and no other adult to help wrangle.

[Goldendog777]

You have to love the dog more than you love your stuff and having a clean house.  Dogs are messy and hairy.  I have a golden retriever and we just live with a measurable amount of hair on the furniture and floors.  Labs shed the same.  They get sick and seems like they always do it on the carpet or a brand new rug.  They get very expensive as they get older.  Someone has to be committed to daily exercise and of course someone needs to pick up the poop.  They can be a lot of work.  I wouldn’t trade my dog for a clean house any day of the week but I absolutely love my dog.  Doesn’t sound like it would be a good fit for you.

[bogart]

I work with a foster organization, and in addition to fosters, we have a crew of volunteers who help with additional tasks (including respite foster care, walking dogs, and showing up at adoption events to help out).  Four is youngish for (even) that, but you might explore whether there is an organization (or shelter) in your area where you and your daughter could volunteer, if of interest.  I agree with others that you don't sounds like you really want a dog, and that you shouldn't get one if you don't want one.

[Songbird]

Only get a dog if YOU want a dog.  Even then, you have to be prepared for what you are up against. Your life as you know it will change dramatically.   Stuff will get eaten, wrecked, thrown up on, chewed on, etc.  Your house will NOT be spotless ever again (although you also have kids so it might be a moot point...). Vet bills will be a significant expense, and that is just for a healthy dog who needs the required shots, heartworm, flea and tick preventatives, etc. 

It is a huge commitment.   Also a four year old is nowhere near old enough to to help much and won't be old enough for some time.

If you do decide to get one, PLEASE get some training and teaching about dogs under your belt.  Too many people apply human thinking to a dog's behavior and get upset at the animal.  (I'm not saying you would, but it does happen).  An example that comes to mind is submission peeing....some female dogs will do this, to show how submissive they are when they are greeting people/owners (can also excitement pee), and then people (homeowners) get mad because their carpet just got ruined, which makes the dog try harder to show she is submissive and it just goes on from there.  A lot of people don't know to just ignore it and that the dog is actually being sweet. Typically it goes away if you don't make a big fuss over the dog when you come in the door.   But a dog should NEVER be punished for that. They don't understand why they are in trouble.   That is just one example...

We are huge dog lovers here, have had dogs our whole married lives, currently have two German Shepherds that are our babies.....but the workload is immense.  They need to have a job to do (patrolling the property) and be challenged daily, otherwise they will stage a takeover and run the whole show themselves.  :)    They make messes and are a TON of work.  Vacuuming is constant.   I adore them and love them to pieces. They are my constant companions and protectors.  But yeah...lots of work.  I don't mind it, but you maybe would.  And my standard of cleanliness had to go out the window.....

Also, just an aside, you didn't mention it but I would not recommend a German Shepherd for a first dog, unless you did a lot of educating yourself about them before getting one.  Our grown son, who has been around dogs his whole life, has even said he would never get one because for his lifestyle they are just too much of a commitment.  I think he would like a dog that sleeps all day by the fire.  LOL! 

Good luck with your decision!   It is just as big of one as having a human child.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

Rescue places always need volunteers. Go walk some dogs, or read them books or whatever. Or you can go to reputable pet stores and cuddle puppies. Can you get the 4 year old a goldfish and call it Fido or Rover?

[afox]

If you go from no-dog to dog answer the following question:
-Dogs require about 2 hours (or whatever the number is) a day to care for. What are you (or other family members) going to give up from your current daily routine to make time for caring for the dog? Same question for the money to care for the dog but its much easier to find the money than it is to find the time and effort.

Too often we fool ourselves into thinking that we have a limitless amount of time and attention to devote to anything and everything that strikes our fancy. Instead of thinking about how fun it would be to have/do x,y, and z think about what you would replace out of your current time devotion and attention to buy/take on x, y, or z. This leads to much more realistic and informed decision making and allows you to achieve long term goals. First step is to admit that you dont have unlimited time and attention to devote to anything that strikes your fancy, that is a maturity development milestone that some people reach sooner than others and some people never realize, some people (4 year olds for example) just seem to get distracted easily and run around chasing shiny objects and fanciful ideas their whole lives without much direction and then get upset when they cant achieve even modest goals...

[Missy B]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

[RetiredAt63]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

And herding breeds NEED to herd, guess what that 4 year old will be getting from the dog?  Go here, go there, do what I  tell you.   :-)

[Sugaree]

We are dog people.  But, there is a reason that puppies are cute.  Because if they weren't then no one would ever have one.  If you do eventually decide to get a dog, look for one that's old enough to have outgrown the puppy rambunctious/chewing/zoomie stage.  My older dog came to us when he was almost 3.  He was housebroken and had basic manners training.  A rescue that has foster homes vs. a shelter is a good place to start looking for a first dog.  Someone, who usually has dog experience, has been working with those dogs to get them used to being a family member. 

[WSUCoug1994]

Thank you to everyone that has commented - I can't even begin to tell you all how helpful this is for me and my wife.  Based on this advice we are NOT going to be getting a dog but I really am excited about volunteering at the shelter.  Thank you for being honest and direct, that is EXACTLY what I was hoping for from this forum.  You guys are awesome.  Thank you.

[Jack0Life]

Don't get a dog if you're not dog people.
I'm not a dog person but my wife really wanted a dog.
For the first few years of marriage, she stayed at home a lot and didn't have friends so I got her a dog to keep her companied.
Now 3 years into it, I'm the one that walks the dog and bathe it. We're lucky as we haven't had any expensive vet bill yet. I don't know what we'll do if a $3k vet bill comes in.
I feel like you guys will be taking care of the dog once your 4 yr old is tired of it.

[mozar]

With the attention span of a 4 year old, your daughter probably only wants to play with a puppy for a few minutes anyway. An hour a week at a shelter should more than sufficient.

[Just Joe]

I'll further the opinion that we are dog people, we love our dog (and cats) but don't recommend having a dog to anyone.

Our current dog cost us $6K+ in vet bills after an accident because due to reasons we could not put her down. She has recovered well against my expectations.

When this dog passes someday we'll have no more dogs so we can travel easier. Maybe we'll dog sit and kid sit for our kids.

[use2betrix]

My parents bought me a chocolate lab for my 16th birthday. For the first couple years, they did a pretty good amount of taking care of the dog. In my 2nd year of college, I took him with me. After college, I moved cross country and they kept him for a year, then I flew him down with me when I was around 21-22. He was 5-6 at the time, and I had him until he passed away at 13, three years ago. My wife and I did often mention before he passed that, “once he passes away, we’re going to enjoy some time without the responsibilities of a dog and travel and all that stuff that we had been delaying.” It was less than two months after his passing that we picked up an 8 week old German Shepherd. It only took about two weeks after his passing that we knew we were immediately ready for another dog.

Some people are dog people, and others absolutely are not. There’s a LOT to consider before making the decision, and I would consider the idea of fostering or other options before making a 10+ year commitment.

As others said, the breed matters. Big and high energy is a LOT more work. Those types of dogs you often get out of them, what you put in, and if you don’t put in much, you may be very very miserable. While labs are some of the most popular breeds, they certainly still require a good amount of training and work.

Our German Shepherd is in a whole different world than our lab was. As mentioned earlier in this thread, they are very assertive, high energy, and a lot of work. Our GSD has been a ton more work than our lab ever did, but the return on many of his traits is also infinitely higher. His drive for a ball, when playing games, catching things, is out of this world. If that drive isnt’ harnessed correctly, it could be a disaster. One of our dogs brother is so high strung (and likely poorly trained) that they can’t take him out in public because he’s so bad around people and dogs. Our dog, on the other hand, we don’t hesitate taking him through crowded people with other dogs. In fact, his ball drive is so hard, we can take him to a packed park or beach full with other people and dogs, and he can be off leash, and as long as I have a ball in my hand he will ignore every single other distraction around him.

[Lady SA]

Everyone has great advice already, and I see you decided against getting a dog and just going to the shelter. But for the future, or for anyone else reading this, I just wanted to comment on the "big" vs "small" dog question. Lots of people want a "bigger" dog so you can go on hikes, camping, etc. I just wanted to throw out there that my very active parents who do those things have a shih-tzu mix who comes up to mid-shin, who is a blaze of energy and loves hiking and is happy as a clam to be outside for hours. Plus she is also nice and small, so less food and more importantly, less poops! And she is very snuggly and friendly and great with kids, and doesn't shed (!). Just wanted to put in a plug that a small lap dog does not preclude the dog from loving fun outdoor activities, and can be a great fit for a young family!

edit: our friends who have labs have hair literally everywhere. Shedding dogs shed like crazy and it gets on your clothes, on furniture, and in your buttcrack. They clean their house constantly. Poodle mixes or breeds like shih-tzu, maltese, etc that have low or no-shed coats are much better for self-described "clean freaks", they often don't shed much if at all. My DH, who is allergic to most animals, has no problem with my parent's dog too. Long-haired dogs, you can just shave them once every few months, they don't *need* to have their hair long and dragging in the dirt.

[kite]

I don’t think there is a good dog for a clean freak unless you want to be cured of that, particularly if you want a dog that loves the water.  My dog’s personality is so great that the shedding (it’s constant) doesn’t bother me.  Having had several different breeds over my lifetime, I’d say temperament is the most important thing.  Also, since we raise chickens, we won’t have any breed that would be a threat to them.  The mutt we’ve got has a herding instinct and will round them up, but not retrieve. 

[use2betrix]

My German Shepherd only sheds really bad, twice a year. For 6 months in the spring, and for the other 6 months in the fall.

[SunnyDays]

My German Shepherd only sheds really bad, twice a year. For 6 months in the spring, and for the other 6 months in the fall.

Ha, yes indeed.  My dog is a collie/shepherd cross and her shedding is either “bad” or “worse.”  There’s about a one week window in winter when it’s barely noticeable, but that’s it.  Luckily, she’s very sweet and a perfect fit for my lifestyle so I forgive her.

[mspym]

My German Shepherd only sheds really bad, twice a year. For 6 months in the spring, and for the other 6 months in the fall.

Ha, yes indeed.  My dog is a collie/shepherd cross and her shedding is either “bad” or “worse.”  There’s about a one week window in winter when it’s barely noticeable, but that’s it.  Luckily, she’s very sweet and a perfect fit for my lifestyle so I forgive her.

Our previous dog was an collie/shepherd cross and oh boy, the shedding! Just tufts, all the time, everywhere. Our current dog is short haired and not too shed-y but maybe that is a delusion of contrast

[MrThatsDifferent]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

[SunnyDays]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

Snort.  You haven’t met my cats.  Manageable isn’t a word I would use!  5 dogs would be less work.  They scratch furniture and carpet, tear window screens, climb all over the counters, bite and scratch me, sometimes in play and sometimes not, want to be fed hourly, pound at the door to be let out and in, kill birds and shed a surprising amount.  I swear I don’t know why I keep them.

[Missy B]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

And herding breeds NEED to herd, guess what that 4 year old will be getting from the dog?  Go here, go there, do what I  tell you.   :-)

Yeah, my mom had a corgie. He liked nothing better at parties than herding the guests by nipping their ankles.

[MudPuppy]

Thank you to everyone that has commented - I can't even begin to tell you all how helpful this is for me and my wife.  Based on this advice we are NOT going to be getting a dog but I really am excited about volunteering at the shelter.  Thank you for being honest and direct, that is EXACTLY what I was hoping for from this forum.  You guys are awesome.  Thank you.

I really appreciate how much thought you put into this! I'm an all-in dog person with three large dogs (and often a foster, too), but would never try to push the dog lifestyle on others. I think there will be a time for a dog in your life, but maybe in a couple years when your daughter can contribute more to the care of the dog. When you think you might be ready, consider foster to adopt. It's a little like rent to own and you can try the dog lifestyle for a couple weeks before deciding firmly.

[RetiredAt63]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

And herding breeds NEED to herd, guess what that 4 year old will be getting from the dog?  Go here, go there, do what I  tell you.   :-)

Yeah, my mom had a corgie. He liked nothing better at parties than herding the guests by nipping their ankles.

Every Sheltie I have met has stared at my ankles.  ;-)    Continuously.

[Sugaree]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

And herding breeds NEED to herd, guess what that 4 year old will be getting from the dog?  Go here, go there, do what I  tell you.   :-)

Yeah, my mom had a corgie. He liked nothing better at parties than herding the guests by nipping their ankles.

My cousin may or may not have trained her border collie to herd her three boys in when she called them.  He didn't nip, but he definitely knew how to move them towards the house.

[use2betrix]

My German Shepherd only sheds really bad, twice a year. For 6 months in the spring, and for the other 6 months in the fall.

Ha, yes indeed.  My dog is a collie/shepherd cross and her shedding is either “bad” or “worse.”  There’s about a one week window in winter when it’s barely noticeable, but that’s it.  Luckily, she’s very sweet and a perfect fit for my lifestyle so I forgive her.

Our previous dog was an collie/shepherd cross and oh boy, the shedding! Just tufts, all the time, everywhere. Our current dog is short haired and not too shed-y but maybe that is a delusion of contrast

I’m fortunate that my wife doesn’t work, so she handles the dog grooming immaculately. She bathe’s him once a week, and brushes him every day (typically outside).

What’s even better, he loves baths, he loves to be brushed, he even loves getting his nails trimmed by the Dremel! Although we had a lab for 13 years before him, we read many books, made guides, lists, etc. before we got the German Shepherd, all about raising puppies (and specifically high drive dogs). He has been a ton of work, but it certainly shows through his training and behavior.

[RetiredAt63]

So much good advice here already that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to commend you on your thoughtfulness about whether a dog is appropriate for your family. If everyone did the same, there would be far less need for shelters.

If you do think you might get one, do take some time to get to know the breeds. The volunteering people have suggested would help there too. Breeds differ highly in temperament - how affectionate, dominant, activities they respond to, exercise levels needed, high strung or chill. You may be surprised at what you learn - for instance I was surprised to learn that greyhounds actually don't need that much exercise and are very calm. German shepards and snausers and huskies don't tend to want petting that much, and a lot of the working dog breeds are high energy and aren't a great choice unless you're planning to work them.

And herding breeds NEED to herd, guess what that 4 year old will be getting from the dog?  Go here, go there, do what I  tell you.   :-)

Yeah, my mom had a corgie. He liked nothing better at parties than herding the guests by nipping their ankles.

My cousin may or may not have trained her border collie to herd her three boys in when she called them.  He didn't nip, but he definitely knew how to move them towards the house.

So children are an adequate substitute for sheep?    ;-)

[Just Joe]

Sounds like the school system needs Border Collies for the playgrounds and hallways... ;)

[mm1970]

Thank you to everyone that has commented - I can't even begin to tell you all how helpful this is for me and my wife.  Based on this advice we are NOT going to be getting a dog but I really am excited about volunteering at the shelter.  Thank you for being honest and direct, that is EXACTLY what I was hoping for from this forum.  You guys are awesome.  Thank you.

If it helps at all, my husband and boys have wanted a dog forever.  FOREVER.  I don't like dogs.  I like cats, but am allergic.

We got a dog last November.  Love her to death, even though she's an old, cranky Chihuahua who is hard to train.

I really just had to work my way up to the idea, and waited until my younger son was 7.  The kids DO NOT HELP.  They might, but the humane society was very clear that the adults are adopting the dog, and she is your responsibility.  It's been great for COVID, no travel!

[Missy B]

Sounds like the school system needs Border Collies for the playgrounds and hallways... ;)

You know what, I bet that would work brilliantly. Have herding dogs bringing the kids in from recess would be much easier on teachers and kids don't argue with dogs.

[Trifle]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

+1.  Rats make great pets for kids.  They're sweet, smart, interactive, low maintenance, and bigger/sturdier than mice and gerbils.  You name it and we've had it as far as pets go (dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, gerbils, mice, etc . . . ) and I think the rats were the best overall.  They don't live very long (about two years), which may be a plus or a minus for your situation.   

[GizmoTX]

We deliberately waited until our son was 6 before getting a dog. We didn't want one too big, so it wouldn't knock down or intimidate our son, or too little, so DH wouldn't feel silly walking it. We decided to get a family friendly Shetland Sheepdog puppy (later neutered). I insisted on crate training & I took the puppy to obedience classes as soon as possible (4 months). By the time the dog was 2, both boy & dog were ready to sleep together in the same room with an open crate. DS was responsible for putting his things where the dog couldn't reach them. I monitored feeding & care, but they grew up together. The dog lived to almost 15; DS rushed home from college to help take him to the vet the final time. (I'm teary eyed even now, remembering.) We waited a year, & then got another Sheltie.

[RetiredAt63]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

+1.  Rats make great pets for kids.  They're sweet, smart, interactive, low maintenance, and bigger/sturdier than mice and gerbils.  You name it and we've had it as far as pets go (dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, gerbils, mice, etc . . . ) and I think the rats were the best overall.  They don't live very long (about two years), which may be a plus or a minus for your situation.

Guinea pigs as well. 

[WSUCoug1994]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

+1.  Rats make great pets for kids.  They're sweet, smart, interactive, low maintenance, and bigger/sturdier than mice and gerbils.  You name it and we've had it as far as pets go (dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, gerbils, mice, etc . . . ) and I think the rats were the best overall.  They don't live very long (about two years), which may be a plus or a minus for your situation.

Guinea pigs as well.

We did fish first.  Bish (as we called him) didn't entertain for long and 2 years later he passed away peacefully in his sleep.  My wife's sister has guinea pigs and we have "pig sat" for them while they traveled to Europe but the engagement level combined with the odor left us wanting more.  My daughter is pony obsessed and she is old enough to ride this summer - we are going to go down that path (not owning a horse path) but the lessons combined with the reading/volunteering at the shelter seem to be our next steps.  As everyone mentioned our kids are too young for dogs and maybe we can revisit later.  That same sister has a dog so we might volunteer for some outings and maybe some overnight stays since the dog is only 8 months old and has spent a lot of time around my daughter.  Thanks again for all of the advice.

[Michael in ABQ]

We never had dogs or cats growing up, just some hamsters and gerbils. I enjoyed my friends dogs but have never had a strong urge to own one. We've got 6 kids, there's plenty of messes and work to deal with already. Plus, a couple of them are allergic to dogs so that also makes it a non-starter. My in-laws have a pair of border collies that they can go play with. Best of all, the hair and work stays over at their house - sort of like grandkids.

Very interesting thread that further reinforces as much as a like the idea of owning a dog, the reality would be a terrible fit for our family right now.

[RetiredAt63]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

+1.  Rats make great pets for kids.  They're sweet, smart, interactive, low maintenance, and bigger/sturdier than mice and gerbils.  You name it and we've had it as far as pets go (dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, gerbils, mice, etc . . . ) and I think the rats were the best overall.  They don't live very long (about two years), which may be a plus or a minus for your situation.

Guinea pigs as well.

We did fish first.  Bish (as we called him) didn't entertain for long and 2 years later he passed away peacefully in his sleep.  My wife's sister has guinea pigs and we have "pig sat" for them while they traveled to Europe but the engagement level combined with the odor left us wanting more.  My daughter is pony obsessed and she is old enough to ride this summer - we are going to go down that path (not owning a horse path) but the lessons combined with the reading/volunteering at the shelter seem to be our next steps.  As everyone mentioned our kids are too young for dogs and maybe we can revisit later.  That same sister has a dog so we might volunteer for some outings and maybe some overnight stays since the dog is only 8 months old and has spent a lot of time around my daughter.  Thanks again for all of the advice.

Personally my pets are carnivores, not herbivores (cats and dogs, not rats and gerbils and hamsters and guinea pigs).  Well, except for the fish I used to have.  Fish can also be a lot of work.  But I know lots of people who love their rabbits and rodents.

Visiting puppy time sounds great, all the fun and not much of the work.  Sort of like being a grandparent.   ;-)

[SunnyDays]

Uh oh!  A pony obsessed daughter plus riding lessons = future horse ownership!  And if you think dogs are a lot of work, just wait.  I was that kid once.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

OP, since you decided on no dog, get a cat. They’re more self-sufficient and don’t require walks. If you go away for a bit you could have someone take the cat in for a bit. Or get fish or gerbils. There’s lots of animals you can get for your kids to enjoy that are manageable.

+1.  Rats make great pets for kids.  They're sweet, smart, interactive, low maintenance, and bigger/sturdier than mice and gerbils.  You name it and we've had it as far as pets go (dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, gerbils, mice, etc . . . ) and I think the rats were the best overall.  They don't live very long (about two years), which may be a plus or a minus for your situation.

Guinea pigs as well.

We did fish first.  Bish (as we called him) didn't entertain for long and 2 years later he passed away peacefully in his sleep.  My wife's sister has guinea pigs and we have "pig sat" for them while they traveled to Europe but the engagement level combined with the odor left us wanting more.  My daughter is pony obsessed and she is old enough to ride this summer - we are going to go down that path (not owning a horse path) but the lessons combined with the reading/volunteering at the shelter seem to be our next steps.  As everyone mentioned our kids are too young for dogs and maybe we can revisit later.  That same sister has a dog so we might volunteer for some outings and maybe some overnight stays since the dog is only 8 months old and has spent a lot of time around my daughter.  Thanks again for all of the advice.

Personally my pets are carnivores, not herbivores (cats and dogs, not rats and gerbils and hamsters and guinea pigs).  Well, except for the fish I used to have.  Fish can also be a lot of work.  But I know lots of people who love their rabbits and rodents.

Visiting puppy time sounds great, all the fun and not much of the work.  Sort of like being a grandparent.   ;-)

Haha, same re the carnivores. Herbivores are cute but I can't quite relate.