Author Topic: Changing course  (Read 2670 times)

ixtap

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Changing course
« on: June 25, 2018, 04:43:48 PM »
I have mentioned before that my husband is suffering from back issues. It is affecting his work and his general quality of life. He isn't ready to move onto the next stage, partly because we can't do the adventures we have planned until he gets this sorted out. That is, the only thing he would have to retire to right now would be lots of meditation, physical therapy and pain. However, his medical team is convinced that the stress and posture at work are contributing to the issue. He has tried to address this by working fewer hours (salaried employee for the win), but he feels like he is abandoning his team when he leaves after 4 hours, instead of the usual 10-15, thus increasing his stress. He needs a commute that allows him to walk or bike to work, go home for a couple of hours to get in a comfortable position, then return if he is up to it.

We lived within biking distance when he first got this job, but have since purchased a 40' boat to live on and he has been commuting just over 20 miles each way. I have been driving him to work for 2 weeks, and have done so in the past when he has a flair up, but this isn't so great for my quality of life or health (I am typing this from McDonald's because the library is closed on Mondays).

We have explored all of our options: a class B RV, buying a condo, renting a room, renting an apartment (wow, rent has really gone up in the last 5 years since we last looked!!)... It looks like we will be taking a room in an extended stay hotel for a month. If he improves, we will revisit the other options in order to improve his quality of life until we reach our number. If he does not improve, he will be exploring using his disability insurance (we already understand the process, he was just trying to push through), and if all else fails there is a round of layoffs expected this fall.

We did have a brief moment of "If only we had bought a condo 5 years ago instead of aiming for a boat," but we have enjoyed our boat and will continue to spend weekends on board. And we did look at making a 6 month commitment to a room in a condo, but the place was hoarded and smelled overwhelming of cat and whatever animal the current tenant of the room had in a cage. That is not how one improves quality of life.

LostGirl

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2018, 07:20:55 PM »
Is he unable to drive? You mentioned that he billed or you drive him. Buying a second car would be much cheaper than renting a condo.

ixtap

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2018, 07:40:39 PM »
Is he unable to drive? You mentioned that he billed or you drive him. Buying a second car would be much cheaper than renting a condo.

Driving increases the pain. And if it gets too bad, he can't turn his neck and isn't really safe to drive.

scantee

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2018, 08:42:45 PM »
However, his medical team is convinced that the stress and posture at work are contributing to the issue. He has tried to address this by working fewer hours (salaried employee for the win), but he feels like he is abandoning his team when he leaves after 4 hours, instead of the usual 10-15, thus increasing his stress. He needs a commute that allows him to walk or bike to work, go home for a couple of hours to get in a comfortable position, then return if he is up to it.

It sounds what he needs is a medical leave that would allow him some time away from work to really focus on getting well. That is probably hard for him to accept, but in my experience when it comes to chronic pain like he is suffering from, half measures rarely work. The benefit of a medical leave where he is 100% away is that he can plan for it and prep his team for his absence. Important to remember that leaves of 6 to 12 weeks happen all of the time in the work world. Think of all of the women that go on maternity leave! It seems like it will be a big deal but the time ends of flying by and they are back before you know it. Were I in your situation, I would broach the issue and see if he is at least amenable to exploring the idea. From there you can help him map out the best course of action: can he get his doctor's approval (sounds like it shouldn't be an issue), when will it happen, how long will it last, and what will be his care plan for while he is away.

firelight

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2018, 09:56:05 PM »
Is he unable to drive? You mentioned that he billed or you drive him. Buying a second car would be much cheaper than renting a condo.

Driving increases the pain. And if it gets too bad, he can't turn his neck and isn't really safe to drive.
Can he carpool with someone else going in the same direction?

chrisgermany

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2018, 10:11:57 PM »
DH had spinal issues incl. surgery for years before ER.
We retired 5 years ago. He was 61.
Instead of leaving for the trip we had planned ER started with him having surgery 2x within 3 months. But from then on he could focus on healing, PT and exercising.
We have taken some minor trips in the first year.
His back pain went away.
We did the cancelled trip in year 3 of ER.
No regrets.

In your situation I would try to get a sabbatical or 3 month leave and go to a place that provides best medical chances for health improvement.
Rent a furnished place and focus on him getting better.
If surgery is necessary, do not expect full recovery quickly. I have watched 3 persons now to improve even up to month 6 and later.
Take your time! This will be another kind of investment for happy retirement.
All the best!
« Last Edit: June 25, 2018, 10:14:29 PM by chrisgermany »

ixtap

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2018, 10:35:54 PM »
He will consider medical leave if this doesn't work. That is why we are doing a short term rental. If he does take medical leave, he wants to spend time with family. Not sure how he plans to get to the other side of the country when he can't sit in the car for more than about half an hour, though. On the other hand, we can cross the southern border and rent a place for about what we would be saving in live aboard fees, and that hadn't occurred to me until reading some of the ideas here!


Slow&Steady

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2018, 07:16:38 AM »
He will consider medical leave if this doesn't work. That is why we are doing a short term rental. If he does take medical leave, he wants to spend time with family. Not sure how he plans to get to the other side of the country when he can't sit in the car for more than about half an hour, though. On the other hand, we can cross the southern border and rent a place for about what we would be saving in live aboard fees, and that hadn't occurred to me until reading some of the ideas here!

If this becomes a reality look into traveling by train, get the nicest sleeper "room" they offer on the train and enjoy your ability to move freely and sit when desired!  We took a train trip a couple of years ago and I am now convinced that if one has the extra time in their schedule (and the train goes near where you are headed), train travel is the best way to get someplace. 

Vibrissae

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Re: Changing course
« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2018, 08:15:02 AM »
I took two months of leave to recover from surgery, and as a bonus, all the time spent off my feet relieved my plantar fasciitis, which had been making me miserable for years! There really is a lot to be said for giving oneself time for healing.

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!