I think that people change over time, and so their answers may change, too. When I was a kid, I wanted All The Things. We were poor, and my mom was very anti-consumer, and so I never had name-brand anything. It definitely caused some social problems (a little protective coloration would have been nice in jr high/HS, ya know?). But I didn't take the anti-consumerism lesson -- well, I did, but I interpreted it as I wasn't "worthy" of buying nice things for. So when I got money, I enjoyed the liberation it provided; I still remember the first time I shopped without a grocery list, because I didn't have to worry about running out money -- I was practically twirling down the aisles with joy. Now, I was still socking money away, eating at home, and all that stuff. But I enjoyed the freedom that came with knowing I did not need to watch every single penny.
And when I married DH? Boy howdy. He was Mr. Spendypants. I still thought of myself as the frugal one, and I insisted we have a budget and put money away and all that, but I secretly got an extra special thrill when he'd want to buy me something expensive. Now, again, we didn't go crazy; we always maxed out our 401(k)s and had an emergency fund and saved for our next cars and tried to live on one income and all that. Honestly, I think most people would have called us frugal, at least compared to our peers with comparable earnings. But by MMM standards, we were complete spendypants. We just weren't interested in full-on MMM; we were both career-focused, DH always liked spending money, and we both enjoyed living a nice lifestyle that I could only dream of as a kid. Because for me it was a dream. I almost cried when we bought our current house, because it was one of the houses I used to walk by as a kid and think "I could never afford something like that." (Side note: it's not a fancy mansion or anything, just a nice American Foursquare in a decent MC/UMC first-ring suburb, but as a kid I just assumed I'd be poor my whole life and that homes like that were for other people). There are still days I look out my window and wonder how the hell I managed to get this pretty freaking awesome life.
I even read MMM back then. And rolled my eyes, thinking, hey, that's great for him. But I spent a couple of decades scrimping and saving and doing all my own chores because I had to -- and I studied and worked my ass off specifically so I never have to live that way again.
For me, it took until probably my mid-40s to reach that curve on the hedonic treadmill where the next level up isn't as satisfying as the level below it. I have everything I need and a ton of what I want, and wanting more just felt selfish and excessive and unnecessary. And I had major life stuff happen (deaths in the family, depression, and such) and realized that my work wasn't as compelling as it had been when I was younger. Time suddenly became an overwhelming presence in my life. I've always been a daydreamer, a "someday" person, and the realization that at my age, "someday" may well be "never" if I don't act soon really kicked me in the ass.
So over the past several years, I have been paying much closer attention to what spending does and doesn't make me happy, and how much time/energy I really want to devote to work vs. other things. I have rediscovered the value of pushing yourself and doing hard, uncomfortable things just for the sake of proving to myself that I am still capable of more than I think. I value being FI more than anything, because that means we never have to move again if I don't want to, and my top priority is not to inflate my lifestyle so I am financially insecure again.
But even my own internal come-to-Jesus reckoning did not lead to an immediate MMM-level cutback. In fact, one of the first things I did was buy my StupidCar, a car that is completely unjustifiable on any rational or logical level. But it makes me blissfully happy every time I drive it. I had dreamed about that car for decades, but I refused to even consider actually buying it; I said it was for practical, financial reasons, but it really went back to that "I'm not worthy of such a nice thing" belief from my childhood. So when I looked at the finances and realized we really could write a check and still pay for college and still be on track to retire on our plan, it truly was liberating to seize the day and buy the damn thing; I honestly felt like I slayed that "I'm not good enough" beast for once and for all. It's the stupidest thing I've ever bought, and it's also the stupidest thing I have never regretted for a single day since I bought it. I can't drive it and not smile.
So it's easy for me to say now that more or better "stuff" doesn't make me happy, that I value being FI above anything else that money can buy, that freedom and experience is better than piling still more stuff into my life. That is an entirely accurate reflection of where I am today. But it took me over 20 years of working and consuming to get to that point, and it would be hypocritical of me to judge people who are earlier on in the journey. And it's also easy for me to say because I'm pretty damn privileged. There are a lot of people who struggle more than I ever have and never get to that point. I mean, it's one thing to do your own chores because they allow you to learn and push yourself and be a badass; it's another thing to do it because you have no choice, because you can't afford to outsource anything. So again, it would be pretty condescending of me to criticize someone else who is still trying to get to what they consider to be a comfortable lifestyle.
What I don't have patience for is whining, particularly among people who do make enough to live and save. You don't get to buy a new phone every two years and complain that you can't "afford" to save to retire, you know? It's all a choice; just make the best one you can, and own it.
