The 'I get it' moment has arrived

[Torran]

Just thought I'd share as I think I've finally reached the 'oh right, I get it' moment...

After perusing a lot of anti-consumerist and early retirement sites on the web, including MMM, and reading Your Money or Your Life, I then proceeded to continue as I always had, spending more than I earned and lusting after whatever shiny new item was in the shops.

It was almost as if it needed a while to actually sink in, because now, a couple of months down the line, something has just snapped. Since last payday, this month, I've spent a vast amount less than usual, and it's been easy. Without any feeling of deprivation, I've stayed away from the shops. My life has filled up with reading great books, seeing friends, going to free gigs and events around the city, walking everywhere, and spending a lot more time at home cooking up healthy food. And guess what...  a new feeling of peacefulness and contentment has started to arrive.

I'm nowhere near getting all my finances in order (my main goal just now is just to eliminate debt) but already, right now, there's a massive advantage to living a little differently -  the freedom of living a life unconnected from rampant consumerism. Phew. Took a while, but my goodness, the view is better over here.

Would love to here other people's experience of the moment that it sort of fell in to place: If it was the same for you, or if it was a struggle, or if everything clicked right away - and when (if) you started to feel a lot happier?

(Sorry if this has already been discussed before, I couldn't find exactly the right place to post it).

[horsepoor]

Congratulations!  It's odd how it can suddenly just "click" isn't it? 

I'd been getting increasingly frustrated that, despite a good income and trying to do things frugally, I couldn't seem to get off the credit card roller coaster, plus my house/life was cluttered (coincidence?!). It was also embarrassing that I was so stressed over the government shutdown, when I should have had a big enough e-fund to deal with a multi-month furlough if need be. DH and I basically ignored Christmas this year, and around that time, someone on a different forum mentioned MMM, so I came over here and started reading.  I was also in the process of selling off some excess stuff, so I put it into overdrive and the process of selling and donating stuff I'd paid good money for really made me not want to buy "stuff" that could potentially be a burden to get rid of later.  Plus I signed up for Mint and threw up in my mouth a little bit when it calculated our December food bill.  I've slashed my credit card bill in half since then, and am on track to kill it well before the promo rate expires in the fall, AND I'm making extra car payments, increased my retirement account contributions and am adding to my E-fund.  I would not have thought this was possible four months ago.

Yes, it feels really good, and I'm happier consuming less and spending less time in stores/shopping and instead enjoying getting money BACK from the credit card companies and finding the best deals on the things I really need.  It's kind of like a fun game now, instead of something that's requiring constant discipline and a feeling of deprivation.

[arebelspy]

Congrats.

That's an awesome mindset to have, and cultivate.

You may have to watch out for Frugal Fatigue as this mindset has just become a thing, and your brain maye fight it in an attempt to go back to its old, lazy ways.

If you can set it in though, it'll make you happy and prosperous. 

Good luck!

[Cheddar Stacker]

Congrats on the transformation.

I experienced a somewhat similar timeline. I read A LOT. Entire MMM blog. Entire Madfientist/Lacking Ambition/Go Curry Cracker/BNL blogs. During all that reading I started visiting this Forum, and I was just taking it all in and making minimal changes.

For me it's not that it didn't click, I just wasn't ready to fully change until I felt prepared and had really understood the mindset. Once I fully immersed myself it was an amazing feeling. Really life changing to realize how little most things matter, and how much you can accomplish with your body and mind.

[soccerluvof4]

^+1

[lexie2000]

Just thought I'd share as I think I've finally reached the 'oh right, I get it' moment...

After perusing a lot of anti-consumerist and early retirement sites on the web, including MMM, and reading Your Money or Your Life, I then proceeded to continue as I always had, spending more than I earned and lusting after whatever shiny new item was in the shops.

It was almost as if it needed a while to actually sink in, because now, a couple of months down the line, something has just snapped. Since last payday, this month, I've spent a vast amount less than usual, and it's been easy. Without any feeling of deprivation, I've stayed away from the shops. My life has filled up with reading great books, seeing friends, going to free gigs and events around the city, walking everywhere, and spending a lot more time at home cooking up healthy food. And guess what...  a new feeling of peacefulness and contentment has started to arrive.

I'm nowhere near getting all my finances in order (my main goal just now is just to eliminate debt) but already, right now, there's a massive advantage to living a little differently -  the freedom of living a life unconnected from rampant consumerism. Phew. Took a while, but my goodness, the view is better over here.

Would love to here other people's experience of the moment that it sort of fell in to place: If it was the same for you, or if it was a struggle, or if everything clicked right away - and when (if) you started to feel a lot happier?

(Sorry if this has already been discussed before, I couldn't find exactly the right place to post it).

Congrats.  It's really too bad that a lot of people don't just give it a whirl for a month or two.  Like you, they would learn that they do not feel as deprived as they think they would.

We've never been much into consumerism.  We started saving 50% of our income from the get go.  We were used to living like poor, college students and had a blast doing it, so with a few modifications, we just pressed on.

[nyxst]

I had sort of an opposite a-ha moment... I had been living by looking at everyone around me and comparing myself.  I didn't want a new car, but I felt like I "should" want one. I didn't like cable but I felt like I "should" have it. I didn't want my kids to feel deprived and bought them things that "should" have made them feel happier. By it never ever worked and I thought I was just an anolamy and kept trying to "get with the program"... Then I found you guys! And it was such a huge relief! I realized that I don't need any of the crap, and my kids weren't any better off, and all the things I felt crappy and fake about were actually crappy and fake :) then I felt like I had it right all along and I haven't felt a twinge of that guilt ever since :) now I just put my middle finger up to the whole facade and thank goodness I found the rest of my kind :)

[johnintaiwan]

I think my wife might have had an "I get it" moment. She hasn't jumped on the idea of ER yet, but I think she is getting closer.

I spent the weekend walking around the neighborhood looking for scrap pieces of wood and bricks for projects around the house. While I was working to clean them up and pull nails and such she came and told me that I could go buy those things, they are only a few bucks. I told her that i was having fun and it wasn't about the money. That if I went and bought them the projects would be completed very quickly and i would not get the enjoyment out of doing it myself. She kind of looked at me funny and then a look of realization came over her face. She said, "you are actually happy doing this?"

Long story short, we talked about finding things that you enjoy doing without thinking about the costs. It turns out that the most enjoyable things tend to be the cheapest. Has anyone else had this epiphany?

[Thegoblinchief]

My DW doesn't get it, but she is mostly on board. I didn't have a single "I get it" moment. I discovered MMM through the Circle of Control article (http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/10/07/how-big-is-your-circle-of-control/).

You could say I came for the interesting brand of optimism and badassery and stayed for the FIRE talk. I spent an entire month reading all of the back articles and from then on I've been hooked. Before MMM I thought we were living frugally, and was constantly depressed/frustrated about not being able to "get ahead). I still struggle with depression but I'm a lot happier with where we're at and where we're going.

[esperto]

I've been a big Dave Ramsey fan for years but we had kind of languished in the post baby step 2 stage for a while.  We weren't in debt (except for the house) but our full emergency fund was still pathetically small.  I don't remember what it was but I had an "I had enough" moment and started scouring the web for money saving tips to see how we could reduce our spending and build the emergency fund properly.  Somehow I stumbled onto the MMM blog and community and stuck around ever since.

Our emergency fund is growing and I get frustrated that it's not growing faster.  Part of the problem is that we bought our house at the top of the market and now we're upside down in it so it's harder to move closer to work.  I have a 45 minute commute but twice a week I get to telecommute instead.  I'm grateful for that.  I'm also testing the waters to find others in my part of town to carpool with to make the other 3 days less painful.

Also I've got child support payments to my ex which adds a drag to the savings rate.  Word of advice to all you single people.  Be VERY careful who you marry.  Divorce is expensive.  Divorce with kids is even more expensive.  Marry the right person the first time and it will save you years and $$$$$ of headache.  There's another thread about the 'what to tell your younger self' and that is my 2 bits.

[Torran]

So great to read all of this, thanks guys!

I was a little wary about frugal fatigue, but weirdly, I had spent months continuously overspending on small items (magazines, cheap clothes, coffees, other ridiculously stupid things) and feeling deprived and tired of never having any money. I felt like I was being soooo frugal by not spending lavishly, and it was so dispiriting that I was still broke.

So this is a different, new sort of feeling - to have radically reduced my spending and had an upsurge in contentment (just like magic!) around the same time. However I do appreciate the advice and indeed will be trying to keep focussed on the things in life that feel genuinely good and meaningful, so feelings of deprivation don't start to creep up on me.

I had sort of an opposite a-ha moment... I had been living by looking at everyone around me and comparing myself.  I didn't want a new car, but I felt like I "should" want one. I didn't like cable but I felt like I "should" have it. I didn't want my kids to feel deprived and bought them things that "should" have made them feel happier. By it never ever worked and I thought I was just an anolamy and kept trying to "get with the program"... Then I found you guys! And it was such a huge relief! I realized that I don't need any of the crap, and my kids weren't any better off, and all the things I felt crappy and fake about were actually crappy and fake :) then I felt like I had it right all along and I haven't felt a twinge of that guilt ever since :) now I just put my middle finger up to the whole facade and thank goodness I found the rest of my kind :)

This particularly meant a lot to me because, while my parents are basically the most mustachian people I have ever known (they hate spending money on things they can make or do themselves; one of our Christmas traditions is to steal a tree from the nearbye woodland (my mum calls it 'thinning out the trees', which the forestry commission would do come Springtime anyway) because they can't stand the idea of paying money for one), I think they've been a little suspicious of my newfound love of saving money. Which is fair enough, because up until now I've done a lot of shopping. I think they're just waiting to see how it pans out for me first, since I'm Irresponsible Offspring No.1

I also encountered some very unhappy vibes from another member of my close family when we were talking about our financial situation and I mentioned that I was trying to move away from consumerism and start seriously taking control of my finances. It was not a welcome turn to the conversation, and I was left feeling that I had rocked the boat with some crazy mad ideas about anti-consumerism. Sigh. I'm hoping over time that our relationship will be fine, even if this person doesn't agree with what I'm doing. Perhaps we'll just need to make sure we never discuss money again.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone else (friends, colleagues) because I money and goals are obviously quite a sensitive issue, and I don't want to go around preaching at people. So finding this forum has been a huge part of what is making this change enjoyable. So thanks! Everyone!

[lexie2000]

So great to read all of this, thanks guys!

I was a little wary about frugal fatigue, but weirdly, I had spent months continuously overspending on small items (magazines, cheap clothes, coffees, other ridiculously stupid things) and feeling deprived and tired of never having any money. I felt like I was being soooo frugal by not spending lavishly, and it was so dispiriting that I was still broke.

People just don't realize how those little leaks can add up to a lot of money.

[lexie2000]

I also encountered some very unhappy vibes from another member of my close family when we were talking about our financial situation and I mentioned that I was trying to move away from consumerism and start seriously taking control of my finances. It was not a welcome turn to the conversation, and I was left feeling that I had rocked the boat with some crazy mad ideas about anti-consumerism. Sigh. I'm hoping over time that our relationship will be fine, even if this person doesn't agree with what I'm doing. Perhaps we'll just need to make sure we never discuss money again.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone else (friends, colleagues) because I money and goals are obviously quite a sensitive issue, and I don't want to go around preaching at people. So finding this forum has been a huge part of what is making this change enjoyable. So thanks! Everyone!

We never said a word to close friends.  We just let them assume that we couldn't "keep up".

[Cassie]

One thing that really helped me to not spend money on stuff I do not need is all the stuff I gave away to charity because we did not have room once we downsized. I just keep reminding myself that all that stuff was truly wasted $. I also wait now if I want to buy something for a few weeks & most of the time I have totally forgotten about it. I only buy clothes/shoes now when I actually need them.   I bet over a period of a few years that I loaded my car 50 times-ugh!!  The other thing I quit doing was going shopping just to look. I don't do it alone or with friends.  If invited to I say no. When I do shop I go into the store-look for what I want & get out. No just looking around.  I now shop like most men:))