Author Topic: Stay or go?  (Read 1709 times)

simomo

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Stay or go?
« on: March 17, 2017, 06:19:21 AM »
Hi, new to the forum and being following MMM precepts ca. 1 year (increase in stash size from ca. 7k USD to ca. 35k USD).

I'm living in a high cost area (Oslo, Norway) and earning an okay wage (ca. 64k USD) - currently considering giving up my job to move in with SO in Ireland (they earn ca. 45k USD in much lower cost area - rural Ireland - and have significant savings).

Just wondered what you fine people would make of my position?

For either of us to move to the other's area would require some sort of retraining due to quite specialised jobs, arguably there are more opportunities here in Oslo but my SO would probably have to learn the language before being able to find a job and the costs are exorbitant.  We're both 29 and I feel I would probably have a better chance of adapting to a job over there than vice versa - albeit the job market there is much smaller.  It would also be easier to start a business there but at this stage I have no idea what sort of business I could start, I guess something internet based due to low local disposable incomes (my SO being a rare exception).

marty998

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2017, 06:41:52 AM »
Worst thing about thinking about moving to Ireland on 17 March?

You need to wait an entire year for the next St Patricks Day :D

rockeTree

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2017, 06:50:14 AM »
It may or may not be super important to you, but when I lived in Ireland it was clear that if you moved to a rural area, no matter what you did, how you did it, or how long you stayed, you would always be an outsider (my then-SO's mother was still treated with noticeable distance after decades and raising six kids - and she wasn't even foreign, just from Dublin). This was close to 20 years ago and may have changed as the place has gotten a bit more cosmopolitan but worth at least exploring how you feel about the community and what it takes for you to feel at home.

Of course moving to Oslo no doubt a dislocation too and one of you may be more suited to it. Lots to think about other than the money.

Us2bCool

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2017, 08:13:49 AM »
American here. Take this for what it's worth since I've never been to Norway, but if I were in your position I'd stay in Oslo and visit Ireland often. Seems like for long term planning you'll be glad you stayed in a place with more opportunities for you and your SO. Learning the language is a hurdle but that's a short term decision for long term gains.

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skeptic

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2017, 08:45:42 AM »
It sounds like moving will be a significant financial setback. It's hard to say more without knowing all the details of your field and how easy/hard it is to find a job in your field in each location.

There's a possibility you could go a LONG time before getting another job, and/or feel compelled to take a _much_ lower paying job that not only has poor compensation, but doesn't use (and maintain) your most relevant skills.

Or you could find a job in 2 weeks. Who knows.

The safe approach seems to be to start looking for a job remotely, and only move once you have found one. I don't know if that's possible with the language, potential retraining, etc.

How important is this relationship to your life? There are more important things than money. But if you go, just go with your eyes open.

You could also go in with an exit strategy. Like: I am going to come down for 3/6/12 months and look for a job, but if I don't find one in that time, then I am moving back to Norway to find one there.

MandalayVA

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2017, 09:04:18 AM »
I speak from experience when I say if you're used to an urban environment going to a rural area is going to be a major shock.  I did this in my own country, but jumping from a city in one nation to the country in another is going to be like moving to another planet.  Have you been to this area in Ireland at all?
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Laura33

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2017, 09:50:52 AM »
Are there other options where you could both find reasonable opportunities in a third city?  Why not look at all options and see what you can find?

My DH and I went through this -- we dated long-distance (east coast to desert southwest in the US); then we got engaged; then we said, damn, we should figure out how to be in the same state.  Both of our jobs are fairly specialized, so he looked in my area, I looked in his, and we also looked in other cities where we thought there were good options for both of us.  In the 20+ years we've been married, we've ended up living in his state, my state, and a third state entirely, because our baseline criterion was that we both had to have jobs that we enjoyed, so when one situation didn't work, we found another.

YMMV -- not saying that you need to make that same decision; if one of you cares less about the job than the other, it is equally reasonable to move where the one who cares more has the best opportunities; or if one situation provides a better option to FIRE quickly, and that is the ultimate goal for both of you, then go there.  Etc.  Point is just that the options are not binary, and the same answer is not right for everyone. 

I would not, however, consider this unless I was confident the relationship was permanent.  Again, YMMV; I just wasn't going to give up my awesome job and family and friends for a maybe.
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Bicycle_B

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2017, 12:23:24 PM »
Are there other options where you could both find reasonable opportunities in a third city?  Why not look at all options and see what you can find?

My DH and I went through this -- we dated long-distance (east coast to desert southwest in the US); then we got engaged; then we said, damn, we should figure out how to be in the same state.  Both of our jobs are fairly specialized, so he looked in my area, I looked in his, and we also looked in other cities where we thought there were good options for both of us.  In the 20+ years we've been married, we've ended up living in his state, my state, and a third state entirely, because our baseline criterion was that we both had to have jobs that we enjoyed, so when one situation didn't work, we found another.

YMMV -- not saying that you need to make that same decision; if one of you cares less about the job than the other, it is equally reasonable to move where the one who cares more has the best opportunities; or if one situation provides a better option to FIRE quickly, and that is the ultimate goal for both of you, then go there.  Etc.  Point is just that the options are not binary, and the same answer is not right for everyone. 

I would not, however, consider this unless I was confident the relationship was permanent.  Again, YMMV; I just wasn't going to give up my awesome job and family and friends for a maybe.

From what you say, wait two years before making a big move. 

Just guessing here, because it's a personal decision.  Many of the factors are unknowable.a  But if you move and then the relationship goes sour, you lose both the money and the relationship.  Anecdotally, adventures of this type usually mean one person is more committed to the possible relationship than the other, and the caring person ends up disappointed both personally and financially.

The two year suggestion is based on studies that supposedly imply that's the typical length of infatuation, our natural honeymoon period - long enough for evolution to figure a baby has been born and gotten through the first year of life.  If your relationship lasts longer, double down on the emotional investment by making the financial one.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2017, 01:31:27 PM »
Hi.

When living in Oslo with 2 people in a job, it is possible to make good savings. Or move just outside the city, pendle longer and save a lot on living cost.

Others mention being treated as an outsider in rural Ireland. In Oslo there are so many foreigners that this will not be an issue. In some branches, like IT it is more and more normal in Oslo to hire only-English speaking people.
Can't say anything about living in Ireland.

aldrimer

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2017, 04:34:51 AM »
Great to see other Norwegians on here!

Have you considered moving to other Norwegian cities as a third alternative?
Right now I rent a room in Stavanger and the rent is DIRT cheap (2500,- NOK a month) as the housing market has crashed due to everybody having lost their oil-related jobs and are moving out of town. There are many cities in Norway that have much lower rent / housing prices than Oslo, so that might be a solution for you guys. :)

Linda_Norway

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2017, 04:37:53 AM »
Great to see other Norwegians on here!

Have you considered moving to other Norwegian cities as a third alternative?
Right now I rent a room in Stavanger and the rent is DIRT cheap (2500,- NOK a month) as the housing market has crashed due to everybody having lost their oil-related jobs and are moving out of town. There are many cities in Norway that have much lower rent / housing prices than Oslo, so that might be a solution for you guys. :)

Please join us here:

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetups-and-social-events/any-mustachians-living-in-norway/msg1428427/#msg1428427

Kr 2500/month for rental is indeed extremely cheap. Much better than owning your own place.

Dicey

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2017, 08:30:41 AM »
Hi.

When living in Oslo with 2 people in a job, it is possible to make good savings. Or move just outside the city, pendle longer and save a lot on living cost.
What is "pendle" and why does goog not know?
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Retire-Canada

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2017, 09:10:07 AM »
Hi.

When living in Oslo with 2 people in a job, it is possible to make good savings. Or move just outside the city, pendle longer and save a lot on living cost.
What is "pendle" and why does goog not know?

I suspect pendle = pedal aka ride your bike a bit longer.

LinneaH

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2017, 03:37:23 PM »
Hi.

When living in Oslo with 2 people in a job, it is possible to make good savings. Or move just outside the city, pendle longer and save a lot on living cost.
What is "pendle" and why does goog not know?

I suspect pendle = pedal aka ride your bike a bit longer.

Being Swedish, with a similar word in my language, I guess it the Norwegian word for "to commute".
Probably by car/bus in this case
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Linda_Norway

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Re: Stay or go?
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2017, 12:25:07 AM »
Sorry for the confusion. Yes, pendle is the Norwegian word for commute.