Maybe focus on the psychological part for a moment. What’s your worse case scenario? Living off social security only in a paid for house in your old age? Not glamorous but probably still comfortable. You’ll also see financial ruin coming well in advance, outside a major medical crisis or swan tail event the economy. We are human, we adapt, we manage. You’ll be fine. You’ll cut spending, get a part time job at Lowe’s, family/friends help each other, etc.
I have to tell myself this all the time, I get too hung up looking at the numbers.
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Yup, that's how I see it too. Numbers are crucial but they are easily manipulated - so that is what I set out to do - manipulate them in my favor.
That might include pursuing a side gig and will most certainly include changing my spending habits if they preclude me from reaching my goals.
You don't seriously think that without changing your current lifestyle you will have a comfortable retirement?
Optimize the hell out of everything - right now - while you still can and you are both healthy.
If your wife is working too hard and stressed beyond bearing it will impact her health and well-being. You already see the effects of her working so much, but brush it aside with excuses for spending more on food and eating out.
What are you thinking?
If you are not interested in picking up the slack (batch cook on the weekend) and you and the kids choose to spend money like water the consequences are she ruins her health for nothing and retirement will be further out of reach for both of you.
Would it really be that hard to limit your take-out or eating out to once a week?
Take your lunches to work?
You will have to
find deliberately make the time of course.
Convenience costs money and unless you have a high income you can't afford to buy time and convenience.
Many of the high earners here find the time to batch cook - shopping smartly and cooking well is a skill you would do well to pass onto your children. Have the kid cook once a week for instance - you have a favorite restaurant dish - learn to cook it at home...
Make it fun, have a Mexican or Asian night or whatever. It is entirely possible to buy ingredients for convenience food cooking that make a good meal within fifteen to twenty minutes and please don't use paper plates:).
You can make mealtime fun and easy on any budget. In my book it represents 'an experience', a family gathering, an opportunity to talk.
Maybe an opportunity to ease your wife's stress, she can come home to a homecooked ready-to-eat meal even if she worked overtime or a weird shift it will be a stress reducer, more relaxing than running off to a restaurant when she is already beaten up from work.
Experiences and conveniences are great but if you are realistic you know they are preventing you from reaching your goals.
Take a good hard look at the price you paid for those experiences - smile and be grateful.
Then you declare a temporary halt on everything while you focus on lowering your expenditures.
Think out of the box - get fired up - optimize, when was the last time you compared your insurance premiums or challenged yourself to find a cheaper alternative to whatever expensive thing you were planning on doing?
Set an unrealistic spending goal for your next vacation and you will be surprised how your mind will rise to the challenge with solutions - change your mindset.
That firecalc is great for a wake-up call to see where you stand financially - right now.
Change what you can, take good care of your health and know in your heart that no matter what - you got this if you really want to.
You are not that far off from being able to retire comfortably... if you make a few changes now, you'll be fine.
The choice is yours.
If you change nothing, keep experiencing what you really can't afford, keep having meals out you will "experience" the consequences.
Simple truth.