Of course, it wasn't just that, there were other things, but they all boiled down to my goal of FIRE and the fact that he didn't share that goal. We had been dating/ living together for six months and our differences kept appearing… I thought he was a spendypants for wanting to eat out multiple nights a week, and he thought I was cheap for not.
On our first date, I told him “ten years, and I’m out” of the hamster wheel. He was ecstatic; he told me he had never met a girl like me, who spent money on investments instead of handbags. He had just come to his own decisions that things needed to change and it was serendipitous that we had met at such a time. He made some strides to pay off debts that he, like a security blanket, carried around for years. Our future was bright indeed.
Fast forward a few months: I continued on with my attempts to optimize my own life style, but now it incorporated a bit of his as well in overlapping areas like groceries and utilities. I discovered Aldi (it was like the heavens opened, a beam of light shone down on this magnificent world of savings, and the angels sang). I immediately texted, “a week of groceries for $25?!?”. It was spectacular. It was also the beginning of the end.
His response to this unbelievable treasure trove of inexpensive eats was “I don’t have time to talk about this”. That night he came home and told me he didn't want to eat at home all the time, he needed to go out and socialize with his friends.
Of course, I understand. I am an introvert and you, quite the opposite, please go and eat/booze to your heart’s content. We were autonomous in our spending; only jointly covering the bills. I realize being told how to spend one’s hard earned cash isn't the business of anyone else, and he likes his job, is quite good at it, and intent on climbing the corporate ladder. He has no desire to quit, and doesn't understand why I feel differently. There was one day, where I saw the light flash above his head- he had a day of work that was truly worthy of storming out and never looking back. As he relived the moment, I could see the flashes of loathing in his eyes. I softly mentioned, “You need FU money”. He got it. Yes! For two days he understood. As time wore on and worked its silken magic, that roaring inferno of understanding faded to back to illuminate more sucka consumer needs.
Last night was the end. He came home to tell me his employer had recommended he go back to school for his masters. He has already been more or less promised the position to take over the company once bossy leaves, so I don’t understand. Why do you need an additional degree? You already have the skills, and the job? I inquire, “Is this something your company will foot the bill for”? “No”. But he assures me that the degree is essential and will show his dedication to his job/ company. I quickly do the math… “Do you realize you could stay at your current position and be debt-free FIRE in less than ten years, rather than take on additional debt and force yourself work longer”? He doesn't believe me. “It’s impossible; I don’t want to discuss this”.
I realize I’m falling lower and lower on his list of priorities. He’s a good person, but our values don’t match. He is driven toward a long and successful career; I am biting leather daily to get through the pain of working one more day. He and I will never see eye-to-eye. So, another one bites the dust, and I continue on, toiling towards FIRE.
