Should you reveal your salary to friends/family?

[rubybeth]

Yup, the "Enough to make it worthwhile" was going to be my line.  I'll be best to just keep my lips zipped.

I think there's a lot of wisdom in this decision, OP. :)

As for me, it really depends on my relationship with a person if I reveal specifics of my income or our household income. I think most people we are friends/acquaintances with know that we are financially doing fine--two trips to Europe in less than a year will do that in a pretty obvious way. But many probably don't realize we aren't taking out student loans for my husband's grad school tuition, though I will happily tell anyone how we paid off nearly $54k in student loans. My parents know more details of our finances because I fully trust them, and we planned a couple trips with them and so we discussed when we could afford those trips. But with other family members, we've used phrases like "we're doing fine, we have enough to live on" but don't share other details.

[frugalnacho]

Actually it is not in all industries, just ones where the job is considered masculine.  For example, male teachers are not paid more than female teachers yet if you look at school administration male administrators are paid more than female.  It has to do with bias and people's unwillingness to admit they have it and you have been a perfect example.  Did you even check out the studies I posted, or did you just dismiss them like you dismissed my statements?

How am I the perfect example?  By admitting it's a real thing, just not to the extent (77%) that's been quoted in this thread and elsewhere? I can read your studies and comments and still disagree with you.

You're talking about the aggregate, but people don't hire in the aggregate. Your theory assumes that for every position you offer, you will get two equally qualified male and female applicants and the woman will accept a lower salary. That's highly unlikely to happen even once, let alone often enough to take advantage.

The aggregate is the sum of all the individual hires, by definition.  How can the sum of the parts be different than the parts?  It doesn't need to be a perfect situation in a vacuum with 2 equally qualified candidates.  That's my whole point.  By using statistics for all hires and all positions you can see clear evidence of a bias that you are unable to see or measure when only dealing with a small pool of candidates.  You can be blind and stubborn and say you don't have a bias when you are talking about 2 equal candidates because it's too small to measure, but when you look at the entire population you can see it (and presumably take measures to counter it).

That's not really how people hire. You start with a salary band, you hire the best candidate, then you offer the salary. The last step is where women get screwed over. You are going at Cress's point in the completely incorrect direction. It isn't a "this salary number attracts women" situation.

Well, I disagree that you hire them before offering a salary.  I've never seen it work that way.  Maybe you mean they decide they ideally want to hire, then offer the salary, but there is always a chance it's rejected and they move on to a different candidate.  But again, my whole point is that if you are aware of the bias then you are not hiring the best candidate.  You are hiring an equally qualified candidate that is going to cost you more money statistically, which to me would not be the best candidate. 

[Cressida]

OK. All I can say is that I tried.

Back on topic, I would definitely not reveal information to friends or family, aside from one sibling that I'm close to. Does disclosing your salary benefit you? Does it benefit your friends/family? I don't see how.

[patrickza]

I'm all for stealth wealth. I earn far more than it looks like I do, as I don't spend a lot. If I made my salary public I think I'd have a lot of people trying to get money out of me.

[kite]

OK. All I can say is that I tried.

Back on topic, I would definitely not reveal information to friends or family, aside from one sibling that I'm close to. Does disclosing your salary benefit you? Does it benefit your friends/family? I don't see how.

I don't see the benefit if there isn't some financial relationship that is dependent on having the information.  Ie... my spouse knows.  I bought investment property with a sibling many years ago and she may have learned what I made at the time of the purchase.   But for anyone else, I can't think of a reason for them to know. 
Lots of people seem to enjoy broadcasting the details of their lives, and I seem to hear constantly from others what they earn.  But, honestly, I  feel like telling them figuratively to "pull your pants up and quit showing the world the crack of your ass" because it's a little too much.  Mostly, I just let it waft in one ear and out the other.

[lizzzi]

+1 for stealth wealth per patrickza and for what dobedo said up above. When I decided to share financial info with DD and s-i-l as my husband was becoming senile with Alzheimers (long story there of family caregiving), I ended up giving them too much too soon, as they knew we certainly had it. I was overwhelmed with caregiving, needed the family's help, and paid dearly for it. (Still better than giving it to the government though.)  If people know you've got it, they want it. Same thing with friends…it isn't exactly that they want you to give them money per se, but they'll want to do pricier activities, go out to eat at fancier places, etc. Stealth wealth is absolutely the way to go. Be extremely vague about what you have when talking with others…and kind of downplay your resources. I'm still FIRE, but not as flexible as before.

[87tweetybirds]

I'm in the "it depends on the person camp". There are some, who when told that you make x amount think that somehow that entitles them to a monthly salary, while for others knowing how much you make gives the reassurance that you're doing well. My mom knows how much I make (hourly wage). Her knowing how much my husband and I make reassures her, especially knowing our savings goals. Otoh, if my in-laws knew how much we make, how much we save etc they would feel entitled to monthly payments instead of us being able to save, which is not ok with dh and I. One only knows how they will react based on past reactions. EX; when dh started selling stuff on eBay and made some $ he excitedly shared with his parents his success, to which they responded great, give me x amount. While my mom's reaction was more like, wow good job I didn't even know that there was a market for such. Now he doesn't mention his side hustles and only passively mentioned a career change (more hours, (but more $) and better experience) to his parents so they don't extend the handout hand quite as readily, and he's also become better at saying, sorry right now I don't have it(in an available form), or sorry this month I have x, y, and z expenses and q,r,s expenses coming up. But back to the question, depends on the person and what their thoughts, biases, & beliefs about money.

[Ghzbani]

Why does anyone ever hire men when they can apparently get a substantial labor discount by hiring equally qualified women?

Wow, I wonder if hiring managers think of this?

[earlyFI]

I let all my family and friends think that I make way less than I do, and have never really told anyone what I really make. It keeps expectations low. ;)

[BlueHouse]

I only let my sister and her husband know how much I make. They actually co signed a loan for me 10 years ago because I didn't make enough to qualify for a loan. Three years ago when I bought my new house, they asked if I could afford it. Once I told the, what I'm billing each month, they dropped their worry. Unfortunately, they now expect me to pay my share when we go out to eat together!  The nerve!  They are rich and have much more than I do! 

[earlyFI]

A decade ago, close friend disclosed his salary to me.  He was making $95k in IT despite having a totally unrelated college major (history).  It was about 3 times what I was making at the time and it really changed my perception of what a 20 something year old could make in private industry if they worked the right opportunities. 

This is a bit of a wild card in the dicussion, but to the right person, a little information may go a long way towards motivating them to go "big".

+1

I had a friend who got into HR at a large corporation and saw what was possible for earnings. She got a better education and then a top spot for herself, now is making 10x more herself.

[ender]

A decade ago, close friend disclosed his salary to me.  He was making $95k in IT despite having a totally unrelated college major (history).  It was about 3 times what I was making at the time and it really changed my perception of what a 20 something year old could make in private industry if they worked the right opportunities. 

This is a bit of a wild card in the dicussion, but to the right person, a little information may go a long way towards motivating them to go "big".

+1

I had a friend who got into HR at a large corporation and saw what was possible for earnings. She got a better education and then a top spot for herself, now is making 10x more herself.

I have a close friend who makes about 1/2 what I do, in a pretty similar field (though my background is more advanced). While I expect this is also a possibility here, the friend doesn't seem as interested in changing away from a comparatively plush government job.

It's not a risk I want to take with anyone in my family. Our lifestyle and priorities are very different in spite of making less than my siblings (maybe, not sure what they make - but one of whom just complained about having no idea where their money went, and the other bought a $500/month truck). 

[fb132]

I only let my mom know, the only person I can trust to say how much I have. Everyone else think I am doing fine, but nothing more.