Thank you for some great advice. It's hard to pinpoint my triggers or habits but I started unsubscribing from promotional emails as my first step. I also am planning on going to see a doctor on mental health to pin point triggers and coping skills other than shopping for distraction.
It seems ridiculous to me that I just can't stop shopping. Like how hard can it be, just don't shop. But it is my struggle and man am I struggling.
I appreciate all the kind helpful comments. It took some guts to for me to post this. I take this as a sign that I am ready for change.
@KBCB I feel for ya, been there - done that!
The struggle is real and there were times when it felt like physical pain - how ridiculous is that?:)
If willpower alone would help you would no longer be a shopaholic.
I noticed that you participate in the "no shopping for clothing in 2020" gauntlet. It is a good start - I don't think it matters how you start.
What matters is that you continue to drill down and examine your feelings - especially the ones you'd rather not say out loud.
What or who do you hear in your mind when you struggle with a purchase or despair over spending you were determined not to do?
Is it time to kick that belief or person in the teeth? Is it time to change your assumptions?
What really prompted you to buy - despite your best intentions?
You are not weak or stupid - all you have to do is re-direct your money. That was an epiphany for me.
I am a highly emotional person and money and emotions do not mix. I wanted to optimize, have my money work better for me.
Yet, I kept repeating the same cycle - what kind of financial dingbat does that?
When - how - why did it all start for you? Why did you at the time think that it was a good decision to spend your money in this way?
Shockingly - I could trace my shopping addiction to the time when I thought/felt like this was all the pleasure I had left in life.
I was sick, alone at home, dealt with anxiety and depression and confusing changes in my life - I thought I was doing something good for myself - giving myself a lift, maybe even make some money with some clever gemstone buys (which ultimately I did, I lucked out but not by much, I offset my spending sprees).
Three years later I was in a better place - but - stuck with a raging jewelry/gemstone addiction, that seemed impossible to shake.
How the hell did I get here?
I felt the gamut of feelings and irrational justifications,
"defiance" - I want it - why can't I just have it? - like a three-year-old throwing a tantrum.
I'm a grown woman, why haven't I managed to make enough money to buy what I want? I'm a failure, this is all so depressing. I'll never ...
OK, I get it - I can see how the $$$ spent shopping interfere with my goals - make them impossible - at best delay them or worse drag me down!
What's wrong with me, why I can't stop buying jewelry?, that's just downright silly, isn't it?
Poor me - other people don't have to think twice when they want to buy something - I hate them, especially the ones who have no desire to buy anything even though they can?
I deserve something to lift my spirits, oh look shiny, so beautiful - I want it, consequences be damned...
Later on: Life sucks - I deserve a little something for sticking to my other goals or making X happen...
Yeah well - I wasn't "there" yet and was making my financial life unnecessarily complicated and my goals harder to reach.
Can you say self-sabotage?
Justification (while I still could:) - it's really not that bad, I can buy it at zero interest and pay it off in six months or a year and enjoy that pretty ring. Really, I'm being smart, I got a good deal and I get rewards points.
Justification for buying lots of little stuff, which in the end proved to be an unsatisfactory, poor choice. I added insult to injury by setting a low limit - allowance to buy. Dumb move!
That didn't work since now I had a bunch of little stuff when in reality I would have preferred one expensive necklace instead.
It felt like a huge waste of money that I can never get back... and strangely enough that helped me to suddenly say "NO".
I don't want all this crap - I'll wait till X-mas and ask for it as a gift. Not the ultimate solution - but it was a breakthrough in a weird way.
... and so it went.
It took me two long years to get a grip. It was like a fever that took forever to shake.
The first year I tried cold turkey - stop buying with middling results.
It was a roller coaster of feelings - anything from feeling depressed to feeling defeated when I made a purchase.
My track record was two months no buying. Caved. Three months no buying. Caved.
Until I made it to six months no buying and crashed big time - spend a lot of money.
Damned, I was so over myself not having the strength to just say NO and be done with it.
I knew I was in trouble and I got good and mad!!!
Year two - Lucky for me, I found a gauntlet thread called - "No gazingus pins in 2018" - We all had different buying addictions (nailpolish, candles, gift cards, jewelry, books, yarn, art supplies, sewing supplies, clothing, tea) and talked about our feelings, successes and triumphs in that thread for a whole year. It was a rough road but it helped me to discuss it from different perspectives and see how others struggled.
Because I had already tried on on my own for a year I found that now that I had support and people who understood what a struggle it was - I was able to stop. The fascinating insights and comments where all I needed to succeed rather early on and stick it out until December.
Initially I thought I'd splurge for my birthday in January - but I never did - it was finally over.
It isn't really about money or shopping - it is about emotions, our upbringing, current circumstances, old beliefs-wrong or right, our willingness to make different decisions going forward. Sometimes like in my case - it is triggered by a particular situation we find ourselves in late in life.
I no longer feel that painful draw to buy or possess or acquire - good riddance. L knows that was never me.
Take heart, you will get there - don't beat yourself up over it.
It is an addiction, so you might take one step forward and find yourself two steps back, it happens. Forgive yourself and do better next time.
You can do this - because once you decided to change - success will be yours.
Sorry for the long post - I hope it helps.