Author Topic: Share your kitchen disasters...  (Read 60383 times)

tallen

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #250 on: February 05, 2017, 03:38:55 PM »
Kitchen disasters you say? I once had the cabinet we kept our dishes in fall off of the wall, does that count?

OH MY GOSH this is my nightmare for our tupperware cupboard haha.

It was the cabinet we had our dishes and glasses in, pretty much everything in it was breakable (and the majority of it did, luckily nothing expensive). Old apartment I rented years ago. Dozens of screws holding it up but I think only one actually went into a stud, the rest where just in drywall. Cabinet didn't break, so I just rehung it properly (and reinforced the other cabinets since whoever hung them didn't have a clue obviously), salvaged what we could to get by for a while and started hitting the thrift stores to look for decent sets to replace everything. Yeah, it sure was a mess though!

galliver

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #251 on: February 07, 2017, 07:02:56 PM »
Kitchen disasters you say? I once had the cabinet we kept our dishes in fall off of the wall, does that count?

OH MY GOSH this is my nightmare for our tupperware cupboard haha.

Makes me think of this (it's likely you've already seen it, but if not...) http://www.boredpanda.com/falling-plates-cupboard-advice-baoliao-commune-tseng-shao-tsen/

HappierAtHome

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #252 on: February 27, 2017, 07:09:05 PM »
Made banana bread on the weekend, using flax eggs in place of real eggs (egg allergy in the house). Did. Not. Work. The texture was disgusting. Even a very polite guest took one bite and then left the rest of the slice on his plate.

Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

nouveauRiche

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #253 on: February 27, 2017, 08:52:23 PM »
Once made a flourless chocolate cake in a cheap oven with inconsistent temperature.  Somehow this translated into the cake separating into an edible chocolate part and a grey, gelatinous layer.  We cut the grey part off.

Once forgot about hard boiled eggs I was cooking.  Boiled the pan dry.  The eggs were brownish and inedible.  And I had to throw out the pan.

Zoot

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #254 on: February 28, 2017, 11:21:18 AM »
Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

Would aquafaba work in this application?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquafaba
http://www.aquafaba.com


shelivesthedream

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #255 on: February 28, 2017, 12:23:02 PM »
Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

Would aquafaba work in this application?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquafaba
http://www.aquafaba.com

That sounds like a seriously impressive foodstuff. Have you used it?

Zoot

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #256 on: February 28, 2017, 01:11:51 PM »
That sounds like a seriously impressive foodstuff. Have you used it?

I haven't--I actually learned of its existence just this week (on this very forum, in fact).

Well, I learned it had a newly-coined name, anyway--I knew it existed as the stuff I always poured down the drain when opening a can of beans, but not that it might be useful in any way.  Apparently it's all the rage among vegans, who are happily making meringues using it as the protein matrix instead of egg whites.  :)

pbkmaine

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #257 on: February 28, 2017, 02:08:47 PM »
Made banana bread on the weekend, using flax eggs in place of real eggs (egg allergy in the house). Did. Not. Work. The texture was disgusting. Even a very polite guest took one bite and then left the rest of the slice on his plate.

Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

http://www.egglesscooking.com/vegan-banana-bread/

fuzzy math

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #258 on: February 28, 2017, 09:53:55 PM »
Thanks for the laughs everyone!!! I still don't understand the person who thought they should add banana to pasta sauce *retch*

Back in college I had just discovered Indian food. I bought a powdered tikka masala mix with instructions mainly in another language. I think the English version said to use it on 4 lbs of chicken. I think I had 2 chicken breasts but I used the whole thing anyway. It was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten in my whole life. I only got about half a serving eaten before I had to abandon it. The next morning I woke up and I was in the bathroom shitting fire. Like tears streaming down my face screaming shitting fire. I had to call in sick to work. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of I'd cooked something bad and made myself ill.

A few years ago I bought ground turkey and used some recipe for turkey burgers with white cheese and spinach. I kept cooking them for way longer than the recipe said. THey still looked mildly runny and I decided that the spinach and cheese must have had too much moisture. The turkey must have been undercooked still because both DH and I puked all night long.

A few months ago I went to make this curry stew I like. I kept pouring curry in and tasting it, thinking "man this does not taste like curry at all"... So I'd add more curry. Turns out it was cumin, and the stew ended up like a straight cumin paste. I even tried rinsing the meat off and it was so horribly flavored with it. I haven't cooked with cumin since.


mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #259 on: February 28, 2017, 10:14:57 PM »
Thanks for the laughs everyone!!! I still don't understand the person who thought they should add banana to pasta sauce *retch*

Back in college I had just discovered Indian food. I bought a powdered tikka masala mix with instructions mainly in another language. I think the English version said to use it on 4 lbs of chicken. I think I had 2 chicken breasts but I used the whole thing anyway. It was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten in my whole life. I only got about half a serving eaten before I had to abandon it. The next morning I woke up and I was in the bathroom shitting fire. Like tears streaming down my face screaming shitting fire. I had to call in sick to work. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of I'd cooked something bad and made myself ill.

A few years ago I bought ground turkey and used some recipe for turkey burgers with white cheese and spinach. I kept cooking them for way longer than the recipe said. THey still looked mildly runny and I decided that the spinach and cheese must have had too much moisture. The turkey must have been undercooked still because both DH and I puked all night long.

A few months ago I went to make this curry stew I like. I kept pouring curry in and tasting it, thinking "man this does not taste like curry at all"... So I'd add more curry. Turns out it was cumin, and the stew ended up like a straight cumin paste. I even tried rinsing the meat off and it was so horribly flavored with it. I haven't cooked with cumin since.

Well, if nothing else, you seem to be an optimistic cook! :)

HappierAtHome

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #260 on: February 28, 2017, 10:52:46 PM »
Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

Would aquafaba work in this application?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquafaba
http://www.aquafaba.com

Not sure! But I don't know if I can be bothered - I make plenty of egg-free treats, so banana bread can be something that just doesn't get made egg-free and that'll be fine :-P

Made banana bread on the weekend, using flax eggs in place of real eggs (egg allergy in the house). Did. Not. Work. The texture was disgusting. Even a very polite guest took one bite and then left the rest of the slice on his plate.

Of course afterwards I remembered that substituting eggs in banana bread has NEVER worked for me despite multiple attempts. Next time, I'm just using eggs and telling the relevant person not to eat it.

http://www.egglesscooking.com/vegan-banana-bread/

Thanks! I don't know if I'll ever bother consider the range of vegan treats I already make, but it's nice to see one that doesn't substitute the egg with something else my husband is allergic to :-P the joy of multiple allergies!

pbkmaine

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Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #261 on: March 01, 2017, 03:02:06 AM »
Happier, there are a lot of muffin/bread/cake recipes using vinegar + baking soda instead of egg. It was quite common to cook that way in the US during the Great Depression and WWII, when eggs were in short supply.

Here's a chocolate cake recipe similar to one my grandmother made: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/7475/crazy-cake/

Bumperpuff

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #262 on: March 01, 2017, 09:32:45 AM »
I tried to make a fusion of caesar dressing and blue-cheese dressing by replacing the parmesan with blue cheese.  The mixture of anchovies and blue cheese was god-awful.

I once misread a recipe and placed 3 tablespoons of baking powder into the biscuits rather than 3 teaspoons. That was near inedible.

Bicycle_B

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #263 on: March 01, 2017, 10:50:40 AM »
When dating a Hispanic woman (therefore hanging out sometimes with her whole family, maybe 15 people), I cooked chili on a whim and casually threw in about 12 spices.  "That's different," she said, but then she and the whole crew were shocked to discover that it tasted DELICIOUS!  So it disappeared instantly.

A few days later I tried to replicate it, but made it a little hotter to avoid jokes about white boys who can't make spicy food.  Except that I miscalculated.  It was so hot that not a single family member could finish a bowl.  Girlfriend's remark:  "That's not really the same."

Jakejake

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #264 on: March 04, 2017, 10:58:43 AM »
I once misread a recipe and placed 3 tablespoons of baking powder into the biscuits rather than 3 teaspoons. That was near inedible.
I enjoyed the use of the word "near" here.

Grogounet

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #265 on: March 05, 2017, 05:41:49 PM »
Very sorry for the details...!
Tried to cut a potato and the "bloody" tool went straight in my finger!

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #266 on: March 05, 2017, 06:40:04 PM »
Very sorry for the details...!
Tried to cut a potato and the "bloody" tool went straight in my finger!

Heat up lunch.
Fill water bottle.
Return to desk.
Open MMM.
Pick up fork.
Open this link.
Put down fork.

Ben Hogan

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #267 on: March 05, 2017, 07:41:38 PM »
Best thread I've seen in a long time and learned alot!

1. chickens will eat anything
2. SunshineAZ can save any dish
3. Fiber powder in soup is bad.
4. botulism -  a word meaning food poisoning.
5. Aperture is really good as covering things up.
6. Dont buy Aluminum pots.

Years ago when I was in college and didnt have alot of kitchen stuff I made a huge batch of hamburger helpers and only a clean tea pitcher to store it in. It all went well till I tried to move it to the fridge. Somehow it dropped and bounced splattering everywhere. In a moment of brilliance I tried to kick it back to me as it bounced. Ended up landing in it and kicking the pitcher in to the laundry room splatter more.

I may or may not have licked some of it off the floor and my self, but I lived, so it all went ok. And if I ever meet any of yall this didnt happen.


mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #268 on: March 05, 2017, 08:36:29 PM »
Courtesy of Reddit, too good not to share.

Quote
One day I was following some curry recipe I saw somewhere but I was missing a few ingredients. So I go to the super market and while searching for stuff I saw that they had whole rabbits on sale. So naturally I decided to try some freestyle cooking and bought the rabbit which I proceeded to cut in pieces and stuff in the slow cooker with the rest of the already half-cooked curry. The whole thing ended up being a gooey mess with rabbit bones all over the place. I hate wasting food so I ate the whole thing during a week. It was miserable.

https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/5xolpe/what_is_the_worst_thing_youve_made_in_the_slow/dejww4w/

seanc0x0

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #269 on: March 06, 2017, 08:49:07 AM »
Courtesy of Reddit, too good not to share.

Quote
One day I was following some curry recipe I saw somewhere but I was missing a few ingredients. So I go to the super market and while searching for stuff I saw that they had whole rabbits on sale. So naturally I decided to try some freestyle cooking and bought the rabbit which I proceeded to cut in pieces and stuff in the slow cooker with the rest of the already half-cooked curry. The whole thing ended up being a gooey mess with rabbit bones all over the place. I hate wasting food so I ate the whole thing during a week. It was miserable.

https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/5xolpe/what_is_the_worst_thing_youve_made_in_the_slow/dejww4w/

I love rabbit, but I'd never do a curry with it. It's quite similar to chicken when cooked, though gamier, and the curry would overpower it to the point you might as well just use chicken at $2/lb rather than rabbit at $10/lb+ (at least around here).  Now a good rabbit stew is another story. I occasionally make hassenpfeffer, but it's a bit of a production and usually I'll only make it for special occasions.

ysette9

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #270 on: March 06, 2017, 11:09:54 AM »
My niece tried to make Hershey's Black Magic cake.  It calls for a cup of coffee in the batter. 

Yep, she put a cup of coffee grounds into the mix instead of brewed coffee.

When this recipe is done correctly, it is THE BEST. Hands down one of the best chocolate cake recipes ever. In fact, I have plans on making it with a sour cream/chocolate chip ganache icing once I get up some energy. Yum!

ysette9

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #271 on: March 06, 2017, 05:05:42 PM »
When we were kids my sister and I had a friend over who helped us bake something (baking powder biscuits? cookies?). She was in charge of greasing the cookie sheet. Turns out she slathered on massive amounts of crisco which led to the whole thing catching fire in the oven. Thankfully my father was around to take care of that.

In undergrad my then-boyfriend/now-husband (Chinese) bought some okra on a whim. He was in class so my sister and I gamely took out this new veggie and prepared it as I had been taught to prepare all other chinese veggies: rinse with water, stir fry in a wok with oil and spices and whatever sauce we had on hand in the fridge. In horror we watched these weird veggies develop this thick, mucousy coating in the pan. To this day okra is referred to as "the snotty vegetable" by my sister and I. It it not something I choose to eat.

MissNancyPryor

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #272 on: March 07, 2017, 07:48:57 PM »
My niece tried to make Hershey's Black Magic cake.  It calls for a cup of coffee in the batter. 

Yep, she put a cup of coffee grounds into the mix instead of brewed coffee.

When this recipe is done correctly, it is THE BEST. Hands down one of the best chocolate cake recipes ever. In fact, I have plans on making it with a sour cream/chocolate chip ganache icing once I get up some energy. Yum!

Agreed!  Poor niece was inspired by having it at my house and goofed on her version.  Hope she tries it again.  I love it as a German chocolate cake, with home made coconut pecan frosting.  Da best.   

Tris Prior

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #273 on: March 15, 2017, 12:41:36 PM »
Oh god. This baked ziti crockpot recipe. It is SO awful, and of course it made a ton. The pasta is gluey, there are little burned bits that I have to keep picking out, and the sauce is too salty. I normally make my own sauce but I used up the last of the home-canned tomatoes a couple weeks ago and we're in the middle of moving, so I bought sauce at Aldi. Blaaaaaargh.

Does anyone notice that when you make an effort to buy processed food that doesn't contain sugar, they make up for it by dumping in a ton of salt? And here I was so excited to find a jarred sauce at Aldi that had no sugar in it.

I've been choking it down for lunch all week and I still have 3 huge tupperwares full of it. :(
« Last Edit: March 15, 2017, 12:44:02 PM by Tris Prior »

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #274 on: March 15, 2017, 02:29:29 PM »
Oh god. This baked ziti crockpot recipe. It is SO awful, and of course it made a ton. The pasta is gluey, there are little burned bits that I have to keep picking out, and the sauce is too salty. I normally make my own sauce but I used up the last of the home-canned tomatoes a couple weeks ago and we're in the middle of moving, so I bought sauce at Aldi. Blaaaaaargh.

Does anyone notice that when you make an effort to buy processed food that doesn't contain sugar, they make up for it by dumping in a ton of salt? And here I was so excited to find a jarred sauce at Aldi that had no sugar in it.

I've been choking it down for lunch all week and I still have 3 huge tupperwares full of it. :(

Fear not, all is not lost! There's lots you can do for this dish. 1- gumminess is worse with big pieces. So chop the whole batch into smaller bites. Possibly re-bake, so it sets up again? Maybe add some veggies so it gets a "fresh" texture. 2- the saltiness. "For over salted soups or sauces, a little sour cream, brown sugar or vinegar can help balance the saltiness." http://www.rachaelray.com/2010/01/25/too-much-salt-tips-on-saving-an-oversalted-dish/ For a red sauce I'd be inclined to use a small amount of vinegar, especially if you're avoiding sugar.

Rural

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #275 on: March 16, 2017, 10:49:42 AM »
Oh god. This baked ziti crockpot recipe. It is SO awful, and of course it made a ton. The pasta is gluey, there are little burned bits that I have to keep picking out, and the sauce is too salty. I normally make my own sauce but I used up the last of the home-canned tomatoes a couple weeks ago and we're in the middle of moving, so I bought sauce at Aldi. Blaaaaaargh.

Does anyone notice that when you make an effort to buy processed food that doesn't contain sugar, they make up for it by dumping in a ton of salt? And here I was so excited to find a jarred sauce at Aldi that had no sugar in it.

I've been choking it down for lunch all week and I still have 3 huge tupperwares full of it. :(

Fear not, all is not lost! There's lots you can do for this dish. 1- gumminess is worse with big pieces. So chop the whole batch into smaller bites. Possibly re-bake, so it sets up again? Maybe add some veggies so it gets a "fresh" texture. 2- the saltiness. "For over salted soups or sauces, a little sour cream, brown sugar or vinegar can help balance the saltiness." http://www.rachaelray.com/2010/01/25/too-much-salt-tips-on-saving-an-oversalted-dish/ For a red sauce I'd be inclined to use a small amount of vinegar, especially if you're avoiding sugar.


Also add garlic. And if you like spice, a little bit of red pepper. And remember , every vegetable you squeeze in adds texture and waters down the salt.


I've worked my way through similar pots of baked pasta, so I do understand.


ETA: next time use whole grain pasta if you didn't this time. Comes out much less gluey.

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #276 on: April 19, 2017, 08:45:24 AM »
Oh god. This baked ziti crockpot recipe. It is SO awful, and of course it made a ton. The pasta is gluey, there are little burned bits that I have to keep picking out, and the sauce is too salty. I normally make my own sauce but I used up the last of the home-canned tomatoes a couple weeks ago and we're in the middle of moving, so I bought sauce at Aldi. Blaaaaaargh.

Does anyone notice that when you make an effort to buy processed food that doesn't contain sugar, they make up for it by dumping in a ton of salt? And here I was so excited to find a jarred sauce at Aldi that had no sugar in it.

I've been choking it down for lunch all week and I still have 3 huge tupperwares full of it. :(

Fear not, all is not lost! There's lots you can do for this dish. 1- gumminess is worse with big pieces. So chop the whole batch into smaller bites. Possibly re-bake, so it sets up again? Maybe add some veggies so it gets a "fresh" texture. 2- the saltiness. "For over salted soups or sauces, a little sour cream, brown sugar or vinegar can help balance the saltiness." http://www.rachaelray.com/2010/01/25/too-much-salt-tips-on-saving-an-oversalted-dish/ For a red sauce I'd be inclined to use a small amount of vinegar, especially if you're avoiding sugar.

Also add garlic. And if you like spice, a little bit of red pepper. And remember , every vegetable you squeeze in adds texture and waters down the salt.

I've worked my way through similar pots of baked pasta, so I do understand.

ETA: next time use whole grain pasta if you didn't this time. Comes out much less gluey.

A day late and a dollar short:
As it's a tomato sauce pasta dish, I'd add tomato paste instead of vinegar as an acid to cut the salt.  However, that burnt part...

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #277 on: May 18, 2017, 09:11:25 PM »
Things were going so well for awhile and then in two weeks...

Burned a batch of puff-pastry palmiers
Tried substituting cashew butter for peanut butter in a batch of dessert squares. The topping flat-out refused to set up.
In a fit of insanity, put a batch of veggie tarts in the bread basket instead of the refrigerator--discovered only a couple days later.
Realized halfway through making a chicken pasta salad that I had skipped over a very important step in preparing the chicken. The result was edible but not nearly as good as it should have been.

Sigh.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #278 on: June 29, 2017, 03:16:48 AM »
Not a disaster, exactly, but not one of my best.

Bachelor girl tonight so I decided on an omelette for dinner.

Usually I would go with spinach and cheese, but I'm out of spinach and had leftover green beans in the fridge.

I vastly underestimated the number of eggs needed to offset the amount of beans.

Oh well. I mixed it up a bit (so everything cooked properly) until it resembled scrambled eggs/omelette/frittata.

Threw on some cheese and proceeded to enjoy my ugly but tasty scramlettata.

Hmmm, wonder if Marty will still come for dinner tomorrow night after reading this... :D

marty998

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #279 on: June 29, 2017, 03:29:38 AM »
Not a disaster, exactly, but not one of my best.

Bachelor girl tonight so I decided on an omelette for dinner.

Usually I would go with spinach and cheese, but I'm out of spinach and had leftover green beans in the fridge.

I vastly underestimated the number of eggs needed to offset the amount of beans.

Oh well. I mixed it up a bit (so everything cooked properly) until it resembled scrambled eggs/omelette/frittata.

Threw on some cheese and proceeded to enjoy my ugly but tasty scramlettata.

Hmmm, wonder if Marty will still come for dinner tomorrow night after reading this... :D

That demonstrates much more quick thinking than I could ever do when it comes to food.

I have been known to simply wash lettuce leaves, put them on a plate, and call that a "salad".

I will still turn up, so long as you guys are serving dessert :)

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #280 on: June 29, 2017, 03:32:58 AM »
Not a disaster, exactly, but not one of my best.

Bachelor girl tonight so I decided on an omelette for dinner.

Usually I would go with spinach and cheese, but I'm out of spinach and had leftover green beans in the fridge.

I vastly underestimated the number of eggs needed to offset the amount of beans.

Oh well. I mixed it up a bit (so everything cooked properly) until it resembled scrambled eggs/omelette/frittata.

Threw on some cheese and proceeded to enjoy my ugly but tasty scramlettata.

Hmmm, wonder if Marty will still come for dinner tomorrow night after reading this... :D

That demonstrates much more quick thinking than I could ever do when it comes to food.

I have been known to simply wash lettuce leaves, put them on a plate, and call that a "salad".

I will still turn up, so long as you guys are serving dessert :)

That was very tactful given your hatred of eggs. :D

Oh yes, dessert is happening.

Aegishjalmur

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #281 on: July 03, 2017, 02:20:09 PM »

Had condensed items in our cabinets down into glass canning jars. When making cinnamon rolls,  I grabbed the cornstarch vs powdered sugar for the topping... not nearly as tasty...luckily we found this out before we put it on the rolls......

Another time I was doing the dishes and washed the  mandolin blades being careful to avoid cutting myself.  I set the blades on  the countertop, then knocked off counter top. Out of habit, I reached out and tried to catch it before it hit the floor and ended up cutting myself on it. The worst part is in mid reach I was thinking "what am I doing?.... this is going to be bad...." but couldn't stop myself in time. Next time, let blades fall, then pick up. Sharp blades with momentum hurt.


Made a jello recipe with fresh pineapple vs canned. Due to the enzymes/acid it never set up.

My Uncle made mashed potatoes once.... we still don't know what he did to them but they came out shiny and had had a texture that was so gluey you could take a dap on your spoon and wave it around like your fly fishing and it wouldn't go anywhere.....


Zoot

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #282 on: July 03, 2017, 04:37:26 PM »
Another time I was doing the dishes and washed the  mandolin blades being careful to avoid cutting myself.  I set the blades on  the countertop, then knocked off counter top. Out of habit, I reached out and tried to catch it before it hit the floor and ended up cutting myself on it. The worst part is in mid reach I was thinking "what am I doing?.... this is going to be bad...." but couldn't stop myself in time. Next time, let blades fall, then pick up. Sharp blades with momentum hurt.

Ouch!  So sorry you ended up cutting yourself!

I forget where or when I learned the phrase "a falling knife has no handle," but I suspect I learned it the hard way.  I always repeat it to myself when I get into a similar situation (which is more often that I care to admit) and get Out Of The Way.  ;-)

10dollarsatatime

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #283 on: July 04, 2017, 10:39:33 AM »

Had condensed items in our cabinets down into glass canning jars. When making cinnamon rolls,  I grabbed the cornstarch vs powdered sugar for the topping... not nearly as tasty...luckily we found this out before we put it on the rolls......

Another time I was doing the dishes and washed the  mandolin blades being careful to avoid cutting myself.  I set the blades on  the countertop, then knocked off counter top. Out of habit, I reached out and tried to catch it before it hit the floor and ended up cutting myself on it. The worst part is in mid reach I was thinking "what am I doing?.... this is going to be bad...." but couldn't stop myself in time. Next time, let blades fall, then pick up. Sharp blades with momentum hurt.


Made a jello recipe with fresh pineapple vs canned. Due to the enzymes/acid it never set up.

My Uncle made mashed potatoes once.... we still don't know what he did to them but they came out shiny and had had a texture that was so gluey you could take a dap on your spoon and wave it around like your fly fishing and it wouldn't go anywhere.....

He probably prepared them the way my parents do... with electric beaters. Which overworks the starches and makes the potatoes gluey.  ...I don't eat mashed potatoes at my parents' house...

Tris Prior

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #284 on: July 04, 2017, 06:31:31 PM »
I am just going to give up on most vegetarian crockpot recipes, I think. I made Budget Bytes' jambalaya with fake sausage and ugh, it came out sooooooo dry and tasteless. I guess it needed some real sausage grease in there? I also didn't sub anything for the chicken, but the recipe said the chicken was optional so I figured I'd be OK. Nope.

I've had multiple fails now, with veg crockpot recipes coming out dry or off-textured. I feel like the only things that really work well in there are soups and chilis, which I don't really like to eat when it's warm out.

And, why do FAIL recipes always make a ton?! I finally relented and pitched the last of the jambalaya, after multiple days of trying to choke it down. It made SO much and I was determined to force it all down, but I give up!

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #285 on: July 04, 2017, 09:59:31 PM »
Same here. I had three meh recipes in a row, and they all made enormous quantities. (Well, one was fine, but it wasn't something that could be frozen and after awhile I just couldn't face any more of it.) Meanwhile, if it's delicious and I could happily eat it for a week, I get about three servings out of it.

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #286 on: July 05, 2017, 12:03:19 PM »
I am just going to give up on most vegetarian crockpot recipes, I think. I made Budget Bytes' jambalaya with fake sausage and ugh, it came out sooooooo dry and tasteless. I guess it needed some real sausage grease in there? I also didn't sub anything for the chicken, but the recipe said the chicken was optional so I figured I'd be OK. Nope.

I've had multiple fails now, with veg crockpot recipes coming out dry or off-textured. I feel like the only things that really work well in there are soups and chilis, which I don't really like to eat when it's warm out.

And, why do FAIL recipes always make a ton?! I finally relented and pitched the last of the jambalaya, after multiple days of trying to choke it down. It made SO much and I was determined to force it all down, but I give up!

Oh you poor thing!  Blah!  I usually only use vegetarian fake-meats alone or in vegetarian recipes that specifically call for that fake-meat in that specific brand.  Meat-as-component recipes are relying on certain properties of the meat (fat content + durability in cooking + natural flavor), and it seems like the fake meats only seek to imitate flavor and texture to a limited degree and only when eating those fake meats solo. *sigh*  I think burger crumbles are the only thing that work in regular cooking, and even then I add a lot of fat.

In hindsight, you may have been better off making a vegetarian jambalaya recipe (I have NOT tried this one) and adding some cooked veg sausage afterward.

Same here. I had three meh recipes in a row, and they all made enormous quantities. (Well, one was fine, but it wasn't something that could be frozen and after awhile I just couldn't face any more of it.) Meanwhile, if it's delicious and I could happily eat it for a week, I get about three servings out of it.

When I try out a new slow cooker recipe (though this is rare), I make a partial batch in my little 2-qt cooker.  Some don't scale well, though, and that is a pain.  :(

Lis

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #287 on: July 09, 2017, 01:20:49 PM »
Oh boy, this weekend was a doozy.

My boyfriend's birthday was earlier in the week, and after treating ourselves to a sushi dinner and spending more than I care to admit, we decided to stay in this weekend and I'd cook us a nice dinner. Well, I tried.

Decided to make "French onion beef stroganoff" - I like French onion, I like beef stroganoff, great combination! Boyfriend then tells me he doesn't like cooked onions that much and requests I lessen the amount... oops (I'm not sure how I never noticed he doesn't like cooked onions, but +1 for learning something about him!).

The recipe called for a chuck roast cut into chunks... I usually will buy in bulk a bunch of chuck roast when it's on sale ($2.50-$3 per pound), cut it up into ~2ish lb chunks, wrap it all up and throw it in my freezer. I had one 2lb chunk left, so it would work out perfectly. I had forgotten to take it out of the freezer when I wanted to, so I spent a lot of the afternoon waiting and hoping it would defrost in time. Success! By the time I was ready to cook, it was just a little frozen, but fine for cooking. I unwrap it... and it's pork loin. Whoops. I briefly debate whether "French onion pork stroganoff" can be a thing, but decide to make an emergency run to the grocery store to pick up beef and a cheesecake (oh the damn cheesecake... will be explained). Chuck roast was not on sale, but they had the prechopped stew tips thing (I honestly can't remember what they're called) on sale for $4.99/lb, so $10 is spent on emergency meat.

The rest of the cooking mostly goes according to plan (poured a bit too much red wine into the pan but hey, not really complaining). Second to last step is adding sour cream. So I open up the fridge to pull it out... no where in sight. Can't find the damn new package of sour cream I had bought on Friday. Sorta frantic, cuz everything is bubbling away on the stove and I need it now, so I spot a container of sour cream that was in the back of my fridge.... that expired in April. Hmm... open it up - it passes the sniff test, take a little taste and it seems fine. Into the pan it goes! It looked a bit weird, but ok. Opened the fridge to put something else back in, and the new container of sour cream is right there. Right on the top shelf, smack in the center, perfectly in sight. Either I'm going blind or I have a horrible case of fridge elves.

Last step is adding cheese to the top and letting it melt. I recently discovered that buying blocked cheese and shredding it yourself tastes sooooo much better (probably late to the party on that one). But the one good thing about already shredded cheese is... it's already shredded. Shredding it takes time, and I had completely forgotten to do it. So I scramble and start shredding as fast as I can, and instead of getting a nice, even layer of cheese on top, there are just gobs thrown in. Oops.

I mentioned not knowing what meat I bought... it definitely had "stew" on the label, so I don't know if it's naturally tough and it softens when making stew, or if I severely overcooked it, but it was as tough as shoe leather. My jaw was exhausted from chewing by the time I finished.

Oh, that frickin cheesecake. So earlier I told Boyfriend I'd make him a cake, and he requested cheesecake (his favorite). I don't particularly like cheesecake and have never made it before, but it's just cream cheese and sugar, right? Easy peasy. I find a recipe for a twix cheesecake (his favorite candy bar), so hey why don't we try that! Calls for two cups heavy cream, which already seems like a lot of liquid, and heavy cream and whole milk are essentially the same, right? (Spoiler: no.) I figure why buy cream I won't use again when I can just buy milk that I will use.

The cheesecake also calls for caramel, which is just sugar and butter melted down, so why spend money on sauce when I can make it myself? About a year or two ago, I made a caramel chocolate pecan brittle that was frickin delicious, and I made my own caramel perfectly on my first try. Could totally replicate that again, right? First attempt at caramel, the cat distracted me for 30 seconds, where it burnt most spectacularly. I poured it into a mason jar to cool and stirred it around (I was hoping I could salvage it), but by the time it cooled, it was like dried cement. I couldn't get the spoon out, let alone the caramel/cement out of the jar. The whole thing ended up going in the garbage (RIP wide mouth mason jar, you will be missed). Second attempt, I add a bit of water to the sugar, which will (in theory) help the sugar cook/melt evenly and slow the time it takes for it to burn (it just takes a lot longer in general since the water needs to evaporate). The sugar ended up burning before the water evaporated, so yay. At least that one I was able to toss into a baggie and save my jar. I ended up throwing sweetened condensed milk into my slow cooker and making dulce de leche overnight. Close enough.

As I mentioned, I thought 2c of milk/cream seemed like too much. The batter was super liquidy. It's supposed to chill in the fridge for 6+ hours (no baking). 8 hours later, I discovered that I invented a new dish - cheesecake soup. Anyone wanna try it? No? Didn't think so. That's why I spent an additional $12 on a cheesecake.

There was one success - I made bread for the first time and not only did it come out edible, but delicious! So yay for one win.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2017, 01:51:07 PM by Lis »

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #288 on: July 09, 2017, 06:48:29 PM »
Oh boy, this weekend was a doozy...

Good god, that's hilarious. Sorry you had such a stressful day, but do take heart that you had me in stitches.

You're braver than me! I love trying new recipes but not three for the same meal!

I recently discovered that buying blocked cheese and shredding it yourself tastes sooooo much better (probably late to the party on that one).
Amazing how many people don't know this. In Australia block cheese is also about half the price of grated.


Lis

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #289 on: July 10, 2017, 07:49:54 AM »
Oh boy, this weekend was a doozy...

Good god, that's hilarious. Sorry you had such a stressful day, but do take heart that you had me in stitches.

You're braver than me! I love trying new recipes but not three for the same meal!

I recently discovered that buying blocked cheese and shredding it yourself tastes sooooo much better (probably late to the party on that one).
Amazing how many people don't know this. In Australia block cheese is also about half the price of grated.

In retrospect it was pretty hilarious. I do consider myself a decent, even fairly good cook, but every time I've made dinner for the boyfriend, it's been mediocre at best, this disaster being the worst. He ate his plate and complimented me anyway :)

And the cheese... wow. I just never realized lol. I grew up with only shredded cheese in the house (except for the fresh mozz ball every now and then), block cheese was just never a thing at home. I never realized *how much* a block of cheese will shred either, so it always seemed like block cheese was more expensive. I can get 2c of Sargento cheese (pre shredded cheddar, mozz, jack, etc.) on sale for $2.50. When making a mac and cheese dish for a bbq that called for 4c up cheddar, I bought a few small blocks of cheddar (at the boyfriend's insistence, and I only agreed if he would shred it, which he did). I think ~.5lb of cheese gave us about 5-5.5c of shredded. I think the price would have been about the same if I had use shredded, maybe a little less (but it took a good ten minutes of work to shred all that), but the taste was SO. MUCH. BETTER. I've officially converted.

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #290 on: July 10, 2017, 11:18:14 AM »
Yes, and since they coat the pre-shredded cheese with something to keep it from sticking together, it doesn't work as well in some recipes like cheese spreads.

Carless

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #291 on: July 10, 2017, 09:09:08 PM »
Also good quality cheese is never sold pre-shredded.  Try using some decent quality cheddar, you'll be amazed at the difference it makes.

Kaybee

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #292 on: July 13, 2017, 01:25:27 PM »
I used to make a particular brownie recipe so often that I had it memorized (not an amazing feat, it was a simple but awesome recipe).  I was constantly being asked to bring "my" brownies to dinners with friends or events at work.  No problem, I love eating brownies so I will happily bring them for everyone else to enjoy too.

One day, while at a neighbour's BBQ, we had all been enjoying a few liquid refreshments when it was noticed I had NOT brought brownies.  Complaints and teasing ensued and I promised to go back home to whip up a batch before dinner was done cooking.  I got home, measured out the ingredients, mixed everything up quickly and popped the pan in the oven.  After the required baking time, they still handn't started to "pull away" at the edges so I left them in a little bit longer.  A few minutes later, they still looked really gooey but I was being called back so headed over, pan in hand, thinking maybe they just needed to cool down.

I was mocked mercilessly by my friends for the warm fudgey mess I had brought over and I couldn't figure out what had happened to my no-fail recipe.  The next morning, my hungover self stumbled into the kitchen to grab some water and saw the bowl of pre-measured flour, sitting on the counter patiently waiting to be added.  Oops.

Lauran75

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #293 on: July 13, 2017, 02:01:16 PM »
I have made my grandma's Cornbread Pudding recipe numerous times over the years. I have the recipe to where I don't even think about what I'm doing usually.

A few weeks ago I was very distracted by some things going on, but needed to make this for a family in need. (Meal train.) As I was putting in the can of corn, for whatever reason I decided to drain it first ... Took it out of the oven 45 minutes later to find something that didn't resemble what it usually looks like. I still had to give it to the family because I didn't have time to make another one. (They were gracious and said it was fine.)

A Definite Beta Guy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #294 on: July 13, 2017, 02:59:41 PM »
Cookies put on greased baking pan

Baking Pan apparently overgreased and pushed too hard

What's that burning smell?


Cookies are at the bottom of the oven and have formed giant, burning, cookie mountain.


Dollar Slice

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #295 on: July 13, 2017, 03:06:24 PM »
Cookies are at the bottom of the oven and...

This just made me have a flashback to a few Thanksgivings ago. Someone was trying to put a probe from a digital thermometer into the turkey to test for doneness, and somehow the digital thermometer was dropped into the bottom of the oven. Plastic casing started melting/burning. My SIL thought fast and grabbed the grilling tongs and plucked it out before it adhered itself to the bottom of the oven and ruined everything. Still works, just a little deformed... :-)

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #296 on: January 01, 2018, 10:31:11 AM »
Someone must have had some good disasters over the holidays...

Mine was more of a near miss--I was mixing up dip at a relative's house and did not realize that unlike my bottle of garlic powder, theirs did not have a shaker top. Cue a LOT of garlic powder in the clam dip. Luckily I was able to dump most of it out and dial up the other flavorings to cover the garlic-osity. Everyone ate it anyway...

Aegishjalmur

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #297 on: January 02, 2018, 07:38:09 AM »
My mother has told a story about one of her Great Aunts, who for Christmas baked about 7 or 8 dozen cookies for the family, all beautifully cut and decorated in a variety of shapes and sizes. They had to pitch them because they were all completely inedible... Dear Auntie was a massive chain smoker so all the cookies smelled and tasted like an ash tray.

chloes1

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #298 on: January 02, 2018, 10:38:40 AM »
Someone must have had some good disasters over the holidays...

Mine was more of a near miss--I was mixing up dip at a relative's house and did not realize that unlike my bottle of garlic powder, theirs did not have a shaker top. Cue a LOT of garlic powder in the clam dip. Luckily I was able to dump most of it out and dial up the other flavorings to cover the garlic-osity. Everyone ate it anyway...


Fresh disaster you say? Weeelllll, this Christmas I learned the difference between cheap and frugal.

My son adores baked cheesecake and I don't mind making it (I don't do it often because it's hard to justify spending all that money on the ingredients...).  So for Christmas I agreed to make a cheesecake; my springform pan is getting a little worn in that the bottom won't stay in because the clips are worn and because it was a cheap pan it's not precisely round any more.

I mixed up 2.5 lbs of cream cheese, sour cream and etc... when I picked up the pan to put it in the oven the bottom fell out.  Cheesecake EVERYWHERE!  The oven, the floor, the cabinets everywhere.

Some did remain in the pan so I baked what I had.  Bad idea people!  The bottom stuck to the rack so that when I tried to remove the cheesecake the ring acted as a sort of scraper so that I ended up with baked cheesecake on the cutting board I was using to support the defunct springform pan.  Cheesecake oozed out of the pan while it was baking so I had cheesecake on the now burned cookie sheet... basically I had a little cheesecake here and there and darn near everywhere.

I ordered a new springform pan from Amazon, not mustachian exactly, but I make cheesecake just enough to be worth the expense.


Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #299 on: January 02, 2018, 10:49:49 AM »
That is a truly epic disaster!

I did have an episode where I opened a bottle of red wine a bit too enthusiastically, ending up with wine in some really interesting places. Luckily this year my brother's annual gift of wine was all whites...