Author Topic: Share your kitchen disasters...  (Read 61746 times)

Digital Dogma

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #200 on: October 06, 2016, 10:42:15 AM »
I have been saving all my veggy scraps in a 5 gallon ziplock bag in the freezer for about 2 months now and decided last night to try and make a veggy broth out of it. I had red onion, yellow onion, celery, a few herbs like dill, and garlic bits in there. After simmering for an hour and a half I noticed it looked kinda red, so I took a sip... most bitter tasting "tea" I've ever had.

Into the toilet/garbage with that.

Don't include too much of the papery outer leaves of the onion.  That'll make it bitter.   

!!!  I thought I was the only one!  I've seen those broth-by-scraps recipes everywhere, but mine ended up so bitter!  I know you are supposed to avoid cruciferous veggies such as broccoli and cabbage, but mine was still bitter.  I'm wondering if celery is secretly sabotaging my broth, as it is sometimes bitter-tasting.  Does anyone know what we are doing incorrectly?

Also, that altitude cooking stuff seems crazy to me.  If I ran into a situation like that, I would assume the house was possessed. (kidding, kind of)
I too avoided cabbage or broccoli. Additionally, my scraps (especially onion scraps) include the cut-off stem piece and skins which may be contributing to bitter flavors. I used maybe a half a gallon of water which was just enough to cover the scraps, and let it go for an hour and a half before tasting. Perhaps I didn't use enough water? I doubt it, but it could be a factor.

Did you notice a red color as well? I chalked that up to the few tomato tops and red onion scrap I threw into the mix.

All I can say is - I'll stick with meat scraps for soup till I work that bitterness out.

Mine was not red, but I had almost no red onion.  Mine was primarily scraps of yellow onion, carrot, celery, bell pepper, garlic, and maybe some green bean pieces.    I cooked mine in a slow cooker, following these instructions: http://www.ayearofslowcooking.com/2011/04/how-to-make-vegetable-broth-using-your.html

I like to chew on celery leaves, and every once in a while they can be powerfully bitter.  I bet that they were the source of your problem.

Oooo I think we have a winner, I did put the entire celery stalk leaves and all in there! That would also explain why the same celery stalks made delicious chicken soup, but the tops made a deadly poison brew!

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #201 on: October 06, 2016, 12:28:01 PM »
I have been saving all my veggy scraps in a 5 gallon ziplock bag in the freezer for about 2 months now and decided last night to try and make a veggy broth out of it. I had red onion, yellow onion, celery, a few herbs like dill, and garlic bits in there. After simmering for an hour and a half I noticed it looked kinda red, so I took a sip... most bitter tasting "tea" I've ever had.

Into the toilet/garbage with that.

Don't include too much of the papery outer leaves of the onion.  That'll make it bitter.   

!!!  I thought I was the only one!  I've seen those broth-by-scraps recipes everywhere, but mine ended up so bitter!  I know you are supposed to avoid cruciferous veggies such as broccoli and cabbage, but mine was still bitter.  I'm wondering if celery is secretly sabotaging my broth, as it is sometimes bitter-tasting.  Does anyone know what we are doing incorrectly?

Also, that altitude cooking stuff seems crazy to me.  If I ran into a situation like that, I would assume the house was possessed. (kidding, kind of)
I too avoided cabbage or broccoli. Additionally, my scraps (especially onion scraps) include the cut-off stem piece and skins which may be contributing to bitter flavors. I used maybe a half a gallon of water which was just enough to cover the scraps, and let it go for an hour and a half before tasting. Perhaps I didn't use enough water? I doubt it, but it could be a factor.

Did you notice a red color as well? I chalked that up to the few tomato tops and red onion scrap I threw into the mix.

All I can say is - I'll stick with meat scraps for soup till I work that bitterness out.

Mine was not red, but I had almost no red onion.  Mine was primarily scraps of yellow onion, carrot, celery, bell pepper, garlic, and maybe some green bean pieces.    I cooked mine in a slow cooker, following these instructions: http://www.ayearofslowcooking.com/2011/04/how-to-make-vegetable-broth-using-your.html

I like to chew on celery leaves, and every once in a while they can be powerfully bitter.  I bet that they were the source of your problem.

Oooo I think we have a winner, I did put the entire celery stalk leaves and all in there! That would also explain why the same celery stalks made delicious chicken soup, but the tops made a deadly poison brew!

Yes, I definitely had LOTS of celery leaves in mine.  Thank you!

therethere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #202 on: October 06, 2016, 12:45:47 PM »
One of the plants in my garden turned out to be a cayenne pepper instead of sweet pepper plant as it was labeled. Since I couldn't stand to see them go bad I attempted to make hot sauce last night in my instant pot. The first batch was so hot that DH hiccuped for the next hour. The second one was so hot I had to stand over the sink and drool, sniffle, and cry for 20 minutes because my mouth was on fire.... Both of these reactions were from a tiny amount of hot sauce like a dip on your fingertip. I added like 2 cups of vinegar and tried each again. Only the second one was edible after that and barely.

I love to make condiments and such from scratch. But I think I'll pass on making hot sauce from now on.

Digital Dogma

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #203 on: October 06, 2016, 01:21:48 PM »
One of the plants in my garden turned out to be a cayenne pepper instead of sweet pepper plant as it was labeled. Since I couldn't stand to see them go bad I attempted to make hot sauce last night in my instant pot. The first batch was so hot that DH hiccuped for the next hour. The second one was so hot I had to stand over the sink and drool, sniffle, and cry for 20 minutes because my mouth was on fire.... Both of these reactions were from a tiny amount of hot sauce like a dip on your fingertip. I added like 2 cups of vinegar and tried each again. Only the second one was edible after that and barely.

I love to make condiments and such from scratch. But I think I'll pass on making hot sauce from now on.
Sounds like home-made pepper spray!

therethere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #204 on: October 06, 2016, 01:23:34 PM »
Damn it I guess I should have saved it for bear spray! Or left it out in front of my problem neighbors and watch what happens. I was just proud of myself for dumping it out right away. Usually I can't bear to and I will still package and keep it around to be reminded of my failure. Grrrr.

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #205 on: October 06, 2016, 04:14:10 PM »
Damn it I guess I should have saved it for bear spray! Or left it out in front of my problem neighbors and watch what happens. I was just proud of myself for dumping it out right away. Usually I can't bear to and I will still package and keep it around to be reminded of my failure. Grrrr.

You dumped it?  Darn.  I have a friend who would pay good money for that hot sauce and use it as a condiment.  He loves things that are incredibly hot like that.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #206 on: October 09, 2016, 07:35:07 PM »
Made a vegan chilli a couple of weeks ago and packaged it up for lunches. For some reason (can't put my finger on it) it's completely unappealing to the point of being slightly gross. Think I'll cut my losses and ditch the rest. I make chill ALL THE TIME, no idea why this one sucks so bad!

GuitarStv

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #207 on: October 10, 2016, 05:51:08 AM »
Made a vegan chilli a couple of weeks ago and packaged it up for lunches. For some reason (can't put my finger on it) it's completely unappealing to the point of being slightly gross. Think I'll cut my losses and ditch the rest. I make chill ALL THE TIME, no idea why this one sucks so bad!

My issue with a lot of vegan chili recipes is that they are too low in fat content and this hurts the flavour.  I've had good luck by frying most of the veggies in oil for a bit before putting them in.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #208 on: October 10, 2016, 07:00:52 AM »
veggie chili---- don't know what would change to make it vegan... can stand a spoon up in it... really good stuff..

https://www.cooksillustrated.com/recipes/7206-best-vegetarian-chili

Oh, I can make vegan chilli - that's not the issue :-) this one batch just turned out gross for no reason.

My issue with a lot of vegan chili recipes is that they are too low in fat content and this hurts the flavour.  I've had good luck by frying most of the veggies in oil for a bit before putting them in.

My trick is to fry the onions and garlic in loads of olive oil. Adds the fat you're after and really brings out that rich allium flavour. Yum.

Threshkin

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #209 on: October 10, 2016, 11:18:35 AM »
One of the plants in my garden turned out to be a cayenne pepper instead of sweet pepper plant as it was labeled. Since I couldn't stand to see them go bad I attempted to make hot sauce last night in my instant pot. The first batch was so hot that DH hiccuped for the next hour. The second one was so hot I had to stand over the sink and drool, sniffle, and cry for 20 minutes because my mouth was on fire.... Both of these reactions were from a tiny amount of hot sauce like a dip on your fingertip. I added like 2 cups of vinegar and tried each again. Only the second one was edible after that and barely.

I love to make condiments and such from scratch. But I think I'll pass on making hot sauce from now on.

There are several ways to reduce the heat of hot sauce.  We had an over abundance of hot peppers this year and made a large batch of sauce that was way too hot (and we like hot).  We fixed the problem by grinding up a batch of peanutbutter and mixing it in.  The sauce is now delicious and the is essentially no peanut taste at all.

Most heat reductions involve either diluting or neutralizing the heat.  Mixing in the peanut butter did both.

m8547

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #210 on: October 10, 2016, 09:58:59 PM »
There are several ways to reduce the heat of hot sauce.  We had an over abundance of hot peppers this year and made a large batch of sauce that was way too hot (and we like hot).  We fixed the problem by grinding up a batch of peanutbutter and mixing it in.  The sauce is now delicious and the is essentially no peanut taste at all.

Most heat reductions involve either diluting or neutralizing the heat.  Mixing in the peanut butter did both.

If you serve that for people please put a note by it saying that it contains peanuts. I'm allergic, and that's one of the last things I would ever suspect would have peanuts. It's simply not practical to ask about what's in everything I'm eating, and I can usually tell by smell for things that are questionable (like sugar cookies vs peanut butter cookies).

Anyway, here's my kitchen disaster story:
One time I was making pizza in a cast iron skillet. The theory is you can get a skillet hotter on the stove than in a normal oven, plus the cast iron acts like a pizza stone. I was using some variation of this recipe, plus melting the toppings in the oven. So I had the oven set to 550 or slightly past the top of the scale on the knob, and I had a pan smoking hot on the stove. I drop a pizza on the pan and quickly put it in the oven to finish cooking. When I go to pull it out a couple minutes later, a huge cloud of smoke billows out of the oven since the excess flour under the crust burned. The vent fan in that apartment was useless since it just recirculated air around the room (through a "filter"), and the smoke set off the central fire alarm for the entire building of around 100 units! Luckily it went off a few minutes later after I opened all the doors and windows to air out the smoke, and the fire department didn't show up. The pizza turned out perfect, and it was totally worth it!

Tris Prior

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #211 on: October 18, 2016, 11:45:50 AM »
I made this:
http://www.budgetbytes.com/2016/10/tomato-herb-rice-with-white-beans-and-spinach/

And it is.... not good. I used chard from the garden instead of spinach because I had a ton of chard to use up. It is both bitter and slimy in this dish. The whole dish just tastes very bitter and gross. And of course it made a ton.

I have been bringing it for work lunches for a week and a half now, trying to choke down as much as I can. Friday I gave up and bought lunch out because I just could not stomach any more of it. I'm heavily leaning toward doing the same today. BAD.

But seriously, you guys, it's just awful and I'm not certain how to rescue it other than maybe dumping a bunch of cheese on top of it?

GuitarStv

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #212 on: October 18, 2016, 12:02:21 PM »
Form it into little patties, then fry it in butter.  Melt a little cheese over the top of each patty after frying.

MishMash

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #213 on: October 18, 2016, 12:14:13 PM »
Oh man, the great apartment fire comes to mind.

I was making moussaka for dinner right when me and then boyfriend (now husband) moved in together to an apartment.  Turned the oil on to fry up the eggplant and there must have been some debris in the oil and the pan was thin and BOOM flames errupted from the pan, caught the above range microwave on fire and started releasing toxic plastic smoke.  The cat ran out the back door and jumped onto the neighbors porch (we were on the third floor) the smoke was so bad, which would have been fine if the idiot could figure out how to get back over, or the neighbor would have been home for us to retrieve him.  Instead he sat there screaming for 4 hours until the neighbors got home.  We've kept a fire extinguisher on hand at all points since then, it saved our hides.  I still haven't fried eggplant since and that was 10 years ago lol.


With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #214 on: October 18, 2016, 07:52:17 PM »
I made this:
http://www.budgetbytes.com/2016/10/tomato-herb-rice-with-white-beans-and-spinach/

And it is.... not good. I used chard from the garden instead of spinach because I had a ton of chard to use up. It is both bitter and slimy in this dish. The whole dish just tastes very bitter and gross. And of course it made a ton.

I have been bringing it for work lunches for a week and a half now, trying to choke down as much as I can. Friday I gave up and bought lunch out because I just could not stomach any more of it. I'm heavily leaning toward doing the same today. BAD.

But seriously, you guys, it's just awful and I'm not certain how to rescue it other than maybe dumping a bunch of cheese on top of it?

Oh wow...  I might have tossed it by now, if I were you.  I can't do slimy, which is why I've never tried okra and avoid cooked greens.  I'm tempted to try that recipe and just have a spinach salad on the side.

Take a very small amount, maybe a quarter-cup, and add in a bit of brown sugar.  See if that helps the bitterness.  If you can kill the bitterness with sugar, then perhaps add hot sauce to get a decent flavor?  If sugar doesn't work, try taking another quarter cup and thoroughly mixing in a minuscule amount of baking soda (less than 1/8 tsp).  Two pinches of baking soda will fix the harshness of a gallon of iced tea, so you really don't need much.  GuitarStv's frying idea to fix the texture is pretty good.  Maybe stick it in the food processor and add in bread crumbs if it helps you get those patties down.

MBot

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #215 on: October 20, 2016, 08:39:55 PM »
Canadian Thanksgiving is this weekend, that should generate some good stories.

 .

The cheapest turkey came pre-stuffed and cook from frozen this year. I've always had great success properly defrosting an unstuffed turkey and roasting it. Stuffing made on the side. Against my better judgement we got it since it was cheap.

It was awful and dry. And the stuffing remnants burned into the drippings.  Without tasting the drippings, I proceeded adding them to the gravy.. which meant the gravy tasted like burnt kidneys

I'm hoping to find a redemption turkey on sale soon.

bestideaever

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #216 on: October 21, 2016, 12:48:02 PM »
I've only recently started cooking with a slow cooker, and though it's supposed to be easy and automatic, I find it very challenging since it is different than stove-top cooking.

Had a few recent fails using it:
1) A stew I was trying to create, which was a soupy, runny mess after the potatoes completely disintegrated. It looked like a mix between baby food and sausage chunk vomits. As if you had taken a full meal and throw it into a blender, leaving just tiny chunk remnants. Ugh. Completely gross.
2) A peach cobbler that got the immediate critique of "What DID you use for the dough?". Recipe said it was supposed to crisp up. Well, it didn't. It basically had the consistency of warm, chewy dough, and I don't mean that in a good cookie dough kind of way. Though peach cobbler is my boyfriend's favorite dessert, I ended up eating the whole thing by myself over the period of a week because it was so bad he turned his nose up at it, haha.
3) Stuffed peppers with minced turkey, which I failed to brown before. Lesson learned. Even hours in, I had no way of telling whether it was fully cooked at a proper temperature, and ended up throwing the whole thing out.

Most of the above were issues with the liquid measurements, that seem to make or break the recipes, and using ingredients not truly suitable for the slow cooker. There have been more fails with the slow cooker than successes, but when a recipe worked, it was a glorious win and very delicious.

I'm sure there have been more, as cooking is not my strength, but I am enjoying the process of learning! Every now and then, I get a kick-ass meal in return.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #217 on: October 21, 2016, 01:23:51 PM »
Just last night. Sigh. Made acorn squash. Followed a new recipe, which involved splitting it in half and roasting it open faced with the cavity willed with butter and maple syrup. Yum! Except that a bunch of the maple syrup leaked out somehow and burnt irreparably to the bottom of the baking tray. =( The part that was inside the squash was good, but I could have done without the billowing black cloud of charred sugar that came wafting out of the oven.

EngineerYogi

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #218 on: October 21, 2016, 01:31:20 PM »
Just last night. Sigh. Made acorn squash. Followed a new recipe, which involved splitting it in half and roasting it open faced with the cavity willed with butter and maple syrup. Yum! Except that a bunch of the maple syrup leaked out somehow and burnt irreparably to the bottom of the baking tray. =( The part that was inside the squash was good, but I could have done without the billowing black cloud of charred sugar that came wafting out of the oven.

Ouch! I started using silicone baking liners (a generous gift from my aunt) and they prevent these things. I use one that is slightly too big for the pan otherwise you run the risk of the stuff leaking underneath the liner.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #219 on: October 21, 2016, 01:46:51 PM »
Just last night. Sigh. Made acorn squash. Followed a new recipe, which involved splitting it in half and roasting it open faced with the cavity willed with butter and maple syrup. Yum! Except that a bunch of the maple syrup leaked out somehow and burnt irreparably to the bottom of the baking tray. =( The part that was inside the squash was good, but I could have done without the billowing black cloud of charred sugar that came wafting out of the oven.

Ouch! I started using silicone baking liners (a generous gift from my aunt) and they prevent these things. I use one that is slightly too big for the pan otherwise you run the risk of the stuff leaking underneath the liner.

I keep thinking about getting those, but I can never justify the cost... =\

geekette

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #220 on: October 21, 2016, 01:56:21 PM »
Just last night. Sigh. Made acorn squash. Followed a new recipe, which involved splitting it in half and roasting it open faced with the cavity willed with butter and maple syrup. Yum! Except that a bunch of the maple syrup leaked out somehow and burnt irreparably to the bottom of the baking tray. =( The part that was inside the squash was good, but I could have done without the billowing black cloud of charred sugar that came wafting out of the oven.

Ouch! I started using silicone baking liners (a generous gift from my aunt) and they prevent these things. I use one that is slightly too big for the pan otherwise you run the risk of the stuff leaking underneath the liner.

I keep thinking about getting those, but I can never justify the cost... =\
I have some Silpat mats that have been workhorses for years, but I've recently seen recommendations for this cheaper brand on Amazon.

EngineerYogi

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #221 on: October 21, 2016, 02:23:34 PM »
Just last night. Sigh. Made acorn squash. Followed a new recipe, which involved splitting it in half and roasting it open faced with the cavity willed with butter and maple syrup. Yum! Except that a bunch of the maple syrup leaked out somehow and burnt irreparably to the bottom of the baking tray. =( The part that was inside the squash was good, but I could have done without the billowing black cloud of charred sugar that came wafting out of the oven.

Ouch! I started using silicone baking liners (a generous gift from my aunt) and they prevent these things. I use one that is slightly too big for the pan otherwise you run the risk of the stuff leaking underneath the liner.

I keep thinking about getting those, but I can never justify the cost... =\
I have some Silpat mats that have been workhorses for years, but I've recently seen recommendations for this cheaper brand on Amazon.

Those would be perfect! Put them on your wishlist!

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #222 on: November 22, 2016, 08:41:15 PM »
Ugh, I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

I had dried kidney beans that I wanted to cook up for an upcoming batch of chili.  I measure them out, soak them overnight, drain them, add fresh water.  They are boiled the 30 minutes to neutralize the kidney bean toxin.  Then they are simmered...simmered...simmered.  Aww, heck, they aren't softening.  Throw them in the slow cooker so I don't have to watch the stove.  Taste them at four hours, still crunchy, spit them out.  Taste them at six hours, still crunchy, spit them out.  Cook on high for 8 hours.  Taste a few, hey they are soft!  Swallow them.  Turn off slow cooker and wait for beans to cool before packaging.

A few hours later my stomach starts to groan and I am too warm.  I'm feeling worse and worse, so I strip down to skivvies and sit in front of a fan, not moving, reading a book and hoping I won't vomit.  After a few hours, this passes, and I fall into bed.

I am so frustrated.  I've cooked kidney beans before!  I know what I'm doing!  I boiled them the full 30 minutes!  Why...

And then I remember.  When I tasted the kidney beans, they tasted somewhat bitter.  That's not right.  I open up the jar holding the remaining dry beans.  Those beans do NOT smell right.

So, I'm guessing that there was some moisture trapped in the jar with the beans and it became a very fine, invisible mold.  I've never had dried beans go bad before, so this was new.  I wasted all that time, water, and electricity to cook probably-moldy beans.  At least I got sick off the 3 - 5 beans I ate last night instead of finding out the issue after I made them a small part of a massive batch of black bean chili.

Lesson learned.  If it smells off or tastes off, don't eat it.

tl;dr - Safe from Phytohaemagglutinin, Miss Herring ate mold.  :(

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #223 on: November 22, 2016, 09:05:58 PM »
Ugh, I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

I had dried kidney beans that I wanted to cook up for an upcoming batch of chili.  I measure them out, soak them overnight, drain them, add fresh water.  They are boiled the 30 minutes to neutralize the kidney bean toxin.  Then they are simmered...simmered...simmered.  Aww, heck, they aren't softening.  Throw them in the slow cooker so I don't have to watch the stove.  Taste them at four hours, still crunchy, spit them out.  Taste them at six hours, still crunchy, spit them out.  Cook on high for 8 hours.  Taste a few, hey they are soft!  Swallow them.  Turn off slow cooker and wait for beans to cool before packaging.

A few hours later my stomach starts to groan and I am too warm.  I'm feeling worse and worse, so I strip down to skivvies and sit in front of a fan, not moving, reading a book and hoping I won't vomit.  After a few hours, this passes, and I fall into bed.

I am so frustrated.  I've cooked kidney beans before!  I know what I'm doing!  I boiled them the full 30 minutes!  Why...

And then I remember.  When I tasted the kidney beans, they tasted somewhat bitter.  That's not right.  I open up the jar holding the remaining dry beans.  Those beans do NOT smell right.

So, I'm guessing that there was some moisture trapped in the jar with the beans and it became a very fine, invisible mold.  I've never had dried beans go bad before, so this was new.  I wasted all that time, water, and electricity to cook probably-moldy beans.  At least I got sick off the 3 - 5 beans I ate last night instead of finding out the issue after I made them a small part of a massive batch of black bean chili.

Lesson learned.  If it smells off or tastes off, don't eat it.

tl;dr - Safe from Phytohaemagglutinin, Miss Herring ate mold.  :(

Glad you're ok!

I have a jar of dried beans to finish off at home, and now I'm paranoid...

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #224 on: November 22, 2016, 09:56:32 PM »
tl;dr - Safe from Phytohaemagglutinin, Miss Herring ate mold.  :(

Glad you're ok!

I have a jar of dried beans to finish off at home, and now I'm paranoid...

When you sniff inside the jar, do they smell like beans/nothing or do they smell like poison?  When cooked, do they taste like beans or do they taste like bizarrely bitter poison?  Just don't make my mistake of ignoring obvious warning signs and you'll be fine.  :)

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #225 on: November 22, 2016, 10:05:41 PM »
tl;dr - Safe from Phytohaemagglutinin, Miss Herring ate mold.  :(

Glad you're ok!

I have a jar of dried beans to finish off at home, and now I'm paranoid...

When you sniff inside the jar, do they smell like beans/nothing or do they smell like poison?  When cooked, do they taste like beans or do they taste like bizarrely bitter poison?  Just don't make my mistake of ignoring obvious warning signs and you'll be fine.  :)

How to find out if beans are poisoned: do they taste like poison?

This plan might have some holes in it...

:)

Inaya

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #226 on: November 23, 2016, 10:09:30 AM »
tl;dr - Safe from Phytohaemagglutinin, Miss Herring ate mold.  :(

Glad you're ok!

I have a jar of dried beans to finish off at home, and now I'm paranoid...

When you sniff inside the jar, do they smell like beans/nothing or do they smell like poison?  When cooked, do they taste like beans or do they taste like bizarrely bitter poison?  Just don't make my mistake of ignoring obvious warning signs and you'll be fine.  :)

How to find out if beans are poisoned: do they taste like poison?

This plan might have some holes in it...

:)
Reminds me of science classes. Chemistry Day 1: Never put anything in the lab in your mouth ever. Geology Day 1: Here lick this rock.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #227 on: November 25, 2016, 09:54:48 PM »
Sharing this one in case anyone else out there ever has a similar situation...

The Thanksgiving turkey had been in the oven for a few hours, and my SIL and brother were checking the temperature in the thigh to see if it were close to being done. SIL reports that it is 78 degrees, so basically it's slightly over room temperature. Uh oh. People start speculating about whether it might have been frozen inside, etc. and start discussing the re-jiggering of the whole day's schedule and figuring out how to slow down all the other dishes to accommodate an unexpectedly long turkey cooking time.

I said: "Are you sure that thermometer isn't giving you temperatures in Celsius?"

It was. The turkey was already a bit overdone and they were about to put it back in for another hour and a half based on that reading...

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #228 on: November 25, 2016, 10:21:11 PM »
Sharing this one in case anyone else out there ever has a similar situation...

The Thanksgiving turkey had been in the oven for a few hours, and my SIL and brother were checking the temperature in the thigh to see if it were close to being done. SIL reports that it is 78 degrees, so basically it's slightly over room temperature. Uh oh. People start speculating about whether it might have been frozen inside, etc. and start discussing the re-jiggering of the whole day's schedule and figuring out how to slow down all the other dishes to accommodate an unexpectedly long turkey cooking time.

I said: "Are you sure that thermometer isn't giving you temperatures in Celsius?"

It was. The turkey was already a bit overdone and they were about to put it back in for another hour and a half based on that reading...

Oh god. I laughed. I hate to say it, but I laughed.

We walked in to MIL standing over a blackened turkey. She looked desperately at my husband and asked "what part is the thigh? I need to check the temperature!" Gloriously glossing over the fact that she didn't know what a thigh is (???), he replied, "I'm pretty sure it's done Mom..."

And this is why I will be hosting thanksgiving next year.

ETA: it was actually her least overcooked turkey overall! Usually the top is more golden brown, but the meat is incredibly dry. I guess she crisped it up faster this year, and the smoke got her to take it out at a reasonable time. Improvement?

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #229 on: November 27, 2016, 05:03:55 AM »
Sharing this one in case anyone else out there ever has a similar situation...

The Thanksgiving turkey had been in the oven for a few hours, and my SIL and brother were checking the temperature in the thigh to see if it were close to being done. SIL reports that it is 78 degrees, so basically it's slightly over room temperature. Uh oh. People start speculating about whether it might have been frozen inside, etc. and start discussing the re-jiggering of the whole day's schedule and figuring out how to slow down all the other dishes to accommodate an unexpectedly long turkey cooking time.

I said: "Are you sure that thermometer isn't giving you temperatures in Celsius?"

It was. The turkey was already a bit overdone and they were about to put it back in for another hour and a half based on that reading...

Oh god. I laughed. I hate to say it, but I laughed.

We walked in to MIL standing over a blackened turkey. She looked desperately at my husband and asked "what part is the thigh? I need to check the temperature!" Gloriously glossing over the fact that she didn't know what a thigh is (???), he replied, "I'm pretty sure it's done Mom..."

And this is why I will be hosting thanksgiving next year.

ETA: it was actually her least overcooked turkey overall! Usually the top is more golden brown, but the meat is incredibly dry. I guess she crisped it up faster this year, and the smoke got her to take it out at a reasonable time. Improvement?

Brilliant. Just brilliant. :D

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #230 on: November 27, 2016, 12:21:56 PM »
I was making a butterscotch pie I have made many, many times before (which is probably why I wasn't paying as much attention as I would with a new recipe.) Burned the filling and overwhipped the whipped cream topping, although I did at least catch it before we got to the "butter" stage. Sigh.

ooeei

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #231 on: December 15, 2016, 02:02:37 PM »
Oh, and I second the person who said that you are rolling the dice with online recipes. We have been itching to try making ramen at home. We found a simplified crock pot version. Smelled delicious as it was cooking, but it tasted SOOOO bland! Sadly, we made enough for a week and a half. Being Mustachian, we choked down most of it before finally giving up on the broth and going just for the vegetables and pork and repurposing them into different configurations. So, that fail was not my fault! ;-)

I know this is from February, but just FYI, Ramen needs to be way saltier than you'd expect.  The first time I made it it was horrible, until I kept adding salt, and salt, and more salt.  If you aren't used to making your own broth, it's almost guaranteed you'll under salt it.  It's a salty soup.  It's amazing the transition it makes from awful to amazing.  If you try to make it again and it tastes bad, just keep salting it and tasting as you go.  I'll be surprised if it gets to be "too salty" before it tastes good.

If you care to make it again, the Tonkotsu broth on the food lab website is great.  I don't bother with the scrubbing so it's not super white, but it tastes amazing.  Just don't forget the salt ;).  MSG is also great, but not everyone likes using it. 

And in the spirit of the thread, I burned some shredded hash browns last night.  I underestimated the amount of oil needed in the pan, so they cooked unevenly.  Some spots burned, some were barely browning.  I choked them down, but they weren't nearly as enjoyable as hash browns should be.  I make them probably once a week, and about every 10th time or so I get cocky and end up messing them up.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2016, 02:04:37 PM by ooeei »

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #232 on: December 15, 2016, 02:05:58 PM »
We got an induction stove. They aren't joking when they say it can get hotter than gas.

We burned rice. Like, blackened, charred to pot, smoke filling house- while it was UNDER WATER. That is how hot, how quickly, induction can get. And of course, we had guests over. Nothing like dumping a pot of smoking charred rice into your sink to show your guests dinner is going to be delicious! (Thank goodness it's not the first time they're been over for dinner, haha).

Except for the kettle, we're capping ourselves at medium-high (7.5) until we learn this new stove, haha.

Digital Dogma

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #233 on: December 15, 2016, 02:34:36 PM »
I have an electric stove, an old one with the dot style diagram indicating what burners are controlled by what knobs. So im cooking stirfry in my dutch oven, throwing in pork, veggies, sauce, and moving quick. Everything is coming together, pineapple chunks go in last, and we turn it down to get the rice noodles cooking.
Big pot of water goes on the front burner, and a pyrex baking dish that was in the way gets pushed to the back burner.

5 minutes later, my SO is standing in front of the oven and says "thats red, that burner shouldnt be on" and a big cracking BOOM of the pyrex dish exploding scares the hell out of us both as hot glass rains on the kitchen, melting holes in the cork standing pads and burning our carpet where it bounced out of the kitchen. Glass went everywhere, all over the stovetop and sink, into the oven, the floor, the stirfry, the cold pot of noodle water, my glass of water. Everywhere except us! That was a close call and a kitchen fail.

We tasted a well-inspected piece of pork before dumping the rest. It was SO good. Then I succumb to being a complainypants consumer and ordered a delivery pizza. Salt in my delicious wounds.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #234 on: December 15, 2016, 02:42:49 PM »
I have an electric stove, an old one with the dot style diagram indicating what burners are controlled by what knobs. So im cooking stirfry in my dutch oven, throwing in pork, veggies, sauce, and moving quick. Everything is coming together, pineapple chunks go in last, and we turn it down to get the rice noodles cooking.
Big pot of water goes on the front burner, and a pyrex baking dish that was in the way gets pushed to the back burner.

5 minutes later, my SO is standing in front of the oven and says "thats red, that burner shouldnt be on" and a big cracking BOOM of the pyrex dish exploding scares the hell out of us both as hot glass rains on the kitchen, melting holes in the cork standing pads and burning our carpet where it bounced out of the kitchen. Glass went everywhere, all over the stovetop and sink, into the oven, the floor, the stirfry, the cold pot of noodle water, my glass of water. Everywhere except us! That was a close call and a kitchen fail.

We tasted a well-inspected piece of pork before dumping the rest. It was SO good. Then I succumb to being a complainypants consumer and ordered a delivery pizza. Salt in my delicious wounds.

Glad you guys are ok.

I had a Pyrex dish explode earlier in the year and it does make one hell of a boom.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #235 on: December 15, 2016, 02:45:49 PM »
I have an electric stove, an old one with the dot style diagram indicating what burners are controlled by what knobs. So im cooking stirfry in my dutch oven, throwing in pork, veggies, sauce, and moving quick. Everything is coming together, pineapple chunks go in last, and we turn it down to get the rice noodles cooking.
Big pot of water goes on the front burner, and a pyrex baking dish that was in the way gets pushed to the back burner.

5 minutes later, my SO is standing in front of the oven and says "thats red, that burner shouldnt be on" and a big cracking BOOM of the pyrex dish exploding scares the hell out of us both as hot glass rains on the kitchen, melting holes in the cork standing pads and burning our carpet where it bounced out of the kitchen. Glass went everywhere, all over the stovetop and sink, into the oven, the floor, the stirfry, the cold pot of noodle water, my glass of water. Everywhere except us! That was a close call and a kitchen fail.

We tasted a well-inspected piece of pork before dumping the rest. It was SO good. Then I succumb to being a complainypants consumer and ordered a delivery pizza. Salt in my delicious wounds.

I suppose this is the redeeming point of my aforementioned induction. No heating what it shouldn't, auto off if a pan way overheats, etc. A decent trade off for physics-defying rice fiascos.

Glad you guys were okay!

pseudoyams

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #236 on: December 18, 2016, 06:22:03 AM »
Not so much a food fail but the wife wanted to clean off the cabinet and drawer faces so she turned to pinterest for ideas.  She mixed up a slurry of baking soda and water and cleaned them off.  So far so good, until spring rolled around and it started to get humid out.  Welllll.... turns out that if your wood working is not sealed very very well that the baking soda will get into the woods pores and oxidize the surrounding wood.  The whole kitchen cabinets look rotted and are completely ruined.

We've been wanting to do something with the kitchen so this is just nudging us forward.  It's really not that big of a deal cause I do woodworking and literally have 10s of thousands of board feet of rough cut oak from my parents land. Just a matter of learning how to make the framessage, faces, and doors which will be a valuable skill to have.

So in other words, baking soda + wood = bad.  And just like a fart, never trust pinterest.

Drifterrider

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #237 on: December 18, 2016, 07:18:51 AM »
As a teenager I made extra money baking cakes and cookies for sale.  My father asked me to make a cake for his office.  He bought the supplies.  He bought flour on sale.   It was self rising, not AP.

I didn't take the upper rack out of the oven.  No need to.  Plenty of space between racks.

The cake rose through the upper rack.  I cut it away, iced the cake and my dad took it to work.  He said everyone commented it was the lightest cake they had ever had :)

Sometimes a disaster is an opportunity to make a lighter cake :)


Ferrisbueller

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #238 on: December 18, 2016, 09:27:47 AM »
Always fancied making honeycomb from scratch.  So I did.

Made about 2lbs of it.  Glorious crispy sticky yellowy orangey honeycomb.

Proceeded to eat said 2lbs, entirely.

There is quite a lot of baking soda in that much honeycomb.

Baking soda rises and produces gas, lots of gas.  I had olympian level bloating, think Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka.

That was 4 years ago.  Haven't eaten honeycomb since.

With This Herring

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #239 on: December 18, 2016, 09:36:25 AM »
Always fancied making honeycomb from scratch.  So I did.
*snip unpleasant effects*

This really confused me at first.  I thought "Don't bees make honeycomb...?"  What you are calling "honeycomb" is what I know as "sponge candy."  It has a lot of names!  Yum, but I am sorry for your suffering.

Noodle

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #240 on: December 23, 2016, 08:01:43 AM »
Very busy time at work in the holiday season. Decided to make some food to have on hand to avoid eating out temptations. Dish 1: putting together some delicious black bean and butternut squash enchiladas. The very last ingredient to put in was the squash, which I had bought pre-cut. I guess I had forgotten when exactly I had bought it, because I dumped it in only to discover it was moldy--after I had contaminated the whole pot. Dish 2: a crockpot dish. Similar to other recipes I like a lot. For some reason, it came out barely edible. Sigh.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #241 on: February 04, 2017, 01:17:32 PM »
Why yes, a small piece of molten spatula does look remarkably like a piece of caramel popcorn.

SmartyCat

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #242 on: February 04, 2017, 02:54:06 PM »
My most recent kitchen disasters have been discovering the limits of alternative ingredients and/or crock pots and pressure cookers. Gluten-free cornbread? Yummy. Crock pot cornbread stuffing made from the gluten-free cornbread? Pond sludge. SO bad. Also, those breakfast casseroles that sit overnight in the fridge and get popped in the oven the following morning? The pressure cooker recipe that assured me I could have delicious cinnamon bread pudding for breakfast in minutes rather than bake it in the oven was sadly mistaken: delicious ingredients were transformed in mere minutes to gluey cinnamon-sugar mush.

My favorite kitchen disaster stories are from my BFF, who is both brilliant and easily sidetracked. When we were roommates in college, she put on a pot of lentils to cook and then went outside to study on a beautiful sunny day. Some hours later, I arrived home to find smoke pouring out of my favorite pan and two inches of charcoaled lentils stuck to the bottom.

Flash forward a few years, and BFF was now married with a couple of acres, dogs, cats, sheep, a cow, and a flock of ducks. She put a cast iron frying pan on the stove to heat for dinner, stepped outside for a moment to feed the animals, and some time later realized the empty pan was still on the burner. Returned to the kitchen to find smoke pouring out of the pan. Pulled the pan off the stove without a potholder, handle was burning hot, dropped the pan onto the nearby dining room carpet and ran cold water over her hand. The carpet started to burn, so she grabbed a potholder and flung the frying pan out the back door and returned to running cold water over her hand. Unfortunately, the back door was still open and the ducks took their opportunity to come inside and check out the house, scattering in different directions and pooping at will. I got the "you're not going to believe my day" phone call after she had rounded up all the ducks and gotten them back outside.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #243 on: February 04, 2017, 05:02:47 PM »
I was expecting that story to end with a forest fire... :-)

Shelivesthedream, I hope you didn't try to eat it??

geekette

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #244 on: February 04, 2017, 05:52:20 PM »
Why yes, a small piece of molten spatula does look remarkably like a piece of caramel popcorn.
Was it still molten?  :: cringes ::

Years and years ago, my mom left the percolator on when she went upstairs to make the bed.  And fell asleep.  When she came back downstairs, it was dry, and when hastily moved to the countertop, it burned right through to the wood below.

I'm trying new things like roasting veggies and instant pot stuff (so confusing with all the different times, even for rice!).  Hoping for either edible or a good story...

Jakejake

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #245 on: February 04, 2017, 07:08:34 PM »
Smartycat - I hope your friend won some sort of lifetime achievement award for that!

shelivesthedream

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #246 on: February 05, 2017, 03:23:57 AM »

Shelivesthedream, I hope you didn't try to eat it??

Um... Well... I spat it out. Thankfully it was only me eating it. (Why yes, I have discovered the joys of making caramel popcorn for myself. Why no, my waistline will never be the same again.) It was one of those times where you leave something for five seconds, come back and it's melted. My only spatula too! But I didn't realise until my teeth hit it that a bit had actually melted OFF.

Vibrissae

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #247 on: February 05, 2017, 10:32:57 AM »
This thread is hilarious. ^_^

Not me but my housemate...one night she decided she was going to invent a recipe. She simmered some flounder fillets in a mix of a couple of liquids--I can't remember exactly what, but I'm pretty sure that one was balsamic vinaigrette and the other was either cooking wine or soy sauce. Then she threw in some random spices. ("Cumin? That sounds interesting!")

We dubbed the result "fish gruel." I would have actually tried to eat it, but after one mouthful she grabbed the plate away from me and ran into the kitchen to throw it out.

We ordered pizza.

tallen

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #248 on: February 05, 2017, 12:43:20 PM »
Kitchen disasters you say? I once had the cabinet we kept our dishes in fall off of the wall, does that count?

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Share your kitchen disasters...
« Reply #249 on: February 05, 2017, 01:55:11 PM »
Kitchen disasters you say? I once had the cabinet we kept our dishes in fall off of the wall, does that count?

OH MY GOSH this is my nightmare for our tupperware cupboard haha.