Reality Check

[Emerald]

For the record, I am mustachian-lite at best, but I do prefer to live and spend conservatively.  I must be spending too much time on this forum because, apparently, I have lost touch with how other people live.  I got a reality check this weekend when a friend came to visit. 

Case in point,  the thermostat.  My friend was shocked, open mouth shocked, that I kept my house thermostat on 65.  I bumped it up to 69, but she was still cold while I was sweating in my sweater.

Then came the TV.  She thought my converter box was a Roku, and couldn't quite grasp the concept of an antenna and free TV.  I gave up explaining after the third try.

Then we went out to dinner.  She asked me if I liked her brand new car, which is the same model she bought new 2 years ago.  She was worried it would break down after she put 50,000 miles on it, so she traded it in on a 2014.  She was very  excited at the lower interest rate and a shortened 60 month loan. 

With her fear of unexpected repair payments, I suspected she didn't have an emergency fund.  Sure enough, she mentioned having to cash out part of 401K just in case she needed to stay home to care for her ailing mother. 

During the weekend there was lots of Christmas shopping, mostly with her buying and me watching.  She looked at me funny when I mentioned something not being in the budget this month.

The best/worst part is that several times she wondered out loud how I could afford certain things.  I thought this was blatantly obvious, but I guess not.

I'm afraid that 5 years from now, she'll be under the same financial stress she is now.  Meanwhile, I should be 100% debt free with a big chunk of retirement already saved.   I am so, so glad I found this site!

[eyePod]

Too bad your friend didn't get a reality check; seems like she needs one more than you do. It's tough seeing people you care about struggle with money because of their own stupid choices.

[Emerald]

True.  I wanted to give her advice.  But she didn't ask for it, and I didn't think it would go over well.

[Cheddar Stacker]

True.  I wanted to give her advice.  But she didn't ask for it, and I didn't think it would go over well.

The best/worst part is that several times she wondered out loud how I could afford certain things.  I thought this was blatantly obvious, but I guess not.

I don't think people will ask for advice directly, except in rare circumstances. The above quote was about the best you can expect anyone to ask: "how can you afford this?"  A few answers that could spark a healthy conversation: -Prioritization -Simplicity -Conscious Spending.

Glad you see the light Emerald. Hopefully your friend can too.

[OutBy40]

What's sad is it's THESE kind of people that the rest of us end up forcibly supporting (read: paying for) because of their ignorance of money management, and our...well, possession of said money.

[gatorNic]

They should seriously teach MMM and FIRE as a class in highschool. 

[lielec11]

They should seriously teach MMM and FIRE as a class in highschool.

Second this times one thousand. I feel like personal finance is not very well discussed at all unless you were lucky enough to have parents to keep you informed, otherwise you're left to fend for yourself.

It's the least we could do as a society to limit the effect of consumerism that is blasted in our faces 24/7 via advertisements etc.

[Rika Non]

True.  I wanted to give her advice.  But she didn't ask for it, and I didn't think it would go over well.

I have found that some people don't mind conversations about topics such as these, but others get very defensive. 
Possibly wait till after the holidays and bring up a frugal-lite topic in a neutral way and gauge the reaction.

The people I find most fun are the Open Minded / Different Viewpoint.

Open Minded / Same Viewpoint           (not much to dicuss)
Closed Minded / Same Viewpoint         (nothing to talk about, but not terribly fun either)
Closed Minded / Different Viewpoint     (not much fun at all)

[MrFancypants]

She looked at me funny when I mentioned something not being in the budget this month.

This is funny, because it's something I deal with frequently.

"No Mom, it's not that we don't have the money, it's just that we don't have money specifically for that."

I guess I should understand because I was there once, but it's been so long ago that I did not have a solid budget that I don't remember what it feels like to just wing it.

[DollarBill]

What's sad is it's THESE kind of people that the rest of us end up forcibly supporting (read: paying for) because of their ignorance of money management, and our...well, possession of said money.

Do you have the link for "Paying for"? I tired looking for it but came up empty.

I feel the same as OP "I have lost touch with how other people live".
Mostly because I'm debt free.

[Emerald]

I may try to have a heart to heart financial conversation the next time she visits and brings up her finances.  Her tone led me to believe it was a bad idea during the last visit.

Lord, If I were in her shoes I wouldn't sleep at night.  I don't know how other people do it.

[DollarBill]

I may try to have a heart to heart financial conversation the next time she visits and brings up her finances.  Her tone led me to believe it was a bad idea during the last visit.

Lord, If I were in her shoes I wouldn't sleep at night.  I don't know how other people do it.

Sounds like a trap. I still have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when someone talks about their money problems. I learned a lesson a few weeks ago with my step-brother. He works his ass off but between him and his wife they have about $400 to their name. They both drive gas guzzling trucks, 2 four wheelers, a boat, a camper, house full of guns and hunting gear. Their lives are riddled full of drama but say they are doing everything they can. He got pissed at me for even thinking about doing a budget or find ways to save. He already has a mind set on working everyday of his existents. If that was me I would be so open for anyone to help me out. I don't know why people are like that.

I say don't bring it up unless she ask and if she does use the kid gloves during the face punch.

 

[OutBy40]

What's sad is it's THESE kind of people that the rest of us end up forcibly supporting (read: paying for) because of their ignorance of money management, and our...well, possession of said money.

Do you have the link for "Paying for"? I tired looking for it but came up empty.

I feel the same as OP "I have lost touch with how other people live".
Mostly because I'm debt free.

I'm talking about the wide variety of social programs that we have in this country for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately, that's all. It's these kind of people who either go on welfare or unemployment, or draw so much more social security after they "retire" than they ever put in. 

[MrFancypants]

I'm talking about the wide variety of social programs that we have in this country for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately, that's all.

Can you please specifically state which exact programs fall into this category?

[OutBy40]

I'm talking about the wide variety of social programs that we have in this country for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately, that's all.

Can you please specifically state which exact programs fall into this category?

I did.

[MrFancypants]

I did.

Unemployment and social security are for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately?

[OutBy40]

I did.

Unemployment and social security are for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately?

I said welfare and unemployment.  Their draw on Social Security is less a qualifier of money management and more an indication of lifetime income.

[MrFancypants]

I did.

Unemployment and social security are for people who refuse to manage their money appropriately?

I said welfare and unemployment.  Their draw on Social Security is less a qualifier of money management and more an indication of lifetime income.

"Welfare" is a concept, not a single specific program.  Both Social Security and unemployment are specific examples of welfare programs.

*edit* fixed redundant, confusing comment.

[zoltani]

We all need a reality check from time to time. I just had mine: I was laid off at the beginning of the year and was on unemployment for some months, so i guess I am one of "those" people.