Question for people on here that were formerly spendthrifts

[mm36]

I am looking to become more frugal, but I am finding it difficult as spending money just comes naturally to me.  If you were once a spendthrift, how did you make the change to being more frugal?  Was it a mental shift?

[Dicey]

Yes, it most certainly is a mental shift. You simply get up one morning and make a decision. Same as quitting smoking, getting fit, losing weight, or fill-in-the-blank-whatever. No games, no BS, just simple determination.

[MrsStubble]

Oh yeah, it is definitely a mental shift and it takes a few years.  I feel like i struggled to overcome that for like 2-3 years before it finally clicked, and that was after MULTIPLE failures.  It is just like dieting or anything else. You have to take it a day at a time (a yearly and daily budget helped me alot) and then celebrate the daily, weekly, and monthly wins.   It takes a while but eventually your mind just gets used to not shopping, and then slowly you just lose all enjoyment for it.

If it helps, besides the daily budget (really really helps), there were ever times when i'd go shopping and fill the cart with things i wanted and just leave the cart at the store before paying.  It's crappy for the employees i know, but it helps with the thrill of the hunt.

[Ricky]

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/06/04/get-rich-with-the-chaching-instinct/

[Bajadoc]

Somewhere along the line I realized that I deserve to keep what I earn instead of giving it away to someone else. Keeping your money and making it work for you is smarter than giving it away to sharp business people for shiny objects. This philosophy has helped me a lot. Never, never, never give up.

[iwasjustwondering]

I was a terrible spendthrift.  For me, it starts with just not buying something I want to buy.  I browse clothes online or in the store, and I picture myself wearing something, and I just decide that I'm Not Buying the thing I'm looking at.  I will live without it.  I will wear the Thing I Own instead.  And I'll look a little less fabulous.  If you do that a few times, Not Buying starts to feel incredibly empowering.  Not Buying is an active thing.  It's an activity. 

I have green laminate counters.  I would rather have quartz or concrete or marble.  Or stainless.  Quartz is fabulous. If I bought quartz counters, and I'm thinking of a super dark gray that is oh so close to black but that is not black, everyone would see what great taste I have.  They would see how successful I truly am at my job.  They'd be easy to clean, and I wouldn't worry that water was getting in under the cover.  It would feel really good.  But I'm saving for college.  So I'm going to have less than fabulous counters.  My counters are going to suck for a while, till I feel more comfortable with where I am in the college savings game.  Or maybe for longer than that.  Choosing the sucky green counters is an activity.  It's an active thing. 

I also started doing things to reduce the amount of disposable income I have.  I get the money out of my paycheck before it even comes to me.  I make more than 3x what I made in 2006, but my take-home salary each month is exactly the same as what I took home then.  Half my annual compensation comes from bonuses, and when they're coming in, I wake up really early and get them out of my checking account and into an investment account before the business day even starts.  When I first started becoming mustachian, I got a big bonus, and when I knew it was coming in, I woke up and paid off my car loan online, paid off a 401K loan, and put money into my kids' 529 plans before the kids were up at 6am.  You can't spend it if you don't have access to it. 

[Redstone5]

I was a terrible spendthrift during my divorce, and when I was being bullied at work a few years ago. I thought that I needed the things I bought to make myself feel better, but I only made myself feel worse in the long run, and made it harder to deal with my problems (like any other addiction).

Since then, I've enjoyed learning the frugal ways I've started because they're giving me a feeling of control and making opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Also, backpacking in Africa gave me a great perspective on how few material objects I really need to be happy.

[Redstone5]

Oh yeah, it is definitely a mental shift and it takes a few years.  I feel like i struggled to overcome that for like 2-3 years before it finally clicked, and that was after MULTIPLE failures.  It is just like dieting or anything else. You have to take it a day at a time (a yearly and daily budget helped me alot) and then celebrate the daily, weekly, and monthly wins.   It takes a while but eventually your mind just gets used to not shopping, and then slowly you just lose all enjoyment for it.

If it helps, besides the daily budget (really really helps), there were ever times when i'd go shopping and fill the cart with things i wanted and just leave the cart at the store before paying.  It's crappy for the employees i know, but it helps with the thrill of the hunt.

That's a great idea! I'm going to try that one. If I want them enough I can always run back to the store later :)

[horsepoor]

If you're a spendthrift, you probably have clutter around your house.  Sorting through it, selling or giving away lots of it can really be sobering, when you think about how much you spent on it (and maybe paid credit card interest on, too).

Saving can be an active thing too; try to figure out a way to make it a game, or a competition with yourself.  Last year I determined to pay off my car loan, so I'd figure out little ways to save money in other places, and then make small payments towards the car loan.  It was very motivating watching the balance drop below $10K, then $5K, then $2K.  Knowing I was nearing the next milestone towards paying it off made it easier to be frugal and avoid shopping, or figure out a way to save a few bucks so I could kick it over to the loan and race towards a $0 balance.

For me, reading basically every MMM article over the course of a couple weeks really made a mind shift for me.  I'm still spendy by the standards of many here, but much more thoughtful about my spending, and money doesn't fly out of my wallet the way it used to.

ETA:  As far as tricks go, delaying purchases works wonders.  If you're about to buy something, find a reason to walk out of the store (need to comparison shop, see if it matches those shoes I have or whatever).  Chances are, you'll forget all about The Thing, and won't be bothered to go back and purchase it later.  If you need to go to a store where impulse purchases are likely (I'm looking at you, Target), bring a list, stick to it, and don't browse other sections of the store.

[The_path_less_taken]

In my 20's, I spent money like I was printing it up myself in my spare time.

But I came to really see it as an equation: spend less= have more $= work for my idiot boss less...win!

I've had jobs where I had to get up at 3am and do a long mountain commute in the snow.

I don't want to be doing that when I'm 60.

The most valuable commodity on this planet is time...you can spend it how you choose to if you have enough bank to not have to punch a time clock. And not a one of us knows how much time we have....you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

From there...it's just a matter of treating it like a limbo contest.  How low can you go? "Can I not buy xxx for a week? A month? Two months?"

"If I don't by xyz today, will my life be so horrible that I want to fling myself from a tall building, or will I have forgotten about the damn thing by noon tomorrow?"

[Tieke]

Great suggestions here so far!  I've found that the most important strategy for me so far is having a specific goal in mind - if you're aiming to pay off a debt or to reach a particular target (eg. I want to pay off my student loan, or I want to save x number of dollars as a house deposit), you delay your ability to reach that goal every time you spend money needlessly.  This makes the trade-off much more tangible - a general goal of 'use money wisely' doesn't always feel that compelling if you are being tempted by something more immediately enticing, whereas realising that a purchase will delay your progress towards a goal that you are really committed to is much easier to grasp. 

Another related approach is to redirect any money that you save whenever you resist a purchase.  My current weakness is buying coffee while I'm at work, so I'm about to start up a piggy bank at work that I can put my coffee money into whenever I successfully resist the urge.  Then the proceeds can go into my shares fund so I can see exactly what I got out of it. 

As MrsStubble commented, a lot of this is building new habits.  Even if you do it through small changes, before too long they'll add up to a major shift in your overall habits - and then it gets much easier!

[Villanelle]

I was only a moderate spendthrift. No debt, very modest cars, medium modesty house.  But lots of "stuff".  For me, focusing very much on the life I want to have when I'm 55 helped and continues to help.  That skirt and blouse are so very cute.  But I want to be 55 and retired with my husband, enjoying a nice glass of wine on our own schedule. 

Focusing on retirement and making it more of a concrete thing, instead of "great, we won't be working, and of course that will be nice" helped a lot.  I even have a specific house in which I picture us.  It's my parents' home--the one they retired to--and I adore it.  I don't know that we'll actually live there.  But for now, I picture my husband out playing in the garden, me brushing a large dog (which we don't even have now/yet), or us sitting on their patio enjoying the stunning view and a couple glasses of wine. 

That's so much better than the feeling I'd get from ordering in for dinner instead of cooking, or wearing those new shoes.  It doesn't always work, and occasionally I forget to use the technique in a situation where it would have worked, but 95% of the time, if I look at something utterly superfluous and outside our values, I now only have to get as far into the thought as, "Is this more important than..." and my brain finishes the thought with the feelings I've created around that amazing retirement fantasy, and it is enough to get me to walk away. 

[caseyzee]

Automating helps too.  Set up accounts for automatic deductions so you just don't have the money to spend.

[Roadhog]

I shudder at the money wasted in the past.   I have always had pieces of the frugal puzzle in me, but were overridden by a spendthrift spouse and lifestyle inflation over the years as income increased.   The turning point was when it really sunk in that the only thing I wanted my discretionary money to buy was freedom.   Now it's easy.   Do I want this "thing" or do I want my freedom.   I want my freedom.   No question about it now and this mantra has converted the spouse.   

[OddOne]

I shudder at the money wasted in the past.   I have always had pieces of the frugal puzzle in me, but were overridden by a spendthrift spouse and lifestyle inflation over the years as income increased.   The turning point was when it really sunk in that the only thing I wanted my discretionary money to buy was freedom.   Now it's easy.   Do I want this "thing" or do I want my freedom.   I want my freedom.   No question about it now and this mantra has converted the spouse.

Well said Roadhog! +1

[lifejoy]

Practice, and budgeting. And reading about minimalism.

[HenryDavid]

Record every penny you spend.
Total it all up at the end of every month.
Ask yourself "am I completely thrilled by this picture of where I put my time and energy? Did real happiness come from each of these things?"
Just keep doing it and the feedback will change some of your decisions. Some blind habitual spending will end, but you might find more pleasure in conscious decisions to spend on some specific things.

Also, the long term effect of all those little decisions becomes clear.

Those laminate counter tops (we have 'em) soon become a chosen emblem of freedom, not some sign of failure. Or deprivation.

[Squirrel away]

Focusing on retirement and making it more of a concrete thing, instead of "great, we won't be working, and of course that will be nice" helped a lot.  I even have a specific house in which I picture us.  It's my parents' home--the one they retired to--and I adore it.  I don't know that we'll actually live there.  But for now, I picture my husband out playing in the garden, me brushing a large dog (which we don't even have now/yet), or us sitting on their patio enjoying the stunning view and a couple glasses of wine. 

That's so much better than the feeling I'd get from ordering in for dinner instead of cooking, or wearing those new shoes.  It doesn't always work, and occasionally I forget to use the technique in a situation where it would have worked, but 95% of the time, if I look at something utterly superfluous and outside our values, I now only have to get as far into the thought as, "Is this more important than..." and my brain finishes the thought with the feelings I've created around that amazing retirement fantasy, and it is enough to get me to walk away.

It's a very powerful way of keeping motivation up. :) I've been doing this lately whenever I hear about people going on expensive holidays. I keep picturing how good my life will be when I know we are financially independent.

[golden1]

All these tips are really great.  One tip that I rarely see is that once you decide to stop spending, you need to fill that time and mental space with some other activity.  If you are like me, the thrill of the hunt is a very fun distraction and time killer.  When I decide I want to buy "X", it is really fun for me to spend time researching the item, reading reviews about the item etc... Once you decide you need to quit doing that, you need to fill that time with something else.  It could be learning to cook, exercising, learning to code, learning a language, writing, organizing your house, whatever.  If you don't fill that time you will gravitate right back to doing what you were doing before.  Learning to spend less isn't just about managing the $$$, it is about managing your time and activities. 

[Arktinkerer]

I have always loved looking at something and creating a "project" from it.  Broken bike--make a recumbent.  Pick up an old firewall and upgrade with linux for a custom router/firewall.  Sailboat (i.e. hole in the water into which one pours money!). 

Many of these get pushed back for "when I have time".  Well I'm coming up on retirement in a couple months.  Still, for the last year I have had to clear a number of these projects out.  Some just no longer interest me.  More depressing though is things decay when not used.  If you aren't using it or actively maintaining it things rust, rot, get stolen, get broken, get insects (ants, termites, spiders).  I have enough projects for two retirements and that still ignores any new opportunities that come along!

I've trimmed back a lot.  Promised myself no new projects.  Its very hard to pass up a bargain even when I know it is way under priced.  But honestly, I'm leaving a fairly high dollar job so I can do what I want.  Buying a bargain because its cheap is still trading my time for money.  Unless the project itself is just something I want to do I need to leave it for someone else.  I'm trying to point out the potential to friends and like minded acquaintances and learning to take joy in providing them opportunities.

[partgypsy]

I have a soft spot for laminate/formica countertops! I think just because it reminds me of fond childhood memories. Our kitchen table is formica and we regularly get compliments on it.

I'm the opposite. There were long periods of my life where I spent virtually nothing. My first job I had I made 22K a year, and saved 7K in a year and a half. Coinciding with me getting a better paying job and also having kids (and less time) husband and I have gotten in the habit of using money to solve problems, versus the way we used to be, where we saw spending money to solve problems not even as an option, and either had to forgo, or be creative.     

[Villanelle]

All these tips are really great.  One tip that I rarely see is that once you decide to stop spending, you need to fill that time and mental space with some other activity.  If you are like me, the thrill of the hunt is a very fun distraction and time killer.  When I decide I want to buy "X", it is really fun for me to spend time researching the item, reading reviews about the item etc... Once you decide you need to quit doing that, you need to fill that time with something else.  It could be learning to cook, exercising, learning to code, learning a language, writing, organizing your house, whatever.  If you don't fill that time you will gravitate right back to doing what you were doing before.  Learning to spend less isn't just about managing the $$$, it is about managing your time and activities.

Another great point.

Many years, I participate in NaNoWriMo.  For those not familiar, it is National Novel Writing Month, which means that in the month of November, you try to write 50,000 words.  I quite naturally and easily spend very little that month.  All my free time is spent writing or researching some detail or rearranging scenes in my head.  No time to look at pretty things online, which is where much of my "bad" spending takes place. 

I also find that since I went back to school (online; started in January), I was naturally spending less, or at least spending less without as many "no, you don't really want that" conversations with myself.

Busy is good!

[asauer]

Yes!  It was a mental shift that took about 18 months after I made the decision that I couldn't ER if I kept up my antics.  Other than the mental shift, here are things that helped me:
1. Unsubscribing from ALL retail media
2. Unsubscribing from ALL magazines except my trade journal
3. Never going into Target.  Ever.
4. Taking a different route to work that doesn't go right by the mall.
5. Doing a "no spend month" for the first month after I made the decision
6. Cutting cable

I still have the urge occasionally but it's so much easier to manage now.

[Torran]

Oh my this is a useful thread. I feel like a total failure because I keep managing a couple of weeks of being in control of my finances, and then a couple of weeks of slipping back into old habits. It's two steps forward and one step back. Great to hear other people's advice for how to get past this.

[iamlittlehedgehog]

Becoming frugal if you are a spendthrift is like breaking a habit (at least it is for me anyway).
Identify your "Weakness" - is it jewelry, video games, sales on stuff you don't need? Now actually make it a goal to avoid these things. No Gamestop, no discount websites, no Stella and Dot, do this for 30 days. Believe me, you'll find other things to do with your time.
If you are of the instant gratification pool, like so many of us - make a chart of where they money is going everyday that you aren't spending. It was more rewarding to me seeing my CC statement go down $100 a week rather than new work clothes in my closet (I have come to terms with my frump in exchange for debt free living).

[Bob W]

If you love to spend the by God spend! 

 Just change the categories --  Instead of eating out buy some restaurant stocks.   Instead of buying a new care buy some Ford stock or bonds.   Instead of buying clothes buy some retail stocks.   Buy gold.  Buy rental property.  Buy apple stock instead of the latest gizmo. 

It would probably help if you made up a little chart or cards to play this game and set short term and mid term buying goals.

That way you can get your buying fix and do it in a positive way instead of just buying disposable crap. 

It is really a mind set -- saving/investing -- is really all about buying.


Buy,  buy,  buy! 

[Ricky]

Buy,  buy,  buy!

Sell, sell, sell!

[LalsConstant]

I discovered step one for me personally was gathering accurate data.  I began to track every penny I spent.  This was hard to learn to do but once I had it down I was good to go.

This by itself worked wonders.

Step 2 was to implement the rule of 30.  If you are want something wait 30 days first.  See if you are still interested.

Finally I began to look at my spending categories at the end of each month and see where I was spending way too much, and attacked that problem specifically.

[Gen Y Finance Journey]

I removed the temptation. I used to check those discount designer fashion websites as a daily ritual, had tons of offers coming into my inbox every day that I often clicked through, and hanging out with friends often meant shopping.

I just stopped doing all of that. No more casual browsing at clothing, unsubscribed from all the emails, and hung out with friends at home instead of going out. After a while, you just get out of the habit of spending money all the time. Now I hate spending money and could browse through clothing websites all morning without any desire to buy anything.

[Retire-Canada]

I am looking to become more frugal, but I am finding it difficult as spending money just comes naturally to me.  If you were once a spendthrift, how did you make the change to being more frugal?  Was it a mental shift?

Well it's not a physical shift. LOL

Bottom line I want to be free of the need to work. The only way that can happen is if I reduce my expenses and invest the savings.

So I built a spreadsheet that shows my full financial picture and I have war-gamed how much I need to FIRE. That way if I want to spend money I can understand the impact of my choices which makes it much easier to spend less.

My annual spending is now ~50% of what it was for a couple decades. I'm no less and no more happy because of the lack of spending so it's clear to me I'm better off saving and investing.

I know I enjoy not working at least to the point where I have many months off in a year so I'm shooting for that.

-- Vik

[Snow White]

I consider myself to be mostly frugal...except when it comes to hobbies.  I've talked to friends and family about this several times and noted that if asked if I'd budget $300.00 for costume jewelry a year I'd say of course not! No question.  But would I spend $500 on beads and jewelry making supplies in a year? Apparently so. ;(

For me controlling my hobby spending has taken several approaches.  I quit making jewelry cold turkey.  I was too fast and could whip out stuff quickly and it is an expensive hobby.  Now I only repair or rework what I own and don't miss creating new pieces.

Quilting is the other potential money pit hobby but I don't want to give it up completely.  But I transitioned to doing most projects by hand and have embraced "slow stitching" with a passion.  I now spend time creating much nicer projects but just far fewer of them.  It's actually a big plus as I like what I am making much more.  I am still tempted to buy more fabric, threads and embellishments than needed and I cope by having a craft room cleanup day when I want to buy.  There is nothing like going through what I already own to calm down the urge to buy more!

I've tracked spending for decades in Quicken but that didn't help with hobby related spending for some reason.   I started a crafts notebook though and described purchases in much better detail.  I noted how many yards of fabric was purchased, the cost, the project it was purchased for (if known), etc. Every item purchased was listed and at the end of each month, I summarized and analyzed the value and whether I regretted purchases.  That one habit has helped as much as anything.  It pointed me in areas where I tend to impulse buy (craft magazines & books).   I've drastically cut back on craft spending without feeling deprived.

Knowledge is power.  My strategy was to identity weaknesses and what triggers the urge to buy and to focus on learning how to manage that. 

[mm36]

Thank you all for the helpful replies.  This gives me a lot to think about and plenty of inspiration.