Author Topic: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?  (Read 4592 times)

HoustonSker

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Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« on: October 31, 2018, 01:24:42 PM »
Aloha mustached ladies and gents,

A proposal has been made to me by my spouse and I would greatly appreciate some thoughts and insight from anyone willing to take a few minutes to assess the situation.  Here goes...

Recently, my FIL has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and my spouse, spouse's siblings, and I have been scenario planning to hopefully optimize future paths forward.  One particular scenario has significant financial implications to my immediate family unit (spouse and kids) and from the Subject line, it's a scenario whereby we (spouse and myself) pay off my in-laws' mortgage (~$140k) and they subsequently pay us "rent" (~$600/mo) in an effort to assist them financially by lowering their living expenses.  Their current mortgage payment is $1,300/mo and includes escrowed items (taxes, insurance).  The other major assumption is that my FIL would receive SS disability to partially replace his pre-Parkinson's wages.  At this point, we don't know what figure this would be.  My MIL brings home ~$800/mo.

Obviously, there are several material issues (financial and other) that I have with such an arrangement:

1.  The rent charged to my in-laws would be half of the market, significantly reducing the ROI.  This is especially concerning given that I am not particularly interested in a rental property to begin with. 

2.  Who is responsible for home maintenance?  I've been told that my in-laws would take care of all maintenance but if they strapped for cash and my FIL's physical status deteriorates, I seriously doubt they can afford the costs, especially if it's something significant like a roof, new water heater etc.  The house is ~35 years old and has had some plumbing leaks/damage in the past year.

3.  What legal rights would my spouse and I have regarding the house?  I assume none unless a contract is written up and/or ownership transferred to us upon my in-laws' death. 

4.  Who receives the proceeds from any future sale?  My assumption is they get back their initial equity and a proration of any price appreciation net of transaction costs. 

Aside from those basic questions, our plan has always been to use the aforementioned $140k towards a down payment of a future home and keep invested in our brokerage account, split $100k/$40k.  From this angle, I feel like this is detrimental to my immediate family - less money for future down payment (higher mortgage for my family), less liquidity (no brokerage investments), less rate of return (keeping $140K locked up for presumably decades in a flat-ish real estate market) vs. having a sizable portion in the stock market.

Additionally, there hasn't been any mention of my wife's siblings involvement and frankly, I don't think they can contribute much financially as they either don't make much or are spendy.  So, in essence, this is a huuuuge ask of me to float another household and I think it's pretty GD unfair to me as most of our wealth has been earned by me.  I'm the saver/investor in the family.

My alternative is for them to sell the house and get their equity out (cash in hand), then rent a place that can accommodate my FIL.  The upside is increased liquidity, no home maintenance (physical work or payment for services), reduced likelihood of significant cash outlay for home repairs, more financial flexibility etc.  My FIL does have a 401k and IRA, although I don't know the figures, but from conversations, he wanted to work another 10-15 years in order to boost the balances.  MIL has nothing saved and doesn't seem energized to make any changes.  I applaud my spouse's desire to help the in-laws, but this seems completely one-sided and I don't want the downside.

Am I missing anything else significant?  I assume there could be a litany of issues/unasked questions. 

Mods, if this is better placed in the Real Estate/Landlording section, feel free to move.

Cheers and thanks for your time.

MishMash

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2018, 01:32:29 PM »
As someone that has had this question posed to them, DON'T DO IT!

We thankfully didn't, and lets just say the outcome wasn't pretty, and our FIL ended up moving in with us (also don't let that happen because it probably will be asked).  They ended up selling their house, and blew through all the money in one year.  If we had ponied up what they asked for (also no help from DHs siblings there) we would have been out a fortune instead of the 20k we are out providing the minimum help we did. 

Proud Foot

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2018, 02:01:37 PM »
Do you have any idea what the house is worth? I would not do it as proposed and like your alternative a lot better. I would not do the original proposal for a lot of the reasons you have laid out. It they are set on staying in the house you could consider purchasing the house outright from them and then rent to them. This would clear up a lot off the issues of maintenance, legal rights, and future proceeds. You would still have to consider how this fits into your financial plans and goals.

marty998

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2018, 02:17:10 PM »
I'm sorry about the parkinson diagnosis. I am going through the same in my family (without the attendant financial problems), but my dad is already retired.

I've been told my family is "a little weird" with money because it is so open and transparent and we're not out to screw each other. This makes it quite a bit easier to trust that financial transactions entered into will be adhered to. For example my parents are a secondary user on my credit card (for reward points) but I know they will make good the balance each month so interest is not incurred.

If there is no absolute trust, then you need to document and enforce a contract with transfer of ownership and agreed rent. Then when your in-laws come to your spouse one day and say "things are a struggle this month, the fridge stopped working and we need a bit more time to pay you" what are you going to do? Evict them? You can't - it will be the end of the family relationship.

You need to go into this eyes wide open that shit will hit the fan at some point.

A Parkinsons diagnosis is not the end of the world, you need to find (a) the right neurologist and (b) the right combination of medication that will slow the progression. My dad is still mobile, walking and driving 10 years after showing symptoms, and manages to go on 2-3 overseas trips a year.

Every case is slightly different, but you should encourage him to live life as best he can for as long as he can. Best of luck.

pbkmaine

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2018, 02:23:02 PM »
There are Parkinson’s support groups in most areas. My neighbor was diagnosed two years ago, and has found the groups to be invaluable.

J Boogie

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2018, 02:45:49 PM »
It works far better to be a benefactor when you have more control and more legal power.

It's fine if you decide to do something to benefit your in laws but you are wise to visualize worst case scenarios.

Try and talk to your wife about an arrangement that would limit the downside of a worst case scenario.

Personally, I bought a duplex in 2015 and have been renting the top out to my in laws at a near market rate. Worst case scenario is they can't pay rent - we've accepted that's a possibility and would rather assist in this way.

Maybe think about buying a condo you rent out to them, maybe one that's in a senior living community or something like that. Maybe that wouldn't be as unattractive of an investment and would put you in control.

And then once you've stepped up use this as leverage in talks with your spouse's siblings. Poor & spendy or not, everyone's got a few bucks every month they can chip in. You can make it known that guaranteeing housing will be your contribution and that they should be prepared to step up as needed as time goes on.



Aspiring Frugalist

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2018, 02:50:22 PM »
I am sorry to hear about your FIL's diagnosis. 

I recommend that you speak with an accountant before you potentially intermingle funds on your in-laws' house.  If they burn through their savings and come to rely on Medicaid, Medicaid could force the sale of the home (most likely after your MIL either passes or attempts to sell the home) and it would collect sale proceeds to partially offset its costs for his care.  If you aren't the owner of the property, you would lose the ability to take back any funds you would have put towards the mortgage or property repairs.


Loren Ver

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2018, 02:51:57 PM »
I would figure out how much they are willing to help themselves first.  They are the affected party and should be making the decisions about moving and the like.  If they thought moving to a condo with no maintenance or yard care was a great idea and you say you want to pay off the house you may scuttle any decisions they wanted to make.  Most people like to adult for themselves and only want help if they really need it (except the users, but that is a different issue).

Once they have a plan, then assistance may be needed, and you can offer.  But I would not offer anything that puts you the negative if ANYTHING goes not according to plan.  All that can happen is you be the bad guy (to in-laws or your family). 

LV

PS sorry about the diagnosis, it does make life much more difficult.

FIFoFum

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2018, 02:56:34 PM »
This sounds like a terrible financial deal with built-in family issues/conflict. You are already resenting being asked, and you haven't even done anything yet. That is a red flag "DO NOT PROCEED" sign.

Let your in-laws figure out what they can do without your financial support. Sounds like it makes sense for them to look into moving into a more accessible/supported location, renting, cashing out equity, and so on. Whatever disability or assistance pay/support available may be means-tested, so most certainly do NOT take on financial responsibility or offer to pay for things until you see what payments your FIL may qualify for without you.

Once the dust clears, if you feel comfortable budgeting to gift some $ to your in-laws, by all means, do it. Make sure it matches your family goals and give freely, without regard for what your spouse's siblings or anyone else in the family is doing.

And make sure that you and your spouse are communicating well and functioning as a unit. Support one another. I understand you are probably stressed and resentful at how this request was floated to you. I'm sure your wife is stressed about her father's health and parents' financial well-being too. Be careful about the mindset that it is "your" wealth as the saver/investor, so this is your decision. You have a family, and it sounds like you can easily fall into the trap of undervaluing your wife's role in contibuting to the family and raising the kids. It's a joint decision, and I'm sure you can come together in supporting your inlaws in ways that don't compromise your own financial well-being.   
 

former player

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2018, 03:06:10 PM »
A friend of mine has had Parkinson's for 20 years.  Whatever you do, expect it to be for the long term.  And also expect it to apply to your MIL for the rest of her life too if she survives her husband - you will have set up an expectation and find it hard to get away from it.

If you pay off your in-laws' mortgage without putting in place either a transfer of partial ownership of the house or a new mortgage, you are effectively making a gift of $140k to your in-laws.  Even if you put legal arrangements in place, I don't see any practical way for you to enforce those legal arrangements if they stop paying you - you are hardly going to sue them and evict them, are you?  And then if they die, their estate will probably be split between the siblings equally, so you will have effectively given nearly all your $140k to your SO's siblings.

I don't see any way for it to end well.  And it sounds as though tying up this money would place significant restrictions on the options for your own family life with SO and kids, which could be a significant irritant to family life in future years.

The other thing is: your in-laws' current house is probably entirely unsuited to a life of increasing disability - most houses are (my friend moved to more suitable accommodations as soon as her mobility issues stopped her from gardening).  Plus, there are going to be increasing demands on your MIL as carer.  They should be looking now for somewhere to live which 1) is or will be wheelchair accessible, 2) has minimum maintenance requirements (as things get worse neither of your inlaws will have time or energy for gardening or house maintenance) and 3) is close (preferably within walking distance, if that is available in your area) to amenities such as shops, restaurants and places of entertainment.  This latter is important: disability and caring create isolation, and having amenities easily accessible makes continuing a normal social life is essential to preserving quality of life.  Unless their current house meets all these requirements I would encourage them to start looking for new accommodations.

FIFoFum

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2018, 03:16:42 PM »
One other aspect: Make sure your wife and everyone involved (your MIL, her siblings, etc.) are getting proper support for coming to terms with your FIL's diagnosis and what it means moving forward.
 
Focusing on the "house" or keeping your FIL/MIL in the same house is likely more about the emotions than the finances. For some people, feeling like the person is "able" to stay in the same house, living the same lifestyle - it's really just a form of denial. Your FIL's life with Parkinson's will change, so will your MILs.

Getting caught up in the financial discussion can be a distraction or avoidance technique that gives your wife something to do other than focus on the emotionally messier aspects of having aging or ill parents.

mm1970

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2018, 03:27:05 PM »
I don't think that this is the way to go.  Too many risks.

I'm not saying to not help out the parents though - I mean, sometimes crap happens and you have to help them out.

Rather than pay off their mortgage with nothing in return, I would consider:

1. Actually buying the house from them and having them pay you rent.  What is the house worth?  I know some family members who did this.  For example, if the house is worth $200k, you buy the house from them, get a mortgage for the house, and use the rent to pay the mortgage.  OR, if possible, buy the house for $140k, and don't charge them any rent until you hit the $60k mark.  Or something to that affect.

2.  Sell their house and move them somewhere else - a house you own, or some place they can rent.

The family that I know basically sold their house to their kids.  The kids were responsible for maintenance on the house, but they owned it.  Then they sold that house and moved the parents to a house much closer, so they could help out.  Because they sold the original house to the kids at much below market rate, they were not charged rent (basically gave the kids their tiny inheritance early).

The difference here is that you aren't giving away $140k.  You own the house.

SwordGuy

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2018, 04:31:19 PM »
https://jlcollinsnh.com/2014/02/20/case-study-10-should-josiah-buy-his-parents-a-house/

Read it.  Have your spouse read it.  Take it to heart.   It's what happened to someone who did this.  It wasn't pretty.

Second -- do not -- do not -- DO NOT -- trust that you'll get your money back in their wills.   HELL NO!   Sure as hell you'll get stiffed.

If you do sink a bunch of money into a property, get your ownership of it established right away, not in some hoped-for day in the future.


I would suggest that you commit to what you can handle each month.  It shouldn't be more than the other siblings than $100 a month.   If the other siblings "are spendy" then if this needs doing, they need to become "a lot less spendy".  As in, their full share worth of spendy.   Refuse to listen to any requirements from them for you to fork up cash unless they are matching you.

As for your spouse, best of luck.    Guilt makes people do stupid things.   The best solution is that they find a way to live within their means.  The next best is you (and other siblings) contribute a small amount each month to make up the difference.


BicycleB

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2018, 05:02:50 PM »
@lhamo nailed it.

Your best bet is to be a friendly thinker whose remarks support truths, not provider of payment to support false dreams. As in, this is the start of what is probably a long period of dealing with the unpleasant facts of aging - bodies weaken, thin resources are strained in the case of the non-Mustachian, houses may have to be abandoned, etc. From experience (one parent passed away, one in mid-70s) there will be many "No" moments provided by life. Distinguish the few you can fix from the many you can't. Since there are so many you can't, get used to supporting the recognition of things that won't work, providing comfort or calmness when parents are disappointed, learning to express love in the face of "you're not helping!" and so on. If you do this right, you'll be a source of comfort without straining your financial resources. Also, sometimes your advice will be wanted...eventually!  :)

jlcnuke

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2018, 06:10:00 PM »
When my parents got to the point where they were no longer going to be able to work, and their current home was not going to be affordable in their non-working budget, we came up with the following plan:
1. I bought my retirement home, that they were okay living in for their retirement.
2. We're all on the loan and the title with rights of survivorship (no will needed for the house to be mine after they pass).
3. They do what they can around the house and pay for some of the upgrades etc.
4. Both my siblings, not in a financial position to support, are aware of and comfortable with our arrangement.
5. They pay me no rent etc, and I've made it clear while it's "our" house, and will eventually be "my house", until that time it's their house to live in and do what they please with it. Remodeling/upgrades that we all want, we all chip in on. Things they want that I don't care about, they pay for with their money.

It's been ~4 years now and there have been no problems to speak of with the arrangement we have.

Milizard

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #15 on: October 31, 2018, 09:22:29 PM »
So, you're contemplating doing all that just to reduce their monthly costs by $700. That's the trouble with a stash--people see it and get their own ideas about what to do with your money.

My suggestion: split the $700 amongst all the stakeholders. Siblings, I'm guessing at least 2, right?  To be nice, you can even offer to have a full share in addition to your wife, which is more than fair but generous. A little less than $200/person each month. If they can't sacrifice that little, no F-ing way can you go in for $140k all in!  It's incredibly risky to you to finance their house, as there's very likely to be Medicaid in their future.

SunnyDays

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #16 on: October 31, 2018, 09:37:57 PM »
If there is some compelling reason for them to stay in their own home, you could consider a reverse mortgage.  Probably not a popular solution on this site, though.

Abe

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #17 on: October 31, 2018, 10:29:53 PM »
The suggested arrangement sounds like it will implode with any major health issue or family drama. They need to sell the home and move into a smaller condo that meets ADA standards. Cut other parts of their budget to make ends meet. If all of that is done and they still need money then maybe all the siblings can chip in equally. 

HoustonSker

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2018, 12:21:10 PM »
Thanks everyone for your insightful responses.

My spouse and I briefly touched on the subject as part of larger discussion on paths forward.  I injected a couple of my softer concerns as well as some of the feedback from you all.  It sounds like my MIL is leaning towards taking a look at their finances, looking at areas to cut etc.  All of this seems pretty basic to me, but I don't yet think she is realizing the gravity of the situation.  We shall see what comes of the next couple of weeks, but I have offered to review my in-laws' home/auto insurance and recommend areas for cost reduction.  At this point, it's all I will offer and buying their house isn't going to happen.  Waaay too much downside.  Going forward, I think the best path is to involve my spouse's siblings and get their skin in the game, sit back, and offer advice when asked.

@Loren Ver , excellent point on waiting on my in-laws to help themselves first.  That's my preferred stance and then maybe, assisting financially.

@FIFoFum , thank you for the comment on working as a marital unit, if I were to utter "my wealth" or something of that nature, it would surely be a triggering comment and not provide any upside.

@Milizard , yes, you've boiled it down quite well.  I can think of a couple of things to knock their costs down immediately...like cancelling the $250 cable bill!  FFS, I brought that up last week to my in-laws and it was met with resistance, MIL needs to watch 3hrs of crap TV a night.  Your husband has a life changing disease and you don't want to cut the cable, really?!?!  In the end, cable is being cut and we can fill in the rest in cash assistance if needed. 

Cheers

Livingthedream55

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #19 on: November 02, 2018, 09:53:13 AM »
So, you're contemplating doing all that just to reduce their monthly costs by $700. That's the trouble with a stash--people see it and get their own ideas about what to do with your money.

My suggestion: split the $700 amongst all the stakeholders. Siblings, I'm guessing at least 2, right?  To be nice, you can even offer to have a full share in addition to your wife, which is more than fair but generous. A little less than $200/person each month. If they can't sacrifice that little, no F-ing way can you go in for $140k all in!  It's incredibly risky to you to finance their house, as there's very likely to be Medicaid in their future.

+ 1  This is your FIL and MIL's problem to solve and there are ramifications (Medicaid, etc.) to be aware of and understood thoroughly. I think you propose that everyone is in the "information gathering stage" - and do some research on support groups, seeing how willing your in laws are to trim fat in their budget, and see if siblings are willing to put in some effort (not necessarily money) to help brainstorm solutions. I think you will have to "take off the table" the idea that you will swoop in and fix everything financially thus absolving everyone else of thinking for themselves.

NorthernBlitz

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #20 on: November 02, 2018, 12:53:22 PM »
I think I'd be super reluctant to do this.

It seems like the potential to destroy your relationship with your in-laws and your spouse would be too high. I feel like I'd end up resenting them for pressuring me into doing something that big and I think that would eat away at me. But, your wife might feel like it would eat away at her not to help. Maybe it would be a good idea to try to set up some kind of counseling to talk about a decision like this.

It might seem like a selfish thing, but I think your responsibility to your children / immediate family should come before your responsibility to your parents / in-laws.

TomTX

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #21 on: November 04, 2018, 04:38:15 AM »
OP: Fuck no.

They need to slash the ridiculous expenses, and strongly consider moving to some type of 55+ community that has ADA accessible (condo/apartment) and good continuing care options.  And no perpetual "storage locker" for the junk they can't move.

Do not commingle finances.

If you want to help - great! Make sure it's real help (and that can include $) - but make sure it's not just EOC.

Dee18

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #22 on: November 04, 2018, 11:47:04 AM »
Does your MIL realize she can still watch tv without cable?  I get 7 channels, more than enough junk.  Maybe you could convince her to drop cable and get Hulu, and save $240/month.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #23 on: November 04, 2018, 01:20:35 PM »
What are you going to do if they stop paying rent? Kick them out? Of course not. The truth of this situation is that you would be buying a house for your in laws and if they can afford to contribute, they will, and if they can't afford it, then they won't.

Everyone will be better off if they sell the house and move into a zero-maintenance apartment and you set some money aside to assist them with rent each month if they need it.-**/

Villanelle

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #24 on: November 05, 2018, 02:35:59 AM »
A very dear family friend (and my parents' current next door neighbor) has Alzheimer's.  He and his wife sold their house to one of their adult children (who plan to move in to it eventually when they retire).  The parents pay rent.  It has worked fairly well, and in fact can end up saving money overall because things that are deductible as landlords aren't as owners.  So when it is time to buy a new roof, for example, that would have been purely out of pocket for the parents as owners, but for the child as landlord, it is a rental expense.  And as owner/landlord, all maintenance and other expenses fall to the daughter now, though the parents still handle what they can and make the arrangements for things (for as long as they are able to continue to do so, and at that point, they likely won't be living alone in the house any longer anyway).

Anyway, this has worked quite well for them thus far.  But the key is that they are now the full owners of the place.  it was a regular sale (at FMV, minus the % that would have been paid to a realtor, so that the parents/seller walked away with the same amount they would have if listing with an agent).    The only real risk I see is that if the parents stop paying rent, the child would be in a position to have to evict aging, broke parents, or eat that loss, but the family (parent) financial picture is solid enough and the relationships healthy enough that there seems very little chance of that happening.  This deal was made to simplify things for the wife/mom, looking forward to when her husband who handles most of the finances and house stuff is no longer physically and mentally able to do so, and because overall it keeps more money in the family coffers (see the above about tax benefits).  There is some risk, but to me a careful and honest evaluation of the finances and relationships can mitigate much of that.  In your case, it sounds like the motivator would be tight finances, which means they simply can't afford this house, whether that means owning or renting.  So even if they were willing to outright sell to you, it would still seem to risky for my blood.

*I should also note that with these friends, all the kids were informed of the decision and the details so that everyone was in agreement and there were not surprises come will-reading day, or anything like that.  Because the purchasing sister paid FMV, she wasn't getting anything the other sister didn't.  Everyone is very happy with it. 

accolay

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #25 on: November 05, 2018, 03:54:45 AM »
Agree with all posters. Cripes! Who still has a $250 cable bill each month? Oh yeah, my mom.

Freedom2016

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #26 on: November 05, 2018, 12:49:07 PM »
My mom was diagnosed w/ Parkinson's 8 years ago. She is still pretty mobile and able to continue living in our childhood home. I offer that up only to suggest that you have time to explore all these alternatives -- the good news being that, if your dad gets good treatment, significant deterioration is likely many years away.

Good luck.


Goldielocks

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2018, 12:05:42 PM »
Does your MIL realize she can still watch tv without cable?  I get 7 channels, more than enough junk.  Maybe you could convince her to drop cable and get Hulu, and save $240/month.

When I think of my grandparents, the cable was one of the last things that they cut, as they were not really on the internet, and health kept them inside all day, and they could not physically do a lot.  They were exceptionally frugal yet kept some cable ($100) until the end.

One thing you can do to help with reducing / cutting cable is to buy DVD's or rent them from the library for them (or both?).  Bringing library DVD's each week is a very nice thing you can do for them.

I found my Grandmother was fine watching HGTV reruns all day, for example, and a DVD TV series took care of that.  (They were outside of a small town with no library nearby so that option was out).

Milizard

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Re: Purchase In-laws' House to Assist Financially?
« Reply #28 on: November 07, 2018, 07:08:20 PM »
I've thought about the idea of entertainment a lot some while ago.  If you examine it's ubiquitousness throughout human history,  you might conclude that it's actually very important for humans. I wouldn't knock someone for wanting entertainment,  but would suggest more affordable alternatives. 

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!