[h my goodness ... are we the same person? Yes, when I got something nice -- such as stickers -- I held onto them tightly, and sometimes the item in question was ruined by waiting ... so I got no use out of the item. One thing that comes to mind, and in retrospect it's stupid: When I did have a bit of money and made a purchase, I saved the bag ... and if I was going to buy two items, I'd often have one of my brothers hold my first purchase, and I'd go back into the store to make a second, separate purchase just so I'd have a second bag. I kept the bags and kept them folded neatly in my nightstand drawer ... so that when I needed to carry something to school, I'd have a "cool store bag" available. I really did hoard everything and did use every resource I had to make it as a poor kid in the Affluent 80s. In retrospect, I was pretty pathetic.
Wow, I never knew anyone else did that! I grew up poor as well, in a strange situation. We weren't in the situation that we didn't have a stable roof over our heads (although my parents nearly had their house repossessed after I'd moved out) or were food insecure, thankfully. My dad worked on the family farm parttime and also had a job in a local business and we had a large garden at home as well. My mum was a SAHM and a lot of food came from our family's farm, our own garden or from neighbours. My family had cows and we kept chickens and rabbits. As a young child, I never felt poor because we always had clothes and had really big three course dinners at night (of course they worked hard, so they had to eat a lot of food) and I had so much fun being outdoors all the time and playing with the animals.
When I was about 8, I started to notice the difference with other kids in school. I knew we had the best food, but I also started to notice that my mum made everything from scratch including the bread, that she spent so much time putting up all of the produce from our garden. She made all of our own clothes and I remember that when my dad would wear out his shirt at the elbows, she would take the shirt apart and use the fabric to make a tiny shirt for my toddler brother. Any clothes that weren't handmade were hand-me-downs. I went to school in a fairly affluent area and that's when I started noticing my clothes weren't fashionable, that other kids had "things" like stickers and notebooks and comics. I also remember I held on to my stickers for forever. I had this paper notebook that I would put my stickers in (of course not actually "use" the stickers, that would be a waste! ) I would glue the back of the actual sticker sheet in the notebook and just look at my sticker collection. I would get paper notebooks from people on my birthday that had pictures on the front and I thought it would be a waste to use them, so I kept them. I found them recently and I'm now giving my Tweety and Tazmanian Devil notebooks to a friend's kid. I held on to them for years, waiting for the special occasion to use them and it never happened. I was a big reader and at that time the library was free for kids so I went there a lot. Whenever I did have money, I would buy books and I did the same thing with the bags! Those books were my most treasured possession then and I still have them. Not entirely coincidental they are the entire series of Little House on the Prairie.
During the BSE crisis, my family lost the farm and my dad also lost his office job. My mum went back to work and quickly started to make more money then they'd used to have. My dad also found a job again after some time, but he never earned as much as he used to and the reversal of roles caused a lasting resentment. My mum was always a very hard worker so she'd get up at 6 in the morning and prepared both breakfast and dinner from scratch before she left at 7.15 so she'd have the meal ready when we all came home at night. She also still did all of the housekeeping, while also progressing in her career. My dad couldn't handle it and started to spend a lot of money on himself (we were never sure where it went) which caused a lot of stress for us and for my mum, who went right back to her old ways of stretching money as far as she could. As at that point we didn't have the farm anymore or the time for things like baking our own bread, that's when I really started to feel poor. We never had money for anything and the last week of the month was tough. I remember my mum secretly hiding away the money from her paycheck so she had money for food and bills because my dad would spend literally any money he could get his hands on.
I was always a saver, not a spender, and I used to babysit for money before I was old enough for a retail job. When I graduated from high school, I chose to work and study parttime so I wouldn't have to get a student loan. I chose something that seemed practical (law) instead of something I really enjoyed (law school is not a big deal in here like it is in the US). I fell ill with a chronic illness at some point in high school and my parents were not able to support me through that - I don't mean financially, I mean mentally. That's when I knew I was always going to have to depend on myself and not others to get somewhere. I saved up religiously so I could move out as soon as I could and have always survived, somehow. I have gained a strong set of skills and survival instinct and I know I can help myself out in almost any situation I'll get into.
I'd never thought I'd find a partner who'd accept me for what I am, but he also grew up poor. In fact, I think he grew up a lot more poor because his parents had a very negative attitude, were money illiterate and didn't have any type of real skills. They basically worked entry level retail jobs for their entire life and when they came home they'd sit in front of the TV, eat rubbish and smoke and drink. They were also in a lot of debt. He always hated that negative attitude so much and he still hates complainypants people most of all. Also, the kids went without a lot of things, including shoes and clothing, so his parents could smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. People think it's petty because smoking and drinking are legal, but he and his siblings went without because of their parents addictions and he still holds that against them.
I do notice there are a lot of people I just can't relate to, mostly those who have (financially) supportive parents. Of course it's not their fault they grew up with money, but many aren't aware how much they rely on their parents. Even when they don't actually get supported montly, they know if there's a problem they can always ring their parents. They know they'll get a big inheritance when they're older. They can't imagine why anyone chooses a career they aren't 'passionate' about. I was actually told a few times that taking a parttime degree while supporting myself showed a 'lack of true interest' in my subject. If I'd had true "passion" I wouldn't have minded taking out a student loan. It's not their fault, but they just don't know what's it like to struggle. I don't mind my upbriging as it has given me a lot of strength and resilience in return, but it's a fact I'll never think lightly about the future. We're going to pay our home off early even though we only pay 2,2% interest on the mortgage, because we need that feeling of having a home no one can take from us. I'll always have a pantry full of staples and a small supply of soap, yarn and needles and I still repurpose old textile. I'll never rely on a man for money and I'll never give a guy access to my stash. We have a shared bank account for joint bills and the mortgage, but we keep our stash in our own accounts. I'll happily support him if he's in trouble that he didn't cause on purpose, but he can't touch my stash.