And I'm genuinely curious as to why some people think it's selfish to not want/have children, so I'm happy to hear what people think on that one.
I'm also genuinely curious about the "selfish" or "self-serving" label that some people attach to other people who do not want to have children.
The first time I ever heard this was from a friend in college; her mother was a fervent Catholic. Her mother had told my friend, her daughter, that she could understand not wanting to have children but she felt it was selfish (presumably because she felt she had been called to be fruitful and multiply).
Are there non-religious people who think not wanting children is "selfish"?
Religious people who think not wanting children is "selfish", is this a tenant of your religion?
Like Llewellyn2006, I am "genuinely curious", and not wanting to start a flame war.
Me too.
Last year I got the “no offence, but in my experience, single, childless professional women are selfish” from an acquaintance. Needless to say, said acquaintance is no longer being acquainted by me.
My new favourite response to this type of comment is to shrug and say, “we get/have to be since no one else is thinking of us”. Single, middle aged women pretty much take the award for the most invisible people out there.
I'll start by saying that I don't think some degree of selfishness is a bad thing. It is unhealthy to
only look after others and not yourself.
I think offspring are traditionally considered a social good and desirable due to the instinct for survival. A species that does not propagate itself does not have much of a foreseeable future. More taxpayers to replenish the tax base, young workers to be productive, etc.
Getting offspring to functional adulthood takes time, effort, and financial resources. Caregiving requires a lot of putting the dependent first, and when their kid is hungry, hurt, needing reassurance, sick, or just wanting to form emotional attachment, generally people don't throw their hands up and walk away because the parent "isn't feeling it" at the moment. Make that near-constant for almost two decades (and sometimes, forever), and that's a lot of putting someone else first, of active selflessness.
I'm a parent of a child who had a period of serious medical problems, and I'm a friend to families with children who have life-limiting disabilities. The kind of support and sacrifice those children deserve isn't something every potential parent wants to or can give. I'm very happy with my choice to have children but it is definitely not right for everyone. I'm glad there's more ability than ever to have or not have children according to each person's wishes. I don't think the "good" of the collective (species propagation, if you consider that a good) should automatically overrule individual wants (those who don't want to parent).
It does get tiresome to witness hostility to others who made different choices than the speaker (non parents scolded as "selfish" or "immature" and parents derided as mindless "breeders" or children talked about as though they're some sort of blight.) It's a divisive and alienating topic.