Nickel and Dimed at work

[force majeure]

Recently in my work place, there have a been a few collections for various staff gifts, and its expected everyone in team will contribute. Engagement, birth, retirement etc. $10 or $20 at a time. I feel nickel and dimed to death. How do you deal with this, and not cause offence? Cumulative effect is, I am down a bunch of money.

[ShoulderThingThatGoesUp]

Nobody's going to challenge you on it if you say "Sorry, I can't."

At my office these are just emails and I ignore them.

[Iplawyer]

Nobody's going to challenge you on it if you say "Sorry, I can't."

At my office these are just emails and I ignore them.

I deal with it by taking out my wallet and contributing.  Why - I'm part of the workplace and it is a second family that pretty much has my back.   If I have to work a little longer - so be it.  There aren't a lot of people who have your back.  Don't underestimate the power of that.

[Drifterrider]

I follow Nancy Regan's advice and just say "No".  Works every time.

[COEE]

If it's a rare event like a birth of a child, or a wedding, I usually chip in a 20 or something.  This usually happens once or twice a year and marks significant points in my friends lives and I want share in the comradery and their excitement.

There are collections once in a while for birthdays.  Get real, I'd be broke.  But i do sign the cards that occasionally go around.  Half the time i don't even know who they are for.

[ImCheap]

Nobody's going to challenge you on it if you say "Sorry, I can't."

At my office these are just emails and I ignore them.

I deal with it by taking out my wallet and contributing.  Why - I'm part of the workplace and it is a second family that pretty much has my back.   If I have to work a little longer - so be it.  There aren't a lot of people who have your back.  Don't underestimate the power of that.

I would agree with this. I do however draw the line at people who drop off boxes of fund raiser candy bars and or gift wrap etc. that they are selling for their kids, if the kid comes in and hits me up, I will give but otherwise nope.

[marion10]

We have a "Sunshine Club"- we pay a dollar a month and then upon specified events- death in family, marriage , baby, etc. The member gets a card and specified lump sum. This has been gong on in our office for more than 50 years. Someone has to be willing to do the bookkeeping though.

[Livingthedream55]

I feel ya, but chalk it up to the cost of working (another cost that I won't have once I reach FI) and see it as part of maintaining good work relationships.

When I was a boss (I've changed jobs so no longer have anyone that reports to me - LOVE THAT) - I'd take my team of six people out for a lunch a couple of times a year and I handled making sure everyone's birthday was recognized and I ran the Division's pot luck at the holidays. I feel it boosted morale tremendously.

EDITED: My example relates to a relatively small group - and I knew the people. I agree with those that said they wouldn't become an ATM for workplace strangers.

One thing I don't do is buy the Avon/ Girl Scout cookies/ wrapping paper/ magazine subscriptions that my co-workers are selling (many on behalf of fundraisers for their children's school or activities).

[Guesl982374]

Keep $5 in your wallet so you don't have to shell out $10 or $20 for people you don't care about.

Just say no to all fundraisers like others have mentioned.

[Iplawyer]

Nobody's going to challenge you on it if you say "Sorry, I can't."

At my office these are just emails and I ignore them.

I deal with it by taking out my wallet and contributing.  Why - I'm part of the workplace and it is a second family that pretty much has my back.   If I have to work a little longer - so be it.  There aren't a lot of people who have your back.  Don't underestimate the power of that.

I would agree with this. I do however draw the line at people who drop off boxes of fund raiser candy bars and or gift wrap etc. that they are selling for their kids, if the kid comes in and hits me up, I will give but otherwise nope.

+10000 on the kids fundraisers.  If the kid comes in - I typically choose the "just donate to the cause" option because I don't want the wares offered.  If they don't come in - no way.

[Slow&Steady]

I have often flat out said "I don't carry cash, sorry."  However, for the more 1-2x a lifetime events like a new baby, retirement, funeral, or a wedding I have been known to run by the bank, if it is a co-worker I interact with regularly.  Even in those cases I don't think I have ever given more than $10.  Close work "friends" I might be the one to organize something and therefore pick up more of the tab.

I also feel like if it is a large place to work I am not going to be that close to very many co-workers and most people won't notice if I do or do not contribute.  If it is a small place to work, where it might be obvious, then there can't be that many event like this.

[AZDude]

Totally depends on who its for and why. Sometimes you need to not be *that guy* and just chip in $10. Other times, if it is someone you do not know very well or do not like, its OK to say no.

Way back in the day, the IT team worked on a higher floor than the rest of the business. We were secluded and enjoyed it. However, once every few months, a downstairs person would show demanding money for something, just like you are telling us. Each time everyone on the team would talk up how they are not giving any more, blah blah blah. Each time they would change their tune and fork over their hard earned money to someone they did not even know whom they never worked with. It was quite comical.

There was one exception to the rule, me. I decline or was not even asked. It was never a big deal. I did not get fired, or ostracized, or anything else. In fact, it made me more popular among my fellow IT workers for standing up to "the man".

[Milizard]

Re: kids fundraisers
I only bought if there was something I really wanted, which was rare, but did happen occasionally.  If I ever get back to work and bring in some fundraiser for my own kid, I would hope people would do the same.  I'd hate for people to buy out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

[gggggg]

I only donate when it's for something or someone I like.

[spicykissa]

My workplace generally doesn't do money--we love an excuse for a good potluck, though, so I do always bring something for those, which costs very little. Occasionally there will be an email about someone collecting for something (wedding/baby shower, mostly), but it's a "leave cash in the envelope in this person's mailbox if you want" kind of thing--no one would know who gave what. If an actual person came around with hands out, that would be weird/awkward, and I'd have to tell them sorry, I don't have cash. 

The only time I've ever given cash was the year we surprised a low-level assistant with a full complement of Christmas gifts and some $ after his wife left him with their special-needs kid and he lost his house. (Dude deserved every penny!)

[gimp]

Neither engagement nor retirement should be events where anyone chips in money - engagement is a personal affair, and for retirement, the company can afford a couple pizzas.

My strategy is to either get something personal for the person in question (wine for an expectant mother, perhaps) - or don't go.

[libertarian4321]

I have a wallet with two compartments. I keep all my cash in the zippered one behind he main compartment.

So when they ask, I make a grand gesture of pulling out my wallet, only to find it "empty."

I then offer to write a check, knowing full well no one is going to want to screw around with a check.

Problem solved.

[mastrr]

I have a wallet with two compartments. I keep all my cash in the zippered one behind he main compartment.

So when they ask, I make a grand gesture of pulling out my wallet, only to find it "empty."

I then offer to write a check, knowing full well no one is going to want to screw around with a check.

Problem solved.

lol

[njmoney]

My immediate team of 6 to 8 people I chip in.  Someone else I consider a close friend I chip in.  Anyone else and I typically delete it.  There are usually 40 or 50 people included on some of these communications.  No one notices if I don't contribute.

[Villanelle]

To me, this is like tipping.  It's not technically necessary, but not doing so kind of makes one look cheap (in the worst way), and in this case, it may well cause much larger problem.  $5-10 a month is well worth it to maintain pleasant relationships with my coworkers. 

If I ever worked in a giant office where I was part of a smaller group or team, I probably wouldn't contribute for everyone as it seems unlikely there would be social consequences, but I'd still pitch in for my team members or department or whatever.  So some of this is going to vary by office and culture, but generally, if someone came around asking for a farewell gift for Susie or a retirement gift for Mildred, I'd hand them $5 and jot my name on the card. 

I do think offices would be well-served to have a policy that any collections for these things needs to be done by passing an envelope or some other anonymous method, so no one feels significant pressure and no one can be keeping score.  When I run the world...

[Adventine]

I contribute only if it's for a person who I work with directly. Otherwise, I politely decline and say "Sorry, it's not in the budget right now." Never had any negative reactions.

[Ryland]

I had this same problem! It was insane. What I did was mention get people succulent cuttings from my garden at home.

"Oh, that's awesome. I actually got him/her another gift." Usually works well. Or going with the "This is so great. But it's not in my budget right now." works great too.

Tough conversations are always worth it in the end if you have them in honesty.

[RobFIRE]

I tend to take a balanced view on these things. If it's somebody I barely know/rarely interact with, I'd likely decline on that basis. If it's a charity fundraiser, I'll consider who is doing it and on what basis e.g. if a guy is running his 10th marathon, then really he enjoys running, another marathon isn't a watershed event for him, so I don't think it particularly merits my sponsorship; but if it's somebody doing something that is a real achievement for them, I'd likely sponsor them for a reasonable amount. If it's a life event and somebody I know, then I'll contribute a reasonable amount: if you put in 5 or 10 while others may put in 10 or even 20 then you have contributed, I don't think you have to match the higher amount.