Nickel and Dimed at Work

[Kakashi]

Careful doc.  There is frugal and there is cheap.  I am totally on board with not dropping 10$ every week on some dumb ass thing.   But thinking big picture if there are people you depend on and you make a good bit more than they do, then it might be best if you get them a yearly generous gift.  A good bottle of scotch or family pass to the aquarium can be remembered much more than pizza.  And when they have to prioritize you or your colleague they may choose you, or when your boss asks them what they think of you they may be that much nicer.  Worst case 500$/year probably wont change your FIRE date but might make work more tolerable.

Very wise and well said.  You're probably right.  But I guess thus far I haven't felt any negative effects of indicating my cheapness. 

What is an absolute pet peeve of mine is why I'm expected to chip in more or pay for stuff just because I happen to make more.  Yes, I understand it goes along with the American mentality of "if I make more, I spend more".  But it's annoying.  I really like how I've set it up now.  Nobody expects anything from me. 

[Hotstreak]

Careful doc.  There is frugal and there is cheap.  I am totally on board with not dropping 10$ every week on some dumb ass thing.   But thinking big picture if there are people you depend on and you make a good bit more than they do, then it might be best if you get them a yearly generous gift.  A good bottle of scotch or family pass to the aquarium can be remembered much more than pizza.  And when they have to prioritize you or your colleague they may choose you, or when your boss asks them what they think of you they may be that much nicer.  Worst case 500$/year probably wont change your FIRE date but might make work more tolerable.

Very wise and well said.  You're probably right.  But I guess thus far I haven't felt any negative effects of indicating my cheapness. 

What is an absolute pet peeve of mine is why I'm expected to chip in more or pay for stuff just because I happen to make more.  Yes, I understand it goes along with the American mentality of "if I make more, I spend more".  But it's annoying.  I really like how I've set it up now.  Nobody expects anything from me.

Gifts at work should roll downhill, Managers give gifts to their employees but not the other way around, high earning salespeople give gifts to the office admin staff, but not the other way around.  Being the de facto highest earner puts you in that position, whether or not you are actually an owner of have management duties at the practice.  Low level medical staff can be poorly paid, and really enjoy getting a modest, personalized gift on their birthday or christmas or whenever.

[jan62]

my workplace is a bit like this, always asking for  money for presents for people I barely know, fundraising for charities left right and centre. I realised early on and I just said no I don't want to - yes people thought it was rude and that I am cheap and 'not a team player' and it took a few No's for the message to sink in but now they just know I won't.
Why would I fork our over money for people I'm not even interested in instead of spending that money on me and my families needs? Its work, they are colleagues and I don't earn money to throw it away.
Just say no, ignore the guilt trips they try and put on you and think about how much money you'll save.

[libertarian4321]

Tell them you'd love to participate, but you are tapped out, as you just made a large donation to "The Human Fund."

[BlueHouse]

I'm starting to appreciate being an engineering nerd working with a bunch of engineering, anti-social nerds so much more!

Yup, me too! I've never experienced anything as described above. We are so anti-social we don't even bring cake for our birthdays and on my first day I was instructed that when we go to get tea/coffee in the office kitchen, we don't ask the other people if they want some too. No one wants that social pressure.

We don't even say good morning or goodbye when we see each other.  Unless there's something specific to talk about, you don't even walk into someone else's cubicle or office.  If you don't know someone and you're passing them in the hallway, you do NOT say anything.  If you're considered super-friendly (as I was when I started working there), you nod or smile, but honestly, everyone's so bad at social contact that you cannot get the timing right, so you either look before they do and are left grinning like a monkey, or you wait too long and have missed your opportunity.  Now, I'm convinced that my timing is off too and it just makes me more self-conscious!  I promise, I am not exaggerating.  They're not rude, because if you need something, you get it.  But there is no social custom recognized there at all. 

[ACyclist]

Do you work at Dunder Mifflin?!?!?1

The John Smith fun run against foot rashes.
:)

[ACyclist]

I've gotten some of this, and mostly it's a tax deduction.  So, OK I'll play.

Last month I had $38 in the same avenue of what you are speaking of.

Where I draw the line is people that ask me to donate to the cause of their child's band vacation.  Seriously?  I've not gone on a flight vacation for quite some time.  I have no children.  Why would I fund a kids vacation.  To fund band in a school. OK.  To fund the band going to Disneyland.  No.

[katscratch]

I'm a physician. 

Careful doc.  .... and you make a good bit more than they do....

This is totally just my personal viewpoint - but this attitude is prevalent in my own workplace and it really, really bothers me. I actually don't attend our department's holiday party because the harassment of our physicians to donate is not okay with me. And they're hit up in every department in which they work. It shouldn't be about the dollar amount you make. One of the docs I work with comes to a lot of our staff happy hours, and almost always pays the bill. This has turned into people showing up for happy hour if they know he's going and not otherwise. To me, that's wrong. I currently make 1/8 the salary that he does, but we budget in exactly the same way. Expecting my coworkers to donate because they hold a title that commands a higher salary than mine just doesn't sit right. On the flip side these same docs collectively have spent tens of thousands of their own dollars to house patients from other countries, or help bring their families here, or to our fundraising arm where the proceeds all go back to our foundation. Generosity and giving should be up to us as individuals, based on our own priorities, not on office pressure.

But then, I am on the side of not donating at all to the routine office-type things. I don't offer a reason, I just decline. I do reach out to staff members on leave and will donate PTO behind the scenes. I came to this current job from a former management high-earning position so I've been on both sides of the proverbial salary coin. And I've never donated to random fundraisers.

When it comes to the cultural aspect of a physician showing appreciation for staff -- I will never remember who donated to the holiday party, or bought pizza on a gloomy winter day, but I sure do remember every time my surgeon shook my hand at the end of a difficult case where we worked seamlessly together. One of the best gifts I've received was from a doc that moved to another state- a text and a .gif. That message means more to me than any bonus check I've received. We're a team, not a hierarchy, and to expect equality during a case but then expect outside the room that Oh Hey You Make More Money just feels weird. It's the expectation piece that doesn't sit right, not the donating itself.

----none of that is meant to discount other opinions in this thread. I just wanted to offer my view, as someone who works in an environment that historically was segregated by financial and academic status.

[AlanStache]

I'm a physician. 

Careful doc.  .... and you make a good bit more than they do....

This is totally just my personal viewpoint - but this attitude is prevalent in my own workplace and it really, really bothers me. I actually don't attend our department's holiday party because the harassment of our physicians to donate is not okay with me. And they're hit up in every department in which they work. It shouldn't be about the dollar amount you make. One of the docs I work with comes to a lot of our staff happy hours, and almost always pays the bill. This has turned into people showing up for happy hour if they know he's going and not otherwise. To me, that's wrong. I currently make 1/8 the salary that he does, but we budget in exactly the same way. Expecting my coworkers to donate because they hold a title that commands a higher salary than mine just doesn't sit right. On the flip side these same docs collectively have spent tens of thousands of their own dollars to house patients from other countries, or help bring their families here, or to our fundraising arm where the proceeds all go back to our foundation. Generosity and giving should be up to us as individuals, based on our own priorities, not on office pressure.

But then, I am on the side of not donating at all to the routine office-type things. I don't offer a reason, I just decline. I do reach out to staff members on leave and will donate PTO behind the scenes. I came to this current job from a former management high-earning position so I've been on both sides of the proverbial salary coin. And I've never donated to random fundraisers.

When it comes to the cultural aspect of a physician showing appreciation for staff -- I will never remember who donated to the holiday party, or bought pizza on a gloomy winter day, but I sure do remember every time my surgeon shook my hand at the end of a difficult case where we worked seamlessly together. One of the best gifts I've received was from a doc that moved to another state- a text and a .gif. That message means more to me than any bonus check I've received. We're a team, not a hierarchy, and to expect equality during a case but then expect outside the room that Oh Hey You Make More Money just feels weird. It's the expectation piece that doesn't sit right, not the donating itself.

----none of that is meant to discount other opinions in this thread. I just wanted to offer my view, as someone who works in an environment that historically was segregated by financial and academic status.

I think we are largely on the same page.  I dont like the expectation aspects, I dont like the 10$ here, 15$ there, every other week; someone wants to spend that cool-was there money, whatever.  Maybe I was correlating higher income with boss/subordinate to much.  And you are right it does not have to be of a large monetary value, if a nice card works-great!  It is about showing gratefulness and some thought.  Few years back I put in a little effort to get a guy under me listed on the rental car agreement so that he could drive on the autobahn; he liked it and appreciated it and can now tell you how fast a peugeot minivan can go flat out.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

I don't think I've ever been asked to support someone's kid's extracurricular activity crap. I wouldn't participate in that at all. We get books of raffle tickets to support the local primary school (that half the staff's kids go to). I usually shell out for a $1 ticket! One year there was a murder mystery dinner to fund raise at the school but management bought tickets for all the staff, which was pretty cool. Our organisation is very into supporting the immediate local community where possible. We advertise by sponsoring local events and non profits, and not by placing ads all over the place. We usually do a collection for a big event - although for one girl's wedding we actually all went down to the venue at the crack of dawn to decorate it for her because the venue had screwed up the bookings and she would not have had time to get herself ready as well as decorate on the day! (We got a drawn out diagram of where everything was supposed to go and all the stuff that she'd hired, flowers etc etc and we did it exactly as she'd specified. Took hours and hours)

[Villanelle]

My general work policy was to chip in (hopefully with potluck and/or assistance, but with cash as needed) for things that were people focused.  A baby shower for Jane?  Sure, her's $10. Even some of the work lunches, I'd go, at least enough to make it clear I did want to be part of the community.   That doesn't require every lunch, but it does require the birthday lunches and maybe an occasional random Friday.  For me, that's the cost of being part of a work community. 

The charity stuff, unless it was a cause that actually spoke to me?  "No thanks.  Not in the budget right now."

[11ducks]

Tell them you are sorry, but have a huge unexpected medical bill to pay. Look sad. Repeat.

[Imma]

I'm starting to appreciate being an engineering nerd working with a bunch of engineering, anti-social nerds so much more!

Yup, me too! I've never experienced anything as described above. We are so anti-social we don't even bring cake for our birthdays and on my first day I was instructed that when we go to get tea/coffee in the office kitchen, we don't ask the other people if they want some too. No one wants that social pressure.

We don't even say good morning or goodbye when we see each other.  Unless there's something specific to talk about, you don't even walk into someone else's cubicle or office.  If you don't know someone and you're passing them in the hallway, you do NOT say anything.  If you're considered super-friendly (as I was when I started working there), you nod or smile, but honestly, everyone's so bad at social contact that you cannot get the timing right, so you either look before they do and are left grinning like a monkey, or you wait too long and have missed your opportunity.  Now, I'm convinced that my timing is off too and it just makes me more self-conscious!  I promise, I am not exaggerating.  They're not rude, because if you need something, you get it.  But there is no social custom recognized there at all.

We don't work in cubicles, so you kind of have to say hi to the person sitting at the desk next to you. Some people do find that awkward though .... We do that hallway ignoring thing too. But everyone is nice - more than one person offered to help when my tire was flat the other week.

I don't personally have a STEM background (I'm the finance person in our company), but after I was hired my boss told me one of the reasons he hired me is because I looked like a nerd. I'll take that as a compliment ;) . I used to work somewhere with very complicated unwritten work social rules, so I appreciate this work place a lot, although it can be quite strange to get home in the evening knowing you haven't spoken 10 sentences that day.

[BlueHouse]

I'm starting to appreciate being an engineering nerd working with a bunch of engineering, anti-social nerds so much more!

Yup, me too! I've never experienced anything as described above. We are so anti-social we don't even bring cake for our birthdays and on my first day I was instructed that when we go to get tea/coffee in the office kitchen, we don't ask the other people if they want some too. No one wants that social pressure.

We don't even say good morning or goodbye when we see each other.  Unless there's something specific to talk about, you don't even walk into someone else's cubicle or office.  If you don't know someone and you're passing them in the hallway, you do NOT say anything.  If you're considered super-friendly (as I was when I started working there), you nod or smile, but honestly, everyone's so bad at social contact that you cannot get the timing right, so you either look before they do and are left grinning like a monkey, or you wait too long and have missed your opportunity.  Now, I'm convinced that my timing is off too and it just makes me more self-conscious!  I promise, I am not exaggerating.  They're not rude, because if you need something, you get it.  But there is no social custom recognized there at all.

We don't work in cubicles, so you kind of have to say hi to the person sitting at the desk next to you. Some people do find that awkward though .... We do that hallway ignoring thing too. But everyone is nice - more than one person offered to help when my tire was flat the other week.

I don't personally have a STEM background (I'm the finance person in our company), but after I was hired my boss told me one of the reasons he hired me is because I looked like a nerd. I'll take that as a compliment ;) . I used to work somewhere with very complicated unwritten work social rules, so I appreciate this work place a lot, although it can be quite strange to get home in the evening knowing you haven't spoken 10 sentences that day.

OMG, that's me to a T!   Sometimes I'll go to a meeting or answer the phone and someone will ask "are you coming down with a cold? "  Because I have a frog in my throat from not having spoken yet that entire day!

[BlueHouse]

Someone at a previous job once pointed out to me that every minute he spent socializing or going out to lunch just translated into another minute spent away from his family.  And when weighing the company of his family vs. the company of his co-workers, he would rather spend the time with his family. It's on my mind now every time someone invites me to go to lunch, etc.  If I wouldn't get together with this person after work, why would I do it in the middle of the day?  This may not apply to those people who charge their socializing time to the company, but I'm hourly and a consultant.  If I'm not working, I don't bill.